On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a two-year talking stage, a breakup in March 2020 for which he gave a flimsy reason, and the phone call that brought them back together in 2025.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Itunu: 2018. I was in my 100-level at the time. One day, my best friend came to our WhatsApp group chat and announced she鈥檇 started seeing someone. We were quite mischievous then, and we had this tradition of grilling whoever wanted to date any one of us. So, we added Gboyega to the group and grilled him for a couple of minutes. I remember saying we鈥檇 kill him if he ever broke our friend鈥檚 heart. It was all fun and games, really, and he was quite the team player. To be fair, I already knew my friend wasn鈥檛 going to bring a crazy person to the group chat. He came off as a really cool guy.

Gboyega: She鈥檚 pretty much summed up our first encounter. My girlfriend had two very close friends, and Itunu was one of them. She introduced me to them by adding me to the WhatsApp group for the grilling, and I went along with it.

I felt they were just looking out for their friend. They also came at it from a playful angle, not a serious one. Still, it was clear that the person I was dating was very precious to them.

Curious, Itunu. Did you talk much while he was dating your friend?

Itunu: Not really. We’d never met in person, so there really wasn鈥檛 any avenue to have any sort of relationship. Maybe we said a few hi and hellos online, but that was about it. My friendship with Gboyega only started after he broke up with my friend. I was genuinely shocked by the outcome.

Oh. Why did that relationship end, Gboyega?

Gboyega: It was actually the other way round. She broke up with me because 鈥淚 was too soft.鈥� If either of us did something wrong, I’d quickly say sorry and want to move on. She wanted drama, raised voices, and a scenario where I was constantly coming to beg and play makeup. I’m not that kind of person; I prefer my peace of mind. So I didn鈥檛 push it when she made her decision. I can’t remember how long it lasted, maybe a year.

Itunu: The funny thing is, even though she鈥檇 introduced Gboyega to us, we were completely clueless about whatever was going on in the relationship. She might have mentioned in passing that he was way too chill, but I didn’t know it ran that deep.

And how did the two of you end up talking after the breakup?

Itunu: After she eventually told us in the group chat that she鈥檇 broken up with Gboyega, she wasn’t forthcoming about why. I knew Gboyega was a chill guy, so I was curious about what happened. One day, I reached out to ask. I remember asking him, 鈥淎re you good?鈥� And then I told him he’d be all right.

Gboyega: I really appreciated the call. I got the feeling that she wanted to hear my side of the story. At that point, I didn鈥檛 have a full picture of what my ex had told them. That call marked the beginning of our relationship. 

Itunu: The first thing that drew me to him was that he’s Muslim. Most of the people who’d been approaching me were Christians, and I had more Christian friends than Muslim ones. We could relate over fasting and struggling with salah. I remember finding out that we had similar interests in foreign music, and in my head, I thought, 鈥渉mmm, that鈥檚 why I thought you were cool.鈥� 

We went from “are you good” to talking almost every day, then to late-night calls. I’d hide in my room and talk in a muffled voice so my mum wouldn’t catch me.

Gboyega: It became a routine. We’d check on each other in the morning and afternoon and ask how the day was going. I felt we became closer during that phase than I’d been with the person I’d been dating before.

Was anyone else in the picture for you at that time, Itunu?

Itunu: I was seeing someone, though I don’t count that experience as a relationship. It was hell. Once, I’d travelled to another city to see him over Easter, and he ghosted me. His friend invited me over to make me feel better, and that’s when I found out he was around the whole time. After him, I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone run me mad again.

Right. So at what point did you both realise things were shifting from a platonic place?

Itunu: It started to seem like something more from the moment I was spending hours on calls with him and going to extra lengths to do it. Still, I’m the queen of denial, and I kept trying to push whatever was bubbling up away. He was my friend’s ex, and that felt like breaking sister code. Still, I knew I couldn’t keep telling myself it was nothing. There was definitely something brewing between us.

Gboyega: For me, it was purely her vibe. I was really fascinated by her mind and the way she thinks. She’s smart, outspoken, and she knows what she wants. She was able to hold high-level intellectual conversations, and we鈥檇 even brainstorm ideas around different things. Then, slowly, I found myself looking forward to interacting with her

And where was your ex, Itunu鈥檚 bestie, in all of this?

Gboyega: We eventually had to have a conversation about it. I told Itunu that if we wanted to pursue whatever was developing between us, her friend had to hear it from us, not find out about it behind our backs. About a week after we had the conversation, Itunu spoke to her.

Itunu: It wasn’t a pleasant experience. I’d actually spoken to our third friend beforehand, and she reminded me how easily my friend flares up. As Gboyega mentioned, she lives for drama. When I brought it up, we had a nasty back-and-forth. And for a while, we stopped speaking. 

In the end, however, she told me to do whatever I wanted. Even though she didn鈥檛 outright give her blessings, I interpreted her words as that. Interestingly, I don’t think I’ve told Gboyega this before.

So how did things progress between you once Gboyega鈥檚 ex was out of the picture?

Itunu: We continued building our friendship. A lot of it was happening via phone calls and text because I was in Ilorin and he was in Lagos. Then, by late 2018, we met for the first time.

I travelled over 45 kilometres to see him. I didn’t tell any of my friends I was going to see a man. After that day, it felt cemented. Then in 2019, I was posted to a hospital in his hometown for my clinical posting, and I met his grandma. He took a week off and just showed up. He’d wait for me at the hospital gate, and we’d walk home together.

I鈥檇 call that entire period an elongated talking stage. Nothing was defined, and I slowly became restless. I kept thinking, my enemies will laugh at me, this is my best friend’s ex, and we haven’t even defined anything.

Gboyega: I liked those walks. I was happy being around her, but in the back of my mind, I was already wondering if it would work out.

Curious. What was holding you back, Gboyega?

Gboyega: Two things. When she visited my hometown, she met my grandmother, and later, my granny started saying they wouldn’t accept someone who isn’t from our hometown. That was the first time I wondered if this would work. The second thing was that Itunu is ambitious, and at the time, I was still a clueless young guy who didn鈥檛 know what I was doing with my life. 

I could see the joy on her face whenever she talked to people about medicine, and I worried that I couldn’t give her that. I felt like I was lagging behind and would only drag her back.

Did you share these concerns with her?

Gboyega: No. I compartmentalised everything and barely talked about these worries. She only found out much later when we鈥檇 gone past this whole stage.

Itunu: He eventually asked me out in January 2020. I was doing a clinical posting in another city and staying alone. I don’t even remember how the conversation started, but he showed up one day, asked me out, and I thought, finally.

Gboyega: It sounds crazy, but if you put a gun to my head, I actually don鈥檛 remember asking her out when she says I did. That year remains a blur to me, and I鈥檝e shut off a lot of things that happened. 

However, I remember breaking up with her in March 2020.

Wait, what? 

Itunu: He showed up on a random day and broke up with me. He said we were moving too fast, and I immediately told him I was open to slowing things down and going at a comfortable pace for me. I was doing too much at the time. It felt like I really needed to convince him that we were meant for each other. I鈥檇 bombard his DMs with messages.

I remember attending a Ramadan lecture where the imam had preached against dating in Islam. Yet, I told Gboyega that we could find a way to make the relationship halal. It was such a crazy period. I cried so much that my mum asked what was wrong, and I told her I had cramps. But eventually, I accepted his decision.

And what happened after that breakup?

Gboyega: I returned in August 2020 and told her I was seeing someone. I actually wasn鈥檛 dating at the time. I just wanted her to move on and find someone who knew what they wanted to do with their life.

Itunu: I asked myself why he’d told me that. I think he wanted me to let go, and it worked. I turned all that anger into volunteering as a content writer for a health organisation. We were planning a nationwide outreach, and I was second-in-command. So I had my hands full with actual, important work. 

Right. So what were the next couple of years like for both of you? Did you see anyone else?

Gboyega: We carried on with our lives in a way. Although I鈥檒l admit that I still missed her. I saw some of the impressive work she was doing, and I once emailed her on New Year鈥檚 Eve in 2020. It was my way of saying I hoped she was doing well.

Itunu: I saw right through his actions. But I was in no mood for whatever games he was playing. I must have said something along the lines of 鈥淧lease, get out鈥� in my head.

By 2021, we鈥檇 just fallen to status viewers with barely any interaction. Then, one day, I saw him post a girl along with a lengthy epistle, and it felt like a hit to my chest. I’d read research that heartbreak can feel like physical pain. That day, I woke up at 5 a.m., and the first thing I saw was his status. A part of me still thought it could work out, but that post really struck a chord.

Gboyega: It was around February 2021, when I鈥檇 started dating someone new. However, it was a long-distance relationship that ended in mid-2022. By 2023, while undergoing my national service, I met someone else. 

We were together until January 2025, and I still wonder how I survived for that long. She was a serial cheater who toyed with my emotions to the point that it affected my mental and physical well-being. I looked terrible during that relationship. I was having sleepless nights. One day, I went to her office, and she wasn’t there. She said she was in the office, but she’d gone to the island. I called my cousin and told him I was done; I ended it that day.

Itunu: I also had my fair share of messed-up relationships. I dated someone in 2022, when I was in my final year. From the jump, I knew it couldn鈥檛 lead anywhere because he was Christian. Eventually, he ghosted me and broke up. Then, I had another situationship who messed with my head for about a year before I walked away. 

After that, I remained single and went through a phase where I was done with men. My friends were scared, and my friend’s mum even reached out to ask if I was okay. I’d told them I was going to be the cool aunt who takes their kids to Disneyland. I’d given up on marriage.

Sounds tough. And how did the two of you get back in touch?

Gboyega: I started thinking about Itunu again around mid 2025. I asked myself the last time any of my romantic relationships made sense, and the only answer that bubbled to the top was my time with her. So I started picturing returning to her. But I didn’t even know if she was single.

Itunu: He called me around 10 p.m. in August 2025 and said he just wanted to check on me. I asked if everything was okay with his family, and I even asked if someone was sick, because I work in a hospital and people call me about that. He said no, he’d just remembered me. I checked my call log the next day to be sure it happened. It just felt really strange, almost like a blast-from-the-past kind of situation. 

Still, that call got us talking again. We spoke on and off because I wasn鈥檛 really giving him the same level of attention as before. At some point, he asked me to help him optimise his LinkedIn profile, and I did. 

I鈥檇 also ranted about a plumber who asked me out on my WhatsApp status, and he reacted to the post. We just had all these moments when he was really trying to worm his way back into what we used to have. But I didn鈥檛 make it so easy. I think he was looking to move out at the time, and because I鈥檇 navigated that before, he reached out to ask for tips. We had a long conversation about finances and budgeting, and that’s when my guard started to come down.

Gboyega: She told me not to leave my father’s house until I was ready. I was also trying to buy my way back into her life with food, and I know she noticed.

Itunu: He also sold me a phone on a flexible plan, gave me a charger and a screen guard for free, and didn’t charge me for delivery. By December, we were talking every day and had moved to video calls. Then I came to Lagos for work in January, and he picked me up from the airport with food. It felt really sweet. At that point, I hadn’t seen him in about six years, and I’d forgotten how tall he is.

Sounds cute. So how did you both get to the point of giving this a second shot?

Itunu: The truth is, I never stopped loving Gboyega. 2025 was a tough year for me. I had a major surgery and was running around by myself before my mum came. He had no idea at first, but when he found out, he came through. His default was to ask how he could make things better, and it just reminded me of why I liked him. 

Understandably, my friends thought I was crazy because they knew he’d left me for someone else. But he felt different this time. He was more self-aware, more present, and less guarded. So I was open to trying again, under what seemed like better circumstances for both of us.

Gboyega: With Itunu, things just made sense. I’d also changed. In 2020, I was still in university and had no standing in my family. I was clueless about my career and intimidated by her drive. But by 2025, I鈥檇 levelled up. I’d finished school, working and had a better sense of my future. I鈥檇 also gotten to the point where I could make my own decisions without my family鈥檚 interference. It felt like everything aligned in our favour to do this again.

On May 9th, 2026, during a trip from Lagos to Ibadan, I asked her to be my girlfriend again. And here we are.

And how do you feel about her ambition now?

Gboyega: It’s part of why I’m with her. I’m only now figuring out what I want, and having someone who pushes me helps.

Itunu: We support each other. If I see an opportunity, I send it to him. I’m always telling him what to do for his business page on social media. I think he’s realised he needs that push, and I need it from him too. So we鈥檝e found that balance. 

Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Gboyega: The peace. My head has never been this quiet with anyone. I can sleep knowing she’s out there doing her thing, and I’m not bothered about where she is. 

Itunu: It doesn’t feel new, because we’ve been in each other’s lives for so long. We communicate well, and we help each other grow. I don’t have to shrink myself to accommodate him. He lets me flex, and I love that about him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Itunu: 9.5. All the hurt from the past feels like it never happened because of how thoughtful and peaceful this has been. The 0.5 is because he has a chicken brain and acts like an old man.

Gboyega: A 10. After everything I’ve been through, this feels like the real thing. And I know the stress I’m not having.

Itunu: And he feeds me. What more can I ask for?

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

.

Gbenga* (28) and Temilade* (27) met in a university WhatsApp group in 2021. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about an NYSC posting that cost Temilade 鈧�100k and never materialised, the public callout that followed, and the unexpected feelings that slipped through the crack.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Temilade: It was 2021, in a WhatsApp group for university students from different schools. People used it to make friends and share updates about opportunities. I was a silent observer and rarely typed anything, but I noticed Gbenga because he was very active. He led conversations, shared information, and always had something to say.

Gbenga: I didn’t even know Temi was in the group until she showed up in my DM one random day. In a group that big, you mostly notice the people who talk a lot, and Temi barely participated. I think the first thing I said after I got her message was, “Who is this?” I know it sounds rude, but it wasn鈥檛 my intention. Plus, she didn鈥檛 even try to introduce herself from the jump. She started with 鈥淗ello鈥�, and I must have rolled my eyes when nothing else followed.

Curious, what made you message him, Temilade?

Temilade: Some of us were getting ready for NYSC mobilisation, and everyone was talking about where they wanted to serve. Gbenga had mentioned a few times that he was serving in Lagos, and when others said it was almost impossible to be posted there, he always said it was possible. At the time, I really wanted to serve in Lagos too, even though my parents weren鈥檛 keen on it. They worried that I didn’t know anyone there. Still, my mind was made up. I’d heard that most people who served in Lagos knew someone who made it happen. So I sent Gbenga a message asking if he could help me.

Gbenga: When she told me she was from the group, I relaxed and became more welcoming. I can鈥檛 remember exactly what I said next, but I knew my tone changed completely, and I became very friendly.

Then she told me she wanted to serve in Lagos and needed help. I first told her that I鈥檇 only been posted to Lagos by chance and I couldn’t do anything for her. But that wasn鈥檛 the actual story.

Oh.

Gbenga: I had a family member who helped me, and he’d warned me never to tell anyone. However, he鈥檇 still helped two other people over time, but he didn’t want it to become a thing. Temilade was very insistent, though, and I could see she really needed it, so I told her I’d come back to her.

About a week later, I spoke to my relative, and he promised to help. I told Temilade the cost was 100k.

Temilade: To be honest, I thought it was a lot of money. But I’d been saving, and I was prepared for it. I also felt I could trust Gbenga, because so many people in the group knew him and he was so active there. I didn’t think someone like that would just disappear. So I paid.

And how did the posting turn out?

Temilade: Entirely far from what I wanted. I was posted to Osun state. I messaged Gbenga the same day I found out to ask what happened, and he stopped replying. 

Gbenga: I was disappointed too. My relative couldn’t pull it through, and by then I’d already spent the money. I planned to refund Temi, but a lot was going on for me personally at the time. I kept seeing her messages, but I didn’t have her money, so I didn’t know what to say. So I took the very easy route of ignoring. 

Temilade: At that point, I鈥檇 spoken to a few people around me, and everyone told me I’d been scammed. NYSC posting scams were very common then, and I felt foolish for falling for it. It felt like it was only after the act that I started putting the pieces together. I blamed myself for trusting him so easily. I didn’t even know what he looked like. All I had was his name and number, and the account I paid into belonged to a woman. So I knew it wasn鈥檛 his. Some other friends thought I was being too calm about the whole thing. So they told me to call him out in the group.聽

But was Gbenga active the whole time he was ignoring your messages and calls?

