When I met James on Bumble in 2024, I was recovering from a messy relationship. My ex had cheated on me and wasted my time. After taking some time to heal, I joined Bumble mainly to make friends. I wasn’t looking for anything serious until I met James.

From our first conversation, he seemed like a good man. He had many of the qualities I wanted in a partner and made me feel adored. Whenever we argued, he was usually the first to apologise. While I wasn’t head over heels in love with him, I liked him enough to believe the feelings would grow with time.

From the moment we met, James was clear about his intentions. Things moved quickly, and by October 2024, he had proposed. He was 37 and wanted to settle down , so I said yes. We tied the knot in January 2025, less than a year after our first date.

At first, things were fine; we lived comfortably. My only concern was how involved his rich parents were in his life. I sometimes felt they had too much say in our lives as a couple.

However, those concerns paled in comparison to what I began noticing a few months into our marriage. James struggled to sleep and frequently complained of headaches and dizziness. One day, he vomited blood, and I insisted we go to the hospital. He brushed off my concerns, insisting he had everything under control and could manage with medication.

Eventually, he listened to my constant nudges and went to the hospital. I’ll never forget that day. While I was at work, James sent me a message saying he now knew what was wrong with him, but that we would talk about it when we got home.

By the time I got home, James’ eyes were puffy. He told me about the brain tumour he had battled before we met. He had been diagnosed with , a form of brain cancer, and had undergone surgery and radiotherapy in 2022. He had recovered, but now the tumour was back.

When I asked why he had never told me, he said it had simply never come up in our conversations.

I was stunned. We’d gone through the usual pre-marital screenings for hepatitis and genotype;, he could鈥檝e opened up then about his condition. I even remembered asking him about the scar on the side of his head, only for him to laugh it off and change the subject. How could he claim it had never come up?

IBut in that moment, I was too overwhelmed to fully process his decision to hide the diagnosis. My first thought was how to support him. James reassured me that the recurrence had been caught early and that everything would be fine once he had another surgery.

The more I researched his condition, the angrier I became. He had completed treatment in 2022, yet the tumour had returned. Surely he knew there was a possibility of that happening. Why hadn’t he told me before we got married and allowed me to decide for myself whether I was willing to take that risk?

Still, I pushed my feelings aside. I believed marriage meant standing by your partner for better or worse. But as I took on the role of his primary caregiver, I began to realise just how much it would demand of me.

After James’ second brain surgery in January 2026, his employer placed him on medical leave without pay. His savings dwindled, and although his family covered his treatment, I still had to pay for many of our daily expenses. I sometimes dipped into my own pocket to cover smaller hospital bills because I didn’t want to call his parents for every little thing.

The financial strain was already a lot to deal with, but James’ behaviour made things even harder. The affection he once showed me disappeared. He would snap at me, boss me around, check my phone and get angry if I didn’t answer his calls quickly enough.

At one point, I couldn’t afford fuel, so I started getting rides with a coworker who lived nearby. James was upset about the arrangement and kept nagging me until I stopped. I tried to be patient, telling myself that his condition was frustrating him.

It wasn’t until my younger sister visited in July that I began to see things differently. Within days, she had noticed how James spoke to me and pointed out that his illness didn’t excuse his behaviour. Hearing that made me feel validated. When I tried to discuss it with James, he would shut me down by asking if I thought he wanted to be in this situation. Somehow, every conversation ended with me feeling guilty for speaking up.

I also spoke to his mother about our finances and the pressure I was under, but her response only made me feel worse. She pointed out that some women had to run around looking for money to treat their husbands and said all I needed to do was stand by James like a good wife.

I’m not close to most of my family, so I’ve had few people to turn to. Lately, I’ve been struggling mentally and barely recognise myself. I hate that my mood seems to depend on how James treats me. Some days, he’s warm and I catch a glimpse of the man I married. But those moments often come when he’s talking about our future and how he wants us to start trying for children after his treatment.

The truth is, I don’t want that. His final round of chemotherapy is expected to end in November, but that doesn’t mean the tumour is gone for good. I can’t imagine going through all of this again with children to care for, especially when I’m already struggling to hold myself together.

The more I think about it, the more seriously I consider leaving. I’ve decided to wait until James finishes treatment before making my final decision. My mind is already off the marriage, but I don’t want to abandon him while he’s still vulnerable.

What makes this decision harder is how people around me say I’m doing the right thing by standing by James through his illness. Every time I hear these comments, I can’t help feeling that walking away would make me a terrible person. I’m also worried that leaving could set James back in his recovery.

I honestly don’t know what to do. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

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For Demilade* (24), ending an eight-year relationship meant letting go of someone she鈥檇 imagined a future with. But after one too many disappointments, she reached her breaking point.

In this episode of On the Streets, she shares how her relationship unravelled, what finally made her walk away and how the experience has changed the way she thinks about love and relationships.

What鈥檚 your relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檓 single. I recently got out of an eight-year relationship that shaped much of my formative years, so being on my own feels strange. But I鈥檓 using this time to learn more about myself.

Take me back to the beginning. How did the relationship start?

Israel* and I met in 2018 when we signed up for remedial classes to get into university. He was one of the smartest people and most popular people in our class. I developed a crush on him early on and started borrowing his books as an excuse to get closer to him. A couple of months later, he caught feelings for me too, and we started dating.

