But now that every hotel and restaurant offers a buffet, the question is, are they actually worth the price? Let鈥檚 be honest, nobody wants to pay premium money just to eat the same rice and stew they can easily whip up at home. We did the hard work of combing through the city to find the best Sunday buffets in Lagos under 鈧�50k that actually deserve your coins.

Koriko & Co (Lagos Marriott, Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�48,000

• Best for: Couples, large gatherings, and people who prefer authentic Nigerian cuisines.

• Why choose it: This is the mainland鈥檚 gold standard for variety. If you鈥檙e a foodie with a knack for trying out different things, you鈥檒l get your money鈥檚 worth. It features a dessert station, a fruit station, a salad station and unlimited fresh juice. This offers the absolute highest value.

• What to watch out for: This price covers only the buffet, standard juices and a bottle of water. Cocktails and alcohol are billed separately, so ordering drinks will easily push the total past 鈧�50k.

• Time: 12-3.30 p.m

Wakame (Lagos Marriott, Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�45,000

• Best for: People who want an Asian menu without having to drive to the Island.

• Why choose it: You pay for a specialised, interactive open-kitchen experience. Instead of standard buffet rice, the spread focuses strictly on dim sum, wok-tossed noodles, fresh sushi, among other Asian cuisines.听

• What to watch out for: At 鈧�45,000, you get only one mocktail per person. If you鈥檙e an alcohol lover, you鈥檒l pay an additional听 鈧�10,000 for two alcoholic drinks. The menu has a few Nigerian staples, so picky eaters will struggle.

• Time: 12-4 p.m.

Ibis Hotel (Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�30,000

• Best for: People on a strict budget who prefer Nigerian delicacies.

• Why choose it: It is one of the most affordable hotel buffets in Lagos. It completely eliminates budget anxiety while offering a very solid, reliable spread of local staples like ofada rice, assorted meat stews, swallow, and pepper soup. You also get to enjoy a bottle of water and a complimentary glass of fresh juice or Chapman.听

• What to watch out for: The menu is highly localised, so you might not find anything that really excites the foodie in you. The dining aesthetic is standard and basic.

• Time: 12:30-4 p.m.

Iyeru Okin (Radisson Blu, Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�49,000

• Best for: Private outings, large gatherings, and people who enjoy a mix of local and international dishes.
• Why choose it: This is one of the most extensive luxury spreads on the Mainland. The variety is massive, blending premium international dishes with local options. The dessert and pastry sections are top-tier, making it an excellent choice for a birthday date.

• What to watch out for: Because it is popular for birthdays and family gatherings, the noise level is high. At 鈧�49k per person, ordering alcohol will instantly push you past your 鈧�50k budget.

• Time: 12-4 p.m.

Tamberma Restaurant & Bar (Ilupeju) 鈥� 鈧�25,000

• Best for: Budget-conscious individuals and lovers of traditional Nigerian and Indian meals.

• Why choose it: At 鈧�25,000 per adult, this is a highly affordable all-you-can-eat deal. You get a deeply satisfying spread of Nigerian staples in a very relaxed, unpretentious environment on the Mainland. You also enjoy unlimited soft drinks and water.

• What to watch out for: The menu features Indian cuisine prominently alongside Nigerian staples. If you are not a fan of Indian food, you might find the overall buffet options a bit limited.

• Time: 12-4 p.m.

Piano Bistro by The Delborough (Victoria Island) 鈥� 鈧�45,000

• Best for: Couples looking to celebrate intimate events and people who want a VIP European cafe aesthetic.

• Why choose it: It provides a quiet, elegant indoor atmosphere with VIP-level service. For 鈧�45,000, the Sunday buffet uniquely includes mimosas, offering excellent value. The spread features fresh pastries, beautifully served breakfasts, and high-end continental courses.

• What to watch out for: Seating is extremely limited, so you cannot just walk in; you must book in advance. Also, it鈥檚 an intimate, quiet space designed for low-volume dining. If you want the loud, energetic party vibe of a standard Lagos brunch, you are better off heading to Dani (which has live music) in the exact same building.听

• Time: 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Debull Restaurant by The Legend Airport Hotel (Ikeja) 鈥� 鈧�42,000

• Best for: Anyone looking for live entertainment, versatile seating for large groups, or secluded privacy.

• Why choose it: It’s spacious enough for massive group celebrations, yet designed with tucked-away corners if you just want to be left alone. For 鈧�42,000, you get an impressive dedicated salad bar, heavy local and intercontinental staples, live entertainment, and a highly unique view of the airport runway.

• What to watch out for: Complimentary drinks are strictly capped at one water and a chapman or cocktail; anything extra will cost you. Also, navigating airport traffic from the Island is a massive logistical headache. You should plan your movement.

