When Damilola* (28) met Fade*(28) during NYSC camp, she had no idea their friendship would eventually lead her to her husband. But after marrying Isaac*, the man Fade had introduced her to, Damilola discovered that they had both kept a major secret from her.

For Sunken Ships, Damilola shares how discovering her husband’s (OCD) after their wedding affected their marriage, why she felt betrayed by the friend who played matchmaker, and how the experience changed the way she approaches relationships.

How did you and Fade become friends?

We met at NYSC camp in 2018 and became friends almost immediately. She was a church girlie like me, and we got along well. Even after camp, when we were posted to different local governments, we stayed in touch. We talked regularly and were quite close.

At some point, she found out that I was single and open to meeting new people. She offered to introduce me to one of her single male friends, Isaac*. 

Oh. And how did that go?

He was really sweet and charming. We hit it off after Fade introduced us, and soon we were talking on the phone almost every day. Things progressed naturally from there, and we started courting in 2019. 

I liked how deliberate he was about his cleanliness. He was particular about washing his hands and keeping his things sparkling clean. He took his faith seriously, too, which was important to me in a partner.

I鈥檓 guessing the relationship was a smooth ride.

It was good. We dated for about a year and a half, and I didn’t have any major concerns.

The only thing I found a little unusual was that he never allowed me to visit his house. I knew where he lived, and had even been to the gate of his building, but I never went inside. I didn’t think too deeply about it at the time because we were abstaining from sex until marriage. 

He proposed in 2021, and we began preparing for the wedding. That was when  I began noticing some strange things about him. He was very insistent on having a small ceremony and how certain things should be done. 

On the wedding day, for instance, he seemed visibly distressed when he couldn’t recite Psalm 91 over his new shoes twice before wearing them.  I thought he was just being dramatic, but I didn’t realise his behaviour might point to something deeper.

What was the actual marriage like, considering these little things you鈥檇 noticed?

 Isaac was difficult to live with. I realised that his need for things to be done a certain way went beyond being neat or particular. He had repetitive routines that he struggled to stop, and if something interrupted them, he鈥檇 become so anxious and panicked that he couldn鈥檛 sleep or sit still.

For example, cooking became one of our biggest problems. Whenever I used the gas cooker, Isaac wouldn鈥檛 take my word for it that I鈥檇 turned off the burners. He鈥檇 keep checking them and sometimes get out of bed in the middle of the night to check again. He said he was worried that a gas explosion could happen while we slept, but his constant checking kept me awake.

Eventually, I started buying food instead of cooking at home. It was frustrating, but I wanted to be able to sleep without being disturbed.

Did you try to talk to him about this?

Six months into our marriage, I became so frustrated that I begged him to explain why he behaved that way. That’s when he confessed that he had Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (OCD). He said he hadn’t told me while we were dating because he was afraid I wouldn’t marry him if I knew.

Suddenly, some of the things I鈥檇 noticed during our courtship made more sense. It was a lot to take in. These weren’t occasional habits, they were part of his everyday life, and I was struggling to adjust to them. I hadn鈥檛 known what living with him would involve because I hadn鈥檛 known about his condition before we married.

I didn鈥檛 feel like I鈥檇 had the opportunity to understand his condition or consider what living together would look like before making a commitment as important as marriage.

Did you speak to anyone about what was happening?

I was worried about what people would think, so I turned to Fade first. I wanted to talk to someone I trusted who wouldn鈥檛 judge me for feeling frustrated with Isaac.

Surprisingly, she admitted that she鈥檇 known about Isaac’s OCD all along. She said she hadn鈥檛 told me because she wasn鈥檛 sure I could handle it and didn鈥檛 want the information to change how I saw him. She thought he was a good guy.

I couldn鈥檛 believe it. This was someone I considered a close friend, yet she鈥檇 known something so significant about the man she was introducing me to and said nothing. I felt betrayed. I also felt foolish for trusting them both without questioning whether there was something I needed to know.

Did this affect your relationship with Fade, though?

I withdrew from her after that conversation. I couldn’t get past what had happened. I felt she should have told me, regardless of whether she thought I could handle it or not. 

I should have had the information and been allowed to decide for myself whether I wanted to pursue the relationship.

What about Isaac? Did this affect your marriage too?

Yes, it did. I tried to make the marriage work, but living with his compulsions and routines became too difficult for me. I hadn鈥檛 expected marriage to be like that, and eventually, I realised I couldn鈥檛 continue.

I told my family about his OCD, and they supported my decision to leave. They agreed that Isaac and his family should have told me about his condition before the wedding so I could make an informed decision.

There was very little pushback from his family when I decided to leave. I moved back to my parents’ house in 2022, and our divorce was finalised in March 2026.

Has this experience changed how you approach relationships?

I still want to get married and settle down eventually, but I’m more cautious now. I want to take my time getting to know someone and make sure that we’re being honest with each other.

I understand that no marriage is perfect, but I believe there are certain things you should know about a person before deciding to spend your life with them. I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I’m discovering major secrets after I’ve made a big commitment.

Would you be open to reconciling with Fade?

No, she ruined whatever trust I had in her by keeping Isaac鈥檚 illness from me. I don鈥檛 want friends like that in my life.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: My Friend Used Our Business Savings to Fund His Relationship

Children say the darndest things, but sometimes, what they reveal about their families is enough to leave an adult speechless. 

We asked seven Nigerian teachers about the shocking, disturbing and heartbreaking family secrets their students have revealed in the classroom. Here鈥檚 what they had to say.

鈥淢y student knows all his dad鈥檚 girlfriends names鈥� 鈥� Lola*, 27

I was teaching my students about monogamy and polygamy during a Social Studies class when one boy challenged my explanation.

I explained that polygamy involves being married to more than one spouse. He raised his hand and said his daddy brings different women home all the time, but he hasn鈥檛 married any of them. So, he wanted to know if that counts as polygamy too.

Before I could even respond, he started listing their names.I went quiet, trying to process what was happening while he carried on talking about his father鈥檚 bribes too. 

This boy is in BASIC 3! I genuinely didn鈥檛 know how to approach that conversation. 

鈥淗is father doesn鈥檛 work, but he has somewhere to be every day鈥� 鈥� Adejuwon*, 30

There鈥檚 a  boy in my class whose family situation during a lesson on family roles. I told the children how I used to go to the farm early in the morning with my mother,  then  asked if they knew what their parents did for a living. 

Everyone answered until this seven-year-old boysaid his daddy doesn鈥檛 work. His mummy lives abroad and feeds them, while his father spends his days sitting in a woman鈥檚 shop until night.