Sweet. What were the early days like?

The first year was lovely. We were so close that people started calling us the class couple.

We both gained admission to the same university in 2019, and that was when I started noticing our differences. I was outgoing, while he preferred to keep to himself. He also lacked the romance and thoughtfulness I wanted from a boyfriend.

Did those differences bother you?

Eventually, it did. It was in the little things. If we got the same amount of food, for instance, he鈥檇 take the bigger share without considering whether I wanted more. He rarely asked what I wanted or made an effort to make me feel considered. I brushed it off at first, but it kept happening.

In 2022, I really wanted a particular pair of trainers that was popular on Instagram. I kept mentioning them, hoping he鈥檇 remember and surprise me, but he waited until they were sold out. I was crushed when he told me. 

I鈥檇 see other people making thoughtful gestures for their partners, and wonder why I couldn鈥檛 enjoy the same. I just wanted to feel that my boyfriend listened to me and cared enough to make an effort.

Eventually, my constant disappointment turned into resentment. When I told him how hurt I felt, he couldn鈥檛 understand why it mattered. We argued about it, and I eventually broke up with him.

Were you able to move on?

The breakup lasted less than a month. Around that time, a friend went through a terrible experience with an ex who physically abused and damaged her reputation at school. Watching her made me question whether my issues with Israel were serious enough to end our relationship.

My friends and family also liked him, so they downplayed my reasons for leaving. Meanwhile, Israel kept trying to win me back and promised to do better. Eventually, I gave him another chance.

Did things improve this time around?

Not really. But I kept telling myself, What I have is still better than what鈥檚 out there. He wasn鈥檛 cheating or doing anything I considered terrible at the time, so I convinced myself to accept less than I actually wanted.

I also hated how little he encouraged me to explore my interests. In my final year at university, I saved up to visit tourist attractions in the western part of the country. He was reluctant to join me, even though I regularly joined him for things he enjoyed, like watching sci-fi films.

I wanted to start a business, too, but he discouraged me until I abandoned the idea. I started feeling trapped and eventually betrayed his trust. 

Oh. What happened?

While preparing for NYSC, Israel and I agreed to manoeuvre our postings so we could both serve in Kwara. However, I wanted some space, so I secretly arranged to serve in Lagos without telling him beforehand.

He was upset when he found out I鈥檇 gone against our plans, and it strained our relationship for a while. During that period, I ran into Malik*, my brother鈥檚 friend, at the gym. We exchanged numbers, started hanging out, and eventually we hooked up.

Weren鈥檛 you still with Israel at the time?

Yes. I was cheating on him. I felt guilty, but I needed an outlet. Malik was the opposite of Israel, which was part of the appeal.

Still, I never considered leaving Israel for him. Malik was my brother鈥檚 friend, and I knew my brother wouldn鈥檛 take kindly to that situation. He was also a playboy, so pursuing a relationship with him would have been setting myself up for heartbreak. We continued seeing each other for much of my service year until he left the country. 

By then, things with Israel had improved, and I thought we might finally work out. But our relationship fell apart again when he decided to move in with me earlier this year.

Screaming. What led to that arrangement?

He sprang it on me. It was meant to be temporary while he looked for a job and saved up for his own place in Lagos. I thought it was a good step because, for the first time, he seemed to be showing some ambition. 

But living together quickly exposed just how inconsiderate he was. I鈥檇 go to work, come home and cook, but getting him to wash the plates was a struggle. I had to nag him to do even the simplest chores.

I also started wondering when he鈥檇 take responsibility for himself and our future. He got a job but quit after barely a month because he found it stressful. He had no other job lined up and no savings, so I ended up covering his living expenses for months.

He also took control of the car my dad had sent me. All I asked was for him to pick me up from work, but he鈥檇 sometimes show up late or forget altogether. Mind you, I was the one paying for fuel. Despite everything I did for him, he still complained when I went out. I constantly had to explain how I spent my time and money.

Yikes. Did you bring this up with him?

I didn鈥檛 think talking would change anything, so I decided to endure it until he could move out. As frustrated as I was, I couldn鈥檛 bring myself to kick him out when he didn鈥檛 have a stable job.

By September, though, I鈥檇 had enough. One day, I got into an argument with my hairstylist because I wasn鈥檛 happy with how she鈥檇 done my hair.  I refused to pay the full price, so she got angry and started cutting off the extensions. She  cut my actual hair in the process

We got into a heated argument that turned physical. Most of the people around sided with her, and I felt embarrassed and overwhelmed. I called Israel to pick me up.

By the time he arrived, I was already in tears. But he barely reacted. He didn鈥檛 even get out of the car. I expected him to show some concern or defend me, but he did neither.

Then he made things worse. When I got into the car, he complained that I was 鈥渇ighting like a thug.鈥� I lost it and screamed at him. How could he see his girlfriend bruised and make that his first comment?

He took offence at the way I spoke to him, and we stopped talking for days. Then, days later, he moved out without telling me.

Gosh. Why would he do that?

I have no idea. We argued on a Saturday, and I went to work in my car on Monday. While I was there, Israel texted me to say he was going to his cousin鈥檚 place. By the time I got home, most of his things were gone.

