When Damilola* (28) met Fade*(28) during NYSC camp, she had no idea their friendship would eventually lead her to her husband. But after marrying Isaac*, the man Fade had introduced her to, Damilola discovered that they had both kept a major secret from her.

For Sunken Ships, Damilola shares how discovering her husband’s (OCD) after their wedding affected their marriage, why she felt betrayed by the friend who played matchmaker, and how the experience changed the way she approaches relationships.

How did you and Fade become friends?

We met at NYSC camp in 2018 and became friends almost immediately. She was a church girlie like me, and we got along well. Even after camp, when we were posted to different local governments, we stayed in touch. We talked regularly and were quite close.

At some point, she found out that I was single and open to meeting new people. She offered to introduce me to one of her single male friends, Isaac*. 

Oh. And how did that go?

He was really sweet and charming. We hit it off after Fade introduced us, and soon we were talking on the phone almost every day. Things progressed naturally from there, and we started courting in 2019. 

I liked how deliberate he was about his cleanliness. He was particular about washing his hands and keeping his things sparkling clean. He took his faith seriously, too, which was important to me in a partner.

I鈥檓 guessing the relationship was a smooth ride.

It was good. We dated for about a year and a half, and I didn’t have any major concerns.

The only thing I found a little unusual was that he never allowed me to visit his house. I knew where he lived, and had even been to the gate of his building, but I never went inside. I didn’t think too deeply about it at the time because we were abstaining from sex until marriage. 

He proposed in 2021, and we began preparing for the wedding. That was when  I began noticing some strange things about him. He was very insistent on having a small ceremony and how certain things should be done. 

On the wedding day, for instance, he seemed visibly distressed when he couldn’t recite Psalm 91 over his new shoes twice before wearing them.  I thought he was just being dramatic, but I didn’t realise his behaviour might point to something deeper.

What was the actual marriage like, considering these little things you鈥檇 noticed?

 Isaac was difficult to live with. I realised that his need for things to be done a certain way went beyond being neat or particular. He had repetitive routines that he struggled to stop, and if something interrupted them, he鈥檇 become so anxious and panicked that he couldn鈥檛 sleep or sit still.

For example, cooking became one of our biggest problems. Whenever I used the gas cooker, Isaac wouldn鈥檛 take my word for it that I鈥檇 turned off the burners. He鈥檇 keep checking them and sometimes get out of bed in the middle of the night to check again. He said he was worried that a gas explosion could happen while we slept, but his constant checking kept me awake.

Eventually, I started buying food instead of cooking at home. It was frustrating, but I wanted to be able to sleep without being disturbed.

Did you try to talk to him about this?

Six months into our marriage, I became so frustrated that I begged him to explain why he behaved that way. That’s when he confessed that he had Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (OCD). He said he hadn’t told me while we were dating because he was afraid I wouldn’t marry him if I knew.

Suddenly, some of the things I鈥檇 noticed during our courtship made more sense. It was a lot to take in. These weren’t occasional habits, they were part of his everyday life, and I was struggling to adjust to them. I hadn鈥檛 known what living with him would involve because I hadn鈥檛 known about his condition before we married.

I didn鈥檛 feel like I鈥檇 had the opportunity to understand his condition or consider what living together would look like before making a commitment as important as marriage.

Did you speak to anyone about what was happening?

I was worried about what people would think, so I turned to Fade first. I wanted to talk to someone I trusted who wouldn鈥檛 judge me for feeling frustrated with Isaac.

Surprisingly, she admitted that she鈥檇 known about Isaac’s OCD all along. She said she hadn鈥檛 told me because she wasn鈥檛 sure I could handle it and didn鈥檛 want the information to change how I saw him. She thought he was a good guy.

I couldn鈥檛 believe it. This was someone I considered a close friend, yet she鈥檇 known something so significant about the man she was introducing me to and said nothing. I felt betrayed. I also felt foolish for trusting them both without questioning whether there was something I needed to know.

Did this affect your relationship with Fade, though?

I withdrew from her after that conversation. I couldn’t get past what had happened. I felt she should have told me, regardless of whether she thought I could handle it or not. 

I should have had the information and been allowed to decide for myself whether I wanted to pursue the relationship.

What about Isaac? Did this affect your marriage too?

Yes, it did. I tried to make the marriage work, but living with his compulsions and routines became too difficult for me. I hadn鈥檛 expected marriage to be like that, and eventually, I realised I couldn鈥檛 continue.

I told my family about his OCD, and they supported my decision to leave. They agreed that Isaac and his family should have told me about his condition before the wedding so I could make an informed decision.

There was very little pushback from his family when I decided to leave. I moved back to my parents’ house in 2022, and our divorce was finalised in March 2026.

Has this experience changed how you approach relationships?

I still want to get married and settle down eventually, but I’m more cautious now. I want to take my time getting to know someone and make sure that we’re being honest with each other.

I understand that no marriage is perfect, but I believe there are certain things you should know about a person before deciding to spend your life with them. I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I’m discovering major secrets after I’ve made a big commitment.

Would you be open to reconciling with Fade?

No, she ruined whatever trust I had in her by keeping Isaac鈥檚 illness from me. I don鈥檛 want friends like that in my life.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: My Friend Used Our Business Savings to Fund His Relationship

When James* (37) got a new roommate, Seun (38), in 2013, he didn’t expect they’d become close friends, let alone business partners. But after trusting Seun to keep their business savings safe, James discovered that his friend had been using the money to fund his relationship.

For Sunken Ships, James shares how the betrayal affected him and how it has shaped the way he sees friendships.

How did you and Seun become friends?

Seun moved in with me in 2013 after a mutual friend introduced us. I wanted a flatmate to split the rent with, and we hit it off almost immediately. I found that he was a really cool guy.

What was the friendship like?

It was great. We鈥檇 gist every day, and hang out over drinks during the weekends.

Seun was a good listener who gave solid advice, so I started seeing him as an older brother. He was easy to talk to, and we鈥檇 discuss everything from money to the kind of life we wanted for ourselves.