I tried to soften the situation by saying at least his daddy cared for them at home, then he corrected me. He said grandmother bathes them and cooks for them.

鈥淎 student casually talked about his abusive dad鈥� 鈥� Solomon*,28

It was around 7 a.m., before assembly. I was rushing through my lesson notes when a little boy from KG came running into my classroom.

I smiled and greeted him. He did the usual little-kid things,  ran around, drummed on my table, then walked up to me and said, 鈥淯ncle, my daddy beat my mummy yesterday.鈥� I immediately froze. He continued, demonstrating with his hands. 鈥淗e blow her eyes like this.鈥� What made it more awkward was that his mother was always giving relationship advice and talking about how loving her husband was. There I was, sitting with a lesson note in my hand and trying to process what this child had just told me. Then he burped and ran out.

鈥淚 had to teach an SS1 student that beating your wife isn鈥檛 love鈥�  鈥� Sunday*, 33

I remember an incident with some SS1 students who were arguing about family and love. They were debating whether treating your wife well made her respect you less.

One boy insisted that women needed to be beaten occasionally whenever they misbehaved, just to remind them who鈥檚 in charge. He used his parents as an example, explaining that his father disciplined his mother whenever she messed up. Yet, she remained devoted to his father and never complained.

I don鈥檛 even remember when I smacked the back of his head and told him to shut up.  Then I gave the entire class a lesson on domestic violence, respect, and what love actually means.

鈥淚 asked about his black eye, and he gave me a family update鈥�  鈥� Nelly*,21

This is really not funny, but funny in the most disturbing way.

A child came to school with a black eye, and when I asked him about it in class, he said, 鈥淢iss, my daddy give my mummy gboza! He hit her head on the wall, and when I went there, he just blow me in my eye.鈥�

He said it so casually, like he was recounting the latest episode of Power Rangers. 

And that鈥檚 the part that gets me. This is somebody鈥檚 reality, but to him, it was just another thing that happened at home.

鈥淗is mother was scamming his dad鈥�  鈥� Jo*, 31

A student once told me that whenever the school sent his mother a bill, she created  another version with extra charges and sent it to his father. His daddy has no idea. 

He told me he wanted to expose his mother, but his father barely came home, checked their books or tookan interest in their studies.

All I could do was listen to a child wrestle with whether to expose his mother鈥檚 dishonesty or not since the father barely showed  up. A lot of parents don鈥檛 know that children notice more than we think. 

鈥淢y student smiled through hunger so nobody would worry鈥�  鈥� Ayo * 27, M

There was a boy in my class who always dressed very nice, brought lovely meals, and excelled in everything. His father used to pay three terms鈥� school fees at once, and that had been the arrangement since KG.

Then, in Primary One, everything changed. The boy became slimmer, unkempt, and stopped bringing lunch sometimes. Whenever I asked why, he鈥檇 smile and  say he forgot his lunchbox at home. 

One afternoon, he came to me during lunch and whispered that he was hungry. He confessed he hadn鈥檛 forgotten his lunchbox;  there simply wasn鈥檛 any food at home. He鈥檇 had pap for breakfast and nothing the night before. He told me his dad had sold his car, and his sister needed surgery.

He was just a little boy, telling me things no child should have to worry about. I started buying him food and his mother cried when she found out.  The school and I helped however we could.

Then the family disappeared, I don鈥檛 think they could keep up in Lagos. I still think about them, and I wonder if he鈥檚 okay now. 

Read Next: Ask Z: My Husband Is Battling Brain Cancer, and I Want to Leave Him

But now that every hotel and restaurant offers a buffet, the question is, are they actually worth the price? Let鈥檚 be honest, nobody wants to pay premium money just to eat the same rice and stew they can easily whip up at home. We did the hard work of combing through the city to find the best Sunday buffets in Lagos under 鈧�50k that actually deserve your coins.

Koriko & Co (Lagos Marriott, Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�48,000

• Best for: Couples, large gatherings, and people who prefer authentic Nigerian cuisines.

• Why choose it: This is the mainland鈥檚 gold standard for variety. If you鈥檙e a foodie with a knack for trying out different things, you鈥檒l get your money鈥檚 worth. It features a dessert station, a fruit station, a salad station and unlimited fresh juice. This offers the absolute highest value.

• What to watch out for: This price covers only the buffet, standard juices and a bottle of water. Cocktails and alcohol are billed separately, so ordering drinks will easily push the total past 鈧�50k.

• Time: 12-3.30 p.m

Wakame (Lagos Marriott, Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�45,000

• Best for: People who want an Asian menu without having to drive to the Island.

• Why choose it: You pay for a specialised, interactive open-kitchen experience. Instead of standard buffet rice, the spread focuses strictly on dim sum, wok-tossed noodles, fresh sushi, among other Asian cuisines.聽

• What to watch out for: At 鈧�45,000, you get only one mocktail per person. If you鈥檙e an alcohol lover, you鈥檒l pay an additional聽 鈧�10,000 for two alcoholic drinks. The menu has a few Nigerian staples, so picky eaters will struggle.

• Time: 12-4 p.m.

Ibis Hotel (Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�30,000

• Best for: People on a strict budget who prefer Nigerian delicacies.

• Why choose it: It is one of the most affordable hotel buffets in Lagos. It completely eliminates budget anxiety while offering a very solid, reliable spread of local staples like ofada rice, assorted meat stews, swallow, and pepper soup. You also get to enjoy a bottle of water and a complimentary glass of fresh juice or Chapman.聽

• What to watch out for: The menu is highly localised, so you might not find anything that really excites the foodie in you. The dining aesthetic is standard and basic.

• Time: 12:30-4 p.m.

Iyeru Okin (Radisson Blu, Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�49,000

• Best for: Private outings, large gatherings, and people who enjoy a mix of local and international dishes.
• Why choose it: This is one of the most extensive luxury spreads on the Mainland. The variety is massive, blending premium international dishes with local options. The dessert and pastry sections are top-tier, making it an excellent choice for a birthday date.

• What to watch out for: Because it is popular for birthdays and family gatherings, the noise level is high. At 鈧�49k per person, ordering alcohol will instantly push you past your 鈧�50k budget.

• Time: 12-4 p.m.

Tamberma Restaurant & Bar (Ilupeju) 鈥� 鈧�25,000

• Best for: Budget-conscious individuals and lovers of traditional Nigerian and Indian meals.

• Why choose it: At 鈧�25,000 per adult, this is a highly affordable all-you-can-eat deal. You get a deeply satisfying spread of Nigerian staples in a very relaxed, unpretentious environment on the Mainland. You also enjoy unlimited soft drinks and water.

