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It’s the month of love, and come February 14, there are usually two kinds of people on the internet: singles hoping someone finally looks their way, and people in relationships forcing smiles through Valentine’s gifts they don’t actually like.

But before the day arrives, we asked Nigerians to take a trip down memory lane and talk about the Valentine’s gift that quietly marked the beginning of the end of their relationships. And as it turns out, a lot of people had been waiting to tell these stories.

“He disappeared on Valentine’s Day and came back two days later” — Sadiya*, 26

Sadiya expected at least a check-in from her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. Instead, he used religion to opt out completely and left her hurt.

My first boyfriend was someone I met in uni, and at the time, everything felt new and exciting. Valentine’s Day was coming up, and while I didn’t expect anything extravagant, I assumed we’d at least acknowledge it somehow. He kept saying Muslims don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, and I tried to respect that, even though it disappointed me.

On the actual day, he completely disappeared. No calls or texts, not even a “hope you’re good.” I spent the day in my room watching my roommates receive flowers, cake, teddy bears and handwritten notes. I told myself I wasn’t materialistic, but I still felt weird. 

Two days later, he suddenly showed up like nothing had happened. He asked how I was and tried to continue the relationship as usual. I didn’t argue or explain myself; I just stopped responding. If someone can use religion as a cover to ignore my feelings entirely, I don’t want to be with them.

“She gave me underwear after I went all out for Valentine’”— Daniel*, 29

Daniel put a lot of thought and money into Valentine’s Day for his then-girlfriend. The gift she gave him made him realise they didn’t value effort equally.

During Valentine’s Day in 2021, I put in real effort for my then-girlfriend. I planned the day carefully, bought thoughtful gifts and made sure she felt celebrated. When it was time to exchange gifts, she handed me underwear. ‘

At first, I laughed it off, but when I looked closely, it felt rushed and careless. They weren’t special designer types or intentional, just something you grab last minute. I would have appreciated the gift if it had shown thought or effort. Instead, it felt like an afterthought.

I didn’t end things immediately, but I took stock of that moment. I started paying attention to how uneven our individual effort was. The final straw came months later when my birthday approached and she expected me to spend heavily on her plans again. By then, I already knew we didn’t see things the same way.

“She said her presence was the Valentine’s gift”— Tunde*, 34

Tunde thought Valentine’s Day was the right moment to show clear romantic intentions. A staycation and a hamper later, he realised the feeling wasn’t mutual.

I’d been in a talking stage with this babe for about two months, and things felt serious enough to see where it could go. Valentine’s Day felt like a good moment to show intention, so I booked a staycation at a nice hotel and put together a Valentine’s hamper for her.

She arrived with nothing, but I assumed she might surprise me later. Over the two days we spent together, nothing came. I kept waiting, trying not to seem entitled, but I couldn’t ignore how it made me feel.

When I eventually brought it up, she told me her presence should be enough. That comment hurt deeply because we didn’t even have sex during the stay. So I couldn’t understand what she meant by presence being a gift. It showed me that we had very different expectations of effort and reciprocity. I knew then that dating her would only lead to resentment.

 “I ended things after his Valentine’s post embarrassed me” — Tola, 29

For Tola, her Valentine’s gift wasn’t physical. It was public, careless, and revealed how little her boyfriend understood her boundaries.

My then-boyfriend insisted on posting me for Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been big on public displays, but he said it would be sweet and that I was overthinking it. When he finally posted, I realised why I usually avoid these things.

He used a photo I hated. I’d told him before that I didn’t like how I looked in it, but he said it was “natural.” The caption was worse. It focused on how patient he had been with me and how dating me had “taught him endurance.” His friends found it funny, but I didn’t.

When I confronted him, he said I should appreciate the effort and that he meant it as a joke. What hurt wasn’t the post itself, but how easily he dismissed my discomfort. It made me realise I didn’t want a partner who used me for humour. I broke up with him that same week.

“He sent me ₦200k instead of making any effort”— Kemi*, 27

Kemi thought that finally giving this guy a chance would lead to something meaningful. But his Valentine’s gift made her question how he approached care and affection.