• Time: 12:30-4 p.m.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a two-year talking stage, a breakup in March 2020 for which he gave a flimsy reason, and the phone call that brought them back together in 2025.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Itunu: 2018. I was in my 100-level at the time. One day, my best friend came to our WhatsApp group chat and announced she鈥檇 started seeing someone. We were quite mischievous then, and we had this tradition of grilling whoever wanted to date any one of us. So, we added Gboyega to the group and grilled him for a couple of minutes. I remember saying we鈥檇 kill him if he ever broke our friend鈥檚 heart. It was all fun and games, really, and he was quite the team player. To be fair, I already knew my friend wasn鈥檛 going to bring a crazy person to the group chat. He came off as a really cool guy.

Gboyega: She鈥檚 pretty much summed up our first encounter. My girlfriend had two very close friends, and Itunu was one of them. She introduced me to them by adding me to the WhatsApp group for the grilling, and I went along with it.

I felt they were just looking out for their friend. They also came at it from a playful angle, not a serious one. Still, it was clear that the person I was dating was very precious to them.

Curious, Itunu. Did you talk much while he was dating your friend?

Itunu: Not really. We’d never met in person, so there really wasn鈥檛 any avenue to have any sort of relationship. Maybe we said a few hi and hellos online, but that was about it. My friendship with Gboyega only started after he broke up with my friend. I was genuinely shocked by the outcome.

Oh. Why did that relationship end, Gboyega?

Gboyega: It was actually the other way round. She broke up with me because 鈥淚 was too soft.鈥� If either of us did something wrong, I’d quickly say sorry and want to move on. She wanted drama, raised voices, and a scenario where I was constantly coming to beg and play makeup. I’m not that kind of person; I prefer my peace of mind. So I didn鈥檛 push it when she made her decision. I can’t remember how long it lasted, maybe a year.

Itunu: The funny thing is, even though she鈥檇 introduced Gboyega to us, we were completely clueless about whatever was going on in the relationship. She might have mentioned in passing that he was way too chill, but I didn’t know it ran that deep.

And how did the two of you end up talking after the breakup?

Itunu: After she eventually told us in the group chat that she鈥檇 broken up with Gboyega, she wasn’t forthcoming about why. I knew Gboyega was a chill guy, so I was curious about what happened. One day, I reached out to ask. I remember asking him, 鈥淎re you good?鈥� And then I told him he’d be all right.

Gboyega: I really appreciated the call. I got the feeling that she wanted to hear my side of the story. At that point, I didn鈥檛 have a full picture of what my ex had told them. That call marked the beginning of our relationship. 

Itunu: The first thing that drew me to him was that he’s Muslim. Most of the people who’d been approaching me were Christians, and I had more Christian friends than Muslim ones. We could relate over fasting and struggling with salah. I remember finding out that we had similar interests in foreign music, and in my head, I thought, 鈥渉mmm, that鈥檚 why I thought you were cool.鈥� 

We went from “are you good” to talking almost every day, then to late-night calls. I’d hide in my room and talk in a muffled voice so my mum wouldn’t catch me.

Gboyega: It became a routine. We’d check on each other in the morning and afternoon and ask how the day was going. I felt we became closer during that phase than I’d been with the person I’d been dating before.

Was anyone else in the picture for you at that time, Itunu?

Itunu: I was seeing someone, though I don’t count that experience as a relationship. It was hell. Once, I’d travelled to another city to see him over Easter, and he ghosted me. His friend invited me over to make me feel better, and that’s when I found out he was around the whole time. After him, I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone run me mad again.

Right. So at what point did you both realise things were shifting from a platonic place?

Itunu: It started to seem like something more from the moment I was spending hours on calls with him and going to extra lengths to do it. Still, I’m the queen of denial, and I kept trying to push whatever was bubbling up away. He was my friend’s ex, and that felt like breaking sister code. Still, I knew I couldn’t keep telling myself it was nothing. There was definitely something brewing between us.

Gboyega: For me, it was purely her vibe. I was really fascinated by her mind and the way she thinks. She’s smart, outspoken, and she knows what she wants. She was able to hold high-level intellectual conversations, and we鈥檇 even brainstorm ideas around different things. Then, slowly, I found myself looking forward to interacting with her

And where was your ex, Itunu鈥檚 bestie, in all of this?

Gboyega: We eventually had to have a conversation about it. I told Itunu that if we wanted to pursue whatever was developing between us, her friend had to hear it from us, not find out about it behind our backs. About a week after we had the conversation, Itunu spoke to her.

Itunu: It wasn’t a pleasant experience. I’d actually spoken to our third friend beforehand, and she reminded me how easily my friend flares up. As Gboyega mentioned, she lives for drama. When I brought it up, we had a nasty back-and-forth. And for a while, we stopped speaking. 

In the end, however, she told me to do whatever I wanted. Even though she didn鈥檛 outright give her blessings, I interpreted her words as that. Interestingly, I don’t think I’ve told Gboyega this before.

So how did things progress between you once Gboyega鈥檚 ex was out of the picture?

Itunu: We continued building our friendship. A lot of it was happening via phone calls and text because I was in Ilorin and he was in Lagos. Then, by late 2018, we met for the first time.