• What to watch out for: The menu features Indian cuisine prominently alongside Nigerian staples. If you are not a fan of Indian food, you might find the overall buffet options a bit limited.

• Time: 12-4 p.m.

Piano Bistro by The Delborough (Victoria Island) 鈥� 鈧�45,000

• Best for: Couples looking to celebrate intimate events and people who want a VIP European cafe aesthetic.

• Why choose it: It provides a quiet, elegant indoor atmosphere with VIP-level service. For 鈧�45,000, the Sunday buffet uniquely includes mimosas, offering excellent value. The spread features fresh pastries, beautifully served breakfasts, and high-end continental courses.

• What to watch out for: Seating is extremely limited, so you cannot just walk in; you must book in advance. Also, it鈥檚 an intimate, quiet space designed for low-volume dining. If you want the loud, energetic party vibe of a standard Lagos brunch, you are better off heading to Dani (which has live music) in the exact same building.聽

• Time: 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Debull Restaurant by The Legend Airport Hotel (Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�42,000

• Best for: Anyone looking for live entertainment, versatile seating for large groups, or secluded privacy.

• Why choose it: It’s spacious enough for massive group celebrations, yet designed with tucked-away corners if you just want to be left alone. For 鈧�42,000, you get an impressive dedicated salad bar, heavy local and intercontinental staples, live entertainment, and a highly unique view of the airport runway.

• What to watch out for: Complimentary drinks are strictly capped at one water and a chapman or cocktail; anything extra will cost you. Also, navigating airport traffic from the Island is a massive logistical headache. You should plan your movement.

• Time: 12:30-4 p.m.

When I met James on Bumble in 2024, I was recovering from a messy relationship. My ex had cheated on me and wasted my time. After taking some time to heal, I joined Bumble mainly to make friends. I wasn’t looking for anything serious until I met James.

From our first conversation, he seemed like a good man. He had many of the qualities I wanted in a partner and made me feel adored. Whenever we argued, he was usually the first to apologise. While I wasn’t head over heels in love with him, I liked him enough to believe the feelings would grow with time.

From the moment we met, James was clear about his intentions. Things moved quickly, and by October 2024, he had proposed. He was 37 and wanted to settle down , so I said yes. We tied the knot in January 2025, less than a year after our first date.

At first, things were fine; we lived comfortably. My only concern was how involved his rich parents were in his life. I sometimes felt they had too much say in our lives as a couple.

However, those concerns paled in comparison to what I began noticing a few months into our marriage. James struggled to sleep and frequently complained of headaches and dizziness. One day, he vomited blood, and I insisted we go to the hospital. He brushed off my concerns, insisting he had everything under control and could manage with medication.

Eventually, he listened to my constant nudges and went to the hospital. I’ll never forget that day. While I was at work, James sent me a message saying he now knew what was wrong with him, but that we would talk about it when we got home.

By the time I got home, James’ eyes were puffy. He told me about the brain tumour he had battled before we met. He had been diagnosed with , a form of brain cancer, and had undergone surgery and radiotherapy in 2022. He had recovered, but now the tumour was back.

When I asked why he had never told me, he said it had simply never come up in our conversations.

I was stunned. We’d gone through the usual pre-marital screenings for hepatitis and genotype;, he could鈥檝e opened up then about his condition. I even remembered asking him about the scar on the side of his head, only for him to laugh it off and change the subject. How could he claim it had never come up?

IBut in that moment, I was too overwhelmed to fully process his decision to hide the diagnosis. My first thought was how to support him. James reassured me that the recurrence had been caught early and that everything would be fine once he had another surgery.

The more I researched his condition, the angrier I became. He had completed treatment in 2022, yet the tumour had returned. Surely he knew there was a possibility of that happening. Why hadn’t he told me before we got married and allowed me to decide for myself whether I was willing to take that risk?

Still, I pushed my feelings aside. I believed marriage meant standing by your partner for better or worse. But as I took on the role of his primary caregiver, I began to realise just how much it would demand of me.

After James’ second brain surgery in January 2026, his employer placed him on medical leave without pay. His savings dwindled, and although his family covered his treatment, I still had to pay for many of our daily expenses. I sometimes dipped into my own pocket to cover smaller hospital bills because I didn’t want to call his parents for every little thing.

The financial strain was already a lot to deal with, but James’ behaviour made things even harder. The affection he once showed me disappeared. He would snap at me, boss me around, check my phone and get angry if I didn’t answer his calls quickly enough.

At one point, I couldn’t afford fuel, so I started getting rides with a coworker who lived nearby. James was upset about the arrangement and kept nagging me until I stopped. I tried to be patient, telling myself that his condition was frustrating him.

It wasn’t until my younger sister visited in July that I began to see things differently. Within days, she had noticed how James spoke to me and pointed out that his illness didn’t excuse his behaviour. Hearing that made me feel validated. When I tried to discuss it with James, he would shut me down by asking if I thought he wanted to be in this situation. Somehow, every conversation ended with me feeling guilty for speaking up.

I also spoke to his mother about our finances and the pressure I was under, but her response only made me feel worse. She pointed out that some women had to run around looking for money to treat their husbands and said all I needed to do was stand by James like a good wife.

I’m not close to most of my family, so I’ve had few people to turn to. Lately, I’ve been struggling mentally and barely recognise myself. I hate that my mood seems to depend on how James treats me. Some days, he’s warm and I catch a glimpse of the man I married. But those moments often come when he’s talking about our future and how he wants us to start trying for children after his treatment.

The truth is, I don’t want that. His final round of chemotherapy is expected to end in November, but that doesn’t mean the tumour is gone for good. I can’t imagine going through all of this again with children to care for, especially when I’m already struggling to hold myself together.

The more I think about it, the more seriously I consider leaving. I’ve decided to wait until James finishes treatment before making my final decision. My mind is already off the marriage, but I don’t want to abandon him while he’s still vulnerable.

What makes this decision harder is how people around me say I’m doing the right thing by standing by James through his illness. Every time I hear these comments, I can’t help feeling that walking away would make me a terrible person. I’m also worried that leaving could set James back in his recovery.

I honestly don’t know what to do. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Read Next: My Boyfriend Moved In With Me and Made Me Pay His Bills for Months

We asked Nigerians who have lived in face-me-I-face-you houses to share the most unbelievable things they witnessed. Here鈥檚 what they said.

鈥淲e had to go two weeks without water鈥� 鈥� Kenchak*, 31, M

Water was a constant problem in our compound. Sometimes, we went days without it. Whenever power was restored and the landlord pumped water, everybody rushed to fill their buckets before it ran out. 

