In the 7th episode of 糖心原创鈥檚 100 Nigerians: Anatomy of a Marriage, we asked married Nigerians to open up about the realities of long-distance relationships.
From newlyweds who transitioned to painful long-distance arrangements immediately after saying 鈥淚 do鈥, to couples doing the hard work of keeping love alive after every long-overdue reunion, these stories reveal the grit, loneliness, and absolute resilience required to love someone from thousands of miles away.
鈥淚 worried my wife was sleeping with other people鈥 鈥 Tunde*, 37
Three months after our wedding, I relocated to the UK. At the time, we told ourselves it would only be for a year. That year became three. I only went home during the Christmas break to say hello.
Nobody told me that long-distance marriage isn鈥檛 just about missing someone physically. It鈥檚 about missing the small things, like eating together, arguing over silly things and seeing her face after a difficult day. I sorted my physical needs with sex workers and tried not to think about whether my wife was doing the same back in Nigeria.
Instead, I focused on making sure we became better at communicating. There were times I worried we were becoming pen pals instead of spouses. But now, I鈥檓 grateful for the love that kept us together until we could be in the same place again. She鈥檚 moved over to my side now, thankfully. Those long years apart taught me how important physical presence is in a marriage.
鈥淚 feel like I鈥檓 switching between being married and being single鈥 鈥 Ifeoma*, 33
My husband works offshore and can be away for months at a time. Every time he leaves, I have to adjust to life without him. Then, when he returns, I have to adjust all over again. It鈥檚 like constantly switching between being married and being single. Sometimes the transitions are harder than the separation itself.
We鈥檝e had to learn to be intentional about reconnecting emotionally because intimacy doesn鈥檛 automatically return just because someone comes home. At the beginning, I resented him being away so much that our s*x life began to suffer. We had to go for counselling to get over that hump, and things have gotten better since then.
鈥淚鈥檓 watching my children grow up through photos鈥 鈥 Hassan*, 41
The biggest surprise about long-distance marriage is how quickly loneliness can creep in, even when you鈥檙e talking every day. I moved to Canada in search of greener pastures, but my wife and kids can鈥檛 join me yet. For now, we鈥檙e stuck with phone calls.
Even though we talk frequently, there are moments technology can鈥檛 replace. When you鈥檙e sick, stressed or celebrating something, you want your person physically by your side. It was my idea to go to Canada, but the separation has taken a harder toll on me. Every time my wife sends me photos, I feel like I鈥檓 missing crucial parts of our children鈥檚 lives. I can鈥檛 wait till this part is behind us.
鈥淚 was married online but alone in real life鈥 鈥 Bimpe*, 29
My husband moved to the UK six months after our wedding. For a while, I felt like I was living two separate lives. Online, I was somebody鈥檚 wife. Offline, I was alone.
The weirdest part was how people treated me like a married woman, but my daily reality looked a lot like being single. I鈥檇 go to bed alone, fix problems alone and make major decisions alone. Sometimes I felt guilty about admitting how lonely I was because, technically, I wasn鈥檛 alone. I had a husband. He just happened to be thousands of kilometres away.
Last December, I got a visa, and we spent the holidays together. It felt like the sun had come out again. I don鈥檛 recommend a long-distance marriage if you鈥檙e a lover girl.
鈥淚 could feel my marriage slipping away鈥 鈥 David*, 38
My wife and I tried the thing where one person moves abroad first, and the other joins later. We barely lasted a year.
When you鈥檙e only speaking over calls and texts, you naturally start summarising your day rather than fully sharing it. After a while, we鈥檇 tell each other the highlights but not the details. I eventually started feeling a distance between us that scared me.
I hated that there were parts of her daily life I knew almost nothing about. When the UK tightened its policies and made immigration tougher, I called my wife and told her I was coming home. The relief on her face told me I鈥檇 done the right thing.
鈥淢y wife said she was tired of carrying everything alone鈥 鈥 Saheed*, 48
I鈥檓 a truck driver, and I have to travel frequently for work. For a long time, I convinced myself my wife had adjusted to it. After all, I sent upkeep money regularly and made sure she and our kids were comfortable. In my mind, I was doing all this for them.
Then one day, while I was visiting home, she poured out her mind. She said handling everything alone while I was away was too much for her. Hearing that made me feel bad. I thought she was having it easier, but that day she showed me she was struggling.
I now make sure I鈥檓 never away from home for more than a week. It鈥檚 not perfect, but we鈥檙e making it work until we can find a more permanent solution.
鈥淲e had to schedule dates just to remember we liked each other鈥 鈥 Tinuade*, 35
When you鈥檙e together physically, affection can happen naturally. When you鈥檙e apart, it鈥檚 a different ball game. You have to create opportunities for connection instead of waiting for them to happen naturally. A few weeks after my husband travelled for film school, I noticed our conversations had become repetitive because all we discussed were bills, work and responsibilities.
We had to stop and decide that we wanted this to work. Then we started scheduling online dates and watching films together. He鈥檒l soon graduate, and I can鈥檛 wait for him to come back home to me.
鈥淒istance made me aware of my insecurities鈥 鈥 Chinedu*, 39
I had to briefly move to Abuja to oversee the construction of the home I was building for our family. During that period, I only went home once or twice a month.