That closeness made going into business together feel natural. I wasn鈥檛 partnering with a stranger. I thought I knew him well enough to trust him, and I believed we understood each other.

Cool. What business plans did you have?

We wanted to start a supply business together. It would鈥檝e been my first business idea since graduating school, and I was excited. I imagined us becoming one of those fierce investment duos who did big things together. 

Neither of us had enough money to start, so we agreed to save for a few months before buying the things we needed. I didn鈥檛 want to get tempted to spend my share, so I suggested that Seun keep the money. Every month, as soon as I got paid, I sent the money to Seun for safekeeping. For the first few months, everything went smoothly. 

So what changed?

Seun started dating Diana in 2014. I had no issues with her, but I noticed that he seemed to be spending more money. He bought her gifts, including perfume and wigs, and took her out regularly.

I didn鈥檛 expect him to be stingy with his girlfriend, but I knew we were supposed to be saving aggressively. I couldn鈥檛 understand how he suddenly had so much money to spend.

Did you suspect he was taking money from your savings?

Yes. The gifts that tipped me off, so I asked him if he was taking money from our savings. He denied it and said he was getting extra cash from side gigs. I then asked how much we had in the bank, but he dodged the question. That was when I knew something was wrong.

How did you find out what was really happening?

I kept pressing until he admitted that he鈥檇 been taking money from our savings to buy gifts and take his babe out.  He said he wanted to impress her and keep her interested in him.

I was angry. He鈥檇 made decisions with money that wasn’t his alone to spend, and worse, he hadn’t been upfront about it. If he had come to me and explained that he was having financial difficulties, we could at least have had a conversation. Instead, I found out that the money we were saving together was funding his relationship 

What did you do after he confessed?

I told him I was no longer interested in the business and demanded my money back. By then, I’d contributed about 鈧�450K. 

Seun kept refusing, insisting that he鈥檇 return what he鈥檇 taken and we could continue our business plans. I wasn鈥檛 interested in continuing the business, though. I just wanted my money back.

Eventually, things escalated, and we started fighting. Our neighbours had to intervene and separate us. After that, he left our apartment and went to stay with his girlfriend.

Did you eventually get your money back?

Thankfully, I did. Seun came back to our place with his aunt, who helped us agree on a monthly repayment plan. He paid me back over the next six months, and by the end of 2015, he had moved out completely. 

I agreed to the arrangement because I didn’t want to lose my money, but the fight had already ended our friendship.

I regret trusting him with something so important without putting proper safeguards in place. I thought our friendship was enough to make us accountable to each other, but it wasn’t.

It’s difficult to look at someone the same way after something like this happens.

Did this experience change how you approach friendships?

Definitely. I don’t believe in mixing business with friendship anymore. I used to think being friends with someone meant you could trust them. Now, I know that being close to someone doesn’t automatically mean you’ll share the same values, especially when money is involved.

If I ever go into business with someone again, I want everything clearly documented and a proper structure. 

Would you reconcile with Seun if you had the chance?

I鈥檒l pass. There鈥檚 no way I can respect him the way I once did, so we鈥檙e better off staying in our separate lanes.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: I Rejected My Best Friend, and Now We鈥檙e Strangers

When Cecilia* (28) met Kunmi* (32) at her first job in 2019, she had no idea he would become one of the most important people in her life. But in May 2025, Kunmi confessed that he wanted more than friendship. Cecilia didn鈥檛 feel the same way, and their once-close friendship began to unravel.

For this week鈥檚 Sunken Ships, Cecilia shares how rejecting her best friend changed their relationship and why she鈥檚 struggling to accept that someone who once felt like home might no longer be in her life.

How did you and Kunmi become friends?

We met at my first job in 2019. I was an assistant to a radio host, and he worked as a sound engineer at the company. I was the only other person at the office who watched anime, so we bonded over some of our favourite shows and became close.

We walked to the bus stop together after work every day, and soon, our coworkers started calling us besties. It felt true, so we didn鈥檛 fight it.

That鈥檚 cute. What was your friendship like?

It was such a safe place. I felt like I could talk to him about anything. I saw him as an older brother, and went to him for career or relationship advice. He also came to me whenever anything was bothering him about his family or his relationships.

At first,  he was just my work bestie, but over time, I realised he was the person I felt most comfortable around.

When did things start to change?

Early last year, I鈥檇 just come out of a relationship because my ex had japa-ed to Europe. I told Kunmi how heartbroken I was and swore off dating. He joked that I deserved a loverboy like him and said I should give myself time to heal.

At first, I didn鈥檛 think anything of it. We鈥檇 always talked about our relationships, so I assumed he was being his usual self. But after that, he started making comments about how he鈥檇 never leave me to figure things out alone if we dated. I laughed because I thought he was just trying to cheer me up. I didn鈥檛 realise he was serious.

And when did you realise Kunmi had feelings for you?

He confessed in May 2025. We were talking one evening when he asked if I鈥檇 ever considered dating someone who already knew me very well. 

When I asked what he meant, he said he鈥檇 liked me for a long time, and he felt we鈥檇 be good together because we already understood each other.

I was shocked. We were close, but I had never looked at him in that way. He was my closest friend, almost like family. The thought of dating him had genuinely never crossed my mind.

How did you respond?

I told him I cared about him deeply, but didn鈥檛 have romantic feelings for him. I鈥檇 also just come out of a relationship and wasn鈥檛 interested in dating anybody. I was still trying to get over my ex, and the last thing I wanted was to jump into something new.聽

I explained how I valued our friendship and hoped we could continue being friends. He said he understood, and the conversation ended without any argument. I even gave myself a pat on the back because I thought we鈥檇 handled it like adults.

Right. Did things change after that conversation?

Not immediately, but I started noticing little things. He stopped calling as often and became less interested in the random conversations we used to have. Before, he鈥檇 call just to tell me something funny that happened at work. Suddenly, I was the one initiating almost every conversation.

Whenever  I asked if anything was wrong, he鈥檇 say he was fine or had been busy. I tried not to read too much into it because I knew he might need time to process his feelings.