One morning, I was in the bathroom using pure water sachets for a bootleg shower before school when I heard two women shouting at each other. One accused the other of jumping the queue and moving her bucket to the front before the other residents woke up.

I thought it was an ordinary quarrel until one woman started singing insulting Yoruba songs. Then they began dragging each other鈥檚 clothes and throwing buckets around. People had to come out of their rooms to separate them. 

The funniest part was that the landlord eventually got fed up with their fighting and locked the tap.  He didn鈥檛 reopen it for two weeks. It was a crazy time.

鈥淪he poured palm oil on her cheating husband鈥� 鈥� Kudirat*, 26, F

A man in our compound lived with his wife and two children. He was one of those adults who terrorised the kids in the compound all in the name of discipline. 

He acted like a responsible husband, but everyone knew he was unemployed and brought another woman home whenever his wife went to her shop in the market.

One day, his wife came back from the shop in the middle of the day and caught him with the other woman. She poured palm oil on both of them and started screaming for everyone in the compound to come out and look at them. The man was so embarrassed that, for months afterwards, he couldn鈥檛 even shout at us for playing in the compound.

鈥淢y landlady used to give me unsolicited relationship advice鈥� 鈥� Joseph, 26, M

My first apartment was in a compound where the landlady monitored everybody鈥檚 business. At first, I thought she was simply observant, then I realised she was repeating things she could only have overheard through our thin walls.

One day, after I鈥檇 just seen one of my casual partners off, she called me over and started advising me to be a 鈥済ood boy鈥�.  She warned that the next time she heard that I brought another girl home, she would 鈥渟how me her red eye鈥�. I was only 23 at the time, but I yelled at her and told her to stop poking her nose into my life and mind her business. 

She never spoke to me again, but that didn鈥檛 stop her from making life so uncomfortable that I moved out within a year. I honestly don鈥檛 regret it, she should have saved that advice for her useless son that kept impregnating the whole neighbourhood.

鈥淢y neighbour鈥檚 generator scattered the whole compound鈥� 鈥� Blessing*, 27, F

When I was a teenager, we had a neighbour whose I-better-pass-my-neighbour generator sounded like a danfo trying to start. She ran it almost every night, sometimes until 2 a.m. Whenever anybody complained, she would say that she had paid her rent and had the right to enjoy herself.

One night, a neighbour with a baby went to beg her to switch it off at midnight because the noise was keeping the child awake. Instead of apologising, the generator owner told her to rent a house in a gated estate if she wanted peace and quiet. The new mother got angry and poured a whole sachet of sugar into the generator鈥檚 fuel tank.

The owner came out screaming, and the two women started fighting. Other residents rushed in to separate them, but the damage was done; the generator had stopped working. The landlord had to call a compound meeting the following morning to settle the matter.

 Eventually, the generator lady moved out because she said the compound was full of jealous people who couldn鈥檛 stand her success.

鈥淭he paraga woman he owed disgraced him in front of the whole compound鈥� 鈥� Femi*, 30, M

There was a man in our compound who dressed like he was going for a job interview, even when he was just stepping out to buy bread. He carried himself like he was better than the rest of us, so nobody really liked him.

One afternoon, the woman who sold paraga, agbo and local drinks at the junction showed up with her giant bowl and declared she would start selling her wares in front of his room. Apparently, he bought drinks on credit and promised to pay her back, but he鈥檇 been avoiding her for weeks. 

She started shouting and advertising her drinks. The landlord tried to persuade her to move outside, but she refused to leave without her money. When he finally came out, he tried to play it cool, but she didn鈥檛 let him. 

She mocked him for always dressing like a big man when he couldn鈥檛 even pay for the drinks he consumed. People started laughing, and he got so embarrassed that he went inside to bring part of the money. After that day, he started greeting people in the compound. I think the shame humbled him small.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: My Friend Used Our Business Savings to Fund His Relationship

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a two-year talking stage, a breakup in March 2020 for which he gave a flimsy reason, and the phone call that brought them back together in 2025.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Itunu: 2018. I was in my 100-level at the time. One day, my best friend came to our WhatsApp group chat and announced she鈥檇 started seeing someone. We were quite mischievous then, and we had this tradition of grilling whoever wanted to date any one of us. So, we added Gboyega to the group and grilled him for a couple of minutes. I remember saying we鈥檇 kill him if he ever broke our friend鈥檚 heart. It was all fun and games, really, and he was quite the team player. To be fair, I already knew my friend wasn鈥檛 going to bring a crazy person to the group chat. He came off as a really cool guy.

Gboyega: She鈥檚 pretty much summed up our first encounter. My girlfriend had two very close friends, and Itunu was one of them. She introduced me to them by adding me to the WhatsApp group for the grilling, and I went along with it.

I felt they were just looking out for their friend. They also came at it from a playful angle, not a serious one. Still, it was clear that the person I was dating was very precious to them.

Curious, Itunu. Did you talk much while he was dating your friend?

Itunu: Not really. We’d never met in person, so there really wasn鈥檛 any avenue to have any sort of relationship. Maybe we said a few hi and hellos online, but that was about it. My friendship with Gboyega only started after he broke up with my friend. I was genuinely shocked by the outcome.

Oh. Why did that relationship end, Gboyega?

Gboyega: It was actually the other way round. She broke up with me because 鈥淚 was too soft.鈥� If either of us did something wrong, I’d quickly say sorry and want to move on. She wanted drama, raised voices, and a scenario where I was constantly coming to beg and play makeup. I’m not that kind of person; I prefer my peace of mind. So I didn鈥檛 push it when she made her decision. I can’t remember how long it lasted, maybe a year.

Itunu: The funny thing is, even though she鈥檇 introduced Gboyega to us, we were completely clueless about whatever was going on in the relationship. She might have mentioned in passing that he was way too chill, but I didn’t know it ran that deep.

And how did the two of you end up talking after the breakup?

Itunu: After she eventually told us in the group chat that she鈥檇 broken up with Gboyega, she wasn’t forthcoming about why. I knew Gboyega was a chill guy, so I was curious about what happened. One day, I reached out to ask. I remember asking him, 鈥淎re you good?鈥� And then I told him he’d be all right.

Gboyega: I really appreciated the call. I got the feeling that she wanted to hear my side of the story. At that point, I didn鈥檛 have a full picture of what my ex had told them. That call marked the beginning of our relationship. 

Itunu: The first thing that drew me to him was that he’s Muslim. Most of the people who’d been approaching me were Christians, and I had more Christian friends than Muslim ones. We could relate over fasting and struggling with salah. I remember finding out that we had similar interests in foreign music, and in my head, I thought, 鈥渉mmm, that鈥檚 why I thought you were cool.鈥� 

We went from “are you good” to talking almost every day, then to late-night calls. I’d hide in my room and talk in a muffled voice so my mum wouldn’t catch me.