I travelled over 45 kilometres to see him. I didn’t tell any of my friends I was going to see a man. After that day, it felt cemented. Then in 2019, I was posted to a hospital in his hometown for my clinical posting, and I met his grandma. He took a week off and just showed up. He’d wait for me at the hospital gate, and we’d walk home together.

I鈥檇 call that entire period an elongated talking stage. Nothing was defined, and I slowly became restless. I kept thinking, my enemies will laugh at me, this is my best friend’s ex, and we haven’t even defined anything.

Gboyega: I liked those walks. I was happy being around her, but in the back of my mind, I was already wondering if it would work out.

Curious. What was holding you back, Gboyega?

Gboyega: Two things. When she visited my hometown, she met my grandmother, and later, my granny started saying they wouldn’t accept someone who isn’t from our hometown. That was the first time I wondered if this would work. The second thing was that Itunu is ambitious, and at the time, I was still a clueless young guy who didn鈥檛 know what I was doing with my life. 

I could see the joy on her face whenever she talked to people about medicine, and I worried that I couldn’t give her that. I felt like I was lagging behind and would only drag her back.

Did you share these concerns with her?

Gboyega: No. I compartmentalised everything and barely talked about these worries. She only found out much later when we鈥檇 gone past this whole stage.

Itunu: He eventually asked me out in January 2020. I was doing a clinical posting in another city and staying alone. I don’t even remember how the conversation started, but he showed up one day, asked me out, and I thought, finally.

Gboyega: It sounds crazy, but if you put a gun to my head, I actually don鈥檛 remember asking her out when she says I did. That year remains a blur to me, and I鈥檝e shut off a lot of things that happened. 

However, I remember breaking up with her in March 2020.

Wait, what? 

Itunu: He showed up on a random day and broke up with me. He said we were moving too fast, and I immediately told him I was open to slowing things down and going at a comfortable pace for me. I was doing too much at the time. It felt like I really needed to convince him that we were meant for each other. I鈥檇 bombard his DMs with messages.

I remember attending a Ramadan lecture where the imam had preached against dating in Islam. Yet, I told Gboyega that we could find a way to make the relationship halal. It was such a crazy period. I cried so much that my mum asked what was wrong, and I told her I had cramps. But eventually, I accepted his decision.

And what happened after that breakup?

Gboyega: I returned in August 2020 and told her I was seeing someone. I actually wasn鈥檛 dating at the time. I just wanted her to move on and find someone who knew what they wanted to do with their life.

Itunu: I asked myself why he’d told me that. I think he wanted me to let go, and it worked. I turned all that anger into volunteering as a content writer for a health organisation. We were planning a nationwide outreach, and I was second-in-command. So I had my hands full with actual, important work. 

Right. So what were the next couple of years like for both of you? Did you see anyone else?

Gboyega: We carried on with our lives in a way. Although I鈥檒l admit that I still missed her. I saw some of the impressive work she was doing, and I once emailed her on New Year鈥檚 Eve in 2020. It was my way of saying I hoped she was doing well.

Itunu: I saw right through his actions. But I was in no mood for whatever games he was playing. I must have said something along the lines of 鈥淧lease, get out鈥� in my head.

By 2021, we鈥檇 just fallen to status viewers with barely any interaction. Then, one day, I saw him post a girl along with a lengthy epistle, and it felt like a hit to my chest. I’d read research that heartbreak can feel like physical pain. That day, I woke up at 5 a.m., and the first thing I saw was his status. A part of me still thought it could work out, but that post really struck a chord.

Gboyega: It was around February 2021, when I鈥檇 started dating someone new. However, it was a long-distance relationship that ended in mid-2022. By 2023, while undergoing my national service, I met someone else. 

We were together until January 2025, and I still wonder how I survived for that long. She was a serial cheater who toyed with my emotions to the point that it affected my mental and physical well-being. I looked terrible during that relationship. I was having sleepless nights. One day, I went to her office, and she wasn’t there. She said she was in the office, but she’d gone to the island. I called my cousin and told him I was done; I ended it that day.

Itunu: I also had my fair share of messed-up relationships. I dated someone in 2022, when I was in my final year. From the jump, I knew it couldn鈥檛 lead anywhere because he was Christian. Eventually, he ghosted me and broke up. Then, I had another situationship who messed with my head for about a year before I walked away. 

After that, I remained single and went through a phase where I was done with men. My friends were scared, and my friend’s mum even reached out to ask if I was okay. I’d told them I was going to be the cool aunt who takes their kids to Disneyland. I’d given up on marriage.

Sounds tough. And how did the two of you get back in touch?

Gboyega: I started thinking about Itunu again around mid 2025. I asked myself the last time any of my romantic relationships made sense, and the only answer that bubbled to the top was my time with her. So I started picturing returning to her. But I didn’t even know if she was single.