I was shocked. When I reached out, he said he no longer felt welcome in my house. I tried to explain why I was upset, but he suggested we take a break. I was done at that point. I told him we needed to break up.

Do you think ending the relationship was the right decision?

Absolutely. This time, I鈥檓 not going back, even though everyone expects me to. My family still thinks we had a lovers鈥� quarrel and will eventually get back together.

But I鈥檝e realised that I don鈥檛 need a huge, dramatic betrayal to leave a relationship. I鈥檝e made my decision, and we鈥檝e been broken up for six weeks.

So, how has your experience shaped your idea of love and relationships?

I鈥檝e learnt that it鈥檚 easy to stay with someone because you鈥檝e already invested so much time in the relationship. But the time you鈥檝e spent together won鈥檛 make the red flags disappear.

I stayed partly because I feared that the next person might be even worse. But I鈥檝e realised it鈥檚 better to take that chance than stay in a relationship that no longer works and risk regret in future.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

Probably a 7/10. I enjoy parts of being single, but sometimes it feels strange not having Israel in my life. I still catch myself reaching for my phone in the morning, expecting to see messages from him.

At the same time, I鈥檓 in my twenties and have so much potential. I don鈥檛 want to spend that time clinging to a relationship that didn鈥檛 work out.

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We asked Nigerians to share the strangest things they鈥檝e encountered while visiting other people鈥檚 homes, and their stories will have you exhausting your 鈥淕od abeg鈥� subscription bundle.

鈥淭hey almost brought me into their cult鈥� 鈥� Mosope* 23

My late dad鈥檚 distant cousin had been asking me to visit for a while, so my mum finally agreed to let me stay over during my mid-term break. Everything seemed normal until dinner, when all five of them closed their eyes and started humming in unison instead of praying.

I was confused so the father later explained that this was how they connected with God in their religion. He also told me how his 鈥渟piritual eye鈥� had revealed that he鈥檇 been a wealthy European in a past life. I was so creeped out that I counted down the days until I could return to school. Once I got back, I told my mum everything. She made sure I never had to sleep over at their house again.

鈥淗is grandmother walked around naked鈥� 鈥� Samuel*, 28

I once visited a friend鈥檚 family, and everything seemed fine until his grandmother walked into the parlour topless, wearing only a loose wrapper around her waist. I was shocked because I鈥檇 never seen anything like that. I expected my friend to notice my discomfort, but he greeted his grandmother as if it were completely normal. His mum even brought me food, and everyone carried on as usual.

When I eventually brought it up with my friend, he explained that his grandmother sometimes refused to wear clothes and threw tantrums whenever they tried to dress her. They鈥檇 learnt to manage her that way. I understood, but it was still odd to let strangers witness it.

鈥淭hey kept a chicken as a pet鈥� 鈥� Esther*, 29

I once visited a colleague鈥檚 house and found her toddler chasing a chicken around the house. I initially thought it was some special breed of chicken, but my colleague explained that it was just a regular chicken her daughter had grown attached to. She would cry until they let it into the house, so they eventually gave in.

I had so many questions. Did the chicken sleep in the room? How did they manage the mess? It kept littering the floor while I was there, and I couldn鈥檛 imagine sharing a house with it. I found the arrangement funny but also odd;  there鈥檚 really nothing Gen-Z parents won鈥檛 do. Sadly, my colleague told me the chicken died of pneumonia some weeks later. 

鈥淗is dad had a statue of himself鈥濃�� Patrick*, 24

A friend from uni once invited me to his house during the holidays. He had always joked that nobody loved himself more than his dad, and I understood why as soon as I arrived. The living room had pillows printed with his dad鈥檚 face, pictures of him everywhere and figurines modelled after him. The one family portrait sat tucked away in a corner.

Then I stumbled on a human-shaped figure upstairs and nearly jumped out of my skin. On closer inspection, I realised it was another statue of his dad. I鈥檇 like to believe it was a gift because the thought of someone being that self-obsessed creeps me out.

鈥淭hey didn’t let children on the dining table鈥� 鈥� Caro*, 26

One Christmas, I visited a friend鈥檚 family home, where several generations had gathered. I noticed that the children were eating on the floor, right beside an empty dining table. It seemed rather odd, so I asked one of them why.

She explained that only adults could eat at the dining table and that she wouldn鈥檛 be allowed to sit there until she got into university. I was uncomfortable, but I kept quiet because I didn鈥檛 want to upset my friend. I felt bad and thought about it for days.

鈥淎 cow head helped them pray to God鈥� 鈥� Faidat* 26

I was in SS2 when I visited a friend and went to use the outdoor toilet at the back of the house. On my way there, I  stumbled on what looked like a cow鈥檚 or ram鈥檚 head mounted on a stand. It was smeared with what looked like palm oil or blood. The sight was so black and scary that I couldn鈥檛 even bring myself to look at it properly. I sprinted back inside and made an excuse to leave.

When I saw my friend at school later, I stylishly asked what the object was for. She told me her family prayed to it because it helped guide their prayers to God. It was a shocking discovery to say the least.

鈥淭hey fed me snake meat鈥� 鈥� Shehu*, 49

A few years ago, I visited an old friend in Niger State. He had always invited me over and promised to take good care of me, and he lived up to that promise. The food was delicious, especially the fish he served me when I arrived. I enjoyed it so much that when he served it again the next day, I asked how they prepared it. It was unusually soft and succulent.

