Christmas is coming, and with the way things are going, we need to find creative ways to enjoy ourselves. Today, we’ll learn how to bill our work wives.
Step 1
Get a work wife
It’s not difficult at all. Just find someone and make her laugh until she starts @-ing you on Slack for funny stuff. The more senior she is, the better. Ideally, you should’ve done and maintained this since January.
Now, we can start the real work.
PHASE 1
Buy her food
This is strategic investment. You’re buying her one bowl of creamy pasta, but what you’ll get in return is way more — if she’s not stingy. If she’s stingy, sorry for you.
Change your Slack avi to her picture
This one works like a charm. When she opens Slack, let her see herself.
If she has relationship issues, this is your time to shine
Your shoulder is for her tears, but don’t do anything to help the relationship o. In fact, destroy it even further. Bring up the fact that her partner doesn’t buy her gifts too.
Help her with work
Before she asks, do her work for her. If she needs a document, provide it. Whatever she needs, do it. Trust us on this one.
Compliment her like there’s no tomorrow
Use good judgement sha. You don’t want to catch an HR case because of money, or singlet and boxers.
PHASE 2
Ghost her shortly before Christmas
She’ll overcompensate because she has no idea what’s going on. You win. Money, gifts, food, tickets to Asake’s concert, everything.
IF ALL GOES WRONG
Rig the office secret Santa
One way or another, you’ll get something from her.Â
