I recently interviewed Nigerians about how they dealt with cheating partners, but I wanted to hear from people who took a different route — those who cheated as payback.
In this story, *Blessing, 24,Ìý talks about giving her boyfriend multiple chances, the betrayal that finally pushed her over the edge, and how her revenge mission left her with more regret than satisfaction.
As told to Adeyinka
I wish I could say I’m proud of what I did, but I’m not. I thought getting even would make me feel better, but all it left me with was regret, a messy situation I can’t untangle, and a stalker I didn’t sign up for.
I met *Tobi when I was 21, fresh into university and hopelessly in love with the idea of love. He was funny, sweet, and the kind of guy who knew exactly what to say to make you feel special. When he first asked me out, I didn’t even think twice. It felt like one of those meant-to-be moments, almost like I was entering the kind of fairytale love story I had always imagined for myself.
And for a while, it really was perfect.
He listened to me, sent me thoughtful texts throughout the day, and never let me sleep upset. He made me feel like the most important person in the world. I trusted him completely. Until I walked into his hostel one evening and saw him with a strange lady on the bed. His roommate gave me a look that instantly told me something was wrong. The way Tobi was sweating and avoiding my eyes confirmed everything. He had something weird going on with the lady before I walked in on them.Ìý
A mistake. That’s what Tobi called it, too. He swore it only happened once, that it meant nothing. I should have left then, but he begged, and against my better judgment, I forgave him. I convinced myself we had moved past it. I ignored the tiny voice in my head that whispered that if he could do it once, he could do it again. And for a while, things felt normal.
TAKE THE QUIZ: Will You Forgive a Cheating Partner?
Then, during one of our long school breaks, his cousin casually slipped up during a phone call.ÌýÌý“That time Tobi carry that babe go Ibadan ehn…” I didn’t even let him finish before I asked, “What babe?”
His voice changed instantly. He knew he had messed up, but it was already too late. That’s how I found out Tobi had taken a whole weekend getaway with another girl while I was in my mother’s house thinking we were good.
This time, I didn’t cry. I was too numb. I had imagined every possible way a person could hurt me, and he had found new ways to disappoint me twice. I thought about confronting him, but what was the point? He would lie, beg, and promise to change, a cycle I didn’t want to keep repeating.
So, instead, I thought about revenge.
I considered all my options. I could ignore his calls and make him beg for weeks. I could break up with him without explanation, leaving him confused and paranoid. Or I could give him one last round of sex and ghost him after. But none of those felt satisfying. I didn’t just want to hurt him. I wanted to humiliate him. That’s when I decided to sleep with his friend.
It wasn’t even a guy I liked, just one of his boys who had been playfully flirting with me for months. I had always brushed it off, but in that moment, he became my weapon of choice. I started replying his messages, laughing at his dry jokes, and making conversation where I usually ignored him. It didn’t take long before he picked up on the energy shift. One evening, I casually mentioned that I was home alone and he offered to come over. That was all the confirmation I needed.
That night, I let him kiss me. I let him touch me. I let him think he was the one in control when, in reality, I was pulling all the strings. I kept telling myself Tobi deserves this. He needs to feel what I felt. But the moment it was over, my entire body screamed MISTAKE.
Ìý
The sex wasn’t even good. I wasn’t into it; I barely felt anything. When it ended, I just lay there, staring at the ceiling and wondering what I had just done, I felt sick. I didn’t even tell my boyfriend. The revenge didn’t feel worth it anymore. But the guy I slept with? He refuses to leave me alone.
He keeps texting, calling, even showing up at my place uninvited, acting like we had a thing when I literally just wanted revenge. Meanwhile, I’m still with Tobi, pretending everything is fine, but inside, I feel like a fraud. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I stooped to his level or that I still love him even after everything.
I wanted to hurt him, but the only person I truly hurt was myself.
In this Love Life article, we interview a young Nigerian couple who opens up about how they’ve overcome infidelity in their relationship.
