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Author: Nwachukwu Marisvega

We grow up hearing stories about our parents, but there’s usually a lot they leave out. The people who raised us had entire lives before we came along, and some of the things they got up to might surprise us.

We asked Nigerians to share the shocking, hilarious and heartbreaking secrets they discovered about their parents’ lives before marriage. Here’s what they had to say.

“My mother was born into wealth but married into poverty” — Nonso*, 28

My family struggled financially when I was growing up. I watched my mother hustle endlessly to feed four children and a husband. So imagine my shock when I discovered in my 20s that she was actually a trust-fund baby. 

She was the daughter of one of the richest men in her community, a former prime minister with vast properties. But he disowned her for marrying my father, who came from nothing. He also forbade her six siblings from speaking to her, or they risked being disowned. 

My mum chose love, despite her father’s warnings that my dad couldn’t give her the life she deserved and that he was deceiving her. Unfortunately, my father wasn’t exactly hardworking either, so she spent years hustling to provide for us. 

Today, her siblings are wealthy, live abroad, and are doing well. My mother never caught up. 

“My pastor father was once the last person you’d want to cross” — Temi*, 30

My dad is a pastor in one of those big churches everyone knows. He stands at the pulpit, preaches, and people listen. I don’t always agree with the church’s culture or how it handles certain things, but I never imagined my Bible-reading father had a past that could rival the things he preached against. He was once a feared cultist in school. He was so notorious that people knew to avoid him. 

He terrorised students, started fights, moved with dangerous crowds and had a reputation that made people think twice before crossing him. Then, somehow, he found Jesus. 

I confronted him about it once, and he got angry, demanding to know where I’d heard the stories. Still, he didn’t deny anything. 

“My parents have very different versions of their love story” — Christopher*, 27

Finding out my father was a womaniser wasn’t on my bingo card. I’m not against sex, but I’d always admired how my parents spoke about waiting until marriage. My mother told the story with so much pride, and my father would smile. I thought it was beautiful. 

Then, one day, I came home and overheard my father upstairs with his friends. They were laughing about the women he’d been with before marriage. Prostitutes, other people’s girlfriends, affairs and escapades.

My father was quite the menace. I stood by the door, listening to stories that completely dismantled the man I thought I knew. I doubt my mother knows any of it. 

When he finally stepped out and saw me, he looked surprised. I said nothing, but I think he knew I’d heard everything. Now he’s terrified I’ll tell her. 

“Everyone knows my mother as a gentle woman. Her village knows otherwise” — Ada*, 25

My mother is one of the gentlest people I know. She hardly gets angry, and even when people insult her, she’ll laugh and walk away. I used to wish she’d fight back sometimes. That was before our Christmas trip to Imo State. 

My aunt, brother and I went to the market, and once people recognised us as my parents’ children, they started sharing stories about my mother. Turns out, she was a terror back in the days. She beat people, young and old, and had a talent for feeding them sand during fights. 

They called her “Iron Lady”. People laughed as they recounted her exploits while my brother and I sat there, completely shocked. When we got home and told her what we’d heard, she just laughed. Apparently, every time she laughed, she was holding herself back from feeding people sand.  She’d promised my dad she was done with fighting. 

“I realised my mother was grieving the life she never got to live” — Cass*, 23

I love my parents, but I’d always known my mother as a housewife who ran a small provisions store. She was quiet and loved courtroom dramas like How to Get Away with Murder, Suits and Scandal. I never understood her obsession until one day, when we were watching The Good Wife, her friend casually mentioned that my mother could have been in a courtroom herself. 

Apparently, she was a straight-A student and the brightest in her department. She was studying law until her parents withdrew her to marry my father.  They blamed their finances and believed educating girls was unnecessary. She never finished her degree. My mother laughed during the story, but I found myself crying. Suddenly, her love for courtroom dramas made sense. I realised she was probably mourning the life she never got to live.

“Apparently, my parents were swingers before they became parents” — David*, 26

My parents are probably the coolest people I know.  They have matching tattoos and smoke together, but nothing prepared me for how they met. 

We were watching a show where a couple attended a sex party when my dad casually said, “That’s how I met your mum.” She immediately burst out laughing. I assumed my dad was making a stupid joke until my mum confirmed they had both attended with their respective partners but somehow ended up attracted to each other. 

I waited for someone to yell “April Fools”, but it was August. They happily reminisced, whispering and laughing like teenagers right in front of me. I know they’ve had interesting lives, but a sex party? Was that how I was born? 

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.