Still,  the difference was hard to ignore. We鈥檇 spent years being comfortable around each other, and now I felt like I had to think carefully about every interaction.

Did you bring this up with him?

Yes. I asked if my rejection had affected our friendship, and he insisted that everything was fine. 

I started wondering if I had done something wrong by being honest with him. 

Did you ever consider dating him to save the friendship?

Honestly, no. He鈥檚 a good person, and I know he cares about me. But someone being good to you doesn鈥檛 automatically mean you should date them.

Even if I鈥檇 been ready for another relationship, I would still have needed to genuinely want him romantically. I couldn’t manufacture those feelings just to keep our friendship intact.

Sometimes I wonder whether things would have been different if I had been in a better emotional place. But I remind myself that I didn’t reject him only because of my breakup. I simply didn’t see him that way.

What hurts most about the way things have changed?

We didn’t have a big fight. It just feels like I lost him because I couldn’t give him what he wanted.

I don鈥檛 blame him for needing space. Rejection can hurt, and I understand that he might need time to move on from his feelings. But I wish we could have found a way to navigate it without losing what we had.

Do you think your friendship can recover?

We鈥檙e still cordial, but I wouldn鈥檛 call us best friends. We don鈥檛 talk as often, and I rarely know what鈥檚 going on in his life.

Part of me still expects things to go back to normal, especially because we were friends for years before this happened. But I know I can’t make that decision for him. If he needs distance to move on from his feelings, I have to respect that. 

I just wish he鈥檇 tell me honestly if he can’t be my friend anymore. It would hurt, but at least I’d know where we stand instead of wondering if I’ve lost him for good.

I鈥檓 sorry. What has this experience taught you about friendship and love?

Sometimes, caring about someone means accepting that the relationship you want with them isn’t the one they want with you. 

What about your dating life? Are you seeing anyone now?

I鈥檝e only been seeing people casually since my last relationship ended. I still don鈥檛 think I鈥檓 ready for another romantic connection.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: My Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant Because I Wouldn鈥檛 Risk My Life for a Son

When Bukola* (43) married Bolaji* (50), they planned to have four children. But after a difficult third pregnancy, their doctor advised them to stop. Bukola was happy with their three children, two girls and a boy. Bolaji, however, insisted on having another son, even if it meant putting her health at risk.

For this week鈥檚 Sunken Ships, she shares how his insistence turned into betrayal and where they stand seven years after their separation.

How did you and Bolaji meet?

We met in 2005 at my aunt鈥檚 shop, where I worked as a salesgirl. He came almost every day to buy snacks, and we grew close. He was funny, but he also had an air of seriousness that I liked. I eventually developed a crush on him.

Sounds cute. When did your relationship officially start?

We continued as friends for a few months. Then, one day, he came to the shop when I was alone and confessed that he had been coming every day because he was interested in me. I was so shy that I initially dismissed him, but he persisted and spent the next few weeks courting me with promises of marriage and a happy future.

He asked me out again later that year, and we became an item. We kept our relationship secret at first because I didn鈥檛 want my aunt to think I was using my job as an excuse to follow men around. He met my aunt and the rest of my family in December of 2005, and we got married in August the following year.

What were the early years of your marriage like?

They were completely different from what I鈥檇 imagined. It wasn鈥檛 a bed of roses, but we had each other. Bolaji worked as a manager at a supermarket, while I opened my own provisions shop. 

When we had our first child in 2007, I was elated. It felt like I was finally getting the family I had always imagined. Then we had two more children in 2009 and 2012.

We鈥檇 originally planned to have four children, but during my last pregnancy, I developed high blood pressure. It took a toll on my health, and our doctor advised us to stop having children. By then, we already had two girls and a boy, and I was happy with the size of our family. But Bolaji鈥檚 attitude towards us changed after that.

What do you mean?

He became distant and started spending more time away from home. Our easy banter disappeared, and we stopped having sex.

I suspected he was keeping a mistress and tried to talk to him. I asked what I could do to get him to focus on our family again. To my surprise, he said he
wanted us to have another child. 

I reminded him of the doctor鈥檚 warning and the risk to my health, but he insisted he鈥檇 always wanted two sons. If I couldn鈥檛 give him what he wanted, he told me to leave him alone.

Oh no. How did you react to this?

I spoke to my in-laws and some of my family members, hoping they could persuade him to change his mind. He would agree with them and promise that things were fine, but once we were back home, he鈥檇 insist that we keep trying.

A part of me wanted to make him happy and grant his desire, but I was afraid. What if I didn鈥檛 survive the pregnancy? What if we went through with it and the baby wasn鈥檛 a boy? I didn鈥檛 want to take that chance.

The more I refused, the more Bolaji spent time away from home. He eventually stopped giving me money, so I had to rely on my shop’s proceeds to cover our children’s expenses.

It wasn鈥檛 an ideal situation, but I was willing to endure it until things got better between us. And the matter dragged on over the years. Then, in 2019, my sister brought me news that changed everything.

Tell me about that.

Bolaji got someone pregnant. It was heartbreaking news. I鈥檇 done my best to be a good wife to him and tolerated so many things just to keep our home together. Yet, he still betrayed me.

I reported the matter to our family, and they called a meeting. My in-laws begged me to forgive him and accept the pregnant woman as my junior wife. But I didn鈥檛 want to be a part of a polygamous family, so I refused. 

What happened after that?

I insisted that Bolaji move out of our house, and he agreed. He got a new place for himself and the other woman. But when she gave birth to a girl, it was as if he flipped a switch. He abandoned her, too.

When I heard the news, I wanted to be happy and mock her, but what was there to celebrate? It wasn鈥檛 as if Bolaji had come back to me.

Fair enough. Where do things stand between you and Bolaji now?

Our children are the only thing connecting us. I want them to have a good relationship with their father, so I make sure they see him as much as possible. I also regularly update him on their progress, but aside from that, we live separate lives now.

The only thing that has improved is that he now gives us more financial support.

Do you think there鈥檚 a chance for reconciliation?

