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Marriage might be a union between two people, but sometimes, it feels like you’re also marrying your partner’s friends for better or worse. While some of those friends become your people, too, others? You just count the days until they disappear.

We spoke to seven married Nigerians about the one friend in their partner’s life they simply can’t stand, no matter how hard they try.

“I didn’t know I was marrying a free nanny” — Chuka*, 34

When Chuka’s* wife was admitted to the hospital to have their baby, she bonded with her bedmate, a woman who had given birth the same week. The two hit it off instantly, but things got weird further down the line.

“They didn’t even stay far from us. After my mother-in-law left, the woman became my wife’s unofficial support system. I didn’t mind. They visited each other, gisted, shared baby advice — all that new mum stuff. But ever since she resumed work, it’s like my house became a creche overnight.

She stylishly started dropping her baby off with my wife in the mornings. My wife works from home, so she didn’t complain. In fact, she claims the baby keeps her company. But then, she added her older child to the mix. That one’s school is down the street, so after closing time, it’s our house again.

It’s annoying, but I was still managing. What pisses me off the most is when she comes to pick them, and instead of leaving, she’ll lounge for another hour or two. Sometimes, it’s obvious she’s waiting to be offered dinner. My wife, being the sweet host, doesn’t see anything wrong. Me? I’m just watching and counting down to when I lose it.”

“The day I refused to cook for him, he ordered food for the whole house” — Ijeoma*, 31

It’s not that Ijeoma* hates her husband’s friend. In fact, she admits he’s a great guy. But one thing about him? He never leaves without eating.

“He’s a cool guy; he always brings small chops or drinks when he visits, cracks jokes, and keeps everyone entertained. But the day he walks into my house, it’s like my kitchen automatically becomes his right.

I didn’t mind the first few times. You cook for your husband’s friend, abi? But it got ridiculous. It became an unspoken rule that I must cook anytime he shows up. One day, I was tired and refused. Guess what? He ordered food for everyone, including me. I won’t lie, I was grateful for the food, but it made me even angrier. It’s like he doesn’t understand boundaries. You can be nice and still not overstep. But this one? He’s always eating and somehow, my house feels like his buka.”

“She acts like she’s my wife’s husband” — Seyi*, 36

Seyi* never had issues with his wife having close female friends until Kike* came into the picture.

“From day one, I knew Kike wasn’t going anywhere. She’s been in my wife’s life since university, and I respected that. I thought she was just another ride-or-die friend. But over time, I realised she doesn’t see herself as just a friend, she behaves like she’s my co-husband. It started subtly. When my wife and I were planning our wedding, she insisted on being involved in every decision — colours, bridal train, venue. I thought, ‘Okay, bestie duties.’ But after the wedding, it didn’t stop.

We wanted to buy a car. My wife asked Kike for her opinion first. When we started discussing a side business, she had opinions on everything. The final straw came after a small fight between my wife and me. It wasn’t even that deep; it was just the typical marital misunderstanding. Next thing, Kike called me to ‘advise’ me. She tried to sound mature, but the undertone made it clear she was backing my wife. I was furious and made it clear to my wife that I didn’t marry both of them. 

I only tolerate Kike because I have no choice, but I can’t stand how involved she feels entitled to be in our marriage. It’s exhausting.”

“His best friend always has bad advice” — Tosin*, 29

Tosin* believes bad decisions follow every time her husband hangs out with his best friend.

“I had a bad feeling the first time I met the guy. He joked about how marriage is ‘the end of enjoyment.’ I laughed it off politely, but deep down, I knew we couldn’t get along. Since we got married, it’s been one terrible suggestion after another. The guy convinced my husband to buy an expensive phone even though we were saving for a car. He encourages my husband to ‘assert himself’ anytime we disagree, which in their language means stonewalling me until I apologise first.

When we were dating, I found out he even encouraged him to cheat one last time before proposing, as a ‘farewell to bachelorhood’. My husband swears nothing happened, but the fact that his best man thought that way irritates me. Every time they hang out, my husband comes home with new ‘ideas’; most of them foolish than the last. But because they’ve been friends for 15 years, there’s nothing I can do. I just mentally prepare myself for nonsense advice anytime they link up.”

“I don’t have a problem with queer people, but this one makes me uneasy” — Kanyinsola*, 33

Kanyin* has always considered herself an ally, or at least someone who’s not homophobic. But her guards are unusually up whenever her husband’s queer friend shows up. 

“His name is *Victor, and they’ve been friends since NYSC. To be fair, he’s cool; very intelligent, successful, and confident. But I don’t know, there’s something about how close he is to my husband that makes me… uncomfortable. I think part of it is because of how society always talks about women watching their men around ‘side chics’. You never really imagine that the person you should be watching is a well-dressed, charming gay man who knows your husband inside out.

I hate that I even think this way. But the thing is, Victor is everywhere. Birthday dinners? He’s there. Family BBQ? He’s there. There was even a time my husband went on a weekend work trip, and when I called to check in, guess who was in the background laughing? Victor.

My husband swears it’s harmless, that Victor is practically family. And deep down, I know it’s probably my own ignorance or fear messing with me. But sometimes, when I see them together, the ease, the jokes, the way they look out for each other… It’s hard not to wonder if I’m the third wheel in my own marriage.”

ALSO READ: 7 Married People on Their Partner’s Relative They Can’t Stand

“She calls me by name like we’re mates” — Olumide*, 42

Respect is a big deal for Olumide*, especially coming from younger people. But one of his wife’s friends acts like they’re age mates from secondary school, and it rubs him the wrong way.

“Her name is *Bisola, and she’s been my wife’s friend since university. I don’t mind that they’re close, but from the first day she entered my house, I knew she would be a problem. She greeted me with a casual ‘Hey, Olumide,’ and I almost choked. I’m nearly 12 years older than her. Even my wife calls me by a pet name or respectfully. But this one? It’s always, ‘Olumide, can you pass me that?’ or ‘Olumide, what do you think about this?’

I don’t think she’s even trying to be rude; that’s just how she talks — overly familiar, with no boundaries. But in my mind, it translates to disrespect. My wife keeps saying I’m old school, that it’s ‘just how their generation is.’ Maybe she’s right, but it still rubs me the wrong way. If I ever dared call my elders by name growing up, I’d be slapped into next week. But now, in my own house, a small girl will be addressing me like we’re coursemates. I just avoid her as much as I can.”

“I appreciate him, but he’s loud and stuck in 1960” — Tomi*, 37

There’s always that one friend who means well but exhausts your spirit. For Tomi*, it’s her husband’s office friend turned family friend, Kunle*.

“They started as colleagues, but Kunle became more than that over the years. He’s the one you call when your car breaks down at 11 p.m., and he shows up, no questions asked. He helped my husband get a promotion; he’s connected, generous, and the type of friend you’re lucky to have.

But my God, Kunle is loud. You can’t have a peaceful conversation when he’s around. The man talks over everybody, dominates every gathering and starts debates nobody asked for.

His mindset is stuck in the Stone Age. He’s that ‘women belong in the kitchen’ type. Always making jokes about how feminism is destroying marriages, how women don’t respect their husbands anymore. He hides it under humour, but it gets tiring fast.

Anytime we host him, I mentally prepare myself. I appreciate his loyalty to my husband and I respect how helpful he’s been. But after 15 minutes in the same space, I’m counting the seconds till he leaves. He’s the kind of person you love and appreciate from a distance.”

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.