Gboyega: It became a routine. We’d check on each other in the morning and afternoon and ask how the day was going. I felt we became closer during that phase than I’d been with the person I’d been dating before.

Was anyone else in the picture for you at that time, Itunu?

Itunu: I was seeing someone, though I don’t count that experience as a relationship. It was hell. Once, I’d travelled to another city to see him over Easter, and he ghosted me. His friend invited me over to make me feel better, and that’s when I found out he was around the whole time. After him, I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone run me mad again.

Right. So at what point did you both realise things were shifting from a platonic place?

Itunu: It started to seem like something more from the moment I was spending hours on calls with him and going to extra lengths to do it. Still, I’m the queen of denial, and I kept trying to push whatever was bubbling up away. He was my friend’s ex, and that felt like breaking sister code. Still, I knew I couldn’t keep telling myself it was nothing. There was definitely something brewing between us.

Gboyega: For me, it was purely her vibe. I was really fascinated by her mind and the way she thinks. She’s smart, outspoken, and she knows what she wants. She was able to hold high-level intellectual conversations, and we鈥檇 even brainstorm ideas around different things. Then, slowly, I found myself looking forward to interacting with her

And where was your ex, Itunu鈥檚 bestie, in all of this?

Gboyega: We eventually had to have a conversation about it. I told Itunu that if we wanted to pursue whatever was developing between us, her friend had to hear it from us, not find out about it behind our backs. About a week after we had the conversation, Itunu spoke to her.

Itunu: It wasn’t a pleasant experience. I’d actually spoken to our third friend beforehand, and she reminded me how easily my friend flares up. As Gboyega mentioned, she lives for drama. When I brought it up, we had a nasty back-and-forth. And for a while, we stopped speaking. 

In the end, however, she told me to do whatever I wanted. Even though she didn鈥檛 outright give her blessings, I interpreted her words as that. Interestingly, I don’t think I’ve told Gboyega this before.

So how did things progress between you once Gboyega鈥檚 ex was out of the picture?

Itunu: We continued building our friendship. A lot of it was happening via phone calls and text because I was in Ilorin and he was in Lagos. Then, by late 2018, we met for the first time.

I travelled over 45 kilometres to see him. I didn’t tell any of my friends I was going to see a man. After that day, it felt cemented. Then in 2019, I was posted to a hospital in his hometown for my clinical posting, and I met his grandma. He took a week off and just showed up. He’d wait for me at the hospital gate, and we’d walk home together.

I鈥檇 call that entire period an elongated talking stage. Nothing was defined, and I slowly became restless. I kept thinking, my enemies will laugh at me, this is my best friend’s ex, and we haven’t even defined anything.

Gboyega: I liked those walks. I was happy being around her, but in the back of my mind, I was already wondering if it would work out.

Curious. What was holding you back, Gboyega?

Gboyega: Two things. When she visited my hometown, she met my grandmother, and later, my granny started saying they wouldn’t accept someone who isn’t from our hometown. That was the first time I wondered if this would work. The second thing was that Itunu is ambitious, and at the time, I was still a clueless young guy who didn鈥檛 know what I was doing with my life. 

I could see the joy on her face whenever she talked to people about medicine, and I worried that I couldn’t give her that. I felt like I was lagging behind and would only drag her back.

Did you share these concerns with her?

Gboyega: No. I compartmentalised everything and barely talked about these worries. She only found out much later when we鈥檇 gone past this whole stage.

Itunu: He eventually asked me out in January 2020. I was doing a clinical posting in another city and staying alone. I don’t even remember how the conversation started, but he showed up one day, asked me out, and I thought, finally.

Gboyega: It sounds crazy, but if you put a gun to my head, I actually don鈥檛 remember asking her out when she says I did. That year remains a blur to me, and I鈥檝e shut off a lot of things that happened. 

However, I remember breaking up with her in March 2020.

Wait, what? 

Itunu: He showed up on a random day and broke up with me. He said we were moving too fast, and I immediately told him I was open to slowing things down and going at a comfortable pace for me. I was doing too much at the time. It felt like I really needed to convince him that we were meant for each other. I鈥檇 bombard his DMs with messages.

I remember attending a Ramadan lecture where the imam had preached against dating in Islam. Yet, I told Gboyega that we could find a way to make the relationship halal. It was such a crazy period. I cried so much that my mum asked what was wrong, and I told her I had cramps. But eventually, I accepted his decision.

And what happened after that breakup?

Gboyega: I returned in August 2020 and told her I was seeing someone. I actually wasn鈥檛 dating at the time. I just wanted her to move on and find someone who knew what they wanted to do with their life.

Itunu: I asked myself why he’d told me that. I think he wanted me to let go, and it worked. I turned all that anger into volunteering as a content writer for a health organisation. We were planning a nationwide outreach, and I was second-in-command. So I had my hands full with actual, important work. 

Right. So what were the next couple of years like for both of you? Did you see anyone else?

Gboyega: We carried on with our lives in a way. Although I鈥檒l admit that I still missed her. I saw some of the impressive work she was doing, and I once emailed her on New Year鈥檚 Eve in 2020. It was my way of saying I hoped she was doing well.

Itunu: I saw right through his actions. But I was in no mood for whatever games he was playing. I must have said something along the lines of 鈥淧lease, get out鈥� in my head.

By 2021, we鈥檇 just fallen to status viewers with barely any interaction. Then, one day, I saw him post a girl along with a lengthy epistle, and it felt like a hit to my chest. I’d read research that heartbreak can feel like physical pain. That day, I woke up at 5 a.m., and the first thing I saw was his status. A part of me still thought it could work out, but that post really struck a chord.

Gboyega: It was around February 2021, when I鈥檇 started dating someone new. However, it was a long-distance relationship that ended in mid-2022. By 2023, while undergoing my national service, I met someone else. 

We were together until January 2025, and I still wonder how I survived for that long. She was a serial cheater who toyed with my emotions to the point that it affected my mental and physical well-being. I looked terrible during that relationship. I was having sleepless nights. One day, I went to her office, and she wasn’t there. She said she was in the office, but she’d gone to the island. I called my cousin and told him I was done; I ended it that day.

Itunu: I also had my fair share of messed-up relationships. I dated someone in 2022, when I was in my final year. From the jump, I knew it couldn鈥檛 lead anywhere because he was Christian. Eventually, he ghosted me and broke up. Then, I had another situationship who messed with my head for about a year before I walked away. 