I鈥檓 not sure. I don鈥檛 know if I can ever completely forgive him for betraying me and getting another woman pregnant. He broke our vows and our home. It鈥檚 possible that God will touch Bolaji鈥檚 heart one day and he returns to our family, but I鈥檓 not holding out hope. 

Has this experience affected the way you view marriage?

Yes, I don鈥檛 think marriage is a do-or-die affair. If anyone tries to force you to make a sacrifice for a marriage that could harm you, run away.

When Philip* (26) met Tooni*(24) at a mutual friend鈥檚 birthday party, they clicked almost immediately. Two months later, they were dating, and he thought they were building something strong.

Then Tooni moved in with new roommates, and their relationship changed.

For Sunken Ships, Philip talks about watching their relationship fall apart, the post-breakup request that made him block her number, and how this has affected the way he views love.

How did you and Tooni meet?

We met at a mutual friend鈥檚 birthday party in December 2024. We got paired up for the night鈥檚 games, and I felt a strong connection to her. She seemed to feel it too, because when I asked for her number afterwards, she gave it to me and told me to text her.

That鈥檚 so cute. How did things progress from there?

We talked for over a month. Then, in February 2025,  I asked her to be my Valentine and my girlfriend. She said yes, and that was the start of our journey. It was beautiful in those early days. 

She鈥檇 cook during her meal prep and send food to me. When we hung out, she鈥檇 make cute videos of us and send them to me while I was at work to lift my mood. She was also a great listener, and I loved talking to her about anything and everything. 

She was a hard worker too, so I tried to support her ambitions. When she asked me to help build a website for her shoe retail business, I was happy to do it.

Were there parts of your relationship that didn鈥檛 feel so perfect?

Not really. It felt like our problems appeared all at once.  We went from being two people in love to constantly arguing over little things.
In April, she had to move because of some issues with her previous roommate. Her new roommates were old friends, but I think living with them changed her.

She started picking fights and comparing our relationship to her friends鈥�. She complained that I didn鈥檛 spend enough time with her and that I couldn鈥檛 afford some of the expensive experiences she wanted us to have, like high-end dinner dates. 

I tried to make more time for her, but I work a nine-to-five, so there was only so much free time I had. I also promised to be more intentional about taking her on a proper date at least once every quarter.

Did that help?

At first, it seemed like it did. A few weeks later, though, we were back to the same arguments.

I was also under a lot of pressure at work, so I know I wasn鈥檛 always as patient as I could have been. But I felt like Tooni cared a lot about how our relationship looked to other people. I didn鈥檛.

As long as we were happy, I didn鈥檛 care what anyone thought about us. But it mattered to her that people saw us in a particular way.

I didn鈥檛 like it, but I was willing to compromise if it would help us stay together. Then everything changed in November 2025.

What happened?

She finished her service year, and her roommates took her out with some other friends to celebrate. I don鈥檛 have all the details, but I suspect she met someone else that night.

After that outing, she became cold and hard to reach. We went from fighting a few times a month to barely speaking. I was worried we were drifting apart, so I tried even harder to get her to engage with me. But in early December, she broke up with me.

She said we didn鈥檛 have enough shared ambition and that she wanted someone more driven. Apparently, she didn鈥檛 think I was driven enough for her.

Wow. How did you take that?

It hurt because I genuinely enjoyed our relationship when things were good. I missed the connection we had, but I tried to move on quickly. Checking her social media helped me do that, strangely enough. She seemed happy and was already posting with a new man.

What surprised me was how much it hurt to see her post him more than she ever posted me when we were together. Eventually, I had to stop thinking about it and move on.

Have you spoken to her since the breakup?

Yes, she reached out about two weeks later. 

I thought she wanted to see how I was doing or explain why she moved on so quickly. Instead, she asked if I鈥檇 be willing to update and maintain her shoe website for free in the future, for 鈥榦ld times’ sake.

I was so annoyed that I hung up and blocked her number. I wouldn鈥檛 have minded if she had asked for a discount or some other arrangement. But after breaking up with me, she still expected me to maintain her website for free. It felt like she was trying to use the soft spot I still had for her to get unpaid work from me.

Would you ever consider getting back together?

No, losing her hurt me a lot at first, but I think enough time has passed. Maybe the truth is that we weren鈥檛 right for each other. I just know that right now, I want something different in my next partner.

Has this affected the way you view romantic relationships?

Not really.  I see it as one of those things you experience on the streets. 

I still believe in love, and it may take a while, but I鈥檒l find my better half eventually.

For Sunken Ships, Ifunanya talks about holding on even though she felt repeatedly excluded, and the last straw that led her to end the friendship.

How did you and Damilola become friends?

We met at university after I changed my course to Chemistry in 200 level. I already knew of Damilola because she was in the same department as one of my friends, but we didn鈥檛 really talk.

Damilola was the one who decided we should be friends. I don鈥檛 make new friends easily, but she kept finding ways to get close to me. She鈥檇 text me about classes and even walk me back to my hostel. At a time when I was new to the department and didn鈥檛 know many people, she made me feel like I belonged there.

Damilola was thoughtful and generous, and before long,  we started doing almost everything together. 

Sounds cute. And how did the friendship progress over time?

We grew even closer. A few years ago, I had a bad falling-out with a close mutual friend, Rhoda*. Damilola knew what had happened, but she didn鈥檛 want to take sides. 

I was upset because I felt I would have tried to fix things  if two of my close friends fell out. Still, Damilola supported me through that loss. 

That period actually brought us closer. I started seeing her as my best friend, not just someone I was close to.

When did you start noticing a change in the friendship?

It happened gradually after she started dating her now-husband.

They were always on the phone. Sometimes, Damilola and I would make plans to spend time together, but she鈥檇 spend most of that time talking to him. I noticed it, but I didn鈥檛 want to be the friend who complained about her relationship.

One day, I joked that if she ever had to choose between us, she鈥檇 pick me. Her partner didn鈥檛 find it funny. I didn鈥檛 think much of it then, but looking back, I sometimes wonder if that affected how he saw me. 

After a while, I also started feeling excluded. 