That was when he revealed it was snake meat. I immediately started retching. I鈥檓 Muslim, so eating snake is haram, and he knew this. I was also surprised because I wasn鈥檛 familiar with people eating snakes in that part of the North. After that experience, I became much more intentional about what I put in my mouth. I always ask questions when in doubt.

鈥淗er dad had a special chair鈥� 鈥� Chinanza*, 21

I鈥檒l never forget an awkward encounter I had while visiting a friend years ago. We were watching a movie when I sat on a chair that looked really comfortable. My friend immediately froze, but when I asked what was wrong, she said nothing. Later, her dad came out of his room and shouted at me for sitting on the chair. Apparently, it was his personal chair, and my friend had been too scared to tell me.

She looked visibly shaken, and I felt so awkward that I moved to another chair. I鈥檇 never seen someone react so strongly to another person sitting on a chair in their own home.

鈥淭hey lived in a mess鈥� 鈥� Wale* 25

Last year, I travelled to a city and planned to stay with a cousin. I was excited because he often flaunted pictures of his apartment online. It looked like one of those Lekki Airbnbs you鈥檇 never want to leave.

But nothing prepared me for what was on the inside. The entire house was a mess, and the kitchen smelled rotten. I tried to overlook it until I opened the cupboard in the room we鈥檇 be sharing and found a dirty, water-soaked towel sitting among his clean clothes. I was disgusted.

He also had a cat that littered everywhere. There were even droppings on the bed I was supposed to sleep on. The worst part was watching him sink into the bed like it was completely normal. I barely survived the night. The next day, I found another relative to stay with.

鈥淭hey treated their dog like family鈥� 鈥� Angela*, 29

I have a family friend who treats their dog like one of their children. It has its own chair in the living room and eats the same meals as the rest of the family. I think it鈥檚 cute, but I still can鈥檛 get used to it.

鈥淗er grandparents showed PDA鈥� 鈥� Johnson*, 32

I once visited a friend and walked in on her grandparents being very affectionate with each other. Her grandmother was sitting on her grandfather鈥檚 lap, and they were French kissing. Her grandfather looked to be in his 70s.  While I thought the display was cute, I was also a little horrified. I couldn鈥檛 stop thinking about how openly intimate they were.

What made it even funnier was how unbothered my friend was. She acted like it was completely normal, and I guess that鈥檚 where her own touchy-feely personality comes from. 

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At 15, Daniel* (26) lost the first person he ever loved. He struggled to let people get close after her death, eventually turning to casual sex for validation.

In this episode of On the Streets, he reflects on how that loss shaped his approach to love and relationships, and how stepping away from casual sex and finding faith have changed his mindset.

What鈥檚 your relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檝e never been in a relationship. It bothered me for a while, but I don鈥檛 think about it as much anymore. I have other things to focus on, especially my mental health and moving on from everything I鈥檝e been through.

Right. Could you walk me through how you got to this point?

I think it goes back to the first and only person I ever loved.

Amira* and I grew up in the same neighbourhood. My mum had a shop nearby, so I saw her often. We became friends when we ended up in the same class. She loved playing football, even though some of the boys made fun of her. But I used to stand up for her.

As we spent more time together, I developed feelings for her. It was the purest kind of love. I cared about her without expecting anything in return, and she felt the same way.

My mum sometimes gave me money for helping out at her shop, and I鈥檇 spend the bulk of it on nice things for Amira. We never dated because we were young. Yet we meant so much to each other, even though everyone thought we were just friends.

Then, in August 2015, everything changed.

What happened?

Amira passed in the most gruesome manner. She initially went missing, and everyone had different stories about her whereabouts. Some people said her mum had sent her to the market, while others claimed she鈥檇 boarded a bus. By the third day, however, her body was found in a neighbouring area. 

I was only 15, and my parents tried to shield me from the details. When my older brother eventually told me what happened, I screamed and hit him because I thought he was lying. I can鈥檛 explain what I felt. I was in shock and felt physically sick. It was the worst day of my life.

I鈥檓 so sorry. How did you cope with that loss?

It was difficult, especially because her family moved away shortly after her death. As far as I knew, nobody had been arrested, and nobody had any answers about what happened. It felt like everyone just moved on.

At school, people said all sorts of things about her. Some claimed she got into trouble after following a yahoo boy. I fought people for spinning false narratives about her. Eventually, I became isolated.

The rest of secondary school was terrible. I think I was depressed, but mental health wasn鈥檛 something we cared about in my family. My parents would tell me to thank God I wasn鈥檛 the one who died and move on. That contributed to my rebelliousness. I got into a lot of trouble until I left for university in 2018.

Did things get easier when you got to university? 

I became calmer and more level-headed, but I still kept to myself. I also struggled to connect with people romantically. Whenever I liked someone, I worried about getting attached and losing them, so I鈥檇 often push them away before things could go any further.

Towards the end of my first year in 2019, I became interested in someone in my friend group. I asked if she saw us as more than friends, but she said she didn鈥檛. When I asked why, she told me I was awkward and wasn鈥檛 her type. That made me realise I needed to work on my confidence.