Temilade: To be honest, I wasn鈥檛 even sure. I was juggling multiple things. Camp activities were overwhelming. My phone battery was constantly low. Whenever I had access to it, there were so many messages, especially from that group, that I didn鈥檛 even know where to start checking. So I couldn鈥檛 really track his availability the way I would have loved to. 

Gbenga: I was so pissed the day I saw her message. I never scammed her, and now I was being called out in front of the whole group. But I also realised how the whole thing appeared at that point. She had left dozens of messages. She left out the part where she was also calling me with different numbers. 

It鈥檚 actually one of the bad habits I鈥檓 trying to walk through. I tend to run away when things get too serious or overwhelming. I鈥檇 rather pour my attention elsewhere than confront whatever is making me feel uncomfortable. My initial plan was to gather her money and respond only when I was ready to issue a refund. But the same day she called me out in the group, I replied to her and explained everything. I told her I was looking for ways to gather her money and pay her back, and I gave her two months.

Right. And did you keep that promise?

Gbenga: I wanted to, but so many other things were going on in my life that I genuinely couldn鈥檛 think about the debt. She doesn鈥檛 know this, but she wasn鈥檛 the only person I owed a debt to at the time. Hers was the smallest amount, and I guess that was why I kept putting it aside. 

Temilade: I was tired of the back-and-forth. At first, I thought of just counting it as a loss. But that money was my sweat, so I decided to change my tactics. I stopped being aggressive and started sending calm messages. I even started sending him good morning prayers.

Screaming. 

Gbenga: I noticed the change. Before then, I’d archived her chat because I couldn’t deal with the messages. But those prayers made it hard for me to ignore. Even if I didn’t reply, I’d see them every morning. 

Curious, what exactly was going on in your life at that time, Gbenga?

Gbenga: My mum was sick and had been admitted for almost two months. It was taking a serious toll on our family. My NYSC allowance couldn’t do much, and I was also taking care of my younger brother. I felt pulled in different directions and was genuinely tired. One day, during one of my extremely low moments, Temi鈥檚 messages came in. For the first time in months, I felt a nudge to call her. She picked up, and I broke down on the phone.

Temilade: It was the first time I’d heard his voice. At first, I was actually happy, because I thought my tactic had worked and he was about to pay me. Then he started crying and told me everything he was going through. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to pay. I felt guilty afterwards, and I told him to take his time.

When I updated my friends, they said it was just another tactic, and I should apply more pressure. But something in my heart told me he was genuine. 

Gbenga: Funny enough, after that call, I stopped ignoring her messages. Even when I didn’t have the money, I’d reply just to assure her I hadn’t forgotten.

I eventually paid her back in March 2022. I paid half and promised to send the rest the following month. But I lost my mum before then. Then she asked me to leave the rest of the money. By then, we’d become close, even though neither of us knew what it was yet.

Fast forward to May, she decided to attend my mum’s funeral in Ogun state, and that was the first time we met. 

Temilade: When I saw him, I knew he wasn’t someone who could scam me. He has this childish, innocent look, which, I admit, can sometimes be deceptive. But it wasn鈥檛 just his looks. Our interaction that day also felt really genuine. I don鈥檛 know if it was the grief or if he was putting up an act, but I just knew he came off as a really decent person. He kept thanking me for letting him off the rest of the money and still showing up for my family and me.

I see. So what happened after the funeral? 

Gbenga: Things actually moved incredibly fast. We became very close friends, and I started to feel much more comfortable with Temilade. She likes to insist that it was my grief that made me so vulnerable at the time. And I agree. I had a close relationship with my mum, and it felt like I needed someone to fill the vacuum she鈥檇 left. But outside of that, I also felt a sense of calm around Temilade that I couldn鈥檛 explain.

Temilade: I think we eventually grew on each other. We talked all the time. I鈥檇 gone from having genuine anger and resentment for him to actually feeling pity for him. Through it all, I didn’t realise how attached I was becoming to him. I looked forward to hearing from him all the time and even took two more trips to Lagos to visit him. 

Did you tell your friends about the shift in the dynamics of your relationship with Gbenga?

Temilade: I didn’t tell them that he was the same guy who “scammed” me, because they would have laughed at me. Although I  told my closest friend, she thought I was a fool. We actually got into a fight because I didn鈥檛 take it lightly when she talked down to me about my decision. Her reaction was all I needed to keep whatever was happening with Gbenga private. Over the months, I got to know him, and he seemed like a genuine person. I now believe everything that happened was a misunderstanding that was leading us somewhere.

Gbenga: I asked her out in January 2023, and she said yes.

What was the relationship like in the early days?

Temilade: I think they were a mix of easy and difficult. It was a long-distance relationship, and that had its disadvantages. We wanted to see each other more than we could. However, we made it work as best we could. We planned dates, and I came to Lagos whenever I had the chance to.

Gbenga: I鈥檝e actually never been in a long-distance relationship. I used to say I鈥檇 rather stay single than be with someone I cannot see whenever I want. Maybe that was just my young and clueless self making those statements. I think when you find your person, you鈥檒l be willing to do anything for them. 

We spent a lot of time on calls, trying to make up for not being in the same city. Luckily, we didn鈥檛 have to remain a long-distance couple for too long. Temi eventually found an opportunity in Lagos and relocated there. 

Nice. Gbenga, you mentioned that you tend to disappear when things get difficult. How鈥檚 that going now that you鈥檙e in a relationship? 

Temilade: That鈥檚 another challenge I forgot to mention. He鈥檚 still very much an avoidant. It鈥檚 easy to know when something is bothering him. He shuts down completely and even goes away. 

The last time we had a fight, he vanished for an entire weekend. I was ready to break up with him. I鈥檇 had enough of the unexplained ghosting. If something is going on, I鈥檇 much rather my partner tell me than shut me out completely. 

Gbenga: It鈥檚 never intentional. I think that鈥檚 something I鈥檝e always told her. I鈥檝e tried to confront my feelings in the past, and it doesn’t bode well. I get really emotional and can鈥檛 even put my thoughts together, and there are times when I鈥檓 almost moved to react physically. So that鈥檚 why I always choose silence or remove myself from the situation. I鈥檇 gotten away with it in past relationships, but it鈥檚 a major dealbreaker for Temilade. She always wants to know what鈥檚 going on. 

But we鈥檝e been finding our balance. The last fight she mentioned really brought me around. I realised she was serious about leaving, and I couldn鈥檛 bear to see that happen. I don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 anyone else I want to spend my life with. So if I need to do the work to become better, I鈥檒l do it or keep trying. 

Fair enough. You guys have had quite the rollercoaster romance. What would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Gbenga: She trusted me when she had every reason not to. After everything that happened, she still gave me grace, and I don’t take that for granted. As I said, she鈥檚 my person for real. 

Temilade: He’s honest. Even at his lowest point, he told me the truth about what he was going through, and I think that’s what made me trust him. We’ve been together almost four years, and we’re planning to get married soon. I can鈥檛 wait to see that happen.

Gbenga: It was supposed to happen this year, but we still need to put a few things in place. We both know it’s coming.

Got it. And how would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Temilade: 8. We still have a lot of work to do before we make a 10.

Gbenga: 9. It鈥檒l be a 10 when we get married. 

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

.

Kayode* (22) and Bukunmi* (21) went to the same secondary school but only grew close in 2024. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about their slow-burn romance, how his dad’s warning about women in his house led to a breakup, and the female friends they still disagree about.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Kayode: 2018. I鈥檇 just transferred to Bukunmi鈥檚 secondary school, and she was one of the first students I noticed. Obviously, it wasn鈥檛 anything romantic back then. I just liked the vibe around her. I also noticed that she always looked really neat whenever she showed up at school. A cute-looking, prim and proper student. But we weren鈥檛 really talking yet, since I was new and was just finding my way around the school.

Bukunmi: I have a similar memory of Kayode. The first time I saw him was when he joined our class. I didn’t think much of him at first; he was just one of the boys. But over time, I started to notice that he was quite uppity, almost notorious to a degree. If anything was happening, you’d find him in the middle of it, causing trouble. I didn’t like that about him, but since we weren鈥檛 close, it didn’t bother me.

Did you guys eventually strike up a friendship? 

Bukunmi: It was more like a friend of a friend of a friend situation, so I mostly observed him from a distance. I’d call us acquaintances, not friends. 

Kayode: Actually, there were about four of the other guys. We all used to walk home together after school. Over time, being in the same space and the same conversation led to jokes, then small talk, then proper conversations. But it still wasn鈥檛 anything deep or direct in that manner of a serious friendship

Bukunmi: Then he switched schools again and stopped coming to our school in 2020. I didn鈥檛 really see him around after he left, except once, when I saw him on the way back from church. We just talked for a few minutes, and then we both went our separate ways.

Kayode: Life was also just happening around that period. The COVID pandemic hit and I went to stay with my aunt. We both graduated from secondary school by 2021, but by that time, we weren鈥檛 really keeping track of what was happening in each other鈥檚 lives. There was a quiet zone for about two or three years. Bukunmi had built this wall around herself and wasn’t really talking to anyone from our class.

Bukunmi: Secondary school felt toxic to me, and I didn’t have many real friends. Once I was out, I didn’t see the point of keeping up the pretence, so I let most people go. The ones who were real stayed.

Got it. Let鈥檚 talk about your reunion. How and when did that happen?

Kayode: Sometimes in 2024, I saw Bukunmi in a picture that a friend had shared on WhatsApp, and I thought she looked really nice, compared to the last time I saw her in school. I asked the friend for her number, and two days later, he told me she鈥檇 denied my request. It stung a little, but I kept it moving. 

About a month after that, a female friend posted Bukunmi鈥檚 picture on WhatsApp and she piqued my interest again. Just like the last time, I asked that friend if she could help me get Bukunmi鈥檚 number. I got the number this time around, and I remember my first message to her was “hi stranger.”

Bukunmi: I think I should clear up what happened with the first guy. He had some level of interest in me, so he never actually delivered Kayode鈥檚 first message to me. So I was entirely clueless about that first message. But when my female friend told me Kayode wanted my number, I said, 鈥淪ure, give it to him.鈥�

I remember we chatted for quite some time that day. Tried to catch up on old times and just find out what鈥檚 going on in our lives. It was just a very easy, laid-back conversation. He tried to continue the next day, and at that point, I wondered why he was pushing, so I didn’t reply. But he was persistent. I could tell he just wanted to keep talking, so I let my guard down, and we just spent the two weeks talking on and off. That鈥檚 when he found out I was at UNILAG, and I also found out he wasn’t too far away.

Kayode: To be fair, I started out just trying to catch up. But when I saw her picture, I wanted to try my best. My former classmates had told me she wasn’t replying to anybody and had blocked everyone, and that gave me the ginger to push on. One day, I intentionally posted a photo of the pizza and ice cream I was having on my status, hoping it would get her attention. It did. 

Bukunmi: Here鈥檚 the thing. I hadn鈥檛 saved his number the entire time we鈥檇 been texting. However, the very day I decided to save the number was the same day I saw his status. I鈥檇 only commented on the pizza because we were texting each other and he鈥檇 told me he was bored. I was curious how he could be bored if he was treating himself. He said he’d only gone to order and was back at his house. Then he asked if I’d like to meet. 

Right. Did you agree?

Bukunmi: In the end, I did. But I initially complained that the sun was too hot, and he did the very gentlemanly thing of sending a ride to come pick me. When I saw him, I thought, a typical Igbo boy. After four years, I’d expected him to be taller and to have a beard. I don鈥檛 even know what exactly I expected; I just thought there鈥檇 be a significant difference from the last time I saw him.

Anyway, he offered me ice cream almost immediately, and I declined. I asked to go to his house to talk instead. Even there, I only took water. We spent the afternoon catching up and I also watched a cartoon.

Kayode: I kept her company, I made her laugh, and I don’t think she’d laughed that much in a long time. I think she also forgot to add the part where I followed her on the ride back to her hostel. I just wanted to make sure she got home safe. 

Awwwn. Sounds cute. How did things go over the next few days?

Kayode: I didn鈥檛 waste time at all. When she got home that day, I sent a text asking if she鈥檇 like to go out for dinner or something like that. And she didn鈥檛 mind. Her response gave me the confidence to keep pushing, and from then on, we started hanging out frequently.

Bukunmi: That meeting changed how I saw him. I’d always thought of him as the troublesome and uppity guy from secondary school, but the version of him I hung out with was super cool and reserved. I wondered where he’d been all this time. 

As he said, the next day, he asked me to meet him at Rubels and Angels, a restaurant I’d pointed out on the ride home the previous day. I was actually just finishing up from class that day and wasn鈥檛 really up to it. But he sent this hilarious sticker of Kayodeo on his knees and begged me to come, so I went. 

We stayed there for about five minutes, then he asked me to follow him home. I told him that wasn鈥檛 the plan, but he begged again and I agreed. Unfortunately, I lost track of time watching a cartoon on his phone. We couldn’t get a ride, so I ended up spending the night. 

Oh

Bukunmi: He was actually quite reassuring. He took the chair and made sure he wasn鈥檛 in close proximity to me. He also lent me his clothes when I told him I had nothing to wear. It was just a really chill night. The next day, he didn鈥檛 wake up until late in the afternoon, even though I鈥檇 planned to have an early start. I couldn鈥檛 leave his house without saying goodbye because it would have been weird. So I waited until he was up. When he woke up, this guy asked us to grab lunch and somehow ended up taking us on a long trip to Ikeja. Eventually, we had another super late day, so I stayed another night.

I see. Was it still platonic at this point, though?

Kayode: Not entirely for me. I鈥檇 brought up my feelings, but I was vague about it. I told her there was someone I liked, and I didn’t know if she liked me back. I think the reason I wanted us to spend so much time together was so she could see I could be intentional. I wanted her to see that I wasn’t the boy she knew four years earlier, and I could be someone she could love. But I don鈥檛 think she was seeing things the same way because she kept offering to help me text this 鈥渟omeone鈥�.

Bukunmi: So, during a previous conversation, I’d told him I was single and not searching. He was single, too, but he made it clear that he was searching. I took the conversation at face value and didn鈥檛 think much of it. During one of our random conversations, he said girls are hard to read and that he doesn’t like rejection because some give you a green light and then turn you down. I kept encouraging him to actually share his feelings with this person; at the very least, he should try. 

Then, I had this lightbulb moment where I just replayed everything he鈥檇 said and how things had played out between us in the last few weeks, and I wondered if he meant me. So I asked him directly if the girl he was talking about was me.

How did he answer?

Kayode: I said no at first. I didn’t see any excitement on her face when she asked that question, and I got scared. I thought I鈥檇 misread the signals. She, however, told me not to lie, and I eventually confessed.

Bukunmi: I also asked if I’d been doing anything to make him think I nurtured feelings like that towards him. I thought everything we鈥檇 been doing had been strictly platonic.

Still, I pressed further and asked what he wanted to do next now that the information was out there. A friendship, situationship or a relationship? I needed to know. He said a relationship and didn鈥檛 say anything. At that point, I had to ask if he wasn鈥檛 going to ask me the big question. Then he went, 鈥渨ould you like to be my girlfriend?鈥� I teased him and said I didn’t hear, and he asked again. 

I said I’d think about it, and he said, please don’t. I was too shy to say it to his face, so I sent my yes on WhatsApp while we were in the same room. We became official on May 10th, 2024.

Sounds sweet. But what made you change your mind, Bukunmi? You mentioned earlier that you weren鈥檛 searching. 

Bukunmi: I took stock of the last couple of weeks together. He followed me home, opened doors for me, cared about my day, and wanted to be involved. I thought that if we ever took this further, he could be a good candidate. I’d met a few guys that year, and there was another one around, but Kayode was faster, and I’d seen him in person many times. I also felt safe, because he already knew a little about me. It was worth a try.

Got it. Let鈥檚 talk about the early days of the relationship. What was that like?

Kayode: It was a fun time for me. This was my first meaningful relationship, so I felt like I’d taken on a responsibility. We were always going out and trying new things. We had our version of the honeymoon phase.