In what ways?

Damilola鈥檚 partner is wealthy, and on Valentine鈥檚 Day in 2024, he surprised her with a car.  He also invited some of her friends to celebrate with them, but I wasn鈥檛 invited. 

I only found out when I saw the videos online.

I was hurt because I considered myself her best friend. I didn鈥檛 necessarily expect to be at every event in her life, but I thought I would at least know about something that big. When we eventually talked about it, she said I wasn鈥檛 invited because I was out of town. I accepted the explanation, and we moved on.

Right. But did it happen again?

Yes. A few months later, Damilola casually told me her partner was coming to pay her bride price soon. 

Then, one Sunday night, I opened WhatsApp and saw videos of him proposing to her. Our friends were there, including Rhoda, but I wasn鈥檛.

I was shocked. My best friend was getting engaged, and I was finding out at the same time as everyone else.

People who knew how close we were would have expected me to be there. I couldn鈥檛 understand how we had gone from doing almost everything together to me watching her engagement on WhatsApp.

Did you ask her why you weren鈥檛 invited?

Of course. She said she didn鈥檛 know she was going to be proposed to, so she couldn鈥檛 control who her partner invited. I understood that part, but what bothered me was that she didn鈥檛 seem sorry that I wasn鈥檛 there, and that hurt me even more.

I initially decided not to attend her traditional marriage ceremony. Then she came to my hostel and said she didn鈥檛 want to go through with the ceremony without me. So I went.

I did her makeup and helped with the ceremony. Rhoda was also there on the aso ebi train, even though they weren鈥檛 particularly close. I was emotionally exhausted by the whole situation, but I still showed up because I didn鈥檛 want one painful incident to end a friendship that meant so much to me.

Did things get better after that?

Not really.  Our relationship became more strained. After Damilola moved into her marital home, she kept telling me she鈥檇 invite me over, but she never did.

Then, in December 2025, her husband planned an outing with her friends for her birthday. One of Damilola鈥檚 newer friends, Somto*, lived in the same hostel as me, so I called and offered to pick her up since the venue was far. Somto declined and said she was at a friend鈥檚 place and would find her own way there.

When I arrived at the venue, Damilola, her husband, her siblings and Somto all came in the same car. I was confused because Somto had just told me she was somewhere else.

I asked them about it, and they denied that Somto had been at Damilola鈥檚 house. Later, I privately asked Damilola鈥檚 cousin what had happened.  He confirmed that Somto had been at the house. He even said that when I called, Somto had asked Damilola whether she should answer me or not.

I was embarrassed. My supposed best friend had never invited me to her home, yet someone she had only recently become friends with was there. Worse, they鈥檇 all lied to me about it.

What did you do after that?

I started putting more distance between us. But I couldn鈥檛 bring myself to end the friendship completely.

 Whenever I tried to pull away, Damilola would do something kind that made me reconsider. Like when I fell ill for instance, she sent me food. Those gestures made me believe our friendship was still worth saving.

So what finally made you give up?

After graduation, we got internships in different states. We congratulated each other, but we barely spoke or texted like we used to.

Then Damilola suddenly messaged me to say her wedding was coming up and that she鈥檇 love me to attend. 

She didn鈥檛 invite me to be a bridesmaid or to be involved with the wedding. It felt like such a strange and casual way for someone I鈥檇 considered my best friend to invite me to her wedding. I took some time to sit with how I felt about it, and eventually decided I wouldn鈥檛 attend.

Did you tell her?

I did. And she just said 鈥淥K.鈥� 

She didn鈥檛 ask any questions or try to press further. When the wedding came around in August 2026, I watched everything online. 

Rhoda was there. So were people Damilola barely spoke to in school.

Almost everyone I knew seemed to have been invited. Meanwhile, I was still wondering whether the message she sent me even counted as a proper invitation.

I felt discarded, to be honest.

I鈥檓 sorry.

It was one of the worst things I鈥檇 ever experienced. Some of our classmates even contacted me because they couldn鈥檛 understand why I wasn鈥檛 at the wedding. They knew how seriously I took our friendship. It made me question whether I鈥檇 misunderstood my place in Damilola鈥檚 life all along.

I eventually deleted Damilola鈥檚 number and the numbers of her siblings and parents. I didn鈥檛 want to see any more wedding content. I also removed her from Instagram. That was the end for me.

How has the friendship breakup affected you?

The pain is still fresh. A part of me wonders if I was the problem, but I know I was a genuine friend, and I always did my best for her. I showed up for Damilola even when I felt excluded.

Sometimes, I wonder if she only valued me because I was useful to her in school when we became friends.

Has this affected the way you view friendships?

Yes. I鈥檓 much more sceptical now.

I鈥檝e met amazing people since moving for my internship, but I tell them I don鈥檛 completely trust anyone. I鈥檓 afraid someone else will change without warning and leave me questioning what I did wrong.

Would you reconcile with Damilola if she ever reached out to you?

No, I think our friendship has run its course. I never imagined that she鈥檇 treat me the way she did, and I don鈥檛 think I can ever move past it.

Chikamso* (23) had known Adaeze* since secondary school, but they only became best friends at university. When Adaeze experienced a mental health crisis, her family blamed Chikamso and shut her out before she could understand what had happened.

For Sunken Ships, Chikamso talks about losing her best friend without understanding why and how the experience changed the way she approaches new friendships.

How did you and Adaeze* meet?

We attended the same secondary school and were seatmates, but we weren鈥檛 particularly close then. Then, after we graduated, we ended up at the same university. That was when we really grew a bond and became as close. 

At one point, she got into a toxic relationship that my family knew about. My mum was always concerned because she treated Adaeze like her own daughter. She eventually talked Adaeze out of that relationship. That was how much of a place she had in my life.

And how would you describe the friendship itself?

It was beautiful. In fact, we were more like sisters. We had each other鈥檚 backs. Naturally, we disagreed from time to time, but nothing that threatened our friendship. Adaeze was my favourite person, and she could be incredibly thoughtful. In 2023, I applied for a UK visa to visit my sister, but it was denied the day before my birthday. My family had spent a lot of money on the application, so I cried all morning on my birthday. 

