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A public proposal might seem like the ultimate romantic gesture, but not everyone wants to be asked to spend the rest of their life with someone in front of an audience. 

Whether it was an unexpected gesture from someone they weren’t interested in or a proposal that came at the worst possible time, these six Nigerians share the stories behind the proposals they rejected and why they said no.

“He cornered me on his birthday” — Iyabo*, 53

During my first year at university in the early ’90s, my roommate’s older brother took an interest in me. He offered me gifts and did little things to get my attention, but I wasn’t interested in him romantically.

I respected him, so I tried letting him down gently. I told him I was only interested in marriage, hoping that would discourage him. I was wrong.

On his birthday, which also doubled as his graduation from medical school, he threw a party and invited me. At some point, he got up and started talking about a girl he couldn’t stop thinking about and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I didn’t suspect he meant me until he mentioned my name and asked me to come to the front.

I was embarrassed and refused to get up, but people around me nudged me forward. When I eventually did, he got down on both knees and asked me to “be his forever”. I wanted the ground to swallow me. I covered my face and shook my head, unable to say a word, until my friend escorted me out.

That incident changed how I saw him. He still tried to pursue me for some time, but I made it clear that my answer wouldn’t change.

“She asked in front of my family” — Dolu*, 43

In the summer of 2017, my then-girlfriend and I travelled to Nigeria to spend time with my family. I hadn’t seen my mum and sisters in a while, so it was a good opportunity for us to catch up.

During the visit, my girlfriend brought up marriage in front of my family. She talked about how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and how I’d been avoiding the conversation. Then she asked when I planned to marry her and suggested we pick a date right there.

I was really embarrassed. My mum tried to mediate while my sisters just giggled. I didn’t want to have that conversation in front of everyone, so I suggested we discuss it privately rather than give her an answer.

She felt hurt, but I also thought she’d put us both in an uncomfortable position. I’d told her several times that we would get married, but I wasn’t yet in the right mental or financial place to take that step. Thankfully, we were able to talk things through. When I was finally ready, we got engaged and had a beautiful wedding in 2019.

“He attempted to ask at the worst place possible” — Faiza*, 29

My fiancé’s first attempt at proposing happened at Davido’s concert last December. Davido didn’t show up until past midnight, and we’d already spent hours standing in the heat.  I was overstimulated and looking forward to going home. 

I’d finally started enjoying the performance when my boyfriend started whispering sweet things in my ear. Then I noticed a ring in his hand and realised what he was about to do.

“Not here,” I told him immediately. I wasn’t about to get engaged in the middle of a crowded concert, especially when I was already exhausted. Thankfully, he listened and put the ring away.

He didn’t get defensive or try to force the moment. We’re engaged now, and we got to have that moment privately and on our own terms.

“He asked so I would forgive his cheating” — Chioma*, 31

In 2024, I discovered that my long-term boyfriend had cheated on me. I was devastated, and after a huge fight, I told him I was done. He begged me for another chance, but I remained indecisive about the relationship.

A few weeks later, he suggested we spend some time together. We had dinner at a hotel, and afterwards, he took me to the rooftop. His friends, none of whom I care for, were waiting with flowers. There was a photographer, a videographer, music and a beautifully decorated space. I thought he had planned an elaborate apology until he brought out a ring.

I was furious. I started to express how upset I was, but eventually broke down in tears. We were in the middle of a relationship crisis, yet he’d chosen that moment to propose. He insisted that the proposal was his way of showing his commitment and promised things would change.

I wanted to get married, but not under those circumstances. I needed him to rebuild my trust, not put a ring in front of me and expect that to fix everything. He refused to understand and even sent me the video of my reaction, hoping it would make me feel guilty. That step was the beginning of the end for us. We broke up a few weeks later.

“He claimed the proposal was a skit” — Joy*, 25

In my final year, a guy from my faculty asked me out a few times. I found his advances uncomfortable and told him plainly that I wasn’t interested.

On the day I was signing out, he suddenly showed up while I was taking pictures. He got down on one knee with a cake and said “I want you to be mine.” Before I could even process what was happening, people had gathered around us with their phones, and everyone was shouting, “Say yes!”

I tried to walk away, but people crowded around me and urged me to accept. I eventually got irritated and shoved him away before leaving.

The video quickly went viral around school, and people who didn’t even know me started calling me rude and saying I’d embarrassed him. Some even spread rumours that he was my long-term boyfriend and I’d intentionally disgraced him.

I was upset because I barely knew this guy and he had put me on the spot in front of a crowd. When I eventually reached out to express my displeasure, he told me it was a skit. I still don’t know whether he was serious or if it was staged. Either way, it was a horrible experience, and I still avoid watching the video whenever it comes up.

“I wasn’t sure I wanted to take that step with him” — Angela*, 29

My ex and I were in a serious relationship, and we’d talked about marriage. But living together changed how I saw him. He  had poor hygiene, left clothes scattered around, and allowed dishes to pile up for days. These things made me question whether I still wanted to marry him, and I think he noticed I was becoming distant.

Last August, during his late mother’s 10th-year memorial, he left me at home and promised to return and pick me up. When he couldn’t make it back, he asked me to take an Uber to the family house. I was already annoyed when I arrived, only for his cousin to pull me outside where my boyfriend was waiting on one knee with a ring. His family had their phones out, recording and urging me to say yes.

I was so overwhelmed that I pulled my hand away and walked out. His aunties tried to stop me, saying I shouldn’t leave him like that in front of everyone, but I went home anyway.

He was furious that I’d made him look stupid, especially since we’d discussed marriage before. But those conversations didn’t mean I was ready to say yes at that moment. Things were never quite the same after that. He never forgave me for how I reacted, and our relationship gradually went downhill until we broke up.

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