When you鈥檙e dating, sex can feel like a never-ending, thrilling adventure. You鈥檙e discovering each other鈥檚 bodies, trying new things and finding excuses to sneak in a quickie whenever you can. But what happens when marriage gets in the picture and life gets a little more serious?
These married Nigerians open up about when sex started feeling boring in their marriages and how they feel about it now.
鈥淲e used to have sex during movie scenes鈥 鈥 Ibrahim*, 35
My wife and I were unhinged in the first three years of our marriage. We tried every style of sex you could think of. We even had this thing where, if we were watching a movie and a sex scene came on, we鈥檇 get in the mood and start getting intimate too. Then our first child came, followed by the second, and things gradually changed. We still have sex, but it doesn鈥檛 feel the same anymore. The thrill and excitement are gone. It鈥檚 not that we don鈥檛 enjoy each other, but that spontaneity we once had is missing. Sometimes, I miss it.
鈥淚鈥檓 always the one making an effort鈥 鈥 Dayo*, 40
I鈥檝e been bored with sex since the first year of my marriage. My wife won鈥檛 turn me down, but she doesn鈥檛 put any effort into it either. I鈥檓 always the one initiating, touching her and spending minutes on foreplay to get her aroused. I hardly get that same energy from her. I鈥檝e brought it up several times, but nothing has changed over the years. It鈥檚 always the same routine, and I鈥檓 the one driving everything. I don鈥檛 know how anyone can do the same thing for years without getting bored. These days, even the thought of sex with my wife doesn鈥檛 excite me.
鈥淲e鈥檝e abandoned sex midway before鈥 鈥 Nifemi*, 29
I鈥檓 someone who gets bored with almost everything, and unfortunately, sex isn鈥檛 exempt. Sometimes, it does absolutely nothing for me. There鈥檚 no excitement, and even when I orgasm, the feeling disappears so quickly that I barely think about it afterwards. Thankfully, my husband is the same way, so it hasn鈥檛 caused problems in our marriage. There have even been times when we abandoned sex halfway because one of us was taking too long to orgasm. I sometimes worry that we鈥檙e too young to feel this way, but at least it鈥檚 not a one-sided problem. Neither of us is particularly bothered by it.
鈥淓ven looking at my husband doesn鈥檛 get me in the mood anymore鈥 鈥 Doyin*, 35
I鈥檓 currently in that weird space where sex feels boring. Those older people who warned that you鈥檇 eventually get tired of it might have been onto something. Before, thinking about my husband or remembering our intimate moments was enough to get me in the mood. Now, I can watch him walk around the house and feel absolutely nothing. When we eventually have sex, it feels more like ticking a box than something I鈥檓 genuinely excited about. I don鈥檛 like that it has become this way, so I鈥檝e been reading up on how couples can bring back the excitement when sex starts feeling routine.
鈥淲e sometimes go six weeks without sex鈥 鈥 James*, 40
I鈥檝e been married for almost ten years, and the truth is, whether you like it or not, sex with the same person can eventually become boring. My wife and I still like each other, but having such easy, everyday access to each other鈥檚 bodies has taken away some of the excitement. Sometimes, it feels like we鈥檝e been there and done that. That鈥檚 why I prefer spacing out sex these days. We can go six weeks without doing anything, just so there鈥檚 time to miss each other and look forward to it again. I think that little bit of longing makes the experience more interesting.
鈥淚 enjoy my intimacy toy more than sex with my husband鈥 鈥 Yetunde*, 38
I always knew my husband was boring, so I prepared myself for a boring sex life. Thankfully, where he falls short sexually, he makes up for it in other ways. He has all the qualities I wanted in a husband and father, and I prioritised those things. I don鈥檛 regret that decision. Honestly, I enjoy myself more with my intimacy toy than I do during sex with him. He鈥檚 very one-dimensional in bed. He doesn鈥檛 try anything new, and he doesn鈥檛 even seem bothered that I use toys to pleasure myself. At this point, I鈥檝e accepted that our sex life probably won鈥檛 become more exciting.
鈥淢y wife only orgasms in one position鈥 鈥 Jessy*, 34
My wife only orgasms in one position, and it鈥檚 one of the most frustrating things about our sex life. I鈥檝e tried introducing other styles, but we always end up doing the same thing because that鈥檚 what works for her. I鈥檓 glad she can orgasm, but she鈥檚 become so rigid that sometimes she just wants to get into that position, finish and call it a day. I鈥檝e overlooked it for a while, but sex has become predictable and boring for me. Worse, she sometimes orgasms before me and immediately loses interest, almost as if she鈥檚 just waiting for me to finish too.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
