In the first episode of 糖心原创鈥檚 100 Nigerians: Anatomy of a Marriage, we asked married Nigerians to reflect on what it really takes to build a marriage, especially in the early years.
From newlyweds still riding the honeymoon high to couples who struggled to adjust after saying 鈥淚 do,鈥 these stories reveal the compromises, surprises and hard lessons that shape married life.
鈥淢arriage opened doors I never expected鈥 鈥 Ibrahim*, 30
Money was one of the reasons I hesitated to get married. I loved my wife, but I didn’t feel financially ready. I worried that marriage would add more pressure to an already uncertain situation.
But from the beginning, my wife’s family treated me like one of their own. Her brother, especially, played a huge role in our lives. He supported us when we were starting out and eventually connected me to the opportunity that led to my current job.
People talk about the financial responsibilities that come with marriage, but I never expected it could also open doors.
鈥淩elocating abroad pushed us apart鈥 鈥 Uzo,* 31
A few months after we got married in 2024, my wife and I relocated to Canada. Before then, I imagined marriage would automatically mean more time together and a better sex life. Instead, the opposite happened.
We worked different shifts, so by the time I got home, she was leaving for work. When she returned, I was already gone. We were both trying to stay afloat financially in a new country, and our lives revolved around work.
The hardest lesson was realising that love alone wasn鈥檛 enough. Marriage still required effort and intention.
Things only improved after our first year, when we became more financially stable and deliberately started prioritising each other.
鈥淛oining our accounts was a big mistake鈥 鈥 Janet*, 29
After our wedding in 2023, my husband suggested we operate a completely joint account. I didn鈥檛 mind sharing responsibilities, but we had very different attitudes towards money. I like saving and planning ahead. He likes spending.
The disagreements started when he expected complete transparency about my savings, even though he wasn鈥檛 contributing nearly as much to the account himself. My breaking point came when he used a large portion of our savings to buy a car we鈥檇 never discussed.
I was furious. Eventually, I ended the arrangement altogether. But that experience shaped finances in our marriage going forward. Now, we split household responsibilities and manage our finances separately.
鈥淚 gained an entire family鈥 鈥 Ada*, 31
One of my biggest fears about marriage was having in-laws. I鈥檇 heard enough horror stories to convince myself there would be tension after the wedding. My husband comes from a very close-knit family, and because they all live near one another, I worried I鈥檇 constantly feel overwhelmed or scrutinised.
Instead, they welcomed me with open arms. At first, I assumed they were only making an effort because we were dating and they wanted the relationship to work. But years later, they鈥檙e still just as kind, supportive and involved in my life.
Nobody told me one of the best parts of marriage could be gaining a community of people who care about you.
鈥淚 struggled to accept I was his second choice鈥 鈥 Biola*, 68
Before I married my husband in 1978, he had been courting my sister. They planned to marry, but while he was away at school, she moved on and married someone else. My father then encouraged him to consider me.
Even after our wedding, I couldn鈥檛 shake the insecurity. I constantly compared myself to my sister and struggled to settle into the marriage as a result.
But over the years, we鈥檝e built a beautiful life together. Gradually, I had to stop seeing him as the man who once loved my sister and started seeing him as my husband. Looking back, I鈥檓 grateful I didn鈥檛 allow those fears to define our marriage.
鈥淔inancial decisions were no longer mine alone鈥 鈥 Seun*, 37
I鈥檝e always been close to my family and regularly supported my siblings financially. When I got married in 2019, my wife wasn鈥檛 comfortable with how much money I sent home, and we often argued about it.
At the time, I felt frustrated. It was my money, and I believed I should be able to help my family however I wanted. Eventually, I realised she wasn鈥檛 trying to stop me from supporting them. She was asking me to think about our future as a family unit.
It took many difficult conversations to find balance. I still support my family, but marriage requires far more compromise than I expected.
鈥淎djusting together was hard鈥 鈥 Adam*, 29
Before I married my wife, we鈥檇 spent time together, but never long enough to see each other鈥檚 everyday habits. Then suddenly, we were sharing a home full-time.
She constantly complained about things that seemed insignificant to me, like how I cleaned my sponge or organised my side of the room.
At first, I felt she was being overly critical. Her tone irritated me, and I became defensive.
Over time, I had to accept the reality that marriage is largely about adjustment. We were two people raised differently. Our marriage has worked because I asked for her patience. I鈥檝e also made more effort with the things that matter to her.
