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This article is part of Had I Known, ����ԭ��’s theme for September 2025, where we explore Nigerian stories of regret and the lessons learnt. Read more Had I Known stories here.

People often say, “Let go of the things that no longer serve you.” But leaving a relationship and actually walking away are two different battles. Loneliness, love, fear of starting over, or just plain stubbornness can make people stay long past the expiry date. 

In this article, Nigerians open up about the times they ignored the signs and stayed when they knew it was over, and the emotional costs they had to pay for it.

“He was in love with someone else, but I stayed because I was lonely” — Adesuwa*, 28, F

When Biodun* confessed his love for another woman, Adesuwa stayed because she wanted the companionship. She doesn’t think it was worth it.

“We met when I moved to a new city in the US. We’d only been seeing each other a short while in April when he came to my office and confessed he was in love with someone back home in Nigeria. 

He explained they were going through a tough break-up. Deep down, I understood he’d been lying to me since we met, and I thought about leaving. But I didn’t have friends in the city. I was desperate for companionship, and since I knew I wasn’t in love with him, I told him I was fine with it. I wasn’t fine at all; it was humiliating.

One night in the middle of September, while I lay beside him, I had an epiphany: I couldn’t stay a moment longer. I’d put up with his mood swings and depression over his lover in Nigeria, and I’d had enough. At dawn, I took an Uber home and texted him to never contact me again.

The cost of staying was my wasted emotions. I poured so much time, sweat and tears into a union that never went anywhere. I felt like such a loser when everything finally ended. I hate that I’m even spending time grieving the relationship because it feels like I’m still wasting emotions.”

“I stayed after he cheated because I was young and foolish” — Janet*, 22, F

When Janet’s long-distance boyfriend confessed he’d cheated, she knew she should leave. Against her better judgment, she decided not to, but it came at the cost of her emotional and mental health.

“When my long-distance boyfriend of almost two years confessed he had cheated on me, it was like being stabbed in the gut. He twisted the knife when he said she was pregnant, which only complicated things further. I was hurt, but I  stayed because I foolishly believed you stood by your partner through dark periods.

A few months later, we found out the girl had lied about the pregnancy. By then, the emotional toll of our relationship was too much for me to bear. I felt awful for trying to move past his betrayal like it was nothing. It was like trying to keep a storm in a bottle. I felt so free when I broke up with him. I’m wiser now and would never do that to myself.”

“She made me feel like I was going crazy” — Bolu*, 29, M

Bolu* thought he was building something steady with his girlfriend, but her lies and constant dodging almost drove him mad.

“I started talking to her after I got injured playing sports. At first, it was casual, nothing serious. Three months later, in November 2024, she said she wanted more. I didn’t know she meant more men.

We live in the UK, and the first red flag came when she started her hair braiding service. She told me about a “client” who was a friend. I assumed it was a girl because she kept using “they” to refer to the person. It turned out to be a guy who was interested in her. I let it go then, but a bigger issue came up shortly after we started dating.

She travelled to Ghana for the December holidays. I felt bummed because I expected us to spend the holidays together, but I also wanted to support my girl’s love for fun. I told her to call me often since it was her first time there. We even downloaded a location app that gave us access to each other’s locations while we were apart. As soon as she got there, she switched up.

She disappeared for days and came back claiming her phone died because she didn’t have a power bank. During calls, she’d suddenly hang up mid-Uber ride and say it was network. At some point, I got suspicious, especially because she was dodgy about her movement. The app showed locations that didn’t match her stories.  I felt like I was going crazy and vowed to break up when she returned. I was sure she was seeing someone else.

But when she came back apologetic and sweet,  I stalled on my decision.

It was a terrible mistake. She suddenly became too busy to see me, and we soon stopped sleeping together. One day, I checked her phone and saw flirty texts to other guys. She had told me before that men were chasing her, and she always turned them down. Clearly, she lied.

Still, I didn’t break up with her. I convinced myself it was just a rough patch. But onValentine’s Day, she broke up with me, saying she didn’t deserve me. It hurt so much that she got to end things on her terms. Staying after my instincts told me she wasn’t honest was humiliating. It took a toll on me emotionally. I’ll never put myself in that situation again.”

“She wouldn’t stop comparing me to her exes” — Laolu*, 25, M

Laolu tried to stomach his girlfriend’s constant comparisons to her exes, but the day she kissed another girl at a rave was his breaking point.

“There were so many times in that short-lived relationship when I knew I should have left. From the start, she constantly talked down to me and compared me to her exes. She’d say I wasn’t smart enough or not her type. It made me question why I was even with her, but I stayed regardless.

A few months later, I was exhibiting at an art fair. Instead of supporting me, she made the day about herself and forced us to leave early because she was having a bad day. I couldn’t meet or interact with other artists at the fair. I didn’t like it, but I was willing to compromise to make her happy.

The last straw was when she kissed a girl at a rave and said she thought I’d be okay with it because none of her exes minded. I tried to brush that off, too, but I couldn’t get it off my mind. I had to end things.

I stayed because I loved her and feared being alone, but the cost was too high. Since we broke up, I’ve been emotionally numb. I find it difficult to be attached to anything. She hurt me so much that nothing — both good and bad— really gets to me anymore. 

I don’t see myself extending for anyone like I did for her. Never again.”

“He was controlling and a serial cheat” — Anthonia*, 30, F

Anthonia stayed with her cheating boyfriend and tried to put up with his controlling ways, but she walked away when the toll on her mental health grew too great.

“My ex was horrible. He wanted control over who I saw, spent time with and kept as friends, just because people found me attractive. He even went through my social media and told me to block anyone he thought was trying to get my attention.

I thought it was cute at first. I’d never had a possessive boyfriend, but I quickly discovered why he was so overbearing. This man was cheating with half of Lagos state. He’d spend time with other women after we parted ways. I only found out because a friend saw him on a date and sent me photos she’d stylishly taken. I didn’t break up with him then. I thought we could work it out if I forgave him. But he only got more paranoid. He thought I’d cheat, so he started putting pressure on me to move in with him. I don’t believe in cohabitation, so I kept dodging his requests. He took my refusal to mean I was seeing someone else. Nothing I said could convince him otherwise. I even found out from my gateman that he had bribed him to report if any guy came to visit me.

It was too much. I felt like I was constantly being watched, so I broke things off. When I did, he got verbally abusive, and I realised that I should have left him the first time he asked to go through my DMs. 

I hated how I felt after we split —like a needy, insecure babe instead of the baddie I know I am. I can never let a man get that comfortable lording authority over me ever again.”

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