Self-pleasure is an important part of overall . It can help with stress relief, improve sleep, and you鈥檙e in charge of your orgasms 鈥 what鈥檚 there not to like. But engaging in self-pleasure often raises questions, especially considering our society鈥檚 perception of it.聽
For men鈥檚 health awareness month, I spoke with seven married men who get candid about how it has impacted their sexual health and relationships.
Hakeem*, 39
I didn鈥檛 like masturbating before I got married. It never felt like the real thing and cleaning up after grossed me out. After my wife welcomed our first child, we couldn鈥檛 have sex for sometime because she had complications during childbirth. So, she suggested handjobs. Something about the suggestion coming from her made me willing to try it out. Initially, she helped, and then, it graduated to me doing it myself. Only thing is, I like when we are together when I go about it. It has helped our sexual relationship a lot. She doesn鈥檛 feel the pressure to give in all the time.
Chibuzor*, 41
As a devout Christian, it鈥檚 not something I鈥檓 comfortable with. I do it, but only when necessary and there鈥檚 no other option. For instance, when we were trying for our first child, I ran a series of tests that needed my semen. I had to pleasure myself to do this, and it was uncomfortable. I also tried it when she was away receiving care at her mum鈥檚 place after childbirth, but I鈥檝e realised I just don鈥檛 like it. Something about it feels sinful, and I鈥檇 rather have my desires in check.
John*, 32
I鈥檝e been an advocate of self-pleasure for men for the longest time. There鈥檚 something about self exploration that makes it easier to communicate your desires with your partner. If you鈥檝e explored yourself enough, you can guide your partner towards the things that鈥檒l give you maximum pleasure. Sex is beyond foreplay and penetration, and more men need to understand this for a healthy sex life. Some men have frequent sex and are still sexually frustrated. It鈥檚 because they鈥檝e not discovered what truly excites them.
Jinad*, 35
Since I turned 35, I鈥檝e realised masturbation helps me sleep better. Sometimes, I鈥檓 too tired for all the foreplay and pre-stimulation that goes into sex after a long day at work. Relieving myself is easier. My wife didn鈥檛 like this at first, but she stopped bothering when she realised it took pressure off her. Now, she even suggests 鈥渂eating it鈥 when I鈥檓 having trouble falling asleep.
Jason*, 38
I read somewhere that expelling semen as frequently as you can may. I鈥檓 not sure if it鈥檚 true or not but I鈥檓 getting closer to my 40s and I鈥檝e been committed to taking my health seriously. This is one aspect of it.
Ben*, 29
I don鈥檛 understand when people say masturbation affects sexual performance. I can鈥檛 remember ever taking any sexual stimulant before sex. I only need to pleasure myself a few hours before sex, and it helps me go longer during sex with my wife. Personally, I think more men should do this, especially men who have performance issues. A lot of the aphrodisiacs and sexual enhancement drugs aren鈥檛 healthy. This is a natural way to boost your performance.
Adekunle*, 35
I think it鈥檚 important to address the shame around self-pleasure. Our society presents it as something sinful or telling on a man鈥檚 ability to perform his manly duties. I don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 any of these. A lot of sexual frustrations in marriages can be solved if men embrace self-pleasure. As long as it鈥檚 done in moderation, I don鈥檛 think self-pleasure is bad.
Read this next: 鈥淚 Lost My Rock-Hard Erection鈥 鈥 Navigating Sex as a Man Living With Hypertension
