Tumi* (26) spent years crushing on Jacob* (26) before they finally got together. Their relationship felt like everything she’d hoped for, until Jacob suddenly became distant and ended things without warning.
For Sunken Ships, Tumi opens up about how they met, the intense gut feeling that predicted their end and how she dealt with the painful aftermath.
When did you first realise something was wrong in your relationship with Jacob?
The phone calls. I called him over and over, yet he kept hanging up. That was unusual. We always stayed on the phone until one of us fell asleep, so it was unlike him to avoid my calls. It was the first time it happened, yet that moment was all I needed to accept that something had changed.
Let’s go back to the beginning. How did you guys meet?
I met Jacob at a party through mutual friends in 2022. We weren’t close, but we got along whenever we saw each other. I’d always found him attractive. He was funny, handsome and confident.
The only problem was that he was always with someone, so I kept my crush to myself. Then, in 2024, he messaged me out of the blue.
He wanted a mutual friend’s number, but after I shared it, we just kept talking. Before long, we were texting every day and becoming really close.
So, at what point did the relationship stop being platonic?
He started applying pressure. He’d text me first thing in the morning and call after work almost every day. I enjoyed the attention, but I didn’t want to read too much into it.
Then, in August 2024, he admitted he had feelings for me.
Oh.
I told him I’d liked him for a long time too, but I never said anything because he’d always been in a relationship. He quickly assured me he was single and asked me to lunch that weekend. Of course, I happily agreed.
How did the date go?
It was everything I’d imagined it would be. We’d already built up such a strong rapport over calls and text that meeting in person felt effortless. Our lunch turned into dinner, and I almost didn’t want to leave at the end of the day.
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Cute. Was that when you became official?
No, but we kept talking every day, going on dates and spending every weekend together. By the end of September, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
What was your relationship like in the beginning?
It was great. He was attentive, and as usual, we spoke every single day. I only asked that we keep the relationship off social media, but everyone important in our lives knew we were dating.
About four months, things started to take a turn. One day, while hanging out with friends, someone asked after his ex. The way he froze made me uneasy. I shrugged it off at first, but soon after, he started acting differently.
What do you mean?
It felt like he’d deliberately put some distance between us. Whenever I asked what was wrong, he’d blame work stress, but I didn’t believe him.
My gut kept telling me something was off, and it was more than just work issues. So I decided to investigate. I searched for his ex on Instagram and noticed she’d posted photos from places Jacob had been recently. I told myself it was a coincidence, but the feeling only got stronger.
Did you talk to him?
No. I didn’t want to admit I’d been stalking his ex online. Instead, I tried to get us back to where we’d been by asking to spend more time together. But he became harder and harder to reach.
One evening in January, I called him several times after work, but he kept hanging up. He ignored my messages, too.
When he finally responded, he said he’d been busy and went to bed early. I accepted his excuse, but I knew something was off.
He became even more withdrawn, and by the end of January, he ended the relationship.
I’m sorry. Did he say why?
He blamed work and said he wasn’t giving me the attention I deserved, so he wanted to step back.
I was hurt because I felt like I’d seen the breakup coming. Nothing, however, prepared me for Valentine’s Day.
What happened?
He posted a photo with his ex at a Valentine’s Day dinner. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I stared at it, hoping it was a throwback picture, but after asking around, I found out they’d gotten back together right after we broke up.
What hurt the most wasn’t even the photo. It was the caption. He wrote about how he’d spent all their time apart waiting for her and how nothing else mattered. Was I the ‘nothing else’?
I thought we had something real, but he was just using me to warm his girlfriend’s seat.
Did you confront him?
I did, and the annoying thing is how honest he was. Part of me almost wished he’d lied. He said he thought the relationship was over when we started dating and that he wanted to move on. But once his ex showed interest in trying again, he realised he still wanted her.
Those words hit my self-esteem like a gut punch. I felt disposable. I blocked both of them everywhere and tried to move on. I feel better now, but those first few days after the split were the roughest.
Could you ever be friends with Jacob again?
I’ve forgiven him, but I don’t want him in my life anymore. A part of me is still angry because he could have left me alone instead of using me as a placeholder until his ex came back. I don’t wish him bad, but I want nothing to do with him again.
Has this experience changed how you approach dating?
Definitely. I’ve become more wary of people, but I’m still trying to keep an open mind.
I have a strict policy now, though. I don’t date anyone who has been out of a relationship for less than six months. I never want to be anyone’s rebound again.
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