After that, I remained single and went through a phase where I was done with men. My friends were scared, and my friend’s mum even reached out to ask if I was okay. I’d told them I was going to be the cool aunt who takes their kids to Disneyland. I’d given up on marriage.

Sounds tough. And how did the two of you get back in touch?

Gboyega: I started thinking about Itunu again around mid 2025. I asked myself the last time any of my romantic relationships made sense, and the only answer that bubbled to the top was my time with her. So I started picturing returning to her. But I didn’t even know if she was single.

Itunu: He called me around 10 p.m. in August 2025 and said he just wanted to check on me. I asked if everything was okay with his family, and I even asked if someone was sick, because I work in a hospital and people call me about that. He said no, he’d just remembered me. I checked my call log the next day to be sure it happened. It just felt really strange, almost like a blast-from-the-past kind of situation. 

Still, that call got us talking again. We spoke on and off because I wasn鈥檛 really giving him the same level of attention as before. At some point, he asked me to help him optimise his LinkedIn profile, and I did. 

I鈥檇 also ranted about a plumber who asked me out on my WhatsApp status, and he reacted to the post. We just had all these moments when he was really trying to worm his way back into what we used to have. But I didn鈥檛 make it so easy. I think he was looking to move out at the time, and because I鈥檇 navigated that before, he reached out to ask for tips. We had a long conversation about finances and budgeting, and that’s when my guard started to come down.

Gboyega: She told me not to leave my father’s house until I was ready. I was also trying to buy my way back into her life with food, and I know she noticed.

Itunu: He also sold me a phone on a flexible plan, gave me a charger and a screen guard for free, and didn’t charge me for delivery. By December, we were talking every day and had moved to video calls. Then I came to Lagos for work in January, and he picked me up from the airport with food. It felt really sweet. At that point, I hadn’t seen him in about six years, and I’d forgotten how tall he is.

Sounds cute. So how did you both get to the point of giving this a second shot?

Itunu: The truth is, I never stopped loving Gboyega. 2025 was a tough year for me. I had a major surgery and was running around by myself before my mum came. He had no idea at first, but when he found out, he came through. His default was to ask how he could make things better, and it just reminded me of why I liked him. 

Understandably, my friends thought I was crazy because they knew he’d left me for someone else. But he felt different this time. He was more self-aware, more present, and less guarded. So I was open to trying again, under what seemed like better circumstances for both of us.

Gboyega: With Itunu, things just made sense. I’d also changed. In 2020, I was still in university and had no standing in my family. I was clueless about my career and intimidated by her drive. But by 2025, I鈥檇 levelled up. I’d finished school, working and had a better sense of my future. I鈥檇 also gotten to the point where I could make my own decisions without my family鈥檚 interference. It felt like everything aligned in our favour to do this again.

On May 9th, 2026, during a trip from Lagos to Ibadan, I asked her to be my girlfriend again. And here we are.

And how do you feel about her ambition now?

Gboyega: It’s part of why I’m with her. I’m only now figuring out what I want, and having someone who pushes me helps.

Itunu: We support each other. If I see an opportunity, I send it to him. I’m always telling him what to do for his business page on social media. I think he’s realised he needs that push, and I need it from him too. So we鈥檝e found that balance. 

Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Gboyega: The peace. My head has never been this quiet with anyone. I can sleep knowing she’s out there doing her thing, and I’m not bothered about where she is. 

Itunu: It doesn’t feel new, because we’ve been in each other’s lives for so long. We communicate well, and we help each other grow. I don’t have to shrink myself to accommodate him. He lets me flex, and I love that about him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Itunu: 9.5. All the hurt from the past feels like it never happened because of how thoughtful and peaceful this has been. The 0.5 is because he has a chicken brain and acts like an old man.

Gboyega: A 10. After everything I’ve been through, this feels like the real thing. And I know the stress I’m not having.

Itunu: And he feeds me. What more can I ask for?

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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For Demilade* (24), ending an eight-year relationship meant letting go of someone she鈥檇 imagined a future with. But after one too many disappointments, she reached her breaking point.

In this episode of On the Streets, she shares how her relationship unravelled, what finally made her walk away and how the experience has changed the way she thinks about love and relationships.

What鈥檚 your relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檓 single. I recently got out of an eight-year relationship that shaped much of my formative years, so being on my own feels strange. But I鈥檓 using this time to learn more about myself.

Take me back to the beginning. How did the relationship start?

Israel* and I met in 2018 when we signed up for remedial classes to get into university. He was one of the smartest people and most popular people in our class. I developed a crush on him early on and started borrowing his books as an excuse to get closer to him. A couple of months later, he caught feelings for me too, and we started dating.

Sweet. What were the early days like?

The first year was lovely. We were so close that people started calling us the class couple.

We both gained admission to the same university in 2019, and that was when I started noticing our differences. I was outgoing, while he preferred to keep to himself. He also lacked the romance and thoughtfulness I wanted from a boyfriend.

Did those differences bother you?

Eventually, it did. It was in the little things. If we got the same amount of food, for instance, he鈥檇 take the bigger share without considering whether I wanted more. He rarely asked what I wanted or made an effort to make me feel considered. I brushed it off at first, but it kept happening.

In 2022, I really wanted a particular pair of trainers that was popular on Instagram. I kept mentioning them, hoping he鈥檇 remember and surprise me, but he waited until they were sold out. I was crushed when he told me. 

I鈥檇 see other people making thoughtful gestures for their partners, and wonder why I couldn鈥檛 enjoy the same. I just wanted to feel that my boyfriend listened to me and cared enough to make an effort.

Eventually, my constant disappointment turned into resentment. When I told him how hurt I felt, he couldn鈥檛 understand why it mattered. We argued about it, and I eventually broke up with him.

Were you able to move on?

The breakup lasted less than a month. Around that time, a friend went through a terrible experience with an ex who physically abused and damaged her reputation at school. Watching her made me question whether my issues with Israel were serious enough to end our relationship.

My friends and family also liked him, so they downplayed my reasons for leaving. Meanwhile, Israel kept trying to win me back and promised to do better. Eventually, I gave him another chance.

Did things improve this time around?

Not really. But I kept telling myself, What I have is still better than what鈥檚 out there. He wasn鈥檛 cheating or doing anything I considered terrible at the time, so I convinced myself to accept less than I actually wanted.

I also hated how little he encouraged me to explore my interests. In my final year at university, I saved up to visit tourist attractions in the western part of the country. He was reluctant to join me, even though I regularly joined him for things he enjoyed, like watching sci-fi films.