The problem was that, over time, I became insecure about leaving my wife alone for so long. If she took longer than usual to reply to my messages, my mind would immediately start creating stories.
I knew she was probably busy, but the distance made every feeling seem bigger than it was. I was forced to confront and overcome insecurities I didn鈥檛 even realise I had. When you鈥檙e apart, you need to go the extra mile to remind yourself of the partner you have and the kind of person they are.
鈥淚 cried in an empty apartment because I missed my husband鈥 鈥 Kemi*, 28
My husband relocated two days after our wedding in 2025, and for seven months, our marriage was sustained by phone calls, texts, and video calls.
My friends would ask how we were coping with the distance, and I鈥檇 always say we were fine. But the truth was more complicated. Some days were manageable. Other days, I鈥檇 come home to an empty apartment and cry because I was tired of being alone.
I鈥檇 pick fights with him, but he never lost his cool. When I finally saw him again, I was so happy. It felt like those months apart had been a bad dream.
鈥淚 stopped wanting sex after years apart from my husband鈥 鈥 Funke*, 61
My husband was an accountant and travelled frequently. During peak periods, he鈥檇 be away for months at a time. At first, I missed him so much it was painful. But after a while, I got used to it.
We had two kids, and I poured my time into taking care of them. At some point, I thought he might have a secret family in another state. But as long as they didn鈥檛 disturb my children or me, I wasn鈥檛 too worried about it.
The constant distance wrecked our intimacy, though. After our third child was born in 1999, I no longer felt the urge to have s*x with him. He didn鈥檛 pressure me, and we continued our marriage like that until he passed away in 2019.
鈥淏eing apart almost made us forget how to be a team鈥 鈥 Amara*, 52
My husband lived abroad for four years because he was trying to get a residency visa. I had to stay back with our children.
As time passed, I learned to solve problems on my own and make big decisions without him. I think a part of me resented him for leaving me with the kids, but another part of me missed him when he was gone.
The damage was already done by the time we eventually reunited. We鈥檇 both developed separate routines and ways of doing things, and it almost broke our marriage. It took prayer and learning how to function as a team again to avoid divorce.
鈥淲e almost grew apart while I was away鈥 鈥 Segun*, 38
People often assume long-distance marriages fail because of infidelity. In my experience, the bigger threat is emotional drift. You can love someone deeply and still become disconnected if you鈥檙e not careful.
We were apart for six months while I pursued a diploma in Brazil. Things got so busy that, at one point, we couldn鈥檛 find the time to connect.
I didn鈥檛 even notice how distant we鈥檇 become. She was the one who pointed it out. After that, I became intentional about setting aside time to talk about things other than our responsibilities. It actually deepened our bond. It felt like we were dating again. By the time I returned, we felt closer than we had in months.
鈥淚 got so used to being alone that his presence annoyed me鈥 鈥 Kikelomo*, 36
The first time my husband came home after almost a year away on deployment, I was shocked by how irritated I felt.
I鈥檇 imagined a romantic reunion, but instead, I found myself annoyed that he was disrupting my routines. I鈥檇 gotten so used to being alone and doing things without him. Suddenly, there was another person in the house again.
I think long-distance marriage can make independence feel addictive. Every time my husband comes home, I have to relearn how to share my space with him. But once I adjust, I love having him around, and I hate when he has to leave.
鈥淚 felt like a guest in my own home鈥 鈥 Uche*, 46
Spending more time out of the house always makes me feel like a guest in my own home.
Whenever I return from travelling, my wife and kids already have their routines. They know where everything is, how everything works and what their schedules look like.
For the first few days, I鈥檇 always feel slightly out of place, like I was visiting rather than returning. It made me cranky and easily annoyed. Only a few nights in bed with my wife could turn it around. Those few minutes we spend gossiping before we fall asleep are my favourite moments on the days I spend at home.
鈥淗ope kept my marriage alive when my husband couldn鈥檛 be there鈥 鈥 Nnenna*, 40
A few years into our marriage, my husband and I had to navigate a long-distance situation. He travelled to America for three years, and it threatened to end us.
I spoke to some older couples at our church who had experience with long-distance marriage, and I noticed the same pattern. They genuinely believed the sacrifice would eventually be worth it. The couples who struggled most were the ones who lost sight of why they were enduring the separation in the first place.
That put everything into perspective for me.
Hope is a surprisingly practical way to keep the flame alive, even when your spouse isn鈥檛 physically there with you.
鈥淢oving back in together was harder than living apart鈥 鈥 Bayo*, 60
When I retired after years of living apart from my wife and travelling for work, I didn鈥檛 realise that reuniting would be difficult.
I expected things to be seamless when I joined her in our three-bed flat. We鈥檇 become accustomed to making decisions independently and organising our lives separately. Suddenly sharing a space again required the compromise we鈥檇 stopped practising.
We started arguing and raising our voices; something we鈥檇 never done before.
Eventually, I figured the small space was an issue, so we moved to a duplex. Our relationship improved almost immediately. It鈥檚 been great between us ever since.
听*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
If you loved this, you won’t want to miss the next episode. The Long Haul follows couples who successfully navigated marriage for over a decade and more. Dropping Aug 14th.
