Folu* (27) went through the better part of his life believing he had the 鈥淎A鈥 genotype. He talks about only finding out he had a different genotype after falling in love and why he blames Nigeria for the heartbreak he鈥檚 currently navigating.
As told to Boluwatife
Image: Canva AI
I fantasise about leaving Nigeria, but the state of the economy isn鈥檛 what fuels my japa dreams. It鈥檚 because Nigeria and the system鈥檚 鈥渁nyhowness鈥 cost me the love of my life, and I know my story would鈥檝e been different if I wasn鈥檛 in this country.
Secondary school was my first introduction to genotypes and sickle cell. My biology teacher painted a horror picture of sickle cell complications and why people with the AS genotypes needed to steer clear of each other. Thinking about it now, it must鈥檝e been weird for Mariam*, the only sickle cell patient in our class.
Before that biology class, I didn鈥檛 really have reasons to pay attention to sickle cell. Sure, I was mildly curious about how often Mariam missed school and the fact that she carried an ID card that exempted her from doing any school chores. But we weren鈥檛 close, and I couldn鈥檛 ask her about it.
When I returned from school that day, I asked my parents about my genotype, and they said I had the 鈥淎A鈥 genotype. I was happy to hear this and saw no need to think about genotypes again. My teacher said 鈥淎A鈥 was the best, so I felt lucky.
When I got into uni, genotypes became a recurring topic of discussion. I often heard stories of people who broke up with their significant others because they were both of the 鈥淎S鈥 genotype and couldn鈥檛 risk the lifetime of pain and medical expenses that having a child with the 鈥淪S鈥 genotype would bring.
I even joined others to loudly share my disapproval whenever a story popped up online about couples who went ahead to marry without making the necessary genotype findings and eventually gave birth to sickle cell children. It鈥檚 the 20th century; surely everyone knows to confirm their genotypes, right?
I didn鈥檛 bother to confirm my own genotype until 2021, and I only got tested because of Layo*. I met Layo during NYSC orientation camp and fell head over heels in love with her. The way I fell in love is still a wonder to me because I always thought people who went to camp and fell in love were unserious. Like, can鈥檛 you stay three weeks without pursuing love?
But I saw Layo鈥檚 smile from across the studio, where we both volunteered with the Orientation Broadcasting Service (OBS) for NYSC camp, and I lost all rational thought. Layo is breathtakingly beautiful.
Working together made me realise Layo鈥檚 brain and heart were even more beautiful, and I fell harder. The icing on the cake? She was attracted to me, too. I鈥檓 sure other corps members in camp would鈥檝e noticed the two lovebirds who always walked hand-in-hand to Mammy market like love-sick fools.
I鈥檓 not sure when we officially got into a relationship, but we became closer after camp. Our PPAs weren鈥檛 too far apart, so we were always in each other鈥檚 spaces. After work, I鈥檇 take a keke to Layo鈥檚 workplace because she closed much later than me. I鈥檇 wait in her office, and then we鈥檇 walk to her lodge when she closed from work.聽
Sometimes, we ended up at my lodge, and we鈥檇 just talk and talk for hours. Other times, we just cuddled in silence. But we talked a lot. It was like we wanted to know as much about the other person as possible.
During one of our talking sessions, Layo told me she had the 鈥淎S鈥 genotype, and I replied, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 even care. I鈥檓 AA.鈥 We didn鈥檛 discuss genotypes again until about four months into our relationship.
Layo saw a Twitter post about someone who got a false genotype result at a lab in Lagos and joked about how false results could be the reason church people believe their genotypes or HIV statuses 鈥渕iraculously鈥 changed after prayers. At one point, the conversation changed to how people needed to ensure they use standard labs for tests, and Layo asked where I did my genotype test. I confessed I鈥檇 actually never checked it myself; I just followed what my parents said.
Layo thought that was weird and insisted I do my test. So, I went to what I assumed was a standard lab in Ibadan and got tested鈥 the result confirmed my 鈥淎A鈥 genotype. I didn鈥檛 expect anything different because my parents already told me years ago. I also didn鈥檛 expect that my world would crash a year later.
I volunteered to donate blood to a blood drive in 2023, and as part of the preliminary tests, the organisation also tested for genotype. I remember being so shocked when they gave me my result slip, and I saw 鈥淎S鈥 under genotype. I told Layo about it, and we decided it was probably an error.
We repeated the test at three different hospitals in Lagos and got 鈥淎S鈥 every time. Confused, I asked my parents if they actually tested my genotype, and they insisted they did. They confirmed that they did the test for both me and my sister after birth, and we were both 鈥淎A鈥. We re-tested everyone in my family, and it turned out that my parents were 鈥淎A鈥 and 鈥淎S鈥, and only my sister was 鈥淎A鈥.
It took a while for the reality of what was happening to kick in. Layo was with me through the whole re-testing period, but after it was all over, we had to face the fact that it鈥檇 affect our relationship.
We cried for a long time and briefly considered breaking up. But we both lost our resolve after not speaking to each other for only one day. That鈥檚 when we agreed that we鈥檇 just adopt after marriage. We loved each other too much to end things after almost two years because of a false result. It wasn鈥檛 like we knowingly built a life together knowing we were 鈥淎S鈥. Nigeria had deceived both of us, and we didn鈥檛 have to suffer for it.
We also decided not to tell our parents to avoid them pressuring us to separate. That settled, we began planning to get married in late 2024. We were so confident that our genotypes were the least of our worries.
Then Layo accidentally got pregnant towards the end of 2023, and we made the difficult decision to abort. We couldn鈥檛 risk the possibility that our child would have sickle cell.
That abortion broke our relationship. Layo never recovered from the trauma of losing a baby, and I couldn鈥檛 get through to her. We stopped talking and cuddling. It was like she wanted to be as far away from me as possible.
Three weeks after the abortion, Layo told me she wanted to break up. Pregnancy and losing the baby had made her realise she actually wanted to have her own child and wasn鈥檛 sure she wouldn鈥檛 one day resent me for taking that choice away from her.
There鈥檚 nothing I didn鈥檛 use to beg Layo. I cried, pleaded and grovelled, but nothing worked. I even agreed we could have at least one biological child and promised to raise money to do a if the child turned out to have sickle cell, but Layo said it wasn鈥檛 realistic.
It鈥檚 been almost a year since Layo ended things between us, and it feels like the pain will never go away. Some days, I don鈥檛 even want to wake up. My friends have suggested therapy and even held interventions, but I鈥檝e lost interest in everything. I see Layo everywhere I go. Everything reminds me of her. I see her in my dreams.
I don鈥檛 know if I鈥檒l ever move on. I don鈥檛 even know if I want to. I still stalk her every day and wonder how she could move on so quickly. I dread the day I find out she鈥檚 with someone else.
Maybe the pain would鈥檝e been easier to manage if the first genotype result had been accurate. We were just four months into the relationship, and I might have moved on easily. Now, I just want to curl up somewhere and cry all day.
*Some names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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