Secrets discovered after marriage can change everything. Before sharing a life with someone, we expect to know almost everything about them. But for these six Nigerians, marriage revealed sides of their partners they never saw coming. They share the unexpected truths they discovered after saying 鈥淚 do鈥, and the secrets they never signed up for.
鈥淪he lied about her age鈥 鈥 Joseph*, 41
When I met my wife, she told me we were agemates. I was 31 at the time and believed I was a few months older than her. It wasn鈥檛聽until four years into our marriage that I discovered she鈥檇 actually been six years older all along. We had our first child almost immediately after getting married but struggled to have more kids. During fertility treatment, she disclosed her real age to her gynaecologist, who then told me.聽
By then, she was already in her 40s. I initially thought it was an error because most of her other documents carried the age she’d given me, but she eventually admitted she鈥檇 lied.
The revelation hurt me and almost ended our marriage. However, she took responsibility, and we had to keep the peace for our child. We eventually worked through it and had another child through IVF.
鈥淗e hid his child for more than a decade鈥 鈥 Peju*, 42
My husband hid his first child from me for 11 years of our marriage. I found out in 2022 when a friend sent me a Facebook screenshot to ask if the man holding a graduating boy in the picture was my husband. The post had been shared by the child’s mother.
When I confronted him, he explained that he’d briefly dated the woman before we met. He claimed she became pregnant after they separated, but he’d believed she’d had an abortion. He said she kept the child without telling him and only started contacting him about the boy after we got married.
He said he hadn’t told me because we were struggling to conceive at the time, and he thought the news would affect me. It was difficult to accept, but with our families’ intervention and knowing he’d been a good husband, I eventually accepted that he had a responsibility towards his child.
鈥淗e鈥檚 married to someone else abroad鈥 鈥 Nawal*, 29
Shortly after our wedding, I discovered that my husband was still legally married to someone in Germany. He’d lived there for almost six years before returning to Nigeria. Although he’d told me about his time abroad, he never mentioned the marriage.
I found out through his cousin, who explained that he hadn鈥檛 even finalised the divorce before leaving Germany. She said that the relationship had been abusive and that his wife had tried to implicate him in a drug smuggling situation, which was why he returned to Nigeria.
I wish he’d been honest with me from the beginning. I only found out last year, and I honestly don’t know what to make of it. He assures me that the marriage was only for papers and promises it won’t cause any problems. But I can’t help worrying about what this could mean for our future.
鈥淗e couldn鈥檛 have children鈥 鈥 Doris*, 53
Shortly after my wedding in 2001, I discovered that my husband had a micro-penis. We’d known each other for nearly three years, but decided to wait until marriage to have sex because we were both committed Christians.
I expected our sex life to begin after the wedding, but he kept making excuses and avoiding me. This went on for over a week until we eventually had an argument and he gave in. That was when I discovered his penis was extremely small.
I was so shocked that I ran out and locked myself in the guest room. He became hostile and threatened to harm me if I told anyone. Thankfully, I confided in my family, who eventually helped me leave. Even some church members advised me to stay because I was already married. But the marriage was never consummated, and I eventually fought for a divorce. I’m grateful I left because I later remarried and now have a child.
鈥淗e lied about being a doctor鈥 鈥 Shamsiyya*, 59
I met my husband in the 1980s when I was about 16. He was part of an immunisation programme in my small town, and I was infatuated with him. He was well respected and presented himself as a university-trained doctor who lived comfortably in the city. Even after the programme ended, he continued visiting me, and I eventually got pregnant. My father then allowed us to get married.
I was excited about moving to the city and experiencing life as a doctor’s wife. But when I got there, I discovered that almost everything he鈥檇 told me about himself was a lie. He was actually a poor assistant technician who carried out basic laboratory tests. He鈥檇 only completed a short medical training course, not the university education he’d claimed to have.
I felt betrayed, and whenever I confronted him, he became defensive. We lived from hand to mouth, and I regretted rushing into having a child with him. Today, I can laugh about it with my children and grandchildren, but it was painful to live through at the time.
“Her family had stolen money” 鈥 Ibrahim*, 34
I got married in 2024, but several months later, I discovered that my wife’s family had allegedly built much of their wealth through fraudulent activities during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Her older brother, a medical professional, had reportedly received contracts involving palliatives and vaccines but siphoned off much of the money. Around that time, the family’s lifestyle changed dramatically. They became wealthy, acquired a mansion and sent their younger siblings abroad.
I only learnt about the allegations when I travelled to their state, and a friend recognised the family name. I was told that my wife had helped conceal money and protect her brother when law enforcement began investigating him. The family reportedly bribed their way out, and the case was eventually dropped. When I confronted my wife, she didn’t deny it. I was also able to confirm some of the details online.
Although the family’s wealth has eased some of my financial burdens, knowing how they made their money has changed how I see my wife. I still struggle with the fact that some of the money I benefited from may have been meant to help people during the pandemic.
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