Around that time, dating apps like Bumble and Badoo were becoming popular, and many of my friends were using them. I decided to try them too.

How did that go? 

I wanted to meet people and make connections, but I was also self-conscious about my lack of sexual experience. Many of my male friends talked openly about sex, and I often felt awkward because I couldn鈥檛 contribute to those conversations. I didn鈥檛 want anyone to know how inexperienced I was.

So when I started getting mostly sexual offers on the apps, I went along with them. By 2021, I鈥檇 hooked up with at least 20 people. I became more confident and continued meeting people throughout university. Eventually, I lost count. 

When I tried to work out my body count in 2023, I counted about 40 people.

Wow. Did any of these flings become something more?

Not really. Dating apps made me feel like I had endless options. If I approached someone and they gave me an attitude, or the conversation wasn鈥檛 going well, I鈥檇 block them and move on.

I also struggled with my self-esteem. Even after university, when I no longer had the same opportunities to meet strangers, I continued having casual encounters because the attention made me feel more confident.

I didn鈥檛 realise this was a problem until my service year in 2025. I became friends with another intern, and we talked a lot. I opened up to her about my experiences at university and what happened to me as a child. She suggested that my approach to dating might be linked to my past trauma and my fear of committing to anyone.

Over time, I developed feelings for her, but she was in a long-distance relationship and only saw me as a friend. Nothing romantic came of it. Still, our friendship made me reflect on how I approached relationships and played a part in my decision to become celibate.

What exactly drove that decision in the first place?

A few things came together. I developed a minor infection after sleeping with someone I met on Instagram and had to spend my savings on treatment. I decided I needed a break and deleted my social media accounts because I didn鈥檛 want to deal with everything going on in my life.

At the start of this year, I got a job closer to home and moved back. I couldn鈥檛 meet people as often, and I gradually lost interest in casual encounters. 

Around that time, a young pastor who had been encouraging me to attend his church finally got me to go. I kept returning because I enjoyed the choir.

A few weeks later, the pastor preached about addiction. I was struggling with masturbation at the time, and I often felt depressed and unsatisfied afterwards. Something about the sermon hit me, and I broke down crying.

I opened up to the pastor, and I never felt judged. He even shared that he鈥檇 struggled with similar things when he was younger. Finding a community where I could speak openly about what I was going through felt refreshing.

Since then, I鈥檝e been growing closer to God, and I鈥檝e now been celibate for four months.

Nice. How have your experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?

I think I need to slow down my approach. My love life might have turned out differently if I hadn鈥檛 been so impatient. But I don鈥檛 regret my experiences because they鈥檝e brought me to where I am today.

I鈥檓 also learning not to let other people鈥檚 opinions influence my decisions, whether in friendships or romantic relationships. More importantly, I鈥檓 beginning to recognise the things I need to work on in myself before jumping into a relationship.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10

9/10. I鈥檝e always been single, so I鈥檝e never really felt pressured to do otherwise. For now, I鈥檓 focused on finding total healing and working on myself before I meet the right person.

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For these Nigerians, they can never forget the exact words that made them realise they鈥檇 found their person. And they were more than happy to share their stories.

鈥淚 don鈥檛 want to be far away from you.鈥澛�

He turned down an apartment he really wanted because it was 25 minutes farther away from me. 鈥� Dumininu* 26

“If it concerns you, it鈥檚 important to me.鈥澛�

I asked how she remembered the littlest details about me. 鈥� Godspower* 24

鈥�Your kids are my kids.鈥澛�

He said this before our wedding, when I had to adopt my late sister鈥檚 children. 鈥� Peace* 34

鈥淢y last minutes will play our memories together.鈥澛�

I showed her a story about how your best memories replay in your mind before you die. 鈥� Imisi* 29

鈥淚鈥檒l never let anyone bully you.鈥澛�

He said, after I told him how my relatives had tossed me around once I became orphaned. 鈥擵era* 26

鈥淵ou can choose to pay me back with forever.鈥�

I confessed that I couldn鈥檛 repay the money he鈥檇 given me. 鈥擟hidubem* 30

鈥淚t can鈥檛 be disgusting. It鈥檚 you,鈥澛�

he said, as I threw up everywhere and he cleaned up after me. 鈥擧amida* 25

鈥淚鈥檓 always on your side first,鈥�

he said, while defending me after I got into an argument聽 with his mum. 鈥擟harity* 42

鈥淚 believe in you more than I do in myself.鈥�

He assured聽 me, when I was doubting my path as a writer. 鈥擪emi* 24

鈥淚 hope I die first. I can鈥檛 bear life without you,鈥�

she commented, while we were watching a movie where one partner died. 鈥擜dam* 33

鈥淚 will give up my last naira for you.鈥澛�

I joked that my biggest fear was going broke. 鈥擸emisi* 25

鈥淚鈥檓 already lucky we鈥檙e together.鈥�

asked him what would make him the luckiest person in the world. 鈥擜da* 22

鈥淟ike one thousand things remind me of you,鈥澛�

he texted days after we met, while on a work trip. 鈥擲ekinah* 27

鈥淵ou have my full support in everything you do,鈥澛犅�

she texted randomly. I couldn鈥檛 hold back my tears. 鈥擪ola* 32

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Joan* (51) spent years searching for lasting love and commitment, but her journey came with its share of heartbreak. After a difficult first relationship left her a single mother of two, she thought she鈥檇 found a second chance at love with a married man, only to learn a painful lesson.