Itunu: He called me around 10 p.m. in August 2025 and said he just wanted to check on me. I asked if everything was okay with his family, and I even asked if someone was sick, because I work in a hospital and people call me about that. He said no, he’d just remembered me. I checked my call log the next day to be sure it happened. It just felt really strange, almost like a blast-from-the-past kind of situation. 

Still, that call got us talking again. We spoke on and off because I wasn鈥檛 really giving him the same level of attention as before. At some point, he asked me to help him optimise his LinkedIn profile, and I did. 

I鈥檇 also ranted about a plumber who asked me out on my WhatsApp status, and he reacted to the post. We just had all these moments when he was really trying to worm his way back into what we used to have. But I didn鈥檛 make it so easy. I think he was looking to move out at the time, and because I鈥檇 navigated that before, he reached out to ask for tips. We had a long conversation about finances and budgeting, and that’s when my guard started to come down.

Gboyega: She told me not to leave my father’s house until I was ready. I was also trying to buy my way back into her life with food, and I know she noticed.

Itunu: He also sold me a phone on a flexible plan, gave me a charger and a screen guard for free, and didn’t charge me for delivery. By December, we were talking every day and had moved to video calls. Then I came to Lagos for work in January, and he picked me up from the airport with food. It felt really sweet. At that point, I hadn’t seen him in about six years, and I’d forgotten how tall he is.

Sounds cute. So how did you both get to the point of giving this a second shot?

Itunu: The truth is, I never stopped loving Gboyega. 2025 was a tough year for me. I had a major surgery and was running around by myself before my mum came. He had no idea at first, but when he found out, he came through. His default was to ask how he could make things better, and it just reminded me of why I liked him. 

Understandably, my friends thought I was crazy because they knew he’d left me for someone else. But he felt different this time. He was more self-aware, more present, and less guarded. So I was open to trying again, under what seemed like better circumstances for both of us.

Gboyega: With Itunu, things just made sense. I’d also changed. In 2020, I was still in university and had no standing in my family. I was clueless about my career and intimidated by her drive. But by 2025, I鈥檇 levelled up. I’d finished school, working and had a better sense of my future. I鈥檇 also gotten to the point where I could make my own decisions without my family鈥檚 interference. It felt like everything aligned in our favour to do this again.

On May 9th, 2026, during a trip from Lagos to Ibadan, I asked her to be my girlfriend again. And here we are.

And how do you feel about her ambition now?

Gboyega: It’s part of why I’m with her. I’m only now figuring out what I want, and having someone who pushes me helps.

Itunu: We support each other. If I see an opportunity, I send it to him. I’m always telling him what to do for his business page on social media. I think he’s realised he needs that push, and I need it from him too. So we鈥檝e found that balance. 

Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Gboyega: The peace. My head has never been this quiet with anyone. I can sleep knowing she’s out there doing her thing, and I’m not bothered about where she is. 

Itunu: It doesn’t feel new, because we’ve been in each other’s lives for so long. We communicate well, and we help each other grow. I don’t have to shrink myself to accommodate him. He lets me flex, and I love that about him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Itunu: 9.5. All the hurt from the past feels like it never happened because of how thoughtful and peaceful this has been. The 0.5 is because he has a chicken brain and acts like an old man.

Gboyega: A 10. After everything I’ve been through, this feels like the real thing. And I know the stress I’m not having.

Itunu: And he feeds me. What more can I ask for?

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Gbenga* (28) and Temilade* (27) met in a university WhatsApp group in 2021. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about an NYSC posting that cost Temilade 鈧�100k and never materialised, the public callout that followed, and the unexpected feelings that slipped through the crack.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Temilade: It was 2021, in a WhatsApp group for university students from different schools. People used it to make friends and share updates about opportunities. I was a silent observer and rarely typed anything, but I noticed Gbenga because he was very active. He led conversations, shared information, and always had something to say.

Gbenga: I didn’t even know Temi was in the group until she showed up in my DM one random day. In a group that big, you mostly notice the people who talk a lot, and Temi barely participated. I think the first thing I said after I got her message was, “Who is this?” I know it sounds rude, but it wasn鈥檛 my intention. Plus, she didn鈥檛 even try to introduce herself from the jump. She started with 鈥淗ello鈥�, and I must have rolled my eyes when nothing else followed.

Curious, what made you message him, Temilade?

Temilade: Some of us were getting ready for NYSC mobilisation, and everyone was talking about where they wanted to serve. Gbenga had mentioned a few times that he was serving in Lagos, and when others said it was almost impossible to be posted there, he always said it was possible. At the time, I really wanted to serve in Lagos too, even though my parents weren鈥檛 keen on it. They worried that I didn’t know anyone there. Still, my mind was made up. I’d heard that most people who served in Lagos knew someone who made it happen. So I sent Gbenga a message asking if he could help me.

Gbenga: When she told me she was from the group, I relaxed and became more welcoming. I can鈥檛 remember exactly what I said next, but I knew my tone changed completely, and I became very friendly.