Bukunmi: I disagree. I think we started having hiccups right from the first month. He鈥檇 leave me on read for a whole day, and I鈥檇 just be worried sick. When we were friends, I let that go, but I told him I didn’t think this was for me if he wouldn’t communicate. Thankfully, he didn’t get defensive. He apologised and asked what I expected from him communication-wise. I told him to keep me in the loop, and after that, I noticed a significant improvement.

Kayode: The truth is, I wasn’t used to updating anyone about my day-to-day, so it felt a little foreign. I trade, and on bad days, I drop my phone and ghost everyone. But after she brought it up, I made it a duty. I started telling her how I woke up and what I did before I slept. I started calling and video calling, too.

Fair enough. I鈥檓 guessing you guys were able to navigate your issues easily. 

Kayode: Yes. But we did have our first major fight this year, about three months ago. 

What happened?

Kayode: So I had a conversation with my dad, and he warned me about getting distracted by girls. He said I shouldn’t let any girl stay with me. Bukunmi and I were staying together at the time, so I told her I wanted to switch things up. I told her I needed to be in a position where I was the one doing the chasing. I should be the one to come look for her and visit her. So I asked her to return to her place. It was just a very awkward moment.

Bukunmi: In April 2025, I had accommodation issues at school, and Kayode offered his place. I was reluctant to move in with him at first, but he pushed for it and I eventually agreed. He even gave me my own key to his house. Still, I gave myself a month to figure out my accommodation issues and move out. 

When I eventually got my own place sorted, I tried to return Kayode鈥檚 key and move out, but he didn’t want me to leave. He was constantly saying he missed me whenever I wasn鈥檛 around. So, in a way, I continued staying with him. Then, earlier this year, during a phone conversation, his dad heard my voice in the background and gave him a pep talk about having women around. The very next day, Kayode switched up. It was so strange, because he’d always wanted me there.

I mean, I wasn’t against what his dad said. But I didn鈥檛 understand why the switch-up was so fast, especially when I’d been the one asking to go back to my place. I eventually left because he couldn鈥檛 give any strong explanation. The issue dragged on for weeks and then months. Whenever I asked to come over, he鈥檇 refuse.

Kayode: Eventually, it got to the point where we considered ending things. I said we should just be friends or take a break, and she said no. She said breaks aren’t healthy, and that鈥檚 how people grow apart. Instead, we agreed to a situationship for a week. Just to keep a pulse on things and see how things went.

And how did that go?

Kayode: Well, there was an incident with another girl. The babe visited my house for a business meeting. And in the spirit of honesty, I sent Bukunmi a picture of the girl鈥檚 sitting position, so she could see I wasn’t hiding anything. But that wasn鈥檛 enough.

She told me to move the meeting outside, and I refused. Then she said, 鈥淜ayode, we are done.鈥�

Bukunmi: I’d already put up with the thing about his dad, and now he was letting someone who likes him into his space. When he said I was making demands when we weren’t together, I was done.

I should add that there was history with this girl. I knew she liked him, and she knew he had a girlfriend; yet she always wanted to be around him. They used to meet outside, but as soon as I moved out of the house, they suddenly started meeting inside. It didn鈥檛 make sense to me that he鈥檇 be accepting of bringing temptations like that around him. 

After about a month away from his place, he invited me to spend the night with him. During that period, I found out he鈥檇 visited this girl after she had a health issue, and he hid it from me. He was supposed to go get pizza, but since we share location on iMessage, I found out he was at the hospital, visiting that same girl. He admitted he didn’t tell me because I’d say no. We got into a lengthy conversation about boundaries that night. 

Twelve hours later, while looking through his phone, I saw a message from him telling her he missed her. He said he was only empathising. I let it go, but I made sure to go see her myself.

Wait, what?

Bukunmi: Men bring out the demon in women. I needed to go size up my competition and see what the fuss was about.

Kayode: I didn’t think that was necessary because she was never Bukunmi鈥檚 competition. 

Bukunmi: But your actions proved otherwise.

Kayode: But I’ve moved past it.

Right. Speaking of moving on, how did you guys resolve your issues?

Kayode: She broke up with me in August. But I was right back in her DM the day after she broke up. I sent her a message apologising and saying I would set better boundaries. 

Later, I asked if we could go on a staycation together. She was reluctant at first because we were technically broken up, but she eventually agreed. Then she said I had to apologise again and ask her to be my girlfriend all over again. I did.

Bukunmi: That鈥檚 the abridged version, but I didn’t make it easy for him. He kept dropping random messages in my inbox, and I鈥檇 acknowledge them, but things were still not the same. Eventually, the staycation happened, and I grudgingly agreed. The whole time, I was waiting for him to take accountability and actually apologise for what happened, but he didn鈥檛. I think he must have noticed my countenance. Then he asked what happened, and I told him how I was feeling. Everything ended with him asking me out again, and that鈥檚 how we got back together. 

Good for you, guys. And how do you handle boundaries now?

Bukunmi: I’m fine with setting them. I never told him his female friends can’t visit. I was specific about this one girl, because I told him she was moving funny before he even realised she liked him.

Kayode: I have a lot of female friends, some I’ve known for a long time, and I find it hard to tell them they can’t come to my house. If someone leaves their home to see me because I haven’t texted in a while, I don’t want to leave them outside. I don’t think buying a friend lunch is a crime.

Bukunmi: Again, I only have an issue with just one girl, not all his female friends. This girl says her roommates don’t like her, and the only person who does is my own partner. If I had a male friend like that, how would he feel?

What do you think a compromise would look like, Kayode?

Kayode: I thought sending the photo with her in the room would reassure Bukunmi, because I was being transparent. She didn’t buy it. I think I just need to enforce boundaries and tell my female friends what we can and can’t do.

Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Kayode: She’s intentional, loving, forgiving, and sweet. My family knows her and likes her for her personality. I also like that she loves love.

Bukunmi: He always wants to get better. When I tell him something I’m not comfortable with, he asks how he can improve, and that has kept us going. He’s also very caring, and he’ll help people around him even when it’s inconvenient.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Bukunmi: An 8. After everything we’ve been through, we still chose each other. When we were separated, we could have forgotten each other, but we gave each other another chance.

Kayode: A 9.5. I don’t think I’ve experienced this kind of love before, and I want to hold on to it for a long time.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Jessy* (29) and Lauretta* (27) met in 2024 when she attended his family’s barbecue event.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about falling for each other despite Lauretta鈥檚 history with his sister, the awkwardness of announcing their relationship, and how that unresolved tension still hangs over their love.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Jessy: It was Boxing Day 2024, at a barbecue at my family’s home. My sister, who鈥檚 just a year and seven months older, had begged me to go to the estate gate because the security guards weren鈥檛 letting her friend in. I grumbled about it because it’s a long walk, and I鈥檝e always hated the idea of running errands for her. But I went anyway since she wouldn’t let it go and was actually occupied with another task. 

When I got to the gate, the friend in question turned out to be Lauretta. I already knew a few of my sister’s friends, and they were usually tomboys, so Lauretta stood out to me immediately. My first thought was just, 鈥渙h, she’s pretty.鈥� She also wore a flowery gown that made her look like a fairytale princess.

Lauretta: I was actually hesitant when Jessy showed up. I鈥檇 been so frustrated with the security guys that I didn鈥檛 realise his sister had left me messages on WhatsApp saying someone else was coming to get me. I just saw him talking to security at the gate, and when he walked up to me, I thanked him and then asked, 鈥淪orry, who are you?鈥� I didn’t mean to be rude about it, but I genuinely didn’t know who this stranger was.

Jessy: That question felt like a small stab in my ribs, but I played it cool and just introduced myself. 

Right. Was it a quiet walk back to the house? 

Jessy: I actually tried to make conversation. I asked a few questions to break the ice, but she was giving me pretty flat, one-word responses the whole time. I assumed from that alone that she wasn’t feeling me at all. 

Lauretta: Honestly, I was already super stressed from the whole gate situation and the long walk in the heat. I was also lowkey angry at his sister. It was the first time I was visiting her house, and it felt weird that she couldn鈥檛 even make the time to come pick me up. Everything Jessy was saying was passing through one ear and out the other. I just wanted to sit somewhere cool and relax; it genuinely had nothing to do with him specifically.

Jessy: When we got to our block, I handed her off to my sister pretty quickly and didn’t really stick around to talk further. We didn’t actually see each other again until March the following year, several months later.

Oh. Did you think about her at all during that gap?

Jessy: I asked my sister about her once or twice in passing, but never really got a clear or definite answer from her. I just assumed Lauretta was one of my sister’s flings and left it at that in my head.

Lauretta: Funny enough, I actually thought about him quite a lot, even though I鈥檝e never really told him until now. He did look good on that first day. I remember seeing his nose ring and beard and just thinking he鈥檚 cool. But I also felt bad about our little interaction that day. I was hoping to apologise to Jessy before I left their Boxing Day party, but I didn鈥檛 see him. I always told his sister to extend my greetings. I鈥檓 not sure if she ever did. 

Jessy: Nope. Not a word from her.

Screaming. Let鈥檚 talk about the reunion in March. How did that happen?

Lauretta: I was supposed to go out with Jessy’s sister, and the same gate issue came up again, except this time, she wasn’t picking up her calls at all. That’s when I remembered she’d shared Jessy’s number with me the last time this happened, so I called him instead as a last resort.

Jessy: I recognised her voice the moment she said hello, before she’d even properly introduced herself. She explained she was stuck at the gate again, and I mentioned my sister was in the shower and couldn’t come. I wasn’t exactly inspired to walk all the way out there again myself, since she hadn’t been very chatty with me the first time around, so I just called the gate and told them to let her through.

Right.

Lauretta: I ended up calling him back because I genuinely didn’t remember the way to their house from the gate. So he had to come get me anyway, whether he wanted to or not.

Jessy: She looked just as pretty as the first time, maybe more so, and I remember thinking I could actually see myself dating her. But because of the last experience, I already had my guard up, so I wasn鈥檛 really pushing for a conversation. I think I was a few steps ahead of her. Then, she started talking about the flowers or the road, I can鈥檛 even remember. Either way, she was a completely different person from our last encounter. She was chatty, thanked me properly for walking out, and she even asked why she hadn’t seen me around for the rest of the party back in December. She said she had planned to apologise. And those words just melted whatever hard feelings I had. We just talked about random, easy things on the walk back, and that was that.

So what happened next?

Lauretta: I sent him a thank-you message on WhatsApp later that day, nothing deep, just manners. But that’s really what started our friendship.

Jessy: From there, we鈥檇 both react to each other鈥檚 posts, check in just to chat and nothing beyond that. The energy felt really reciprocated, too. I didn鈥檛 at any point feel like I was pushing, and I don鈥檛 think she felt the same way. The whole time, though, I never actually asked her or my sister directly what was going on between them. 

Why?

Jessy: I guess I just wanted to do a bit of quiet investigating on my own, instead of asking directly. My sister can be quite nosy and suspicious. If I鈥檇 asked anything about Lauretta, she would have wanted to know why I was asking. And she wouldn鈥檛 stop until she found out. And I guess I didn鈥檛 want to ask Lauretta, just so I wasn鈥檛 in her business or sending any signal. 

Eventually, though, I asked my sister instead. She said they were just having fun; nothing serious between them. As expected, she asked why I even wanted to know, and I played it off like idle curiosity. She had no idea by that point that I’d actually gotten close to Lauretta myself.

Lauretta: His sister told me, actually. But I waved it off. I think it was somewhat hard to place what Jessy really wanted. As far as I knew, our relationship was purely platonic. He didn鈥檛 give any signals that he was into me. And I鈥檓 not one to make first moves. I prefer when a partner moves to me.

I also didn’t think he鈥檇 see me in that light since he already knew me with his sister. I felt he would have put a few things together and figured out what we were up to. So we were really just in a casual friendship.

Got it. How long did this last?

Jessy: About three months. As she said, we never really pushed the conversation forward for our different reasons. However, after a while, I noticed Lauretta had stopped visiting my sister as often. Around August, I texted her just to catch up, since we hadn’t spoken in a long while. It was our regular banter, but deep down, I was a man on a mission.

I can鈥檛 remember if it鈥檚 the same day that I texted her or days later, but during one of our conversations, I stylishly asked if she鈥檇 dumped my sister. Then she went, 鈥淒ump as how, we’re just cool, we had our fun and we’re cool.鈥� 

I took that to mean nothing serious was really going on between them. During one of our earliest conversations, too, Lauretta had mentioned that she was bisexual. I guess that was why she was always somewhere in my head. 

I鈥檓 guessing you made your move now that your sister was somewhat out of the picture?

Jessy: In a way. I invited her to a party that same week, nothing planned beyond just wanting her there. She came, we had a good time, and that’s the night I ended up confessing my feelings, though I was admittedly slightly high at the time, so my inhibitions were a bit lower than usual.

Lauretta: I actually didn’t want to go to that party at all. I could sense where things were headed even before he said anything outright, and some part of me wanted to avoid that conversation. I should also clarify something here; what happened with his sister was really just us making out once, and that was the full extent of it. She prefers studs, and I’m not one, so in my own head, nothing had really happened between us in any serious sense. That鈥檚 partly why I felt comfortable answering Jessy’s call in the first place without overthinking it.

When he started talking about his feelings and how we could be a thing, I told him plainly that he was drunk and that he should come talk to me again properly when he wasn’t. I didn’t want to take anything said in that state too seriously, even though I knew he meant it.

Curious, Jessy. What do you remember about that night?

Jessy: Honestly, I couldn’t remember half of what I’d actually said; it’s all a bit of a blur looking back. Two days later, I worked up the nerve to text her and ask, 鈥淒id I ask you out at the party?鈥� She confirmed it had happened, and I was like, 鈥淥h, shit!鈥� Then I begged her to walk me through everything that went down that night. She told me about us dancing together for most of the night, and how things eventually built up to me asking her to be with me.

Lauretta: Then, after I finished narrating how the night played out, he told me he meant everything he had said. Then he asked me out again, properly this time. Although I still told him he needed to take me on an actual date first before I’d give him an answer.

He planned the date, and we became official on September 10th, 2025.

Nice. But you both didn鈥檛 see the need to inform Jessy鈥檚 sister first before you committed to a full relationship?

Lauretta: Personally, I didn鈥檛 see the need. Whatever happened with his sister barely registered. I don鈥檛 feel comfortable getting into details, but even the one time we made out, we still had our clothes on. Although I flagged it to Jessy early on, we can鈥檛 ignore that I knew his sister first, and we could have actually been a thing if we’d worked it out. 

By that point, though, she and I weren’t really talking much anymore anyway, so I personally didn’t feel an urgent need to reach out and explain myself to her. But I did tell Jessy plainly that he needed to be the one to have that conversation with her, since he and I were going to be around each other a lot more going forward, and it wasn’t something that could just stay hidden indefinitely.

Jessy: I don’t think I’d fully registered how serious or awkward the whole situation actually was until she said that to me directly. I’d actually considered asking my sister’s blessing before making any real move on Lauretta, but the way everything unfolded that night at the party just didn’t leave room for that kind of careful approach. Still, I knew deep down the conversation had to happen eventually; there was no getting around it.

When did you finally tell her?

Jessy: Three weeks after we became official. She was abroad for a short course at the time, which honestly made it a bit easier. I texted her, casually asked how Lauretta was doing, and she waved it off at first. She said she guessed Lauretta was fine, that they hadn’t actually spoken in months. Then she asked why I was even asking about her, and I just blurted out the truth instead of easing into it.

Shoot.

Jessy: She was more disappointed than outright angry, honestly, which almost felt worse in the moment. She said it was weird and not cool that I’d end up with someone she’d been with, even briefly. I sent a longer message explaining things properly, including what Lauretta had told me, that nothing particularly serious had really happened between the two of them. She never responded to that message at all.

Lauretta: The weird part is, even though I knew what was going on to this day, she hasn’t reached out to me at all, not a single message. For some reason, I was expecting a call or angry text after Jessy told her, but it鈥檚 been complete crickets. I think she blocked me everywhere at this point. Actually, she has. I don鈥檛 see her posts anywhere, even though I see them when I鈥檓 using Jessy鈥檚 phone. 

What about you, Jessy? What鈥檚 the dynamic with your sister like now?