In this episode of On the Streets, she opens up about her search for love, the compromises she made while raising her children alone, and how she eventually came to terms with being single.

What鈥檚 your relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檓 single, and I鈥檓 indifferent about it. I鈥檓 51, and I鈥檝e never been married, but it doesn鈥檛 stop me from enjoying myself. If you鈥檇 told me 30 years ago that I鈥檇 be in this position, I would have considered it a nightmare. 

How did you get to this point? Walk me through your relationship history.

My first serious relationship started in 1997. I was 22 and had just finished secondary school when I met Bola*.

He approached me one day while I was on an errand. He said he鈥檇 noticed me from a distance and wanted to get to know me. He was in university and had a way with words that drew me in. 

The early days of our relationship were good, although I struggled with how overprotective he was. I had to cut off most of my friends because he didn鈥檛 like me spending time with anyone but him. At the time, I thought it was a sign of his love. He also made a lot of promises about marrying me when he graduated. Before that could happen, I got pregnant in 1999.

How did you feel when you found out?

I was frightened. My mum died when I was young so my father raised me on his own. I was worried about disappointing him and even considered terminating the pregnancy.

But Bola reassured me that he wanted to keep the baby and went to meet my father to ease my worry. Since I was already pregnant, my father agreed to let me move in with Bola, trusting him to take responsibility for me.

What was it like when you moved in together?

We couldn鈥檛 afford to live on our own, so we moved in with his sisters. I hoped it would be temporary since Bola had only a year left in school. Instead, he moved to Abuja to start his NYSC, leaving me behind with his sisters. 

That was when life became unbearable. They never really accepted me, and with Bola gone, nothing stopped them from picking on me. Whenever I complained to him, he took their side. Eventually, I decided I鈥檇 rather join him in Abuja than continue living with his sisters. I found his address in his letters and showed up with our son at his doorstep.

Bola was surprised to see us. He was also a bit reluctant to let us in. But once there, I was in for another surprise. I assumed his parents were together whenever they visited Lagos, so I was taken aback to find his mother living with another man. When I asked questions, she took offence. 

Because his mother didn鈥檛 want me living with them, Bola and I eventually moved into his father鈥檚 boys鈥� quarters.

Did things get any better after you moved?

I had more peace, but we were still struggling. By the time Bola finished his NYSC, I was pregnant with our second child, and he was unemployed with two children to care for.

He became frustrated and started taking it out on me. We fought often, and I realised I couldn鈥檛 keep waiting for things to improve. I spoke to my siblings, who helped me raise money to set up a small kiosk selling provisions. The business did well and became our main source of income. I also enrolled in an accounting programme to further my education.

But rather than look for work himself, Bola left me to handle our finances. What troubled me most was his growing insecurity. Once I started earning money, he became hostile. He questioned my every move and even accused me of sleeping around for money.

That sounds really stressful

It was. The final straw came in 2004, on the night one of my customers knocked on our door late at night to buy bread. We needed every naira, so I attended to him.

When I returned, Bola flared up because I left our room at that hour. He kept calling me a prostitute, so I insulted his mother in return. That made him furious, and we got into a physical fight. His father had to intervene and separate us.

That night, I decided I could never marry Bola. I鈥檇 endured so much, but I was done. Our relationship never recovered after that. A few weeks later, we had another fight, and he kicked me out of the house. That was the end of our eight-year relationship.

How did you feel after leaving?

I was already over the relationship, but my life became even harder. After I left, Bola destroyed my kiosk, leaving me without a source of income.

With two children to care for, I had to take a job as a clerk while continuing my studies. I was struggling to pay rent and keep my children in school. Those were difficult months, until I met Usman*.

Tell me about Usman. How did you meet?

We met in 2005. After class one day, I realised I had only 鈧�100 left. Spending it on transport meant we鈥檇 have nothing to eat at home, so I decided to walk home. After an hour, I was exhausted and started flagging down cars. Usman offered me a lift.

He gave me his business card and asked if we could meet again. I could tell he was married, so I was sceptical at first. Before dropping me off at my junction, he gave me 鈧�4,000. 

I could hardly believe it. At the time, it felt like he鈥檇 dashed me a million naira. After thinking it over, I decided to visit him. Before long, we began a relationship.

What about his marriage?

We never discussed it. I appreciated that he didn鈥檛 question me about my past, so I respected his privacy too. I was also struggling to keep up with my responsibilities. There was no way I would have turned down a relationship that eased that burden.

The only thing I felt guilty about was hiding the fact that I had children.

Why did you hide it?

The longer we were together, the harder it became to tell him. I鈥檇 grown comfortable in the relationship and didn鈥檛 want my children to become a deal-breaker.

Two years in, I lost my phone, so he contacted my neighbour, who mentioned my daughter. He became suspicious and later insisted on dropping me off at home after one of our visits. I鈥檇 always told him I lived with a friend to keep him from visiting, but this time, I had to come clean.

To my surprise, having children didn鈥檛 affect our arrangement. He even started paying their school fees.