Then she told me she wanted to serve in Lagos and needed help. I first told her that I鈥檇 only been posted to Lagos by chance and I couldn’t do anything for her. But that wasn鈥檛 the actual story.

Oh.

Gbenga: I had a family member who helped me, and he’d warned me never to tell anyone. However, he鈥檇 still helped two other people over time, but he didn’t want it to become a thing. Temilade was very insistent, though, and I could see she really needed it, so I told her I’d come back to her.

About a week later, I spoke to my relative, and he promised to help. I told Temilade the cost was 100k.

Temilade: To be honest, I thought it was a lot of money. But I’d been saving, and I was prepared for it. I also felt I could trust Gbenga, because so many people in the group knew him and he was so active there. I didn’t think someone like that would just disappear. So I paid.

And how did the posting turn out?

Temilade: Entirely far from what I wanted. I was posted to Osun state. I messaged Gbenga the same day I found out to ask what happened, and he stopped replying. 

Gbenga: I was disappointed too. My relative couldn’t pull it through, and by then I’d already spent the money. I planned to refund Temi, but a lot was going on for me personally at the time. I kept seeing her messages, but I didn’t have her money, so I didn’t know what to say. So I took the very easy route of ignoring. 

Temilade: At that point, I鈥檇 spoken to a few people around me, and everyone told me I’d been scammed. NYSC posting scams were very common then, and I felt foolish for falling for it. It felt like it was only after the act that I started putting the pieces together. I blamed myself for trusting him so easily. I didn’t even know what he looked like. All I had was his name and number, and the account I paid into belonged to a woman. So I knew it wasn鈥檛 his. Some other friends thought I was being too calm about the whole thing. So they told me to call him out in the group.听

But was Gbenga active the whole time he was ignoring your messages and calls?

Temilade: To be honest, I wasn鈥檛 even sure. I was juggling multiple things. Camp activities were overwhelming. My phone battery was constantly low. Whenever I had access to it, there were so many messages, especially from that group, that I didn鈥檛 even know where to start checking. So I couldn鈥檛 really track his availability the way I would have loved to. 

Gbenga: I was so pissed the day I saw her message. I never scammed her, and now I was being called out in front of the whole group. But I also realised how the whole thing appeared at that point. She had left dozens of messages. She left out the part where she was also calling me with different numbers. 

It鈥檚 actually one of the bad habits I鈥檓 trying to walk through. I tend to run away when things get too serious or overwhelming. I鈥檇 rather pour my attention elsewhere than confront whatever is making me feel uncomfortable. My initial plan was to gather her money and respond only when I was ready to issue a refund. But the same day she called me out in the group, I replied to her and explained everything. I told her I was looking for ways to gather her money and pay her back, and I gave her two months.

Right. And did you keep that promise?

Gbenga: I wanted to, but so many other things were going on in my life that I genuinely couldn鈥檛 think about the debt. She doesn鈥檛 know this, but she wasn鈥檛 the only person I owed a debt to at the time. Hers was the smallest amount, and I guess that was why I kept putting it aside. 

Temilade: I was tired of the back-and-forth. At first, I thought of just counting it as a loss. But that money was my sweat, so I decided to change my tactics. I stopped being aggressive and started sending calm messages. I even started sending him good morning prayers.

Screaming. 

Gbenga: I noticed the change. Before then, I’d archived her chat because I couldn’t deal with the messages. But those prayers made it hard for me to ignore. Even if I didn’t reply, I’d see them every morning. 

Curious, what exactly was going on in your life at that time, Gbenga?

Gbenga: My mum was sick and had been admitted for almost two months. It was taking a serious toll on our family. My NYSC allowance couldn’t do much, and I was also taking care of my younger brother. I felt pulled in different directions and was genuinely tired. One day, during one of my extremely low moments, Temi鈥檚 messages came in. For the first time in months, I felt a nudge to call her. She picked up, and I broke down on the phone.

Temilade: It was the first time I’d heard his voice. At first, I was actually happy, because I thought my tactic had worked and he was about to pay me. Then he started crying and told me everything he was going through. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to pay. I felt guilty afterwards, and I told him to take his time.

When I updated my friends, they said it was just another tactic, and I should apply more pressure. But something in my heart told me he was genuine. 

Gbenga: Funny enough, after that call, I stopped ignoring her messages. Even when I didn’t have the money, I’d reply just to assure her I hadn’t forgotten.

I eventually paid her back in March 2022. I paid half and promised to send the rest the following month. But I lost my mum before then. Then she asked me to leave the rest of the money. By then, we’d become close, even though neither of us knew what it was yet.

Fast forward to May, she decided to attend my mum’s funeral in Ogun state, and that was the first time we met. 

Temilade: When I saw him, I knew he wasn’t someone who could scam me. He has this childish, innocent look, which, I admit, can sometimes be deceptive. But it wasn鈥檛 just his looks. Our interaction that day also felt really genuine. I don鈥檛 know if it was the grief or if he was putting up an act, but I just knew he came off as a really decent person. He kept thanking me for letting him off the rest of the money and still showing up for my family and me.