Jessy: Things have been a little awkward, though it’s not glaringly obvious since she’s still abroad. We still text and call each other sometimes. But I can tell she’s still nursing some anger beneath all that surface normalcy. She鈥檚 coming home this December, which will be the first time we’ve seen each other in person in almost a year, so I don’t quite know what that reunion will look like yet.

Got it. Despite all that, how would you both describe your relationship with each other?

Jessy: Honestly, it’s been genuinely beautiful outside of all that family drama. Lauretta is easy to be around; we can sit in silence or talk for hours and both feel comfortable. She鈥檚 also really attentive. I could mention something in passing and she鈥檇 bring it up weeks later. I find that really sweet.

I do get worried sometimes when I think about her past relationships with women. I also sometimes worry that she might just wake up one day and decide she鈥檚 done with a guy. I鈥檓 learning that鈥檚 one of the cons of being with a bisexual person. But I’ve made a conscious decision to focus on the present rather than overthink or change anything about who she is.

Lauretta: I’m focused on the present too, for what it’s worth. Jessy has proven to be someone I could genuinely see myself settling down with long term, so that’s really where my mind and attention is going right now. I do wish things between him and his sister could eventually be repaired, though, because I honestly have no idea what to expect when the three of us end up in the same room together for the first time. Outside of that, I have no complaints. He鈥檚 reliable, funny, and I鈥檓 glad he鈥檚 in my corner. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Jessy: I’d say an 8. What we have is genuinely good, but I’m knocking off a few points because of the unresolved tension with my sister; it’s a shadow hanging over an otherwise solid relationship.

Lauretta: I’ll say 8.5. The relationship itself has exceeded what I expected going in. We celebrated our anniversary last month, and I look forward to celebrating more years together.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Temi (35) and Wumi (32) met on an Africa Magic film set in 2022. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a week of living together before they were officially dating, a proposal disguised as a baby shower, and building their own production company alongside their marriage. 

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Wumi: We met on the set of an African Magic series in October 2022. I’d been shooting for a couple of months, then the story got to a point where they were going to bring in some new characters; very wicked ones, too. Everyone on set was curious about who would play them. Then someone mentioned that one Temi Fosudo was playing one of the characters a day before he arrived. But his name didn’t register because I鈥檇 never heard of him. He joined us on set the next day, and I could finally put a face to his name.

Temi: I actually always assumed we had the same first memory of each other. I didn鈥檛 know she had this preamble. Anyway, my first memory of Wumi was the day I joined the Itura production.

I walked into the actors’ holding room greeting everyone, and I saw her. Normally, I don’t remember faces when I walk into a crowded room, because it overstimulates me and I just look for a corner to sit in. But her face registered properly for reasons I didn鈥檛 understand. We said hello, and that was all.

What was it about her that registered with you, Temi?

Temi: It wasn’t anything physical. I think she was in costume, and her natural hair was out, but it was really her aura. She had a very welcoming spirit.

Wumi: I remember I was actually done for the day and wanted to go back to the lodge. But I looked up when he came in and spent an extra second looking at him. My first thought was that he was a fine boy. He had a shy smile. Then someone shouted “baby” at him, and I thought, who鈥檚 already calling him baby? It turned out they just knew each other from the set. The way he answered was also very calm. He came off as a well-mannered guy.

So what happened after that first day?

Temi: I was keeping to myself most of the time. During that period, I lived in Ibadan, so it was usually a long, exhausting drive to Lagos. Whenever I got to set, I just wanted my own space and all. Then, one day, she conned me into playing Ludo with her.

Wumi: I was looking for someone new to beat, since I was beating everybody on set. Everyone else had gone to shoot, so it was just him and a few others in the holding room. I asked if he played Ludo, and he said yes, and I beat him three-nil. He has refused to play with me again since then.

Screaming.

Temi: She didn’t cheat, I’ll admit. But during the game, we also spent a lot of time talking, bantering, and just getting to know each other on a surface level. I remember we also took a stroll and talked about the book I was writing. Then, another night, I drove us to the supermarket. I bought her something without thinking, and it turned out she bought me something too. It was a cute and friendly moment. I remember walking back to her saying, 鈥淗ey, I bought this for you,鈥� and she also went, 鈥淚 bought this for you, too.鈥�

Wumi: During this period, I also found out Temi wasn鈥檛 exactly a big talker. I found that interesting because it meant I could do most of the talking and he could listen. I remember telling him I was on a man cleanse, which might have been too much information, considering we鈥檇 only just met. But that was also how easy it was to be around each other. The whole time, I didn’t know he was registering it all. I also found out he was a writer and was working on a book at the time, so that was fun for me. We had so much to talk about.

The funny thing is, while checking him out online, I found out his dad is the legendary actor Sola Fosudo, and that one of my best friends, Wendy, knew him. Her brother went to university with him. We had so many mutual friends that I wondered where he’d been all this time.

Sounds cute. What was going on in your love lives at the time, though?

Temi: I was in a relationship. I was driving to see my girlfriend in Ibadan almost every weekend and coming back on Sunday or Monday. The relationship was already having problems, though I didn’t tell Wumi at first. The babe and I eventually realised we weren’t compatible.

Wumi: I was single. The fact that Temi had a girlfriend actually made me more comfortable with him, because I didn’t have to worry that he’d like me or that something weird would happen. I did feel a twinge of disappointment, because he’s a fine boy and I would have loved to flirt a little. But I’m monogamous, and if you have someone and you move to me, you’ve lost me. So I thought, okay, moving on.

Temi: I eventually broke up with the lady. The relationship had just run its course. At the time, Wumi and I were just friends. She was in Lagos, and I was in Ibadan, and we didn’t even have each other’s numbers, only Instagram, where we chatted here and there. 

However, when the relationship ended, I told her I was single now. I wasn’t making a move, I told her as a friend, because she knew I used to travel to see my girlfriend. But part of me knew that if I didn’t say it, we’d never find out if there was something worth pursuing.

I see. And how did you take that news, Wumi?

Wumi: This is so funny because I remember the day he told me. I stood up and started dancing where I was, and I don’t know why. I called one of my friends and told her he was single. She asked why I was happy, and I said, because now I can flirt without feeling guilty. That’s when I realised I’d been suppressing something. Before then, he wasn’t even in my subconscious.

Curious. How did the friendship play out now that you were both single?

Wumi: Honestly, we only just grew deeper as friends. We found out our birthdays are two days apart, and we finally exchanged numbers. He wasn’t a fan of long calls until me, and we’d talk into the middle of the night. We talked about everything: family, religion, feminism, and football. I’m a feminist, and I don’t usually call men feminists, but I would call him one. We debated a lot, but the conversations were healthy. He was more serious than I’m used to, and also goofier than I expected. He found out I watch football too. He’s a Liverpool fan, and I support Man City, who are having a bad time right now.

Temi: I liked that we shared similar values, and that we could argue and still be fine afterwards. In fact, I liked what was happening between us, and I think that was when I first started to picture us as an item. But somewhere in all that certainty that I liked her, I also knew that it鈥檚 easier to fall for someone when you haven鈥檛 really been in the same physical space with them at length. That鈥檚 how you know if they鈥檙e an actual version of everything they鈥檝e projected. By that time, we鈥檇 gone out a few times and hung out. But about two months in, I proposed something weird.

I said we should spend one week together in the same space. 

Wumi: Most people go on a date or two, but he wanted us to be together for days. If we still felt the same connection and attraction after that, we’d see where it went. I kept asking what he wanted, and he’d say, “You’ll soon know.鈥� I told him that sounded like a threat. I鈥檇 also joked earlier on that I was still enjoying the streets, and he told me my time on the streets was up. Meanwhile, in my head, I was only just getting started.

Right. But how did you really feel about his proposal?

Wumi: I hadn’t felt that kind of tension since my first day of secondary school. I was about two years out of a long relationship and taking my time, so this wasn’t in my plans. But I was open to it. 

On the agreed-upon week, he drove to Lagos and brought yams and meat, because I’d told him I don’t like the market and I don’t like cooking. We went to the supermarket, and I bought everything I wanted, chocolate included, and I was ready to pay my share. Then this man brought out his card and paid for everything. I remember joking that he must have plenty of money, and he said it wasn’t plenty, but he could afford what we needed. I liked that answer.

What was the week like?

Wumi: It was easy. We watched movies, went out, and talked. It felt like we were already married, which was weird and scary. I’d decided not to hide anything, so if he did something I didn’t like, I told him straight away. I don’t like it when people move my things, and he moved a hair cream. I told him not to do that again. It was a very nice week.

Temi: I think it also helped that we鈥檇 met up a couple of times before this long stretch spent together. So it wasn鈥檛 like something that happened completely out of the blue. 

Did staying with a man for a whole week worry you, Wumi?

Wumi: A little. I’m cautious and very security-conscious. But our mutual friends lived about fifteen minutes from my house, and Wendy’s brother had known him since university. Everyone said he was cool. I had also lived with a partner before, so staying with someone wasn’t new. What made me anxious was opening myself up mentally, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold certain things back.

Would you say you achieved the outcome you wanted from that visit?

Temi: I did. It was a deciding move for me. I already believed she was someone I could spend my life with, but I needed to be completely sure. People can be different when you share a space with them. I wanted to simulate marriage. If it didn’t work, we’d still be friends. My own house in Ibadan was always full of younger boys and friends, so there was no privacy there. That was why we decided on her place in Lagos.

Wumi: I’m hearing this for the first time. I thought he was trying to show me that a relationship isn’t the worst thing for me at this point in my life. I had no idea he was thinking about marriage. I’m glad I was open to it.

Temi: Anyway, I left her place knowing I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend and that I wanted to marry her. Saying the marriage part out loud so early sounded a bit psychopathic, so I kept it to myself.

When did you ask her out?

Temi: A few weeks later, at a film festival run by my best friend. This was sometime around April, 2023. We were watching a movie, and a character recited a love poem in Yoruba. I don’t speak Yoruba, but I repeated the poem beside her and asked her to be my girlfriend.

Wumi: I said yes, but I told him that wasn’t how I wanted to be asked. I told him to use his words and tell me why he wanted me to be his girlfriend, and that he couldn’t sleep without me. He planned a proper dinner and asked again, as a surprise, about a month later. The funny thing is, that was something I just said in the moment to tease him. We were already dating, so I didn’t expect him to ask a second time. But he did.

The first time was April 27th, and the second was in late May. I still think the film festival is the foundation of everything we’re building now, because I wasn’t that invested in the industry before.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Temi: Dreamy. It felt like an unending honeymoon phase, and I think right now it feels like we鈥檙e back to the early days of our relationship in a way. There was no moment where I thought I’d made a mistake. We debated a lot, and it pushed us to learn more. 

Wumi: Everything he said. I got a lot more grounded in my knowledge of the industry. Before, I just wanted to act and keep it moving. But Temi pushed me to be more involved in the festivals and all the other moving parts of our craft. And it was vice versa.

I was a fashion and beauty editor at the time, and he learned a lot about fashion and beauty from me. He was also planning to move to Lagos anyway, since he was almost always shooting here and barely spent time in his place in Ibadan. Everything just worked well in those early days. But we also had small hiccups here and there.

And how did you handle these 鈥渉iccups鈥�?

Wumi: So in my past relationships, if we fought, I was always ready to up and leave. With Temi, it was different. I’d tell him how I felt because I wanted us to work through it, not because I wanted to fight more. I used to be stubborn about wanting an answer immediately. Eventually, he explained that he always needed time to sort through his feelings before he could handle whatever we were going through in any given moment. It took some getting used to, but we found a balance. He鈥檚 since learnt to think a little faster, and I wait a little longer.

Temi: I think it鈥檚 because I鈥檓 somewhat conflict-avoidant. I like to debate issues with myself first before addressing them head-on. For me, it鈥檚 never about trying to win the argument; I’m only trying to get to the truth. However, it turns out that when I only argue with myself, I’m using only the facts I have, and when I finally tell her, she adds a detail I didn’t know, so all that time was wasted. 

I’ve learned to speak sooner and explain why I do things. 

Wumi: Over time, we鈥檝e also learnt to accept that one person isn鈥檛 trying to hurt the other when they communicate their issues. When I got suspicious about something he鈥檇 done, he’d ask why I thought he’d do something on purpose. That helped me separate the issue from him and remember that he’s a kind and honest person first.

Nice. When exactly did marriage come up?

Wumi: At some point, Temi asked what I thought about marriage. I hadn鈥檛 really given it much thought after my last relationship. Yet, when he brought it up, I said I鈥檇 do it as long as it鈥檚 with him. 

Then one night at home, with his friend around, we measured each other’s ring fingers. I think he engineered that conversation so well that I didn’t realise it was pre-planned. On September 30th, 2023, five months into dating, he asked me to marry him.

Temi: I was sure. By that point, I’d become very strict about who I dated, and I was ending talking stages in three days. When I met Wumi, I knew I鈥檇 gotten to my final bus stop. I didn’t see the point of dating for a year to prove something I already believed. Before you propose, you should already be talking about marriage, and we were.

Wumi: It was a really cute proposal, too. 

Awwwn. Tell me about it.

Wumi: He plotted with my friends and they successfully pulled a surprise on me. I genuinely thought I was attending a friend鈥檚 baby shower. I even paid my part of the contribution for the said friend. That morning, I woke up with an allergy and nobody could convince me to wear heavy makeup or wear a purple dress, because that鈥檚 my favourite colour. I got to the venue, saw 鈥淲ill you marry me?鈥� and it still didn鈥檛 dawn on me.

It took five different possibilities before I realised it was mine and saw someone recording me. I sat down and laughed for a long time before I could walk over. Then Temi forgot his lines. Our song was playing, and all I remember is him saying there was nobody else he’d rather spend his life with.

Temi: The hardest part was finding the ring. She wanted a purple stone, and I couldn’t find one anywhere, so I had to have one made. I hid my phone the whole time because she notices everything. I told her I was writing a script for someone, and her friend helped by telling her she was trying to reach me for work. I鈥檓 glad we pulled it off.

We had our introduction in December 2023 and got married in June 2024.

How would you describe the marriage so far?

Temi: Amazing. We’re still building on the same foundation of friendship, openness, honesty, and love. There was a period when our arguments got too heated, but it didn’t last. We share everything, finances, dreams, plans, and she鈥檚 also learning to share her food.

Wumi: I can’t remember half of what used to cause those heated arguments. But a big part was probably keeping our individuality in marriage. I like to push him, and I struggled with knowing when to stop. I was also frustrated with work, and he had a lot going on, too, so small comments kept building up. 

At one point, I told him that at the end of the day, he was just a man, and that comment really got to him more than I intended. I’d been projecting things from past experiences. I eventually had to remind myself that this is Temi, not every man out there.

Temi: It also helps that one of us is always willing to step back, and most of the time it’s me. We can鈥檛 keep going at it band for band when emotions are high. Sometimes I stop responding in that moment, and she knows to stop pushing as well. 

We鈥檝e also just realised that we鈥檙e in this together. Whatever we鈥檙e both going through, we always come back to the same table where we鈥檙e both seated. I鈥檓 the person for her, and she鈥檚 the person for me.

Neat. How would you say this relationship has changed you?

Temi: My style is more expressive now. But I’ve also gained a creative partner. For years, everyone I shared ideas with was a man, my dad or my friends. Now I have a woman who starts giving me ideas before I’ve finished a script, and she sees things from an angle I can’t. She’s also brought structure into my creative life, and I鈥檓 forever grateful for that.

Wumi: Being with Temi has changed me in many beautiful ways. I found my person, but I鈥檝e also found my calling. I’m building a production company with my husband, whom I always call my genius. People see and say I’m glowing, and that鈥檚 the truth. I can have bad days and the moment I see him, and he hugs me, everything is well with the world again.

We also have regular check-ins where we ask each other if we’re happy and if we feel loved. All in all, our relationship has made me a lot more secure in my career, and I feel reassured that I鈥檓 not going through life alone. 

Speaking of career, how has it been working together in the same industry?

Wumi: Awesome. As I said, Temi鈥檚 a genius. I love that I play my part in sharing creative ideas with him and helping him bring his ideas to life in the best way possible.

We made a short film called Tell It No More, which is on YouTube, and we recently shot another one that’s in post-production. Then there’s our play, . When we met, Temi kept telling me about a story he’s carried for years. When I heard it, I thought it would touch hearts and shake some tables. The first run in Lagos was widely received. We did it again, and now we’re staging it a third time in October with Alliance Francaise, all within a year.