Meanwhile, Adaeze had secretly contacted my siblings, parents and friends to make videos for me. She compiled them, sent me a gift and made the day special for me.

I also showed up for her. When she couldn鈥檛 secure accommodation, I let her stay in my hostel space for a semester because I genuinely saw her as family.

So at what point did you start noticing cracks in the friendship?

A few days after my birthday, Adaeze suddenly left the group chat we shared. We hadn鈥檛 quarrelled, so I called repeatedly, but she didn鈥檛 answer. I asked one of our mutual friends if she knew what had happened, but she didn鈥檛.

Then, one of our classmates contacted me. He said Adaeze had sent him a voice note about me and asked him to rebroadcast it, but she deleted it before he could listen to the whole thing. From what he heard, she called my family and I evil and warned people to stay away from us.

I was confused and somewhat angry.  Shortly after,  Adaeze鈥檚 brother called and told me she was experiencing a mental health crisis and had been taken to a psychiatric hospital. 

My anger immediately turned to worry. I couldn鈥檛 sleep all night because I kept thinking about her. So, I decided to visit her the next day.

And how did that visit go?

It never happened. Her brother refused to share the hospital details because the family believed I had a hand in Adaeze鈥檚 condition. 

My aunt is a pastor, and whenever Adaeze visited my family, we sometimes attended her church. She had received prophecies there, and her brother was convinced those messages had affected her.

I tried to explain that I had no idea what was going on, but there was no real opportunity to have that conversation. He blocked me. Her mum blocked me, too, and eventually Adaeze blocked me.

I also couldn鈥檛 reach her sister, so after a while, I stepped back.

Hmm.

It was one of the worst periods of my life. My UK visa had been rejected, my boyfriend broke up with me that same month, and my best friend鈥檚 family believed I had harmed her. 

I had so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn鈥檛 reach Adaeze. She wasn鈥檛 speaking to me, and I couldn鈥檛 convince her family that I hadn鈥檛 done anything.

So I bottled everything up and tried to carry on with school.

I鈥檓 sorry. What happened when she returned to school?

She saw me and walked straight past me as though she didn鈥檛 know me. It hurt so much. 

This was someone I considered a sister, yet she cut me off for reasons I didn鈥檛 understand. Whatever she believed had happened, she clearly didn鈥檛 want anything to do with me. So I took it as a sign that I needed to leave her alone.

After that, we didn鈥檛 really interact in school anymore.

Sounds cold. Did she ever apologise?

We eventually spoke in 2024 at a mutual friend鈥檚 traditional marriage.

She apologised,  and I told her what had happened from my side. I explained that I had tried to reach her, but her family had blocked me from contacting her.

She told me she didn鈥檛 know that. From her perspective, she had simply stopped speaking to me. Once we finally talked, we were able to put the issue behind us.

We鈥檙e cordial now, but the friendship isn鈥檛 what it used to be.

Do you think you could ever become close again?

No. It鈥檚 been almost three years, and I鈥檝e healed from what happened. I鈥檓 not sitting around waiting for her to explain herself anymore.

If she had spoken to me when everything happened, maybe things would have been different. I would have preferred to have a difficult conversation than wake up one day and realise that my best friend had disappeared from my life.

I don鈥檛 think I can put myself through that again.

How has the experience affected the way you approach friendships now?

It has made me scared of friendships. I鈥檝e met amazing people since then, but I still find it hard to completely trust anyone. I鈥檓 afraid the same pattern will repeat itself. 

Friendship breakups can hurt just as much as romantic ones, and this was one of the hardest experiences I鈥檝e had.

I鈥檓 still learning that just because one person disappeared from my life without an explanation doesn鈥檛 mean everyone else will do the same.

Tomilola* (29) met Soji* (27) online during the 2020 lockdown. What began with conversations about music and books soon became a close friendship, and she eventually introduced him to her wider friend group. But when several friends accused Soji of lying to them, Tomilola began to realise she might not have known him at all.

For Sunken Ships, she shares how she discovered Soji鈥檚 alleged history of deception and how this has affected her views on online friendship.

How did your friendship with Soji begin?

We became close after weeks of interacting online during the 2020 coronavirus lockdown. He鈥檇 leave comments on my music posts, and from there we started texting about our personal philosophies, favourite books, and our lives in general.

We became much closer during my job hunt in May when I asked him to be my accountability partner. He agreed, and we spent the next few months encouraging each other, reviewing cover letters and sending each other job links until we both got jobs. He was a shoulder I leaned on during that time because I was dealing with financial issues and really needed a job.

That鈥檚 sweet. How did your friendship progress over time?

It was great, even though we鈥檇 never met in person. He lived in Lagos while I lived in Ibadan, but I still tried to introduce him to as many of my friends as possible, both in Lagos and online. He was cool, funny, and gave great advice, so I knew my friends would like him just as much as I did. 

Soon, he became a core part of our group. He hadn鈥檛 met several of us in person, but online, we were one big friend group.  Some of my friends in Lagos even invited him to a game night.  They ended up meeting him in person before I did the following year. We generally had a good run until June 2022, when Soji started having issues with several people in our friendship group. 

Oh. What happened?

I鈥檇 heard that some people were upset at him, but I didn鈥檛 realise how serious things were until one of them, Amos*, approached me.

Amos said he and Soji had become closer after discovering they lived in the same area in Lagos. Earlier that year, Soji had asked Amos to lend him 鈧�600k and promised to pay him back at the end of the month. When the deadline came, he couldn鈥檛 pay and kept asking for extensions. 

Amos eventually got fed up and asked me to step in since I was closest to Soji. I was surprised because, as far as I knew, Soji earned well as a copywriter. 

Then I found out that Amos wasn鈥檛 the only person who had issues with him. A few others also reached out to complain about the lies Soji had told them.

What did he tell them?

One friend said Soji had pretended to be wealthy to impress a mutual acquaintance. He told her stories about living on the Island and having a dad who worked for an oil company. When she asked to visit him, he ghosted her. 