I finally decided to give a guy who had been consistently pursuing me for a chance, and things were actually going well. Valentine’s Day arrived, and he didn’t mention any plans or even send a thoughtful message. I tried not to overthink it.

Later that day, I received an alert of ₦200k from him. Instead of feeling excited, I felt strangely empty. It felt so thoughtless. Much later at night, he called to ask if I had seen his Valentine’s gift. I told him I did, but I didn’t appreciate it because it felt impersonal.

He got offended and jokingly said I could return the money if I didn’t want it. I took him seriously and sent it back immediately. He apologised afterwards, but I was already done.

“My Valentine hamper had menstrual products inside”— Ibrahim*, 34

Ibrahim was initially excited about the big Valentine’s package his girlfriend sent. Opening it quickly doused his excitement.

My girlfriend sent me a very large Valentine hamper, and at first, I was genuinely excited. As I opened it, I started noticing items that didn’t make sense. There was body wash clearly marketed to women, a menstrual care kit and makeup items.

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so I called her to ask if she mistakenly bought a female hamper. She sounded genuinely confused and couldn’t explain it properly. That was when it clicked for me that she probably sent me a hamper she received from someone else.

I couldn’t confirm that she was cheating, but the idea that she was still accepting gifts from other men while dating me bothered me deeply. We broke up months later, but that Valentine’s gift changed how I saw her and the relationship entirely.

“She gave me an iron, detergent and a bag of semo” — Kunle*, 35

Kunle received a Valentine’s gift that felt more practical than thoughtful. Over time, it became one of the clearest signs that they were emotionally mismatched.

One Valentine’s Day, my then-girlfriend sent me a pressing iron, detergent and a 5kg bag of semo. They were useful items, but they didn’t feel romantic or thoughtful in any way. It felt like she bundled random things she found around the house.

What made it worse was how much she hyped the gift beforehand. The delivery arrived while two of my friends were visiting, and they laughed uncontrollably. The iron and detergent might have been manageable, but the semo felt unnecessary and embarrassing.

We didn’t break up immediately, but over time, her lack of thoughtful gestures became a recurring issue. When we eventually ended things, it was one of the many examples I thought of when I realised we were never on the same emotional wavelength.

“I broke up with her after she used Valentine’s to test my spending power” — Teslim, 30

Teslim recounts how an ex-girlfriend’s financial expectations quickly turned into pressure and resentment.

My then-girlfriend sent me links to bags and shoes weeks before Valentine’s Day. At first, I thought she was joking. But every few days, she’d bring it up again, saying things like, “Don’t disappoint me.”

On Valentine’s Day, I took her out to dinner and gave her a modest but thoughtful gift. She smiled, but I could tell she was unimpressed. On our way home, she asked why I didn’t “do more” and reminded me that her friends’ boyfriends were spending a lot.

What annoyed me was not the money, but the entitlement. She wasn’t interested in my financial reality or the fact that I was saving for something important. She just wanted proof that I could spend recklessly on demand. We broke up shortly after.

“I realised she was way above my level” — Emeka*, 36

For Emeka, a well-intentioned gesture from his ex revealed their incompatible worlds.

In 2019, my then-girlfriend booked a Valentine’s experience at a place I’d never even heard of, one of these membership-only clubs on the Island. When we arrived, I realised I was wildly out of place. Everything was expensive, curated, and looked nothing like I was used to.

I felt out of place the entire time because you could tell everyone who came was pretty boxed up. Lots of expatriates and even the Nigerian folks there looked like proper Nepo babies. I was reserved most of our stay, and she seemed annoyed that I wasn’t reacting the way she expected. Afterwards, she joked about how I needed to “upgrade my lifestyle” if we were going to work.

That comment hit a nerve because I was already feeling my self-esteem take a dive the entire weekend. I ended things soon after that trip. A part of me just felt like she was way above my level. This happened a few years after uni, and I still think it’s one of the poorest decisions I made. But then again, maybe her parents wouldn’t even have approved of our union if they thought I was out for their family’s wealth.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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