Temi: I鈥檒l add that it hasn鈥檛 always been completely seamless. We argue and have our little back-and-forths. But neither of us holds back, and we always find a way to make it work. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Temi: A 10. I’m happy, my life is more interesting, and it’s easier to dream when someone is dreaming beside you.

Wumi: A 10 as well. It’s so much fun being in love with Temi, and it feels like a breath of fresh air. I didn’t think it could be this good, and I don’t talk about how good this feels because I feel like I’d jinx it. But this is my guy. 

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Chris (36) and Dara (34) met through Couch Surfing in 2021. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a squeezed taxi ride in Togo that changed everything, a “what are we” conversation that took months to turn into an actual relationship, and building both a marriage and a tour company across two continents.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Chris: 2021. I’d gotten a Nigerian visa right before the pandemic, valid for two years, and I never got to use it. With a few months left before it expired, I booked a short weekend trip to Lagos over July 4th. At the time, I was really into Couch Surfing, which is a website where you can meet locals and stay with them during your travels. That鈥檚 how I found Dara’s profile. 

She’d travelled around West Africa and seemed passionate about exploring Nigeria too. I thought she was an interesting person. So I messaged her, introduced myself properly, and told her about my travels. Thankfully, she responded quickly enough and offered to host me at her home in Nigeria. She said she’d show me around Lagos, and we could even take a trip to Abeokuta. I was sold immediately.

Dara: That鈥檚 also my earliest memory of Chris. I’d been on the Couch Surfing website as a guest for about a year before I got my own apartment and started hosting. But Chris wasn’t my first guest. A few months earlier, I鈥檇 hosted another guy from Singapore. 

Chris reached out in June, and I was really tickled when he mentioned that he’d been to over 130 countries. He also introduced himself properly instead of just asking to crash at mine. He shared in detail the last country he visited, why he鈥檚 interested in seeing Africa and why he wants to visit Nigeria. I was sold.

Coincidentally, I’d also just started a personal project to visit 30 Nigerian states before turning 30, so when someone said “come show me Nigeria,” I was thrilled to play tour guide.

Take me through his first visit. How did that go?

Dara: He arrived on July 4th. It was a Saturday morning. I picked him up from the airport, we dropped his bags at my place, and went straight to Abeokuta the same day. We didn鈥檛 waste time at all. We made it down to Olumo Rock in Abeokuta, visited the Olusegun Obasanjo Presidential Library, and I got him to try amala and okra. 

I remember he was somewhat hesitant with the okra, so we swapped bowls, and he ended up loving my plate of amala. The next day, we were back in Lagos. He still wanted to see so many places, so we did the Nike art gallery and the beach. That was where he filmed his first viral video, joking that people had warned him not to come to Lagos because he’d die. It got about 5000 views in a day, which felt massive at the time. By Monday, I went to work and left him the keys to explore Lagos Island alone before his evening flight.

Curious, Chris. What were your thoughts on staying with a complete stranger?

Chris: I’d done Couchsurfing with plenty of people before, so I wasn’t overly anxious. I was just excited for the places we’d see, and Dara seemed like a genuinely nice person. There wasn鈥檛 much to worry about.

Dara: On my end, I always take safety precautions with male guests. I’d sleep in the living room on a spare duvet and lock the door separating it from my bedroom, just for my own peace of mind. Nothing strange happened at all.

That first trip really stood out for a number of reasons. First, I was intrigued by the way he ate. Most foreigners are visibly cautious with their first bite of unfamiliar food, but Chris just dug in like he’d been eating Nigerian food his whole life. Second, and this one really got me, I accidentally put way too much pepper in some noodles I鈥檇 made for him before heading to work that Monday. I panicked the entire morning thinking I’d basically poisoned a white man. I didn鈥檛 know how to ask when I called to check on him, so I spent some time dancing around the question. When I finally asked if the noodles was too spicy, this man just said,  鈥淚t was fine.鈥� I’d always told my siblings I could never marry a man who couldn’t handle pepper, so that moment stuck with me. 

Were either of you dating at the time?

Chris: I was single, doing a little casual dating, but nothing serious. I guess I was also looking, but I didn鈥檛 have a clear picture of what I was looking for. I remember going back to the US and briefly thinking about Dara. In my head, I thought, 鈥淭hat girl was really nice. Now, I have to find someone like her in the U.S.鈥� I knew I didn鈥檛 want a long-distance relationship, so I wasn鈥檛 really seeing the vision with Dara at the time.

Dara: I was actually single too. I’d just stepped back from something that was starting to feel one-sided, so I was putting my energy into my travel goals instead. 

Got it. What happened after Chris returned to the US?

Chris: It鈥檚 actually so funny because we both have different memories of how things played out back then. In my head, we stayed in touch for just a bit and that was it. But years later, while filing visa paperwork, we actually went back through some of our old messages and realised we’d been talking a lot more than either of us remembered.

She鈥檇 mentioned taking a trip to Benin, Togo and Ghana and I thought that was really cool. Those were countries I also wanted to visit. So we kept in touch until the next time we planned another trip together. 

Oh. When was that? 

Chris: I came back in September, two months after the Lagos trip. This time around, we did a trip to Benin and Togo together and spent about a week together.

Dara: Before that trip, we actually had a very direct conversation about room arrangements, which isn’t always easy for women to bring up without it sounding like an accusation. Chris offered separate rooms if I wasn’t comfortable sharing, which put me at ease. 

That trip had its share of chaos, too. He got turned back at the Togo border, and we had to sort out special permits in Benin, so we spent a lot of time just waiting around and talking about our families, upbringing, everything. 

Chris: That trip is really where we moved from acquaintances to actual friends. We talked so openly that I remember thinking, 鈥淭his is someone I could see myself with,鈥� but I kept reminding myself that we couldn鈥檛 be a thing because of the distance.

Dara:  I remember this really funny moment during our taxi ride. His arm ended up around me, completely unplanned, and I could tell he was trying so hard not to invade my personal space. It felt like something straight out of a K-pop drama. 

When we got to the airport, the hug we shared felt a lot more different from the first time he visited. It felt warmer, like I already knew I’d miss him.

Awwwn 

Chris: After that visit, I think we agreed I鈥檇 come back in November for a friend’s wedding as her plus one. I remember asking her if I could come along because I鈥檇 heard so much about Nigerian weddings. It was also easier to plan the visits because I worked for an airline and there were daily flights to Lagos. So I could just jump on any flight at any time. Unfortunately, my mum passed away that October, so those plans fell apart.

That loss pulled me into my shell for a bit. I wasn鈥檛 really speaking to anyone. 

Dara: He told me about it almost immediately; I was one of the first people he told. We didn’t talk much for about a month while he grieved, though I checked on him weekly. There was a moment he broke down on a call, and I remember wishing so badly I could physically be there for him. That’s when I realised he wasn’t just a random friend to me anymore.

Was this when things picked up between you again?

Chris: In a way. By December, I鈥檇 stepped out of my grief a little more and we were talking more again. I mentioned wanting to see rural Nigeria, especially somewhere outside Lagos. Then Dara mentioned her grandmother’s village in Ekiti state.

Dara: I told my dad I had a foreign client I wanted to bring to the village, which wasn’t entirely a lie; it was just easier to frame it that way at first since I didn’t want to explain that I was hopping on a trip with a random white man. 

Anyway, we planned the trip and went to Ekiti in February 2022. We met my grandmother and step-grandfather, bought a live chicken at the market, and cooked over firewood outside, nothing fancy at all. He was enamoured by everything. These were things I considered pretty normal but they were new experiences for him, and he was just happy to witness it all. Chris still says that meal is still one of the best he’s had in Nigeria. Even though he also woke up in the middle of the night needing the bathroom because the food was so spicy for him.

Screaming. Was it still purely platonic at this point, though? 

Dara: To be honest, I’d already confided in my sister and aunt that I might be catching feelings, so I’d been planning to bring it up myself at some point. But Chris beat me to it on the second night of the Ekiti trip, and I was so relieved. I’d been overthinking every delayed reply to my messages, wondering if I was being too obvious or too into him.

Chris: I asked her what she thought about us. I didn’t go in expecting us to declare ourselves a couple right there, I just felt like we needed to actually acknowledge that something was there instead of pretending otherwise.

Dara: We agreed there was something between us, but decided to keep things as they were, given how much distance stood between us, and just see where it went without putting a label on it yet.

Oh

Chris: Well, we didn鈥檛 have to stall for too long because we became official by August. There were a few reasons for the gap. I had visa complications ahead of a planned May visit, had to renew my whole passport, and missed that trip entirely. 

Fortunately, Dara had a trip planned to Senegal with some of her clients,  so we agreed to meet there. I joined her in Senegal for my birthday in June, and it was just yet another time spent bonding and getting closer. We still hadn’t made anything official.

I came back to Nigeria in August and Nike invited me to a friend鈥檚 wedding party. The night before the wedding, I told her something along the lines of 鈥淵ou know we should make this official and be a couple,鈥� and that was it. We became a couple.

Sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Chris: It didn’t feel that different, since we’d already built so much emotional closeness over the previous year. We just kept doing what we’d been doing, travelling together whenever possible. One trip that stood out was Spain; it was her first time in Europe after a couple of visa denials and an appeal. We did Madrid, Mallorca, Barcelona, and she continued on to France and Portugal after I flew back to the US. 

Dara: Although communication was tricky sometimes in those early days. Our individual accents took some getting used to. He actually understands me better than his own family does, so he ends up constantly translating for them.

Chris: Something else that really shocked me was how she addresses elders. When Dara met my dad, I told her to just call him Brian, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She kept saying Mr Brian, since calling an elder by their first name felt deeply disrespectful in the Nigerian culture. But those were pretty much what the early days together felt like. Lots of learning about each other, particularly about our different cultures. 

Got it. How did the relationship progress over time up to the point of marriage?

Chris: As I mentioned, we were really committed to knowing and understanding each other before committing to a life together. The idea of marriage itself  built gradually over a lot of conversations. What really convinced me about Dara was her ambition, her work ethic, her humble background, and how well we worked as a team. We’d also talked about whether she’d be open to relocating, and she was genuinely excited about the idea, given how much she already loved to travel. I also wanted her to meet my family if we were going to get married, so we started planning how we could make that happen.

Your family already met Chris during the Ekiti trip. What did they think of the relationship, Dara?

Dara: My dad was incredibly receptive; way more than I expected. The Ekiti trip really won him over. Chris had asked to visit my paternal grandfather’s grave in his hometown, even though we hadn’t planned to. I sent my dad a photo of us by the graveside, and that meant the world to him. I remember he was also worried about fixing the toilet and a couple of other things, but he didn鈥檛 even have to do that because Chris was fine with experiencing us just as we were. I think that from that moment on, he had such a positive impression of Chris. He knew he wasn鈥檛 just being polite for show. Every time he called, he asked about Chris. So when I finally told him about our relationship, he smiled. He didn鈥檛 have any reservations at all. As for my mum and siblings, they鈥檙e all open-minded and since Chris is a likeable person, he didn鈥檛 have to do too much to win them over.

Let鈥檚 talk about meeting Chris鈥� family. How did that go?

Chris: Since Dara couldn’t get a US visa in time, we arranged for her to meet my family in Mexico for Thanksgiving instead, about nine months before the wedding. She flew in from a Europe trip to meet us in Puerto Vallarta, which felt like the easiest way to get her close to what life in North America might look like without dealing with the visa issue directly.

Dara: I was so nervous, I hid behind him at the airport when I saw his family approaching. I was completely shy. Still, the meeting was nothing like what I’d built up in my head. Everyone was super warm and friendly, even though they didn鈥檛 really understand some of the things I was saying. We’ve since travelled together as a family multiple times.

Chris: After that, I wanted to meet her father too, even though we still weren’t fully decided on marriage at that point. We had to keep it low-key, almost secretive, because once her mother or aunties found out, the whole extended family would start planning a wedding immediately. We met quietly at a family friend’s house so it wouldn’t raise suspicion. I really liked meeting him as well. He was warm and receptive once I shared my intentions.

While this was going on, we also had to talk to an immigration lawyer to figure out our options. He told us it made more sense to marry sooner rather than have a long engagement, so we could start the spousal visa process early. 

That meant planning everything backwards, picking a date and telling our parents first, then figuring out the ring, the outfits, the food, all of it.

Right. When did you actually get married?

Chris: May 23rd and 24th, 2024. The first day was our traditional wedding at her family compound. The second day was a court wedding, done at the Airbnb where my family was staying, since officials can come to you for a fee instead of going to the courthouse.

What was that first year like, considering you still had to deal with the distance?

Chris: It was bizarre, honestly. We got married and then went right back to our separate countries, me in the US, her in Nigeria. It felt strange being legally married but not actually living together, seeing each other maybe once a month using flight benefits from my airline job.

Dara: I survived that first year by throwing myself into work. It was harder for him, since he had to fly back and forth constantly. At one point his work schedule nearly changed in a way that would have made visits almost impossible. We got through it by reminding ourselves that some long-distance couples go a full year without seeing each other, and we at least had monthly visits.

Chris: Not living together also meant there was little to nothing at all to fight about. So that had its little perks in a way. But I鈥檝e been a lot more present in Nigeria in the past year, and we鈥檝e been living together as a couple. That has taken some adjustment from both of us. 

What do you mean?

Chris: New kinds of friction showed up. Different habits around the bathroom, the kitchen, bedtimes, and what to eat. Small things that become bigger when you’re constantly around each other.

Dara: The deeper issue was how differently we handle conflict. I’m confrontational, I’ll tell you immediately if something bothers me, even if it’s small. He tends to avoid it in the moment, but then it builds up until he suddenly brings up a whole list of things that annoyed him weeks earlier, all at once. That usually felt unfair to me, since I couldn’t address issues I didn’t even know existed.

Chris: I think it’s partly how I was raised, and partly cultural, too. Nigerians can be loud and direct in the moment but quick to move past it afterwards, whereas I tend to hold things in and process quietly, sometimes for too long. We’ve been actively working on it. I’m trying to speak up sooner rather than let things pile up into one big confrontation later, and Dara has had to learn to hear feedback from me without feeling like she’s being ambushed all over again.

Earlier, you mentioned that you work well together as a team. How did that come about?

Chris: We started a tour company bringing international visitors to Nigeria. I handle the big picture planning, the itineraries, and the vision for each trip. Dara is much better with the logistics, the budgets, the day-to-day details I tend to struggle with.

Dara: Working together has actually strengthened us as a couple. We’ve learned how to divide responsibilities based on what each of us is naturally good at, rather than trying to do everything the same way.

Neat. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Chris: I’ve learned an enormous amount about Nigeria and about Dara specifically, things that will stay valuable for the rest of our lives together, even if we end up somewhere else entirely one day. It’s made us better partners and hopefully better parents eventually. I love how well we complement each other in practically all areas of our lives. Where I’m weak, she’s strong, and vice versa.

Dara: Chris genuinely feels like finding a puzzle piece that fits completely. I have no doubt that Chris is who I’m meant to do life with.

I like that being with him has amplified my love for travel even more, and we’ve both grown so much individually since coming together. I’ve also had to confront some of my own conflict-related habits from my upbringing, and I’m actively working to unlearn what isn’t helpful.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dara: An 8. We’re friends first, which I think should be the foundation of any marriage, and we’re honestly inseparable at this point; we can barely handle short periods apart anymore. There’s still room to grow, but we’re getting there.

Chris: I’ll also say an 8. Nobody’s perfect, and because we work and live together constantly, we have to be intentional about keeping romance alive rather than letting everything become just about work. That’s the one area I think we can still be more deliberate about.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

Joe* (31) and Matilda* (28) met during Joe’s NYSC placement in 2019. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about reconnecting two years later, the night Joe collapsed in Matilda’s bathroom, and she had to call his mother at midnight, and why Matilda still hasn’t felt fully at home with that same mother since. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Joe: October 2019. Matilda was recruited at the tail end of my NYSC posting at a financial services company. I was the only corper there for a while, and the youngest person in the office, too. Two months earlier, I鈥檇 heard another corper was joining. I remember the HR person used to tease me, saying I鈥檇 soon have a fellow corper to keep me company. But weeks went by and I didn鈥檛 see anyone, so I assumed it wasn鈥檛 happening.