I wanted to start a business, too, but he discouraged me until I abandoned the idea. I started feeling trapped and eventually betrayed his trust. 

Oh. What happened?

While preparing for NYSC, Israel and I agreed to manoeuvre our postings so we could both serve in Kwara. However, I wanted some space, so I secretly arranged to serve in Lagos without telling him beforehand.

He was upset when he found out I鈥檇 gone against our plans, and it strained our relationship for a while. During that period, I ran into Malik*, my brother鈥檚 friend, at the gym. We exchanged numbers, started hanging out, and eventually we hooked up.

Weren鈥檛 you still with Israel at the time?

Yes. I was cheating on him. I felt guilty, but I needed an outlet. Malik was the opposite of Israel, which was part of the appeal.

Still, I never considered leaving Israel for him. Malik was my brother鈥檚 friend, and I knew my brother wouldn鈥檛 take kindly to that situation. He was also a playboy, so pursuing a relationship with him would have been setting myself up for heartbreak. We continued seeing each other for much of my service year until he left the country. 

By then, things with Israel had improved, and I thought we might finally work out. But our relationship fell apart again when he decided to move in with me earlier this year.

Screaming. What led to that arrangement?

He sprang it on me. It was meant to be temporary while he looked for a job and saved up for his own place in Lagos. I thought it was a good step because, for the first time, he seemed to be showing some ambition. 

But living together quickly exposed just how inconsiderate he was. I鈥檇 go to work, come home and cook, but getting him to wash the plates was a struggle. I had to nag him to do even the simplest chores.

I also started wondering when he鈥檇 take responsibility for himself and our future. He got a job but quit after barely a month because he found it stressful. He had no other job lined up and no savings, so I ended up covering his living expenses for months.

He also took control of the car my dad had sent me. All I asked was for him to pick me up from work, but he鈥檇 sometimes show up late or forget altogether. Mind you, I was the one paying for fuel. Despite everything I did for him, he still complained when I went out. I constantly had to explain how I spent my time and money.

Yikes. Did you bring this up with him?

I didn鈥檛 think talking would change anything, so I decided to endure it until he could move out. As frustrated as I was, I couldn鈥檛 bring myself to kick him out when he didn鈥檛 have a stable job.

By September, though, I鈥檇 had enough. One day, I got into an argument with my hairstylist because I wasn鈥檛 happy with how she鈥檇 done my hair.  I refused to pay the full price, so she got angry and started cutting off the extensions. She  cut my actual hair in the process

We got into a heated argument that turned physical. Most of the people around sided with her, and I felt embarrassed and overwhelmed. I called Israel to pick me up.

By the time he arrived, I was already in tears. But he barely reacted. He didn鈥檛 even get out of the car. I expected him to show some concern or defend me, but he did neither.

Then he made things worse. When I got into the car, he complained that I was 鈥渇ighting like a thug.鈥� I lost it and screamed at him. How could he see his girlfriend bruised and make that his first comment?

He took offence at the way I spoke to him, and we stopped talking for days. Then, days later, he moved out without telling me.

Gosh. Why would he do that?

I have no idea. We argued on a Saturday, and I went to work in my car on Monday. While I was there, Israel texted me to say he was going to his cousin鈥檚 place. By the time I got home, most of his things were gone.

I was shocked. When I reached out, he said he no longer felt welcome in my house. I tried to explain why I was upset, but he suggested we take a break. I was done at that point. I told him we needed to break up.

Do you think ending the relationship was the right decision?

Absolutely. This time, I鈥檓 not going back, even though everyone expects me to. My family still thinks we had a lovers鈥� quarrel and will eventually get back together.

But I鈥檝e realised that I don鈥檛 need a huge, dramatic betrayal to leave a relationship. I鈥檝e made my decision, and we鈥檝e been broken up for six weeks.

So, how has your experience shaped your idea of love and relationships?

I鈥檝e learnt that it鈥檚 easy to stay with someone because you鈥檝e already invested so much time in the relationship. But the time you鈥檝e spent together won鈥檛 make the red flags disappear.

I stayed partly because I feared that the next person might be even worse. But I鈥檝e realised it鈥檚 better to take that chance than stay in a relationship that no longer works and risk regret in future.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

Probably a 7/10. I enjoy parts of being single, but sometimes it feels strange not having Israel in my life. I still catch myself reaching for my phone in the morning, expecting to see messages from him.

At the same time, I鈥檓 in my twenties and have so much potential. I don鈥檛 want to spend that time clinging to a relationship that didn鈥檛 work out.

Read Next:Sunken Ships: My Friend Used Our Business Savings to Fund His Relationship

When James* (37) got a new roommate, Seun (38), in 2013, he didn’t expect they’d become close friends, let alone business partners. But after trusting Seun to keep their business savings safe, James discovered that his friend had been using the money to fund his relationship.

For Sunken Ships, James shares how the betrayal affected him and how it has shaped the way he sees friendships.

How did you and Seun become friends?

Seun moved in with me in 2013 after a mutual friend introduced us. I wanted a flatmate to split the rent with, and we hit it off almost immediately. I found that he was a really cool guy.

What was the friendship like?

It was great. We鈥檇 gist every day, and hang out over drinks during the weekends.

Seun was a good listener who gave solid advice, so I started seeing him as an older brother. He was easy to talk to, and we鈥檇 discuss everything from money to the kind of life we wanted for ourselves.

That closeness made going into business together feel natural. I wasn鈥檛 partnering with a stranger. I thought I knew him well enough to trust him, and I believed we understood each other.

Cool. What business plans did you have?

We wanted to start a supply business together. It would鈥檝e been my first business idea since graduating school, and I was excited. I imagined us becoming one of those fierce investment duos who did big things together. 

Neither of us had enough money to start, so we agreed to save for a few months before buying the things we needed. I didn鈥檛 want to get tempted to spend my share, so I suggested that Seun keep the money. Every month, as soon as I got paid, I sent the money to Seun for safekeeping. For the first few months, everything went smoothly. 

So what changed?

Seun started dating Diana in 2014. I had no issues with her, but I noticed that he seemed to be spending more money. He bought her gifts, including perfume and wigs, and took her out regularly.

I didn鈥檛 expect him to be stingy with his girlfriend, but I knew we were supposed to be saving aggressively. I couldn鈥檛 understand how he suddenly had so much money to spend.

Did you suspect he was taking money from your savings?

Yes. The gifts that tipped me off, so I asked him if he was taking money from our savings. He denied it and said he was getting extra cash from side gigs. I then asked how much we had in the bank, but he dodged the question. That was when I knew something was wrong.

How did you find out what was really happening?