To another, Soji claimed he was starting a clothing business and invited her to join him as a business partner. He had her create a couple of pitch decks and promised fast profits. He later claimed he鈥檇 used the decks to get investors, but started dodging her whenever she asked for updates.

I felt embarrassed and guilty because I聽 brought him into my life and introduced him to my friends. I decided to talk to him about what had happened and see if we could resolve the issues amicably. I thought maybe he was just going through a rough patch.聽

How did your conversation with Soji go?

He claimed he was in a聽rough place mentally and had borrowed the money from Amos to handle a medical emergency involving his younger brother. He also explained the other lies as聽 misunderstandings and promised to clear them up.聽

I trusted him to do the right thing聽 and hoped the tensions would ease, but things got worse.

What do you mean?

Amos got Soji arrested for defaulting on his payment, and that incident revealed more about Soji than we ever knew. 

First, Soji didn鈥檛 have a younger brother; he was the last child. He鈥檇 made up the story to get money聽 from Amos.聽 Amos found out after contacting Soji鈥檚 family in a bid to recover his money. They told him they had disowned Soji for constantly stealing and trying to defraud people. They were tired of bailing him out of his lies and washed their hands of him.

Omo, that鈥檚 wild.

Thankfully, Amos was able to recover part of the money, and they agreed on an instalment plan to settle the rest.

After they left the police station, Amos called and told me everything. I was hurt that Soji had deceived me for so long, especially after I鈥檇 defended him to my friends.

I removed him from our group chat and blocked him everywhere. Amos also came to the group and shared what he鈥檇 found out. We all agreed to cut Soji out of our lives.

Did you talk to him when you made this decision?

I didn鈥檛. I spent weeks mulling over our friendship and wondering if he had become friends with me for ulterior motives from the beginning.

Did your friends blame you for bringing Soji into the group?

No, they tease me about it from time to time, but that鈥檚 about it.

I still felt guilty about it, though. I wished none of them had been hurt or inconvenienced because of someone I introduced them to. It took me a while to accept that I couldn鈥檛 have known what he was capable of.

Has he tried to reach out to you since then?

I don鈥檛 know. I haven鈥檛 checked any of his pages since. I鈥檝e tried to bury the memory of our friendship entirely.

Has this affected your views on friendships?

Yes, I no longer trust people I meet online. The only new friends I鈥檝e made since then are friends of friends or people my friend group has already vetted. 

I thought I was a good judge of character until I met Soji. I haven鈥檛 been able to trust my judgement since. It鈥檚 wild that a person can reinvent themselves online, and there鈥檚 no real way to know unless they show their hand or you find out.

Do you think there鈥檚 any chance of reconciliation between you and Soji?

Never. A person who can lie so blatantly can do worse, and I won鈥檛 stick around to find out. I鈥檓 okay with the friends I already have.

Mikun* (28) first met Demi*(28) in primary school, where Demi regularly made cruel jokes about her weight and complexion. Years later, they reconnected at university.  Demi apologised for the past, and Mikun believed they could finally have the friendship she鈥檇 wanted as a child.  But it didn鈥檛 take long for the old jokes to return.

For Sunken Ships, Mikun shares how giving her childhood bully a second chance left her questioning herself all over again.

How did you and Demi meet?

We attended the same primary school, and Demi was one of the popular students in our set. Everyone wanted to be her friend, including me. I tried to get close to her, but she often made jokes about my looks, and her friends would join in. Eventually, I stopped trying. 

We left for different secondary schools shortly afterwards and lost touch.

And how did you guys reconnect?

I ran into her in one of the cafeterias at my university during my second year. I didn鈥檛 even recognise her at first, but she called my name and introduced herself. I was surprised but happy to see someone I鈥檇 known for so long. 

I also thought we were adults now, so there was no need to hold on to something that happened when we were kids. We exchanged contact information and started talking again.

Did it feel like you were finally getting the friendship you鈥檇 wanted as a child?

Surprisingly, yes. We were studying different courses, but whenever Demi had free time, she鈥檇 come to my faculty to hang out with me. She was also a constant visitor to my room in the evenings. We鈥檇 talk about our days, study together and catch up on everything we鈥檇 missed in each other鈥檚 lives. 

At some point, we even talked about how she used to make fun of my appearance in primary school. She said she didn鈥檛 remember making fun of me, but still apologised. For a while, I felt safe with her. I thought we were becoming really close. Then she started showing me that maybe she hadn鈥檛 changed as much as I thought.

Oh. What happened?

One of my roommates, Jemima*, was very popular, and because we lived together, we naturally became close. When Demi started visiting me, I introduced them, and it soon became obvious that Demi wanted to get into Jemima鈥檚 good books. 

I didn鈥檛 mind that she wanted to build new friendships with people in my circle. What bothered me was how she tried to impress Jemima. She started making the same kinds of jokes about me that she had made in primary school.

What exactly were these jokes?

In primary school, most of her jabs had been about me being a fat, dark-skinned child. She started making similar comments again. 

Once, she complimented Jemima鈥檚 outfit and said she knew how to put a look together, unlike me. Another time, Jemima was stepping out, and Demi offered her an umbrella, telling her to use it so she wouldn鈥檛 become as dark as me. 

I kept trying to dismiss the comments as harmless jokes, but each one took me back to primary school. I started feeling self-conscious about my body and complexion around her again. 

Did you speak to her about how you felt?

I did. I called her aside and told her I didn鈥檛 like being the punchline of her jokes, especially when they were about my appearance. I reminded her that her comments made me feel the same way I had felt when she and the other children laughed at me in primary school.

I thought she鈥檇 apologise, and we鈥檇 move on. Instead, she said I was too sensitive. She said I couldn鈥檛 claim to have forgiven her and then keep bringing up the past. 

I tried to explain that I wasn鈥檛 punishing her for what she鈥檇 done as a child; I was upset that she was doing it again. But she wouldn鈥檛 accept that. She kept insisting I was overreacting. Eventually, I started wondering if she was right, and I stopped bringing it up.