Then, I took a one-week break from work to sort out some NYSC clearance issues. I came back the following Monday and saw this cute lady sitting at the reception. I immediately knew she was the new corper and introduced myself.

Matilda: I remember thinking, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 wrong with this one?鈥� when he stretched his hands out. It was cute and funny at the same time. But that was also my first memory of Joe. I鈥檇 actually wanted to work at a fashion brand, but every attempt to land a role at the big fashion houses fell through. Then my mum suggested doing something in the financial sector, since it was more relevant to my course of study anyway. I had real reservations, especially after hearing during the interview that I鈥檇 be the only corper there. But the salary was also convincing, so in the end, I took the job when the offer came in.

Even though I鈥檇 initially thought Joe was too forward, having him around made that first day less overwhelming. However, I鈥檇 also heard he was leaving soon, so I didn鈥檛 want to get too attached since he wouldn鈥檛 be around anyway.  But he was just really persistent, almost like a baby in a candy shop. 

Joe: Fear women. I was just trying to make her feel welcome. I didn鈥檛 get that when I joined. The corper before me was one stuck-up babe who never smiled.

Screaming. So I鈥檓 guessing you guys developed an office friendship?

Joe: We did. From that first week, we started sitting together, buying lunch together, waiting for each other after work and occasionally sharing rides on our way home. Some people in the office actually asked if we’d known each other before. I think, for me, it came from being starved of having someone my age around at work for so long.

Matilda: And it happened naturally, too. After that first day of initial gra-gra, I actually noticed Joe was a cool guy. I mean, he鈥檚 good-looking, dresses really nicely, and those are two things I look for in a guy. But as said, we fell into a rhythm of always being around each other during and after work hours. 

Sounds sweet. And what happened when Joe鈥檚 service year ended?

Matilda: Proper tears o. He left toward the end of November, and I was genuinely heartbroken. In the few weeks we spent together, I realised why he was so excited to have me around. People at that office were mostly older guys who held traditional views and just wanted to boss you around. They鈥檇 also make annoying remarks like 鈥淵ou鈥檙e still young now. You don鈥檛 have any serious responsibilities.鈥� And the women were just really judgmental. I couldn鈥檛 imagine having to be alone with people like that. I remember crying at his send-off, and people in our department were surprised at how hard I took it. But I can be quite emotional like that.

Joe: I鈥檇 actually hoped they would retain me. I did a little lobbying, but that didn鈥檛 help in the end. I wasn鈥檛 dating anyone at the time. I had a couple of girls I was messing with, but seeing Matilda emotional at my send-off did something to me. I didn鈥檛 fully understand what it was yet. But I was genuinely touched.

Curious, Matilda. Were you dating at the time?

Matilda: I was in a long-distance relationship then, and I really loved my boyfriend. I genuinely wasn鈥檛 seeing Joe in that light at all; he was just a work colleague turned friend whom I鈥檇 grown fond of. 

Got it. Did you two stay in touch after he left?

Joe: We did, mostly calls and texts. But as the months went by, the frequency naturally reduced.

Matilda: Around that same period, my boyfriend started complaining that I seemed distracted, though it wasn鈥檛 specifically because of Joe. Our relationship was just going through its own strain. 

Joe: I think it was also just because we were experiencing different realities. I didn鈥檛 get a job as quickly as I thought. I was trying to start a little clothing business, it was just so many things going on. She鈥檇 cross my mind sometimes, but I didn鈥檛 reach out all the time. Besides, I knew she was dating and I wanted to respect her boundaries.

So how did you guys end up reconnecting?

Joe: We ran into each other at an event in late 2021. I spotted her first across the room and walked up to her. We hugged and screamed so much that we drew attention. We ended up spending the rest of the party together. We had so many things to catch up on since the last time we鈥檇 seen each other.

Matilda: I remember some of my friends who were also at the party kept asking me about him afterwards. They wanted to know why we seemed so close and why I seemed so comfortable around him. I told them he was just a friend, nothing more, but for some reason, they thought I was lying.

Joe: After the party, I could stop thinking about Matilda. She鈥檇 changed a lot and looked even better than the last time I鈥檇 seen her. However, I didn鈥檛 know how to ask if she was still in a relationship, so I started checking her Instagram and Twitter for clues instead of asking outright. Instagram didn鈥檛 say much; she only had about two old pictures there. But on Twitter, I found a few tweets and that made me conclude she wasn鈥檛 dating, and if she was, it probably wasn鈥檛 something serious.

But did you eventually ask her directly to be sure?

Joe: I did, just to confirm what I鈥檇 already suspected from some of her posts.

Matilda: I actually found it funny when he asked. I told him straight up that I was single. I was talking to a few people, obviously, but it wasn鈥檛 anything concrete. My instincts had always told me Joe liked me, even back when we were coworkers at the NYSC posting. But I used to brush it off because he鈥檇 never been direct and I didn鈥檛 want to misinterpret our friendship.

Joe: Then, not long after, I sent her a message on WhatsApp telling her I鈥檇 like us to be in a relationship.

Matilda: The exact words were 鈥淚鈥檇 like you to be mine.鈥� I laughed so hard when I got the message and even sent laughing emojis. The line felt like something straight out of a movie script. For some reason, I just thought he was joking, and then he said he wasn鈥檛. I think we had a two- to three-hour call after that message, and I realised he was actually serious. But I told him he had to say everything to me in person, not on the phone.

We went on a couple of dates, kept talking regularly and eventually became official in March 2022.

Awwn. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Joe: They were sweet. We were doing all the relationship regulars. Movie dates, long hours spent on calls, visiting each other and it just felt like we were living a version of our NYSC days, only this time, as lovers. I think what really made it feel so easy was that we genuinely liked each other as friends long before feelings got in the picture. So we didn鈥檛 have to navigate any early days of awkwardness.

Matilda: I agree. That foundation made a difference for us. We could easily agree to disagree; nothing felt too serious that we couldn鈥檛 solve after a deep, honest conversation. Dating just felt like adding an extra layer to our friendship rather than starting from scratch.

Joe: I also found out Matilda was a lot more emotional than I鈥檇 clocked during NYSC days. She wears her feelings quite openly and cries easily. It was hard to navigate at first because I process things a lot differently. I get emotional, too, but not to the point of tears. The thing with Matilda is, she could be crying, and you鈥檇 think something bad had happened only to hear 鈥淚 passed my course. My friend just got engaged.鈥� Everything makes this woman cry.

Matilda: I can鈥檛 help it. I鈥檓 actually bothered that I鈥檝e never seen Joe cry. He processes his emotions differently. He鈥檇 just have this stoic, unfeeling look on his face and you wouldn鈥檛 be able to tell if he鈥檚 angry or sad. I think the most emotional moment I saw him was when he fell sick.

Oh. Tell me more about that.

Matilda: That weekend, I鈥檇 asked Joe to come to my place. At the time, I was staying in a shared flat with two friends, and they both travelled to Ibadan and I didn鈥檛 want to be alone. I鈥檇 always been the one going to his place, so for once, I asked him to come over. This naughty boy did anyway, even though he wasn鈥檛 feeling too well.

Joe: It wasn鈥檛 anything serious, to be honest. I went to work that Friday and continued with my normal activities. When she asked, it also felt like a good opportunity to relax with my babe. Plus, I was a bit worried about her being in the flat alone for two nights. So I packed a bag and went over, thinking whatever I was feeling would pass.

When I got there, everything felt fine at first. We hung out as we鈥檇 usually do, and she even made me this healthy salad that was supposed to help me find my appetite. Then, around bedtime, I started feeling lightheaded. She told me to go take a warm shower and I figured that would help. But that鈥檚 probably the last thing I remember.

Matilda: While he was in the bathroom, I heard a loud thud that startled me. I ran and found him unconscious on the floor. I completely panicked and didn鈥檛 know what to do at first, so I just started pouring water on his head, hoping it would wake him up. He eventually opened his eyes and started mumbling something, but it was inaudible. Then, when I tried to lift him, he couldn鈥檛 move at all. 

Did you try to get help?

Matilda: I actually wanted to call my own parents first, but they lived far away, and honestly, I dreaded the thought of them finding out I had a man in my apartment. By the time Joe regained full consciousness, he still couldn鈥檛 stand. Whenever he tried, he felt this sharp, excruciating pain in his waist. That was when I went into full panic mode. I thought something had happened to his spinal cord. Then he said we should call his mum, since their house wasn鈥檛 too far off. 

The call was incredibly awkward. I actually wanted Joe to speak with his mum and tell her what happened, but his words didn鈥檛 quite make sense. It felt like he was going in and out of consciousness. Eventually, I did most of the talking. By 1:30 a.m., his mum arrived with her driver and one other man. Then we rushed to the hospital.

Joe: I was barely conscious through most of it, so I only found out the full details of what happened afterwards. 

Matilda: I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e ever needed him to be his normal self more than that day. The hospital was especially awkward with his mum.

What do you mean?

Matilda: She started asking me lots of questions. What I鈥檇 given him to eat or drink, what exactly had happened before he collapsed. It felt like an unending interrogation. The whole time, I kept running different scenarios through my head, genuinely wondering what I鈥檇 gotten myself into. At that point, I鈥檇 also informed my siblings, although I told them not to tell our parents yet. Because with the way Joe鈥檚 mum was going, it felt like she was going to involve the police or something. 

But did she ask how you knew each other in the first place, or how he ended up in your house?

Joe: Throughout that entire hospital stay, my mum never actually asked about my relationship with Matilda. She probably just assumed she was a friend helping out. It wasn鈥檛 until the day I was being discharged, when Matilda came to see me off, that I properly introduced her. It felt weird considering everything that had happened.

Matilda: His mum wasn鈥檛 harsh toward me at any point, even though the questioning felt a bit too much. But she wasn鈥檛 particularly warm either. And that left me feeling really uncomfortable. 

Joe: My mum can actually be that way. She鈥檚 not the friendliest person, even if she doesn鈥檛 mean any ill will by it. She just enjoys her own company and has always been that way, even with people she鈥檚 known for years. 

Through it all, I鈥檓 just thankful for Matilda. Things could have gone a lot worse if her fear had taken over. It鈥檚 one of those experiences neither of us will ever forget. Plus, that was how my mum found out about our relationship.

Right. And how鈥檚 the relationship between the two of them now?

Joe: It’s just there, really. I do wish it could be better. I don鈥檛 want to end up in a situation years down the line where my mum and my wife don鈥檛 see eye to eye. So I really hope things change with time, because I know, deep down, my mum doesn鈥檛 mean any harm; she鈥檚 just reserved by nature and has always been that way. 

Matilda: She actually calls to check on me sometimes, so I know there鈥檚 no ill intent. It鈥檚 just hard for me to fully shake the memory of how she reacted that first day we met. I understand it was nothing personal, but still鈥�

Despite everything, what’s the best thing about being with each other?

Matilda: The friendship. We were genuinely close as people before we were ever a couple, and that’s carried us through the relationship. Sometimes, I think of Joe as my best friend first, before I even remember that 鈥渙h wait, I also get to call him my lover.鈥� He鈥檚 kind, caring and really selfless. The way Joe makes my problem his own and prioritises me is really something. 

Joe: I feel the same way about the friendship part. We genuinely like each other as people, not just as partners in a relationship. Matilda talks about selflessness, but I think I also learned from her. She doesn鈥檛 joke with my matter and I know she鈥檒l always have my back. Plus, have you seen my baby? She鈥檚 your spec鈥檚 spec.

I hear you. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Matilda: I鈥檇 say 8.5. We’re both glad to have each other, and honestly, we can’t wait for this to move toward marriage. We both know it’s coming soon, and I can鈥檛 wait to call him husband.

Joe: I鈥檇 give us a 9. Outside of the challenges with my mum, everything else about us feels solid, and I only see that getting stronger from here as we keep building together.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a DM that almost went unanswered, a long-distance relationship built on a fixed timeline, and Lola鈥檚 clinginess, which Victor had to learn to embrace.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Lola: 2022. I鈥檇 just opened a new Twitter account and he was among my new followers. But we barely interacted. But by 2023, we鈥檇 noticed each other鈥檚 accounts and started bantering occasionally. He once posted a picture of a dress and asked which woman of God he should buy it for. I responded to the tweet, but I can鈥檛 even remember what I said. Another time, he tweeted about playing in the snow with someone鈥檚 daughter and I jokingly asked him to focus on God. Then he asked why he couldn鈥檛 do both, focus on God and be in love. And that was the nature of our interactions for a long time. Just pure, no-strings-attached banter.

Victor: I鈥檇 say my first memory of Lola is similar. I鈥檇 followed her account on Twitter, just the same way you鈥檇 see an account and innocently want to connect with it. Then we were constantly seeing each other鈥檚 posts on the TL. We鈥檇 banter, comment here and there, and keep it moving. I hadn鈥檛 really taken any special notice of her. She was just another female follower on Twitter. 

But did you think she was trying to say something with the constant bantering on your posts?

Victor: Not really. It鈥檚 Twitter. I genuinely didn鈥檛 think she was trying to shoot her shot or anything like that. The TL was just like that. You鈥檇 see people passing jabs at each other and that was it. Even when I also responded to her tweets, I didn鈥檛 have any hidden intentions. 

Right. How long did this bantering go on for?

Lola: For months, actually. I remember posting my graduation pictures in June 2023, and he either commented or sent a DM; I can鈥檛 remember. But he later told me that the picture is apparently what stuck with him. And it was what opened a line of communication between us. 

Victor: Then, in May 2024, I wished her a happy birthday and referenced this Yinka Ayefele song where he sings about a certain Ololade. 

Lola: He actually used to call me by that name and I鈥檒l just laugh and think, 鈥渢his funny鈥� guy.  

Victor: But that was about it between us. After that birthday, we fell back to just bantering and sometimes not talking at all. 

Right. So when did things change?

Lola: It was a random Sunday in August 2024. He came to my mind and I realised I hadn鈥檛 seen him tweet in a while. But in the same vein, I told myself I wasn鈥檛 checking up on anyone, that he鈥檇 be fine wherever he was. But for reasons I can鈥檛 explain, he just wouldn鈥檛 leave my mind. So I sent a text asking how he鈥檇 been. I didn鈥檛 get his response until the next day.

Victor: I actually didn鈥檛 see the message for some time. It was during one of my self-imposed breaks from social media to focus on work, business and my spiritual life. But Twitter has a setting that also sends notifications to your email. I saw the notification and logged in to respond via the web version. I actually think God wanted me to see that message.

Curious. What was your relationship status at the time?

Lola: I鈥檇 left a talking stage and wasn鈥檛 really in the headspace for anything new.

Victor: For me, I鈥檇 decided within myself that I wasn鈥檛 going to date until it was time to marry. So most of my time was spent focusing on things that could make my future great. 

Neat. Let鈥檚 go back to the conversation. How did it go after you responded?

Victor: It went well, actually. I explained why I鈥檇 been away from social media and we just got talking. In the middle of that exchange, I asked if I could have her number so we could move the conversation to WhatsApp or iMessage.

Lola: I鈥檒l be honest, a part of me felt like the conversation was headed for the ditch once we left the DMs. There鈥檚 just something about conversations dying when it gets to WhatsApp. Surprisingly, it didn鈥檛.

I wasn鈥檛 feeling well, so I told him I had a cough and malaria. Coincidentally, he works in the medical space. He immediately started telling me what drugs to get, checking constantly to see if I鈥檇 been to the pharmacy, even while I was at work the next day. That level of care and intentionality from someone I barely knew caught my attention. I used to think I was the better talker, but with him I was listening more, laughing more, and it just felt really good to be in an arrangement where I wasn鈥檛 constantly keeping the conversation alive.

Victor: It felt like we鈥檇 known each other all our lives. There was always something to talk about, and it never felt forced. We barely exhausted one topic before we moved to the next.

What exactly were you guys talking about?

Lola: Everything. We were learning more and more about each other. 

Victor: We鈥檙e both Christians, so our faith came up a lot, along with regular things like what happened at work that day or something we鈥檇 both seen. We hadn鈥檛 started talking about the future or any romantic interests yet, just a lot of friendly conversations.

