I’ve always suspected the reason I am so trash at dancing but so good at picking the ripest agbalumos is because while they were sharing dancing talents, I was teaching people the right ways to eye the agbalumo to get it sweet.
Since then, I’ve suffered a lot of disgrace in the presence of my friends and family members who like to embarrass me with dance moves, like they narrowly missed being back up dancers on Naira Marley’s crew.
For my fellow dancing duds, I see you, I hear you. I’ve also poorly attempted to electric slide with you. We’ve all experienced at least two of these scenarios. How many have you suffered through:
Dancing like this for slow songs during those birthday parties you went to as a child
Unbreak my heart, show me love me again. 1…2 step.
Getting bounced from birthday party dance competitions, even though you put your all into it when ‘turn me on’ came on
  Why were we listening to these songs again?
Pretending you don’t care about all the new dances but secretly practising them in your room
Why is this azonto not clicking. Why isn’t it clicking???
When you’re at the club and they’re having a dance battle, but can only do your own little dance moves on the chair
There’s the shoulder shake, the hand fan, the clap and look away. Underrated moves you know.
Everytime they come up with a new dance
Na wa oh
Your face when you’re at a wedding reception and you see the dance moves the couple have to make before entering the hall
Who thought this was a good idea?
Telling everyone you just want a small wedding. Court preferably because you really don’t want to deal with the stress of doing all that dancing at the ceremony.
Yeah, let’s just do something small. No clapping either okay. Let’s not build any kind of rhythm during the ceremony.
Looking back at the Instagram stories of you and your friends after attempting to bust a move during last night’s rocks
The horror.