I kept pressing until he admitted that he鈥檇 been taking money from our savings to buy gifts and take his babe out.  He said he wanted to impress her and keep her interested in him.

I was angry. He鈥檇 made decisions with money that wasn’t his alone to spend, and worse, he hadn’t been upfront about it. If he had come to me and explained that he was having financial difficulties, we could at least have had a conversation. Instead, I found out that the money we were saving together was funding his relationship 

What did you do after he confessed?

I told him I was no longer interested in the business and demanded my money back. By then, I’d contributed about 鈧�450K. 

Seun kept refusing, insisting that he鈥檇 return what he鈥檇 taken and we could continue our business plans. I wasn鈥檛 interested in continuing the business, though. I just wanted my money back.

Eventually, things escalated, and we started fighting. Our neighbours had to intervene and separate us. After that, he left our apartment and went to stay with his girlfriend.

Did you eventually get your money back?

Thankfully, I did. Seun came back to our place with his aunt, who helped us agree on a monthly repayment plan. He paid me back over the next six months, and by the end of 2015, he had moved out completely. 

I agreed to the arrangement because I didn’t want to lose my money, but the fight had already ended our friendship.

I regret trusting him with something so important without putting proper safeguards in place. I thought our friendship was enough to make us accountable to each other, but it wasn’t.

It’s difficult to look at someone the same way after something like this happens.

Did this experience change how you approach friendships?

Definitely. I don’t believe in mixing business with friendship anymore. I used to think being friends with someone meant you could trust them. Now, I know that being close to someone doesn’t automatically mean you’ll share the same values, especially when money is involved.

If I ever go into business with someone again, I want everything clearly documented and a proper structure. 

Would you reconcile with Seun if you had the chance?

I鈥檒l pass. There鈥檚 no way I can respect him the way I once did, so we鈥檙e better off staying in our separate lanes.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: I Rejected My Best Friend, and Now We鈥檙e Strangers

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If you grew up in Nigeria, you probably know that most adults don鈥檛 always believe in proportional punishment. Sometimes, they even gave you something to actually cry about because you had the audacity to do so before anyone had beaten you. 

Sometimes the punishments matched the crime. Other times, they made you wonder if there was a second offence nobody told you about. We spoke to six Nigerians about receiving punishments that didn鈥檛 fit the crime, and they had quite a few things to get off their chests.

鈥淚 refused to eat okro soup鈥� 鈥� Faith*, F, 30

I used to be a picky eater, and this frustrated my mum a lot. Once, when I was about five, she made okro soup for lunch, but I refused to eat. She beat me so badly that I threw up and started hyperventilating. Our neighbours had to intervene and clean me up.

That experience affected my relationship with food. I eat a lot now, and I鈥檝e been struggling with my weight.

In hindsight, I deserved a bit of the spanking. It got me to eat, but I think she could have spared the rod that day. I understand that she acted out of worry, so I don鈥檛 hold it against her. Plus, I can emotionally blackmail her with the incident whenever she brings up my weight. It鈥檚 a win-win for me.

鈥淢y mum gave me a real reason to cry鈥� 鈥� Adesewa*, F, 26

I grew up in a large compound with three other families. One neighbour had five children who were my playmates. 

One afternoon, one of them started tickling me while we were playing. I laughed at first, but it became overwhelming, and I burst into tears. I was still crying when I got home. After I told my mum what happened, she decided to give me an actual reason to cry. She brought out the pankere she kept at home and whipped me all over my body. I cried myself to sleep and woke up to welts on my skin. She gave me groundnuts to console me. 

It never should have been that deep. She could have asked me to kneel down and call it a day.

鈥淲e ate the meat that was meant for stew鈥� 鈥� Alice*, F, 32

My parents used to make stew every Saturday to cater for our family of five throughout the week. One weekend, my mom wasn鈥檛 home, so the responsibility fell to my dad. He prepared the ingredients, fried the meat, and left for a church fellowship.

My two siblings and I ate more than half the meat intended for the stew. Then we tried to cut the remaining ones in half, hoping he wouldn鈥檛 notice. But he did. He locked the door, made us kneel in a triangle and flogged us for about 45 minutes, pausing at intervals to explain why what we鈥檇 done was wrong.

In hindsight, we probably deserved it, but he wasn鈥檛 as strict as my mum. I expected that he鈥檇 be lenient.

鈥淚 forgot to wash my socks鈥� 鈥� Temi*, F, 26

When I was in primary school, I had to live with my aunty, her two children and an older cousin. She had a rule that we had to wash our uniforms after school. Once, I washed my uniforms but forgot my socks. I begged my cousin to help me wash them, but she refused. I was upset, so I left them on the balcony.

When my aunty came home and found them, I knew I was in trouble. She didn鈥檛 say anything till we sat down for dinner at 8 p.m., when she suddenly started beating me. I ran away, but I later returned and knelt downstairs to beg her. She told me to come upstairs and receive the rest of my punishment.

I still think she did too much. It wasn鈥檛 her business whether I washed my socks or not.

鈥淚 received the beating of my life over a charger鈥� 鈥� Abdul*, M, 23

I grew up with my mum in a small estate in Kogi State, where we had a troublesome neighbour who constantly quarrelled with people. I was an omo get inside, but I鈥檇 sneak out to play with her kids. 

One day, she got into it with my mum. After they settled, my mum warned me to stop talking to the woman and her kids. A few weeks later, she bought me a new phone. When the charger developed a fault,  the neighbour鈥檚 son lent me a similar one. I thought he鈥檇 switched the chargers so I told my mum what had happened when she returned. 

I expected a scolding, but she beat me so badly that I tried to unalive myself by swallowing all the pills I could find. I stopped telling her things after that. Even now, there are conversations I can鈥檛 have with her because I don鈥檛 know how she鈥檇 react. 

鈥淚 refused to write an essay鈥� 鈥� Joshua*, M, 28

I was a very stubborn child, both at home and in school. By SS2, my behaviour had gotten so bad that my school threatened to expel me. On one occasion, my name appeared on the list of noisemakers for both arts and science classes, even though I was a science student. The teachers found my father鈥檚 office and reported to him. They all agreed that I should write three letters and three essays as punishment. 

I completed everything except the last essay, a narrative about an armed robbery on my street. I鈥檇 never witnessed one, so I asked them to change the topic. They refused, so I didn鈥檛 write it. They decided that for every day I didn鈥檛 submit, I鈥檇 get that number of strokes. One stroke on day one, seven on day seven. They got tired by day 24. 

I found the whole thing annoying because there was no reason to drag it out. They could have just punished me once and for all.

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