Marriage pacts only exist in Hollywood movies. Or so I thought until I came across this tweet.
So I reached out to Clara, who explained that even though people think she and her best friend, Timi, are holding out for each other, the idea behind the pact is much different. But why make the pact, and what does it really mean to them?
This is Clara鈥檚 story, as told to Boluwatife
Image: Chris F via Pexels
I met Timi in 2015, when we were in SS 2 of the same secondary school. But we didn鈥檛 really consider each other as friends.
We started talking when our school set up extra lessons to pump our class with as much knowledge as possible for the coming Cambridge IGCSE exams. This happened over a two-month period between August and September.
He used to sit behind me during prep period, and at first, we only talked about the lessons. In fact, he鈥檚 the reason I know mathematics today. He sucked at English, which I was great at, but was better at maths. It was a help-me-I-help-you situation.
Our relationship didn鈥檛 progress past classmates till we went home for a two-week break after the Cambridge extra lessons. We got each other鈥檚 numbers from the school鈥檚 group chat, and would randomly chat. Timi had this friend I liked, so I was trying to confirm with him whether his friend liked me too.
We resumed SS 3 in October and bonded over him trying to help me get together with his friend 鈥 classic Hollywood rubbish 鈥 and still assisting each other to prepare for exams. I helped him with essays and biology, and he helped me with stuff like matrix and coding. We also read together in the library. The exams came in November, and it was stressful. Not everyone wrote the Cambridge exams, so it became a shared experience we could talk and complain to each other about.
I later quit trying to date his friend because I started liking someone else. And that鈥檚 when it became apparent that Timi and I were friends beyond me trying to date his friend. We鈥檇 even stopped talking about the guy at that time. We鈥檇 started talking about how different our lives would be in a year, when we鈥檇 leave for university in other countries. He was to leave for Canada, and I, the UK. We soon left school for Christmas break and kept in touch.
On Christmas Day 2015, we officially agreed to be friends. My mum鈥檚 boyfriend decided to take her, my sister and I to a Chinese restaurant that day. It was strange because we typically spent Christmas at home; I鈥檓 usually lukewarm to the season.
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I texted Timi about it; something like, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e a new person in my life, so maybe that’s why I鈥檓 doing something new for Christmas.鈥 He asked where we went because his family also went out. I mentioned the place, and it turned out he was also there. What are the odds that we were at the same place at the same time? We met at the reception and spoke for a while. Then he said it was the first time he鈥檇 see someone outside school and actually be happy to meet them. I said, 鈥淎t this point, we鈥檙e actually friends鈥. It was the first time we mentioned being friends.
Our relationship became even better after that. We spent more time together, and on December 31, he went, 鈥淣ow that we鈥檙e friends, I hope to have you in my life every last day of the year鈥.
The moment I started thinking of Timi as my best friend was when he did something for me that no one else had ever done. There was this book I was reading in the library, 鈥淗er Mother鈥檚 Hope鈥 by Francine Rivers. It had about a thousand pages, and I couldn鈥檛 finish it in one go because I only had a three-hour library time. It was also popular among library goers; people used to rush it. This guy actually hid the book somewhere only I鈥檇 find it in the library. He did that until I finished reading it. It was so thoughtful that he considered my enjoyment.
For him, he started thinking of me as his best friend when I showed him my appendectomy scar in school. I just found that out when he mentioned it during an interview we had with my friend Jojo in February 2023 鈥 for a friendship-inspired Valentine鈥檚 blog. It was the first time someone did a story about our friendship.
Leaving secondary school was an emotional period because we thought we鈥檇 never see each other again. He left for Canada soon after, but I delayed my UK plan and went to a university in Nigeria instead. We kept in touch with calls and texts, but our friendship affected some of our other relationships because we were young and didn鈥檛 understand how our closeness could make other people feel a type of way.
One of my exes didn鈥檛 understand why I鈥檇 drop everything once it was time to jump on a call with Timi. To me, it was 鈥淭imi time鈥. One of his exes also asked him to choose between me and her. He chose me, and that鈥檚 how wahala started; she left. I think we were just excited about being each other鈥檚 person. I learnt how to be a friend through Timi. I had no real understanding of friendship before him.
After 2016, when he left for Canada, we didn鈥檛 see each other again till 2018. It was a tough year for both of us. Timi was going through mental health issues; finding his feet in a new environment wasn鈥檛 easy. My boyfriend at the time had just passed away in a car accident. Our shared grief brought us together again. Timi flew to Nigeria because he didn鈥檛 want me to bury my dead alone. I still remember hugging him for the longest time, and looking at him, happy I could touch him again.
By 2021, I was in my last semester at university and decided I wanted to be a hoe. The thing is, I鈥檓 not good at relationships. Neither is Timi. But it鈥檚 not because we鈥檙e holding out for each other, as people assume. I have some very unorthodox 鈥渄octrines鈥. For example, I believe you should be able to confirm from a potential partner鈥檚 ex whether the person they鈥檙e a good partner or not. I know I鈥檓 a good partner, but I don鈥檛 know what it is. We just don鈥檛 tend to date people for a long time.
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When I decided to be a hoe, I had a series of short flings with about seven people within a span of six months. I talked to Timi about how I was about to leave yet another fling, and he said he鈥檇 just left someone too and that he didn鈥檛 know if something was wrong with him because the girl was nice. I joked about us possibly losing our future spouses due to our unseriousness. He said he wasn鈥檛 worried because if, in the end, we didn鈥檛 marry, we鈥檇 just marry each other. It was just a joke at the time, but we kept reaffirming it and even told friends. What people don鈥檛 get is that, it鈥檚 not a thing of surrender. It鈥檚 our way of telling ourselves we鈥檇 never truly be alone because we鈥檒l always have each other.
I know many people, even many of our friends, will never believe we鈥檙e just friends. We don鈥檛 mention the pact to potential partners because we鈥檝e learned from how we handled our friendship in past relationships, and I try not to present him as a threat. It鈥檚 not like we鈥檙e hiding the pact 鈥 obviously, it鈥檚 viral now 鈥 but we downtone it in respect of the other people in our lives.
My mum thinks I鈥檓 wasting my time and should just marry someone who understands my on-and-off nature. She thinks my relationships don鈥檛 last because I鈥檓 unconsciously saving myself for him and that when we鈥檙e done being children, we鈥檇 marry. But we鈥檙e not just settling for each other. We鈥檇 only marry if it鈥檚 in the cards and the stars align.
My friendship with Timi is one of the strongest relationships I have right now. We have calls that last till midnight, where we鈥檇 talk about everything and anything.
Have I ever thought about what it鈥檇 be like if we were actually together? Yes, but I always give myself a reality check. I鈥檓 in the UK now 鈥 he鈥檚 still in Canada 鈥 and I鈥檓 not a long-distance relationship girl. I don鈥檛 see the need to ask if he鈥檚 thought about the possibility of a relationship because it鈥檒l unnecessarily put us both in an uncomfortable position and might ruin the best thing that鈥檚 ever happened to me.
Why ruin this good thing all because of 鈥淒oes he love me? Will it work?鈥 questions? I don鈥檛 know if he鈥檚 ever entertained such thoughts, but I know I don鈥檛 need to prod him into any romantic situation. If it鈥檒l happen, it鈥檒l happen. We鈥檙e both 23 and single now, so we have seven years till we鈥檙e 30, to do magic and find someone.
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