What made you realise you weren鈥檛 overreacting?

One day, after Demi left my room for her hostel, Jemima asked if I was genuinely okay with the way she talked about my appearance. She said she wouldn鈥檛 tolerate those comments if she were in my position. That conversation opened my eyes. Demi鈥檚 jokes weren鈥檛 harmless, and I wasn鈥檛 being too sensitive for calling them out.

She had made me question myself instead of taking responsibility for hurting me. I was angry about that, so I decided to distance myself from her.

Did she notice?

If she did, she barely brought it up.  I didn’t announce that I was ending the friendship; I just started avoiding her. If she asked to visit me, I鈥檇 tell her I was busy. I stopped taking her calls and responding to her messages. I even started attending evening mass more so I could avoid her after classes.

The change was probably sudden from her perspective, but I didn鈥檛 want another conversation where she鈥檇 convince me that I was imagining things. So I never gave her the chance to ask why I was pulling away.

Did that experience change how you relate to other friends?

For a long time, I became very sensitive to any jokes about my appearance. My friends started seeing me as overly serious because I shut down those comments immediately. I think I was afraid that laughing along would give someone the chance to bully me again. 

Do you think there鈥檚 any chance of reconciliation with Demi?

No. I鈥檓 not giving her a third chance to be my bully.

Dorcas* (52) met Sandra* (45) at church in 2011. Over the next three years, they became close, with Dorcas treating Sandra like a younger sister. But when Dorcas shared a business idea with her, Sandra discouraged her from pursuing it, then secretly executed the same idea.

For Sunken Ships, Dorcas shares how the betrayal ended their friendship and why Sandra鈥檚 apology years later wasn鈥檛 enough to rebuild their friendship.

Take me back to the beginning. How did you become friends with Sandra?

We met at church in 2011. She was a newcomer, and she sat beside me. At the end of the service, we greeted each other and got talking. I immediately liked her because she had a bubbly personality. We kept sitting together at church, and within a few months, we grew close.

She鈥檇 also just moved to Ibadan for a new job and was still settling in. I was happy to become one of her new friends.

What were the early days of your friendship like?

They were great. Sandra would come to my house after work so we could go to church together. She always had interesting stories, too. 

Whether it was about a co-worker or something she鈥檇 overheard about a fellow church member, she always had gist to share. I was a stay-at-home mum at the time, so Sandra and her gist made things less boring.

We also didn鈥檛 have an issue with our age difference. I saw her as a younger sister, and eventually, she became my closest friend in the city. There was nothing we didn鈥檛 share.

That sounds great. So at what point did things change?

Around 2014.  I decided to start a small tailoring business to keep busy. I shared my plans with Sandra because I trusted her.

I didn鈥檛 know how to sew, so my plan was to hire apprentices who had just finished learning and pay them salaries while I brought in the customers. I wanted to start by pitching to my church and offering to help sew robes for the choir members. 

Sandra discouraged me. She said it would be difficult to get customers consistently and might look strange to bring business into the church. She told me to consider other ideas, and I agreed.

A few weeks later, Sandra called to say she wouldn鈥檛 make the mid-week service. It was unlike her, but I didn鈥檛 think much of it. Then Sunday came, and I got the shock of my life.

What happened?

Sandra didn鈥檛 sit beside me as usual, so I almost thought she hadn鈥檛 come to church. Then the service started, and I noticed the entire choir was wearing matching robes.

I planned to tell Sandra how strange it was that someone else had come up with the same idea I had. But when I found her after the service, she was curt instead of her usual warm self. I asked if something was wrong, but she said she was fine and needed to rush home.

Oh.

I decided to put it out of my mind and call her later. 

Seeing the choir鈥檚 robes had also reignited my interest in starting a business. After Sandra left, I went to the pastor on a whim and asked if I could start selling Zobo at the church after services. He was delighted and said he was happy that, like Sandra, I was also thinking about starting a business the church could patronise.

I had to conceal my shock. Sandra hadn鈥檛 mentioned anything about a business, but our pastor鈥檚 comment made me suspicious.

How did you confirm your suspicions?

I asked the head of the choir department. By then, people at church knew Sandra and I were friends, so he assumed I already knew she had supplied the robes. He was surprised that I was asking.

I felt hurt and betrayed. I wasn鈥檛 the first one to come up with the idea, but I would have preferred Sandra to tell me she wanted to partner with me rather than take the idea for herself. 

Read Also: Sunken Ships: My Best Friend Moved Abroad. I Was The Last To Know

Did you speak to her about it?

Several times. I called her and sent messages on WhatsApp and Facebook, but she ignored them all. She also started avoiding me in church. 

People started gossiping when they noticed we no longer sat together during services. That was embarrassing, but losing someone I considered a younger sister without even getting an explanation hurt more.

I eventually told my husband about what happened. He agreed that cutting me off without a conversation was unfair. 

She stopped coming to our church shortly after that,  and since she had ignored all my messages, I didn鈥檛 reach out again.

Did she ever reach out to you after that?

Yes, in 2017. She sent me a birthday message and then begged for forgiveness for what happened between us. She said she鈥檇 gone somewhere to pray, and they told her that someone she鈥檇 offended was blocking her from meeting her husband.

I told her I wasn鈥檛 blocking anything and I had left her to God and her conscience. By then, I had started the zobo business and even moved on to a provisions shop, so I wasn鈥檛 thinking about the tailoring business anymore. 

She still wanted to apologise in person and offered to visit, but I declined. I told her I was no longer angry with her.

Since then, she鈥檚 sent check-in messages now and then. She invited me to her wedding in 2018, but I didn鈥檛 go. I didn鈥檛 trust her enough to let her back into my life.

Has this experience affected your other friendships?

No.  I have healthy friendships that have lasted longer than the one I had with Sandra. They just don鈥檛 live in my city, so we don鈥檛 see each other often. I鈥檓 more careful with friendships with younger people now. I try not to overstep my boundaries and leave room for disrespect.

Do you think you could fix your relationship with Sandra?

No, I don鈥檛 like dubious people. That ship has sailed.