In return, I tried not to expect too much from him. But when his wife died of cancer in 2010, my feelings changed. After his mourning period, I began to hope we would get married. Then he dropped a bombshell: his family had arranged for him to marry someone else.

How did you take the news?

I was devastated. What hurt more was that he ended our five- year relationship for his 鈥榝resh start鈥�. It was a tough breakup, but I don鈥檛 regret the years we spent together. He supported me and my children, helped put them through school and helped me get the job I still have today. 

I鈥檇 set myself up for heartbreak by expecting more from him.

By the time I got over Usman, I was in my late thirties with two children. Finding men who wanted marriage was difficult. Around the same time, Bola re-entered our lives, stirring up painful memories of our breakup. I didn鈥檛 want to expose my children to more instability, so I stayed away from serious relationships.

At first, watching the years go by without getting married made me sad. Eventually, I stopped making marriage a priority. I had a few casual relationships and focused on raising my children. That changed when I met Kola* in 2022.

Tell me about Kola. What was different?

I met Kola through a mutual friend. Like me, he had kids but had never married. We spent a lot of time chatting, and I soon fell in love. I realised my feelings when I found myself getting moody if he didn鈥檛 call or we had an argument.

By then, both my children had moved out, so I considered getting married to him for companionship. But whenever I raised the subject, Kola avoided the conversation.

I eventually learned why. In 2024, Kola told me he was moving to the UK. He wanted us to stay together and even hinted at plans for me to join him. But I didn鈥檛 want to make the same mistake of holding on to a man鈥檚 promises. I ended the relationship when he left. Since then, I鈥檝e given up on relationships.

How have these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?

First, I鈥檝e learnt the importance of having a support system. I wish I鈥檇 had a mother or close friends to confide in when I was younger. I would have made better choices if I had people who offered honest advice.

I also tell my children to pay attention to their partner鈥檚 family before committing to a serious relationship. Bola and I might have worked through our issues if his family hadn鈥檛 had so much influence over our relationship.

Still, I鈥檓 proud that I prioritised myself and my goals. I always dreamed of working in an office and giving my children a good life. I have no regrets since I achieved both despite the challenges along the way.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10

8/10. I enjoy being single. Whenever I hear my colleagues talk about their marriages, I鈥檓 grateful for my freedom. 

At this stage of my life, companionship is the only reason I would consider another serious relationship. Otherwise, I鈥檓 happy with my life as it is.

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For these five Nigerians, their relationships have opened doors, eased financial pressures and helped them pursue lifestyles they might not have been able to afford alone. They share what it鈥檚 like to have a partner who makes life a little easier.

鈥淚鈥檝e been able to afford things I couldn鈥檛 before鈥� 鈥� Hannah* 29

I live with my boyfriend, and being with him has made managing my finances much easier. He owns his apartment, so I don鈥檛 have to worry about rent. He also handles most of the household utilities, while I mostly contribute towards food and other smaller expenses.

I  have a pretty comfortable job, so having that financial cushion means I can save more and spend on things I probably couldn鈥檛 have afforded before. This year, for example, I bought a luxury bag that would have been out of my budget two years ago. For my mum鈥檚 60th birthday, I also threw her a lavish surprise party, and my boyfriend helped with some of the expenses. It鈥檚 the most financially secure I’ve ever felt in a relationship.

鈥淗e gave me the financial freedom to pursue my passion鈥� 鈥� Wasilat* 46

I was in an abusive relationship for almost 10 years, but I couldn鈥檛 leave because I was afraid of the financial uncertainty. My job didn鈥檛 pay much, and I had two kids to think about.

Eventually, my ex abandoned us, and I had to start over. I never expected to find love again, but in 2017, I met a businessman who didn鈥檛 mind my past. After we got married, he took us in and completely changed our lives.

At the time, my children were teenagers, and he enrolled them in British secondary schools in Nigeria. They鈥檙e both in universities abroad now, and he鈥檚 still funding their education.

I鈥檇 always been passionate about fashion design, but my responsibilities had made it difficult to pursue. When I finally decided to quit my job and focus on my business full-time, he supported me. It鈥檚 been almost nine years since I last had to worry about money.

鈥淗er inheritance changed my life鈥� 鈥� Tayo* 41

When I married my wife, I knew her family was well-off, but I didn鈥檛 think it would have much of an impact on my life. That changed when her father died in 2023 and left her a significant inheritance.

She has two siblings, so everything was shared among them, but we still received millions of naira, excluding the landed properties and other assets she inherited. I鈥檇 never laid my eyes on so much money in one account before.

At the time, we were renting an apartment. The inheritance allowed us to buy a home in the heart of Abuja, and it cost more than I ever imagined spending on a house. We鈥檝e also invested in stocks and started building a trust fund for our children.

For the first year after she received the money, we hardly touched our salaries. I was able to save a lot more and even went to Kigali with my friends last year. I wouldn鈥檛 have been able to afford that trip, or the life we have now, on my own.

鈥淗aving a generous partner will always be my priority鈥� 鈥� Alice* 27

I鈥檝e always been practical about dating. For me, it鈥檚 not just about having someone who buys things for you. I also believe that having a financially successful partner can change your life.