I see. So what happened after the funeral? 

Gbenga: Things actually moved incredibly fast. We became very close friends, and I started to feel much more comfortable with Temilade. She likes to insist that it was my grief that made me so vulnerable at the time. And I agree. I had a close relationship with my mum, and it felt like I needed someone to fill the vacuum she鈥檇 left. But outside of that, I also felt a sense of calm around Temilade that I couldn鈥檛 explain.

Temilade: I think we eventually grew on each other. We talked all the time. I鈥檇 gone from having genuine anger and resentment for him to actually feeling pity for him. Through it all, I didn’t realise how attached I was becoming to him. I looked forward to hearing from him all the time and even took two more trips to Lagos to visit him. 

Did you tell your friends about the shift in the dynamics of your relationship with Gbenga?

Temilade: I didn’t tell them that he was the same guy who “scammed” me, because they would have laughed at me. Although I  told my closest friend, she thought I was a fool. We actually got into a fight because I didn鈥檛 take it lightly when she talked down to me about my decision. Her reaction was all I needed to keep whatever was happening with Gbenga private. Over the months, I got to know him, and he seemed like a genuine person. I now believe everything that happened was a misunderstanding that was leading us somewhere.

Gbenga: I asked her out in January 2023, and she said yes.

What was the relationship like in the early days?

Temilade: I think they were a mix of easy and difficult. It was a long-distance relationship, and that had its disadvantages. We wanted to see each other more than we could. However, we made it work as best we could. We planned dates, and I came to Lagos whenever I had the chance to.

Gbenga: I鈥檝e actually never been in a long-distance relationship. I used to say I鈥檇 rather stay single than be with someone I cannot see whenever I want. Maybe that was just my young and clueless self making those statements. I think when you find your person, you鈥檒l be willing to do anything for them. 

We spent a lot of time on calls, trying to make up for not being in the same city. Luckily, we didn鈥檛 have to remain a long-distance couple for too long. Temi eventually found an opportunity in Lagos and relocated there. 

Nice. Gbenga, you mentioned that you tend to disappear when things get difficult. How鈥檚 that going now that you鈥檙e in a relationship? 

Temilade: That鈥檚 another challenge I forgot to mention. He鈥檚 still very much an avoidant. It鈥檚 easy to know when something is bothering him. He shuts down completely and even goes away. 

The last time we had a fight, he vanished for an entire weekend. I was ready to break up with him. I鈥檇 had enough of the unexplained ghosting. If something is going on, I鈥檇 much rather my partner tell me than shut me out completely. 

Gbenga: It鈥檚 never intentional. I think that鈥檚 something I鈥檝e always told her. I鈥檝e tried to confront my feelings in the past, and it doesn’t bode well. I get really emotional and can鈥檛 even put my thoughts together, and there are times when I鈥檓 almost moved to react physically. So that鈥檚 why I always choose silence or remove myself from the situation. I鈥檇 gotten away with it in past relationships, but it鈥檚 a major dealbreaker for Temilade. She always wants to know what鈥檚 going on. 

But we鈥檝e been finding our balance. The last fight she mentioned really brought me around. I realised she was serious about leaving, and I couldn鈥檛 bear to see that happen. I don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 anyone else I want to spend my life with. So if I need to do the work to become better, I鈥檒l do it or keep trying. 

Fair enough. You guys have had quite the rollercoaster romance. What would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Gbenga: She trusted me when she had every reason not to. After everything that happened, she still gave me grace, and I don’t take that for granted. As I said, she鈥檚 my person for real. 

Temilade: He’s honest. Even at his lowest point, he told me the truth about what he was going through, and I think that’s what made me trust him. We’ve been together almost four years, and we’re planning to get married soon. I can鈥檛 wait to see that happen.

Gbenga: It was supposed to happen this year, but we still need to put a few things in place. We both know it’s coming.

Got it. And how would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Temilade: 8. We still have a lot of work to do before we make a 10.

Gbenga: 9. It鈥檒l be a 10 when we get married. 

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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These married Nigerians open up about when sex started feeling boring in their marriages and how they feel about it now.

鈥淲e used to have sex during movie scenes鈥� 鈥� Ibrahim*, 35

My wife and I were unhinged in the first three years of our marriage. We tried every style of sex you could think of. We even had this thing where, if we were watching a movie and a sex scene came on, we鈥檇 get in the mood and start getting intimate too. Then our first child came, followed by the second, and things gradually changed. We still have sex, but it doesn鈥檛 feel the same anymore. The thrill and excitement are gone. It鈥檚 not that we don鈥檛 enjoy each other, but that spontaneity we once had is missing. Sometimes, I miss it.