Lola: That was when I also discovered that this guy was all the way in Ilorin. The entire time, I鈥檇 assumed he lived in Lagos. He just had that Lagos-boy vibe to him and I couldn鈥檛 have imagined otherwise.

Victor: Well, it wasn鈥檛 like I deliberately hid my location; we just never had any reason to talk about it until we got closer. 

Did that discovery affect how you saw whatever was starting to brew between you, Lola?

Lola: I had my reservations. If I wanted to get into something with someone I鈥檇 met online, it had to be someone who was committed and intentional about how we鈥檇 actually spend time together. That鈥檚 the only way to tell if they鈥檙e really serious. I didn鈥檛 know if Victor was going to be ready for all that. But it was just a thought I kept to myself. 

Got it. So when did feelings get into the picture?

Lola: We continued building the foundation. Then, in September 2024, Victor said he wanted to come to Lagos to see me. Something about the way he said it made me sit up and realise that this guy is serious. In fact, I had a wild thought that he was probably going to ask me to be his wife eventually, not just his girlfriend.

Victor: To be fair, I鈥檇 already decided I wanted to marry her by that time based on the depth of our conversations and how much our values aligned. As I said earlier, I鈥檇 never dated anyone prior and knew that any relationship I found myself in had to lead to the altar. The trip to Lagos was just like a confirmation. I wanted to put a face to the person I鈥檇 been talking to. 

And how did it feel to finally meet in person?

Victor: I came to pick her up directly from her house. She has a strict dad and didn鈥檛 want to explain that she鈥檇 just headed out with some random stranger she met online. Luckily, he wasn鈥檛 home. I met her mum and I could immediately tell that I had a chance just by how warmly she received me. She even tried to get Lola to change her outfit. That was so funny.

We left the house and went to a park, nothing too fancy because I genuinely wanted to just sit, talk and get to know her even more without distractions.

Lola: I think he missed the part about first impressions. I鈥檇 been curious about our height difference because I couldn鈥檛 really tell from pictures. That day, when he stepped out of the car, I realised I was just slightly taller than him. I still tease him about it.

Victor: She actually looked like her pictures. Simple, no make-up, and it didn鈥檛 bother me at all. As for the height, I鈥檝e always liked the idea of my wife being a little taller than me.

Lola: Anyway, we talked for hours at the park. Two young women we ran into assumed we were a couple, just from how naturally we interacted. In all, it was a cute first date.

Did you ask her out, Victor?

Victor: No. I wanted to sit with my feelings overnight and make sure what I felt in person matched what I鈥檇 felt through our conversations. We met again the next day, this time at a restaurant. That鈥檚 when I told her I wanted to be in a relationship with her.

Lola: I told him I needed some time to think and pray over it properly before giving him an answer. About a month later, he got a yes. One thing that gave me confidence despite the long distance was how clear he was about his timeline. He wasn鈥檛 vague at all. He told me plainly that he wanted to get married soon. That clarity mattered to me.

Victor: I didn鈥檛 leave any room for doubt. I laid out roughly when I hoped to do the introduction and the wedding itself. We became official on November 1st, 2024.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Lola: Sweet, and it also came with a lot of adjustments. I hadn鈥檛 been in a relationship for about five years, and he鈥檇 never been in one at all. We were both figuring things out from very different starting points. I鈥檓 a clingy lover. I wanted to talk to him all day, even through work, even when there was nothing to say. I just wanted him to stay on the call and hear him breathe. In fact, if there was a way to crawl into his skin, I probably would have done just that.

Victor: It was a completely new experience for me. Lola wanted to talk to me all the time. I hate background noise so much, but since she was calling all the time, I had to start using noise cancellation options just so we could even hear each other. She wanted to know all I was doing at every point in time. I eventually had to be frank and tell her, 鈥渢his can鈥檛 work, we have to find a balance.鈥� 

But then again, I also realised that talking wasn鈥檛 only about passing information. For her, it was also about connection. And since we were also in a long-distance relationship, overcommunicating like that was one way to keep things alive. It just took me a while to get used to it.

Lola: The truth is, I was always willing to drop everything just to focus on him, and I expected him to do the same. However, I had to learn it was unhealthy. Victor made me understand that there鈥檚 a difference between being committed to someone and losing yourself entirely in the relationship. He helped me understand that having a full life outside the relationship doesn鈥檛 take away from what we have. 

Let鈥檚 talk about marriage. When did that happen?

Lola: It was always a part of our plan from the beginning, so it wasn鈥檛 a separate conversation that started later. By the time Victor came to Lagos again in February 2025, my parents already understood what we were to each other, even though I never explicitly used the word boyfriend. He proposed on August 29th, 2025.聽

Victor: It鈥檚 just like she said. I lost my dad in April 2024, so I was cautious about telling my mother about anyone until I was sure. Then, when I was ready, Lola鈥檚 father insisted on seeing my mum first. This wasn鈥檛 an introduction. He just wanted to meet her. That was so funny. Some of my friends thought the request was a bit strange. They asked what he鈥檇 have done if my mum were out of the country or anything like that. Still, I drove my mum all the way from Ilorin to Lagos. It was a good meeting. Before then, I鈥檇 already shown my mum Lola鈥檚 picture. And meeting her and her family in person solidified it. 

Fast forward to December 27th, 2025, we had our introduction and we got married on May 9th, 2026, Lola鈥檚 birthday. It was the same date I鈥檇 first wished her a happy birthday back in 2024.

Congrats guys. And how have the past few months of marriage been?

Lola: Interesting. We鈥檙e finally together in Ilorin, and we’ve even started an Instagram page to document our lives. We want to show people that a good marriage isn鈥檛 something you stumble into, it鈥檚 something you build intentionally through patience, forgiveness and effort.

Victor: I think marriage is a covenant, not a contract that you can walk away from when it stops being convenient. It takes a lot of forgiveness and understanding on both sides.

Lola: For instance, we once had an argument that tested us. That morning, I鈥檇 asked him to do the dishes before heading to work and he just said no, without explaining why he couldn鈥檛 do it. That response really upset me, especially in the way he said it. We went to bed angry that night, and the next morning, he left for work without saying anything to me. No goodbyes or anything like that, and that scared me. My mind started running wild and I wondered if this was how things would always go whenever we disagreed.

Victor: Looking back, I should have explained that I was running late for work instead of just refusing outright. I also didn鈥檛 say anything because I鈥檓 somewhat conflict-avoidant. I just like to move on and act as if nothing happened rather than talking it through. 

I鈥檝e had to learn that walking away doesn鈥檛 resolve anything between us; it just delays and makes it worse. We eventually sat down and talked it out properly. 

Nice. What about Lola鈥檚 clinginess? What does that look like now that you live together?

Victor: It鈥檚 still a part of her, even though there鈥檚 balance now. Premarital counselling helped me understand that her clinginess comes from a genuine place of love, not insecurity. My own love language leans more towards productivity. So I鈥檝e had to channel that energy toward her. I鈥檓 constantly helping her be mindful of her goals.

Lola: I’ve learned to give him space when he’s clearly working on something, and in turn, I’ve found real joy in accomplishing things myself and sharing that progress with him. That’s something he values deeply. However, he still makes the effort to come find me whenever he鈥檚 free, which I really appreciate.

What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?

Victor: Lola has taught me patience on a level I didn’t know I needed. I also have a better understanding of leading with compassion rather than just charging ahead with decisions the moment I’ve thought them through. I love watching our shared purpose come together in real time, including the page we’ve started. Seeing how our individual paths have merged into something bigger than either of us alone could have been is genuinely beautiful.

Lola: Victor has taught me to actually focus and set goals instead of just dreaming about things without executing them. I used to be the type to hold back and question whether things would even work out, which caused friction between us early on since he’s much more decisive. My faith has grown alongside his, too, and I’ve become someone who’s actively working toward things rather than waiting for them to happen.

I love that I get to love him constantly, and I have so much love to give. Being able to pour that into someone who receives it well is honestly one of the best parts of this for me.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Victor: A 10. There鈥檒l always be small adjustments, but we’re fully committed to understanding one another as we grow, and that commitment is what makes it a 10 for me.

Lola: I’ll also say a 10. No relationship is perfect, but we’ve worked hard to get to a place of real understanding, and he’s honestly become my best friend despite the age gap between us. I’ve never once felt talked down to or unheard, and that means everything to me.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

Deji* (28) and Nkem* (27) met at a tech speaking event in Lagos in 2023, and grew close over shared career ambitions.聽

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a friendship that started when Nkem challenged him mid-session, a moving-in arrangement forced by a demolition notice, and the subtle testing she now feels from his mother.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Deji: August 2023. My friends had asked me to volunteer at a tech event at my alma mater and I agreed. I鈥檇 always wanted to get involved in capacity-building work, and it just felt like a low-hanging fruit. During my session, this one lady kept interrupting me with questions. Actually, observations. She鈥檇 raise her hand and I鈥檇 expect a question, but she鈥檇 hit me with 鈥淚 actually think or read something that XYZ.鈥� It felt nice at first, because she made me feel like I was actually making sense. No one else had the same eagerness to participate. But eventually, it started to feel like she was challenging me at every turn, and I got a bit offended. I think I even signalled one of the ushers to stop handing her the microphone. 

Nkem: This was actually so funny when he shared it with me many months later. But yeah, that was me. I鈥檓 usually highly engaged at events like that. I was doing my master鈥檚 at the time and had only attended the event because I knew the organisers. I鈥檇 looked up some of the speakers prior, and I remember thinking, 鈥渙h, he looks cute and smart鈥� when I went through his Instagram page. But that was about it. I鈥檓 not sure whether that very slight interest influenced how I interacted with him during his session. 

So what happened after the session ended?

Deji: I was standing outside, chatting with friends and other attendees, when I saw her walking toward me. I think I might have rolled my eyes and said a silent 鈥測ou again!鈥� My brain had sort of filed her under the 鈥渄ifficult person鈥� cabinet, and I was bracing myself for another round of her observations. But I was pleasantly surprised.

Nkem: The truth is, I knew I came up a certain way during his presentation, so I wanted to apologise for disrupting things so much. I walked up all smiles and told him I had a few more questions. 

I鈥檓 guessing he obliged.

Deji: She completely disarmed me with that smile and apology.

Nkem: We stepped aside to a corner and ended up chatting for almost 20 minutes. I had so many career-related questions, and he was just super helpful and patient in his responses. Before I left, Deji also shared his number and said I could reach out whenever I wanted.

Deji: After she walked away, I remember thinking she was really pretty. It was the first time I properly took her in. I think she had a white top and burgundy baggy pants on. It just looked so stylish in the way she paired it.  She looked like the kind of person I could see myself dating, but it was just a passing thought. 

Right. Did Nkem reach out to you?

Nkem: I actually wanted to send a message the very next day, but I held off on purpose. I didn鈥檛 want it to look like I had some other motive behind reaching out so quickly. To be fair, I鈥檇 also noticed he looked even finer in person and was really well spoken, but I wasn鈥檛 really looking to date at that point. I was laser-focused on completing my master’s and building my side hustle. Men and relationships could wait.

But later that week, I saw a job opportunity and reached out to him to seek clarity on the role. As before, he was really helpful and patient. And really, that鈥檚 how our friendship started. It was a very professional and career-focused friendship, nothing romantic at all. I was also looking into relocating through a scholarship program, and Deji knew a lot about the process, so we always had something substantive to talk about.

Deji: We ended up attending more tech conferences together as well. We went as friends navigating similar spaces and I admit, some of the outings actually felt like lowkey dates. There were instances where we had to grab a quick lunch together at restaurants and it would just be both of us gisting and laughing and just getting to know each other. It never felt like anything beyond a valuable friendship at the time.

I hear you. And how long did the relationship stay this way?

Deji: Pretty much into the next year. But I think our dynamics really had a major shift after Nkem鈥檚 convocation ceremony. Her family couldn鈥檛 make it down to Lagos, so I made it a point to show up and make the day special for her. I invited a few mutual friends, ordered a cake and a photographer and secured a cute spot for us. She didn鈥檛 even know I was doing all that. 

Nkem: That was really sweet. In my head, I just thought I鈥檇 attend the ceremony, celebrate with Deji and a few other friends who were having a proper celebration. I didn鈥檛 know this man was already plotting a coup behind me.

Deji: I mean, I didn鈥檛 want her to feel like she was celebrating alone. Funny thing is, a lot of people at the event just assumed I was her husband or fianc茅 because of how invested I seemed all day. I was going up and down, making sure everyone was well catered for and just generally playing big daddy.聽

Screaming.

Nkem: It meant a lot to me that he did that. But then, after the ceremony, I had to pull him aside and ask the 鈥淲hat are we?鈥� question. We were already blurring the lines, and as I said, he wasn鈥檛 a bad guy at all. I think a part of me was already falling, even if I didn鈥檛 have the exact words to say what it was. But after the whole graduation thing, I needed to be clear about whether this was still a friendship or had become something more. Even though I wasn鈥檛 dating, I had a few people who were disturbing me, and I just wanted to know where things stood with him.

Deji: I鈥檇 honestly wanted to have that conversation, but Nkem beat me to it. I guess I just kept telling myself I was waiting for the perfect moment, even though I couldn鈥檛 really tell what that moment was. When she finally asked, I realised there was no point in stalling any longer, so I went all out and asked her out properly.  

We became official that same month, January 2024.

Sounds sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Deji: They were really good days. I like to call them the honeymoon phase of the relationship, but Nkem insists we鈥檙e on an everlasting honeymoon phase. 

It was a lot of getting to know each other on an even deeper level. We shared the same values and were both extremely career-oriented, which made it a lot easier between us.

Nkem: I agree, though I did feel like he could be a bit too serious sometimes. Deji鈥檚 idea of fun was attending conferences, bootcamps, volunteering events, that sort of thing. I didn’t have a problem with any of that on its own; I just needed him to find some balance and put that same energy into nurturing us as a couple, not just our individual careers. What happened to going on weekend getaways, cinema dates, or even just spending an entire week cooped up at home together? That wasn鈥檛 Deji. If something serious wasn鈥檛 somewhere in the mix, he鈥檇 feel as though he wasn鈥檛 taking his life seriously.  But I shared my concerns, and then he put me in charge of being the enjoyment minister. All I needed to do was set something up, and he鈥檇 make the time. 

Deji: I think something else that surprised me was how direct Nkem was with intimacy. I’d never been with someone who was that specific about what she wanted and how she wanted it, so it took some getting used to on my end.

Nkem: I’m that way because intimacy genuinely matters to me in a relationship; it’s one of the things I pay close attention to. If I’m not satisfied in that area, it’s reason enough for me to walk away, so I’ve always been upfront about it rather than leaving it to guesswork.

But in general, it was a good period. We barely had any major issues. We were figuring each other out properly and testing whether our values and effort matched on both sides. I鈥檇 say the period that really tested us was when I had a housing situation in 2025.

Oh. What happened?

Nkem: My rented apartment was marked for demolition, and we all received eviction notices from the landlord. I needed to leave and get a new place within a fairly tight window, and the entire thing really threw me off. I鈥檇 been living in the house since I moved to Lagos, and it had become my safe haven. Having to leave with little or no time to prepare got me in a state of constant fear and worry. Rent prices at the time were also ridiculous. Everything available felt like it was double what I’d been paying, and raising that kind of money on short notice felt overwhelming on top of everything else I had going on. 

Somewhere in the middle of all that stress, Deji suggested I move in with me.

You have your own place, Deji?

Deji: I actually live with my mum and three siblings, but it’s a big house, and we had a spare guest room that was sitting empty most of the time. Nkem had already met my family a few times by that point and they liked her, so it didn’t feel like a completely wild idea to me. It felt more like the practical solution and I guess I just wanted to ease the pressure on her. 

The other thing is, I knew she was actively planning to relocate, so it wasn鈥檛 going to be a permanent arrangement.

Fair enough. But did your mum agree?

Deji: Her main worry was the optics. She didn’t want it to look bad if Nkem’s parents found out she was living with a man she wasn’t married to, especially given how conservative Nigerian parents can be about that kind of thing. But Nkem’s parents weren’t even based in Lagos, so they didn鈥檛 realise how bad the rent situation was until she broke it down for them. The moment she started mentioning rent that ran into millions, they changed their tune.