My first relationship was while I was still in school, and my boyfriend helped me land a good job immediately after graduation. That exposed me to many opportunities and made it easier for me to support my siblings.

My current boyfriend travels a lot for work, and he takes me along. During those trips, I鈥檝e grown my YouTube channel by creating aesthetic UGC. I鈥檝e gained followers and even started getting brand deals. That鈥檚 why having a generous and financially stable partner will always be a priority for me.

鈥淪he helped me turn photography into a full-time career鈥� 鈥� Ebuka* 34

My fianc茅e works with international organisations and has connections with senior officials and executives. Whenever any of them needed a photographer for an event, she鈥檇 recommend me. Those opportunities became a major source of income for me, to the point where I left my 9-5 and started freelancing full-time.

Being with her has also made me more financially responsible. We have a joint savings plan and save together, and her financial discipline has rubbed off on me. We鈥檙e currently saving because she dreams of having a destination wedding.

Even though we鈥檙e quite strict with our finances, we still try to travel every year and go on dates. 

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This is Blessing鈥檚 explanation, as told to Mofiyin:

I鈥檝e been friends with Jemima* for as long as I can remember. We grew up in the same church, attended the same university, and eventually ended up living in the same city, which brought us even closer.

She started dating David* in 2019, when we were still in university. Their relationship became even more serious over the years, and when David got an opportunity to move to Switzerland* in 2024, they decided to make the long distance work. I knew it wasn鈥檛 easy for either of them, but they seemed committed to each other.

Then, sometime last year, Jemima confided in me that she鈥檇 slept with someone she met at a rave. She said she鈥檇 been drunk and insisted it was a mistake that wouldn鈥檛 happen again. I was surprised, but I believed her.

Earlier this year,she started talking about a new coworker who was flirting with her. She kept telling me she loved David and had no reason to end their relationship, so I assumed she鈥檇 ignore him.

Instead, around May, she told me she鈥檇 gone to his house and they鈥檇 had sex. This time, she admitted she wanted it. She said there were no feelings involved and that it was purely physical because she and David hadn鈥檛 seen each other in a long time.

I thought it would  be another one-off, but it wasn鈥檛. She and the coworker started seeing each other regularly, and the more I knew about it, the more uncomfortable I became.

Part of what made it difficult was my own experience with  cheating. My last relationship ended after I discovered  my boyfriend had been cheating on me for almost a year. It was humiliating to know that some of his friends might have known and watched me carry on with the relationship without saying anything.

So I told Jemima how I felt. I reminded her that what she was doing wasn鈥檛 fair to David,  but she became defensive. She insisted it was just sex and she didn鈥檛 plan to continue for long. She saw it as a way of dealing with the distance between her and David. She even suggested that David might be doing the same.

After that, I stopped bringing it up, even though it still bothered me. David wasn鈥檛 my friend, but we were friendly. He would sometimes reach out when he couldn鈥檛 get through to Jemima or needed my help to get things for her. So whenever I saw his posts or interacted with him, I felt bad.

Then, in July, he texted me to ask if I knew any affordable jewellers in Nigeria. He was planning to propose when he came home at the end of the year. I was really excited and immediately told Jemima. I hoped the proposal would make her realise how serious things were and finally end the affair. But nothing changed.

At that point, I decided to mind my own business and stay out of Jemima鈥檚. For a while, I managed to do that. 

Then, one night in September, David called me around 10:30 p.m. He said he鈥檇 been trying to reach Jemima but couldn鈥檛 get through. I knew exactly where she was. She鈥檇 sent me a Snap earlier that night showing that she was at the coworker鈥檚 apartment.

When David asked if Jemima was with me, I said no, then I added, 鈥淚 think she鈥檚 with a guy.鈥�

He immediately started asking questions. He wanted a name. He wanted to know who the guy was. At first, I refused to say anything else. But he kept pressing, and eventually, I gave him the man鈥檚 name.

I knew David called Jemima afterwards. They had a huge argument, and she eventually admitted that she鈥檇 been cheating. He ended the relationship.

It didn鈥檛 take long for Jemima to find out that I was the one who told him. She was furious. She said I鈥檇 betrayed her confidence and said some hurtful things before cutting me off. She refused to acknowledge  my explanations.

I even called her sister to intervene, but she sided with Jemima. She pointed out that the impact of what I鈥檇 done went beyond her relationship with David. There were plans involving both families, including the possibility of David helping Jemima relocate to Switzerland as his dependent. Knowing that my decision had affected more than just their relationship made me feel terrible.

Our friends tried to mediate between us, but Jemima wouldn鈥檛 even show up to the meeting.

Jemima even suggested that I told David because I wanted him to punish her and ruin their relationship, but I didn鈥檛 think that far. I thought that because they鈥檇 been together for so long, knowing the truth would give them a chance to decide what to do with their relationship.  I even texted David after the breakup and asked him to forgive her, but he said he was done. That part isn鈥檛 my fault.

I鈥檓 not sure our friendship will ever recover, and that hurts me, but I don鈥檛 regret what I did. My conscience couldn鈥檛 stand the lies. I鈥檝e explained this to a lot of my friends, but they still insist it wasn鈥檛 my place. Maybe they鈥檙e right. Everything that happened afterwards has been painful, but at least David knows the truth.

You’ve heard my explanation. What do you think?

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