鈥淚鈥檓 always the one making an effort鈥� 鈥� Dayo*, 40

I鈥檝e been bored with sex since the first year of my marriage. My wife won鈥檛 turn me down, but she doesn鈥檛 put any effort into it either. I鈥檓 always the one initiating, touching her and spending minutes on foreplay to get her aroused. I hardly get that same energy from her. I鈥檝e brought it up several times, but nothing has changed over the years. It鈥檚 always the same routine, and I鈥檓 the one driving everything. I don鈥檛 know how anyone can do the same thing for years without getting bored. These days, even the thought of sex with my wife doesn鈥檛 excite me.

鈥淲e鈥檝e abandoned sex midway before鈥� 鈥� Nifemi*, 29

I鈥檓 someone who gets bored with almost everything, and unfortunately, sex isn鈥檛 exempt. Sometimes, it does absolutely nothing for me. There鈥檚 no excitement, and even when I orgasm, the feeling disappears so quickly that I barely think about it afterwards. Thankfully, my husband is the same way, so it hasn鈥檛 caused problems in our marriage. There have even been times when we abandoned sex halfway because one of us was taking too long to orgasm. I sometimes worry that we鈥檙e too young to feel this way, but at least it鈥檚 not a one-sided problem. Neither of us is particularly bothered by it.

鈥淓ven looking at my husband doesn鈥檛 get me in the mood anymore鈥� 鈥� Doyin*, 35

I鈥檓 currently in that weird space where sex feels boring. Those older people who warned that you鈥檇 eventually get tired of it might have been onto something. Before, thinking about my husband or remembering our intimate moments was enough to get me in the mood. Now, I can watch him walk around the house and feel absolutely nothing. When we eventually have sex, it feels more like ticking a box than something I鈥檓 genuinely excited about. I don鈥檛 like that it has become this way, so I鈥檝e been reading up on how couples can bring back the excitement when sex starts feeling routine.

鈥淲e sometimes go six weeks without sex鈥� 鈥� James*, 40

I鈥檝e been married for almost ten years, and the truth is, whether you like it or not, sex with the same person can eventually become boring. My wife and I still like each other, but having such easy, everyday access to each other鈥檚 bodies has taken away some of the excitement. Sometimes, it feels like we鈥檝e been there and done that. That鈥檚 why I prefer spacing out sex these days. We can go six weeks without doing anything, just so there鈥檚 time to miss each other and look forward to it again. I think that little bit of longing makes the experience more interesting.

鈥淚 enjoy my intimacy toy more than sex with my husband鈥� 鈥�  Yetunde*, 38

I always knew my husband was boring, so I prepared myself for a boring sex life. Thankfully, where he falls short sexually, he makes up for it in other ways. He has all the qualities I wanted in a husband and father, and I prioritised those things. I don鈥檛 regret that decision. Honestly, I enjoy myself more with my intimacy toy than I do during sex with him. He鈥檚 very one-dimensional in bed. He doesn鈥檛 try anything new, and he doesn鈥檛 even seem bothered that I use toys to pleasure myself. At this point, I鈥檝e accepted that our sex life probably won鈥檛 become more exciting.

鈥淢y wife only orgasms in one position鈥� 鈥� Jessy*, 34

My wife only orgasms in one position, and it鈥檚 one of the most frustrating things about our sex life. I鈥檝e tried introducing other styles, but we always end up doing the same thing because that鈥檚 what works for her. I鈥檓 glad she can orgasm, but she鈥檚 become so rigid that sometimes she just wants to get into that position, finish and call it a day. I鈥檝e overlooked it for a while, but sex has become predictable and boring for me. Worse, she sometimes orgasms before me and immediately loses interest, almost as if she鈥檚 just waiting for me to finish too.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

In this week鈥檚 Marriage Diaries, he shares how his parents shaped his expectations of marriage, why he has never doubted his choice of wife, and what he鈥檚 learning about respecting her boundaries with family

This is a look into his marriage diary.

Got a marriage story to share? Please听听and we鈥檒l reach out.

I learnt what love looked like from my parents

My parents have a really good marriage, and one of my clearest childhood memories is of my dad standing up for my mum when she had issues with his siblings.

I can鈥檛 remember exactly what happened, but words were exchanged. When my dad came home, he told us his siblings had accused my mum of feeding him charm. His response was something along the lines of, 鈥淭hey said she has fed me charm. Let her charm me. I like it like that.鈥�

I was probably in secondary school, but those words stuck with me. They showed me how much my dad was willing to stand by my mum, regardless of what other people thought. He also took my siblings and me to school when my mum had a demanding job. He did it happily, without making it seem like a favour.

My mum can be troublesome sometimes, but my dad loves her all the same. Watching them made me want to be a kind husband who stands by his wife, even when things aren鈥檛 perfect.

My wife made it easy to become the husband I wanted to be

When I got married, I wanted to give my wife the kind of love I鈥檇 watched my dad give my mum. What I didn鈥檛 expect was how naturally it would come with the right person.

My wife is exactly my spec. She鈥檚 tall, light-skinned, easy-going, a great cook and ambitious. If someone gave me a 60-leaf notebook to write about her, I鈥檇 fill every page and still have more to say.