鈥淲e weren鈥檛 prepared for long distance鈥 鈥 Juwayriya*, 33
A few months after we got married in 2023, I got my first major job offer in another state. My husband and I assumed the distance would be temporary, but it has become one of the biggest challenges that鈥檚 shaped the start of our marriage.
We rarely see each other because I鈥檓 scared of road trips and can鈥檛 always afford flights. After the first year on the job, my husband asked me to move back because the arrangement clearly wasn鈥檛 working.
The distance has created tension, frustration and constant arguments. But I鈥檓 not ready to walk away from a job I worked so hard to get. Two years later, we鈥檙e still trying to find a balance.
鈥淚 struggled with losing my personal space鈥 鈥 Success*, 37
I struggled with losing my personal space after marriage. I鈥檇 spent most of my adult life single and valued my independence.
My husband, on the other hand, wanted to do everything together. He was constantly affectionate and wanted to be involved in every part of my day. It got to the point where I could barely take a shower alone.
I knew it came from love, but I found it overwhelming. I also felt guilty because so many people would love a partner who was that attentive, while all I wanted was some space.
Eventually, I had to talk to him about it. He hated hearing it, but he鈥檚 made an effort to respect my boundaries. I鈥檓 also still learning how to share my space with someone else.
鈥淚 thought marriage would create boundaries with his friends鈥 鈥 Aisha*, 28
One of the biggest surprises of getting married this year was realising my husband鈥檚 relationship with his friends wasn鈥檛 going to change.
I鈥檇 assumed marriage would naturally create more boundaries, but they鈥檙e always around. The issue isn鈥檛 just how often they visit. I struggle with some of their views and the way they talk about women.
My husband sees them as brothers and insists I鈥檒l eventually warm up to them. But that鈥檚 never going to happen.
鈥淚鈥檓 not comfortable with my wife鈥檚 job鈥 鈥 Matthew*, 35
I鈥檓 a 35-year-old man married to a woman who works at a nightclub, and often gets home very late. When we were dating, I didn’t think it would be a problem. I knew what she did for a living and accepted it. But now that we’re married and live together, I’ve found it much harder to adjust than I expected.
There’s something different about waiting up for your spouse at odd hours and knowing you’ll go to bed alone most nights. It has made me realise that some things feel very different once you’re sharing a life with someone.
I’ve tried talking to her about finding ways to adjust her schedule, but she believes I knew exactly what I was signing up for, and she’s not wrong.
鈥淥ur marriage started with a family crisis鈥 鈥 Ebuka*, 41
Shortly after our wedding in 2022, my wife鈥檚 family went through one crisis after another. Her father was involved in an accident, and not long after, her sister broke her leg and moved in with us for several months.
My wife was always caring for someone or dealing with an emergency.
I understood why she needed to be there for them, but it was hard. We never got the newlywed experience people talk about. We rarely had time alone, and the constant stress left her exhausted.
There were moments I felt frustrated, but I chose to support her through it. Looking back, I鈥檓 glad I did.
鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 prepared for how strict my husband could be鈥 鈥 Mairo*, 49
One of the biggest shocks in my marriage was discovering a side of my husband I鈥檇 never seen before.
I knew he was disciplined, but after we got married in 2009, I realised he had very rigid ideas about how a wife should behave. He expected me home at certain times and often got upset when I didn鈥檛 meet those expectations.
Early in our marriage, I attended a friend鈥檚 party that ended around 10 p.m. By the time I got home, it was close to 11 p.m. My husband refused to let me into the house.
I stood outside and called someone from church to speak to him before he finally opened the gate.
We clashed often over issues like that, but over time we learned each other’s limits and found healthier ways to resolve disagreements. There’s far less friction than there used to be, but he鈥檚 still a disciplinarian at heart.
鈥淭he honeymoon phase hasn鈥檛 ended鈥 鈥 David,* 35
During wedding prep, people warned us that things would change. They said the excitement would fade, and that, eventually, we鈥檇 grow tired of each other. Two years later, I’m still waiting for that to happen.
Of course, life hasn鈥檛 been smooth. We have bills, responsibilities and far less free time than we did while dating. But my wife is still my favourite person to spend time with.
Maybe it helps that we spent so much time together before marriage. Whatever the reason, I haven鈥檛 experienced the boredom people insisted was inevitable. If anything, living together has made us closer.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