Nkem: I wasn’t fully sold on the idea myself at first. If I’m honest, moving in with your boyfriend’s family is a big shift, no matter how you frame it. I just kept drawing up different scenarios in my head. Would I get along with his mum? His siblings? Would I have to cook for them? Go greet his mum every morning? I was just overthinking everything, and Deji kept saying it wasn鈥檛 that serious. He said they鈥檇 housed strangers several times, so why would it be hard to house someone he cares about? 

I think what really convinced me was the setup of the guest room. I’d visited the house enough times to know that it was built almost separately from the main house, with its own entrance, so it felt like there’d still be some real boundary and privacy there. 

Eventually,聽I moved in that July.

What was it like once you actually moved in?

Nkem: Things were sweet and pretty normal. I was apprehensive going in, but everyone, including his mum, made an effort to make me feel welcome. They’d include me in meals, ask me to come sit with everyone in the main house, little things like that. I realised that I鈥檇 really been overthinking a lot of things. In those first few months, there were times when I didn鈥檛 see his mum more than twice a week, or even once. She鈥檚 an early riser and always leaves for her shop very early in the morning. As for his siblings, we鈥檇 been cool before, and it just continued that way. I don鈥檛 know what Deji had told them, but I knew there was some level of restraint in how they related to me. Not like a bad restraint, more like trying to be super respectful.

Deji: I’d actually done a lot of groundwork beforehand. I made sure my mum and siblings understood how much Nkem meant to me and that I didn’t want any issues arising from the living arrangement. Obviously, they laughed and made fun of me when I told them, but they also knew I was serious. 

However, there are definitely things outside my control.

What do you mean?

Deji: Even with all the groundwork I put in beforehand, mothers will always be mothers. My mum has her own way of showing care that doesn’t always land the way she intends, and I can’t exactly monitor every interaction between them.

Nkem: There are moments where I feel like she’s testing me, even if she’d never say that outright, and I don’t think she means it that way either. There have been times she’s insisted she only wants food that I’ve made. She鈥檒l just come to the room sometimes and go, 鈥淣kem, it鈥檚 that your jollof rice that I want to eat this weekend o,鈥� or she鈥檇 come and ask if I can make one Igbo soup or the other. It’s never said with any malice, but it still feels like a subtle test in a way I can’t quite explain. Like, there鈥檚 no way I can turn down the request even if I鈥檓 not feeling up to it.

Do you ever think she鈥檚 just trying to bond?

Nkem: I don鈥檛 deny that, but it still feels strange sometimes. And it鈥檚 not just the food. Whenever Deji is away, whether it’s for the weekend or a work trip, she insists I come sleep in her room rather than stay alone in the guest room, even though I’m perfectly comfortable there. 

Deji has tried to reassure me that she means well, that it’s just her wanting to look out for me while he’s not around, and honestly, I don’t doubt her intentions at all. It just still makes me uncomfortable in the moment. 

When I try to explain how it feels from my side, Deji tends to see it purely as his mum extending love. And it sometimes makes me feel like my feelings get brushed aside, even if that’s never his intention, 

Deji: I do genuinely believe my mum means well. That鈥檚 just her way of showing care and making sure Nkem feels included, and not like an outsider. But I recognise I need to be more intentional about drawing clearer boundaries with my family around this, rather than just assuming good intentions cover everything.

Neat. Is there a plan for how long this living arrangement will last?

Deji: We’re actually looking to relocate soon, so hopefully this whole thing comes to a natural end once that happens. I can鈥檛 wait for the day when we finally have our own space to ourselves.

Speaking of the future, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

What’s the best thing about being with each other through all of this?

Nkem: Deji is very supportive. That鈥檚 one thing I can never take away from him. There are things I鈥檝e achieved just in the few years we鈥檝e been together that would have taken me more time and effort. He has consistently shown up for me, and I love him for that. Despite the awkward moments with his family, I do genuinely feel welcomed by them, and that matters to me.

Deji: I feel lucky to have someone this purpose-driven by my side. I also don’t have to worry about whether my family accepts her, because they clearly do, even with the small frictions here and there. I’m just looking forward to when we finally move and get to have our own privacy as a couple.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Deji: I’d say an 8. Obviously, the living situation has added some strain that isn’t really about us as a couple, so I’m knocking off a couple of points for that, but Nkem is my person. 

Nkem: I’ll also say an 8. We鈥檝e built a strong foundation both as friends and lovers. I can鈥檛 wait to start exploring the world with my best man. 

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

Abdulwaduud (31) and Zee (25) met during a work project in February 2025.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a DM trap set after a dinner event, a mother who nearly disqualified him over his hair before a single phone call changed her mind, and a marriage that happened in less than six months of dating.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Zee: We met through work in February 2025. A bunch of us were added to a WhatsApp group for a project, and he was on it, too. 

Abdulwaduud: I remember that meeting. She was on the team as media personnel for the brand, and I was there as the interior designer and painter. The project was about 90% complete, and we all had to meet in person to get to know each other. That was the first time I properly registered her.

Zee: Actually, now that he mentions it, I just remembered that I did a little snooping around a day before the meeting. Someone had dropped his Instagram handle in the group and I was curious to see if he knew his onions. I got to the page and was impressed. But I also saw his pictures and thought, 鈥淭his man is definitely married.鈥� It was just a passing thought, really.

When we met in person the next day, he seemed cordial and nice. At one point, he got a bit vocal with someone doing a messy job on the walls, and I must have rolled my eyes or something. But that was it, I’d already concluded he was married, so I really didn’t pay much attention beyond that.

Abdulwaduud, was there something specific you noticed about her that day?

Abdulwaduud: It was the way she carried herself. I’m very particular about composure, and she was so well put together, still is. It wasn’t really about anything else, just how present and composed she was in the room, especially surrounded by a lot of other people. She’d come straight from her regular 9-to-5 to attend, and even then, she listened more than she spoke. That evening, we had dinner before everyone left, and she was sitting right across from me, smiling at her phone. She had no idea I was already on her matter.

Right. Did you guys have an actual conversation that day? 

Abdulwaduud: Not in a straightforward way, I had to set a bit of a trap to get her attention. We took pictures at the dinner, and I figured if I tagged people in a post, she’d likely get reposted into it and eventually find her way to my page. I’d spent the entire meeting checking her out without saying much, wondering if she was even single. So that night, I posted the food photo hoping she’d stumble onto my handle through the tag.

Zee: And it worked, though it took me all of two hours of scrolling his page before I even liked anything. Then, as soon as I liked something, he reacted to an OOTD post of mine and asked, 鈥淥h, do you sew your clothes?鈥� I told him no and asked why he’d think that.

Abdulwaduud: I’d genuinely spent the last two hours on her page trying to figure out what to say that wasn’t too forward. I landed on complimenting her outfit indirectly by asking if she made it herself. When she said no, I told her whoever tailored it deserved an award, and things just flowed from there, a lot of back-and-forth banter. At some point, I mentioned it was Ramadan and that I didn’t want to spoil my fast. Then she asked what I was praying for, and I mentioned a wife, marriage, love, peace, and prosperity.

Zee: The moment he said that, I figured he probably wasn’t married after all, and I thought, okay, maybe there’s something here.

Sweet. So how did things progress from that point? 

Zee: Pretty fast. Honestly, I wasn’t even ready for anything serious at the time. I’d just come out of a bad breakup and had mentally given myself a year off dating. But Abdulwaduud was so intentional right from day one. He told me he wasn’t looking to date casually, that he wanted to marry me. I was genuinely scared at first, but he never wavered. He always made sure I knew where he stood, even while we were still getting to know each other.

Abdulwaduud: It鈥檚 just like she shared. I didn鈥檛 waste time at all, even though I was also waiting for Ramadan to end before pushing things further. About a week or so after, we arranged to meet for Iftar (dinner) in person, not officially a date yet, just a chance to talk face to face instead of only over DM. 

From there, we started talking every single day, and I was very straightforward. I told her early on that I don’t do talking stages. Once I know I’m interested, I want to find out quickly whether it’s going to work rather than dragging things out. In fact, I told her we were going to get married in the same year or next. Then I gave her about a week after that conversation to decide whether she wanted to pursue things further. She visited me the following week, and that鈥檚 how our story took off.

But when exactly did it officially become a relationship?

Zee: We鈥檇 like to keep that bit to ourselves, but we’d gone to the cinema, and on the drive home, he brought it up in the car. I actually told him to stop, but he went ahead anyway. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend exactly; he used the word woman instead.

Abdulwaduud: By that point, we’d already laid out where we both stood, so it wasn’t a total surprise to her, just the timing.

Curious, Zhulaikah, how did it feel knowing this relationship wasn鈥檛 just about dating, but that marriage was always the end goal?

Zee: I鈥檒l be honest. A big mindshift had to happen before I could proceed. I鈥檇 taken a break from dating, but I鈥檇 also told myself that the next relationship I found myself in had to be worthwhile. I probably wasn鈥檛 expecting things to move so fast, but at the end of the day, we both wanted the same things. 

Got it. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Zee: Sweet. We grew closer and really got into the whole getting-to-know-each-other-properly phase. I think what I liked most was how intentional we were about ensuring our values aligned before committing to something deeper.  The early days felt like we each had an individual checklist to tick off. 

Abdulwaduud: I think the highlight of our early days was her mother getting to know me. I was still wearing braids during that period, and that sort of rubbed off on her first impression of me.

Oh

Zee: So here鈥檚 the thing. I hadn’t told my mum directly about Abdulwaduud; I’d only mentioned it to my aunt, thinking it would stay private for a while. Somehow, it got back to my mum anyway, and she called me with questions. 

When I finally spoke to her, I made the mistake of showing her his Instagram page, thinking she’d be impressed by his work. Instead, she fixated on the fact that he plaits his hair. She felt that would attract a lot of women around him and wasn’t comfortable with it. I told her to just speak to him directly before judging by what she saw. I gave her his number, they talked, and by the next call, she’d completely changed her tune. She only had positive things to say and said she wanted to meet me. I still don鈥檛 know what he said to charm her.

Did you consider cutting your hair after hearing her mum鈥檚 concern, Abdulwaduud?

Abdulwaduud: Not at all. Even before Zee became my wife, she loved my hair and how I styled it however I wanted. Funny enough, I now need her permission before I even think about doing anything funny with my hair. She loves how I take care of my hair and even invests in it herself now. People assume it’s a simple decision I can make alone, but that’s not my call to make by myself anymore.

Aside from the hair drama, were there any other things you had to navigate in the relationship?

Zee: Nothing that felt alarming. It was a discovery period for both of us, but it also brought understanding. For instance, he found out I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, even though I can cook. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen growing up, and I just don’t enjoy it the same way anymore.

Abdulwaduud: That one was karma for me, honestly. I also don’t like cooking, but I still fell for someone who isn’t big on spending time in the kitchen. However, as she said, these weren鈥檛 major issues that shifted anything about our relationship or how we felt for each other. 

Food means a lot to me, and there’s an emotional element to it for me that goes beyond just eating. So we had to have conversations about it. I told her that I’d always pictured building a food plan with my wife, having someone who’d help keep me on track and just enjoying home-cooked meals rather than eating out. It was kind of crushing to find out she wasn鈥檛 big on it. But we found a way around it. 

Nice. What was the solution?

Zee: First off, he made it clear that it wasn’t about him demanding I cook every day; it was more about figuring out conditions that would make it feel less like an obligation for me. And for me, those conditions were a kitchen environment that actually feels homely, room to communicate honestly about when I’m up for it and when I’m not.

Abdulwaduud: Exactly, she laid out what would help her feel supported, and I worked towards meeting those conditions.

Speaking of shared activities, how did the marriage conversation pick up pace?

Abdulwaduud: I was constantly bringing it up to the point where I was rushing everyone around me. I wanted everything done by July, and it felt unbelievable to me that it stretched into November. I was the one pushing hardest for us to meet each other’s families early.

Zee: Marriage was always part of the conversation from the start, so it was really just about deciding when. I’ll admit I was the one holding things back a bit; in my head, I kept thinking it was too early, too fast. We eventually agreed on a date around June, after my birthday, and decided on August for the Nikah.

Wait. Just six months into dating? Was there any pushback from family or friends about the pace of things?

Zee: My family, aside from my mum, definitely thought we were moving too fast at first. They had all these questions about how long we’d known each other and were genuinely concerned. But once they actually met Abdulwaduud and spoke to him, their whole tone changed. It happened every single time. 

Abdulwaduud: On my side, though, my family had a lot of concerns about my readiness. My grandma had been on my case for years to get married, so the pace itself wasn’t the issue. 

But my family wanted to be sure I could actually provide for and properly care for a wife. They wondered whether I could sort out my own living arrangements and all the practical things needed to set up a family. They also asked both of us to do genotype and health checks. It felt less like doubt and more like making sure we were both truly prepared, especially since I come from a broken family and had always been deliberate about not rushing that particular decision. It was one of the most emotionally demanding moments for me because my relatives kept grilling me. They just wanted to make sure I knew what I was signing up for.

So when did you guys get married?

Abdulwaduud: We had our Nikah ceremony in August, and then a larger event in November, where our families invited guests and partied. Honestly, that gap in between wasn’t for us; it was for our families, giving them time to prepare and invite people properly. If it were up to me, we’d have done both on the same day and moved on with our lives.

Oh. Does this mean you still lived apart after your Nikah ceremony? 

Zee: Yes. We didn鈥檛 start living together as a couple until after the wedding reception in November. 

Got it. Were the early days of marriage any different to when you were dating?

Abdulwaduud: Not entirely. But this time around, we lived together and that naturally required some adjustment.聽

I think the hardest part for me was more about the hard work and financial commitment it took to set up a home. It came with a lot more logistics than I expected. It was overwhelming in ways I hadn’t fully prepared for, but that moment also brought us closer. We were figuring it all out together, learning each other’s love language and what I’d call our fight language, too.

Zee: It鈥檚 just like he said. We had to make some adjustments, mostly around how we handled issues. I鈥檓 naturally slower to process issues. And that鈥檚 something that even showed up during the marriage conversation itself. I was the one wanting to take more time, while he was ready to move quickly. 

But even when we have small disagreements or differences of opinion, communication has always been our greatest strength. We鈥檝e always been able to talk things through until we land on something solid. 

But have you two ever had a major fight, though?

Abdulwaduud: I think we鈥檝e had a couple, but honestly, I can’t pinpoint one specifically. Whatever tension comes up usually dies the moment we actually talk it through, so it stops feeling like a big deal in hindsight. One example that comes to mind is about how I handle confrontation. She doesn’t love it when I get vocal with people, like okada riders driving recklessly. 

There was a day when one nearly hit us twice while we were carrying a passenger, and I got out of the car to address it. She really hated it. But for me, my first instinct in that moment was more about collective responsibility, correcting bad behaviour before it affects someone else. 

Zee: I felt like I wasn’t really being heard in that moment. The guy already apologised. If I were the one driving, my first instinct would’ve been to accept the apology and move on quickly. But Abdulwaduud has his own way of handling things, and many times that means confrontation.

Anyway, we talked it through afterwards, and I helped him understand that he could at least have listened to me in that moment. Honestly, we do a lot of talking in this relationship. That鈥檚 really our bag. There鈥檚 no issue we鈥檝e never been able to navigate after a conversation where both parties share how they鈥檙e feeling.

Neat. How would you each say this relationship has changed you?

Abdulwaduud: My sense of responsibility, mostly. I never realised how intertwined my choices would become with someone else’s feelings until we got married. I鈥檝e also realised how much I still have to learn. I used to think I had everything figured out, but being with her taught me that two different perspectives can both be true at once, and that’s been humbling. She’s taught me patience in ways I didn’t know I needed, and I’m endlessly grateful to have someone patient enough to walk me through things until I truly understand them.

Zee: I’ve learned to talk about things more in the moment instead of needing days to process before addressing anything. That’s been a real shift for me, and it’s made things easier between us over time. I genuinely believe our communication is the best thing about this marriage; without it, I think we’d have struggled a lot more than we have.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Abdulwaduud: A 10. We still have a lot to learn about each other, but we’re doing it together, and our communication is what makes that possible.

Zee: I’ll also say a 10. If there’s anything shaky in this relationship, it’s never been our love for each other; that part has always felt certain. Everything else, we’re building intentionally, together.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.