She brings peace to my life, so there鈥檚 very little I wouldn鈥檛 do for her. If it鈥檚 within my reach and I鈥檓 capable of doing it, I鈥檒l do it. Having a woman like her has made it easy to become the husband I always wanted to be.

I know how fortunate I am because some of my friends haven鈥檛 been as lucky in their marriages. Whenever we meet, there鈥檚 usually one complaint or another. One friend kept insisting that my wife couldn鈥檛 possibly be as good as I said she was. He would press me to identify her flaws, as though there had to be a hidden problem.

Eventually, I distanced myself from him because those conversations made me dwell on things I鈥檇 already accepted about my wife. Of course, she isn鈥檛 without her flaws, but I鈥檝e learnt to love her with her imperfections. I don鈥檛 need to manufacture problems because someone else finds it hard to believe I鈥檓 happy.

That certainty also shaped how I approached marriage. I wasn鈥檛 waiting for my wife or our circumstances to become perfect before committing to the life we wanted together.

We started small, but I never doubted my decision

I met my wife after NYSC, while I was still in a relationship with someone else. That relationship was abusive, and I stayed longer than I should have because I was afraid to leave. I still have her bite marks on my body.

From our first conversation, I felt a kind of peace I hadn鈥檛 experienced before. We didn鈥檛 start dating until two years after we met, but I鈥檝e never been more certain about a decision than I was when I chose to marry her.

My only real concerns were financial. I鈥檇 experienced humble beginnings and knew building a home came with responsibilities. But my wife reassured me that we didn鈥檛 need to have everything figured out before starting our lives together.

We spent our first year of marriage in a tiny self-contained apartment. Today, we live in a decent flat and are almost done building our own house. Looking back, those early years remind me that we didn鈥檛 need to start with much to build something meaningful together.

I was confident about the woman I鈥檇 married. What I hadn鈥檛 fully considered was that marriage would also bring me into a family whose expectations and behaviour were very different from what I knew.

My in-laws brought challenges I hadn鈥檛 anticipated

There鈥檚 a Yoruba saying about white pap coming out of a black pot, and I think about it whenever I compare my wife鈥檚 family with the one I grew up in.

Her relationship with her parents has always been difficult. Her father can be problematic, and her mother has her own issues. My wife often told me how relieved she was to be away from them, but nothing prepared me for dealing with them myself.

They constantly call us to do one thing or another, and their visits often come with problems. I鈥檝e had to be careful about how I deal with them because I don鈥檛 want to make things worse.

Last year, at a family event, my father-in-law got into a fight with one of my uncles over beer. It was embarrassing. I couldn鈥檛 exactly lash out at my father-in-law in front of everyone, even though I was unhappy with what happened.

My wife has considered cutting her parents off, but I鈥檝e often encouraged her to maintain some relationship with them. I believe family is family, and I鈥檝e always thought it鈥檚 better to establish boundaries than sever ties completely. I didn鈥檛 fully appreciate, though, that my wife鈥檚 reasons for wanting distance went beyond the disagreements I witnessed.

Trying to keep the peace sometimes put me between my wife and her family

Because I believed my wife should maintain some relationship with her parents, I often tried to mediate when things went wrong. She, however, felt she had finally escaped the environment she grew up in and didn鈥檛 want to keep exposing herself to it.

When we had our first child, she insisted that her mum shouldn鈥檛 come for omugwo. Her mother called me sarcastically and asked, 鈥淎re you the one telling my daughter that I shouldn鈥檛 come?鈥�

I ended up bringing her mother over for a week, even though my wife hadn鈥檛 wanted her there. I worried her family would assume I was behind her decisions, so I tried to manage the situation myself. But I sometimes overstepped and made my wife feel I was choosing her family鈥檚 comfort over hers.

It became a recurring source of tension. I would try to mediate, my wife would feel I wasn鈥檛 listening, and we鈥檇 argue about a situation that started with her parents.

I鈥檝e since realised I can鈥檛 keep inserting myself into their relationship and expect things to improve. These days, I still call her parents and do my part as their son-in-law, but I鈥檓 more intentional about staying out of decisions that are my wife’s. If she says she doesn鈥檛 want them involved in something, I respect her wishes.

Love has to be supported by patience and understanding

After eight years of marriage, I still don鈥檛 know everything my wife experienced growing up. She rarely talks about it, usually just saying it was rough and explaining that it鈥檚 why she relates to her parents the way she does.

I try not to push her to share more than she鈥檚 comfortable with. But when her parents do something upsetting, I sometimes understand why she prefers to keep her distance.

I also think her upbringing affects how she parents our children. She鈥檚 a loving mother, but sometimes I feel she overcompensates for what she went through by being too lenient with them. I鈥檝e encouraged her to consider therapy and reminded her that she can be loving while still correcting the children when necessary. I try to be patient because I know there鈥檚 personal work she鈥檚 still doing.

Experiences like these have reinforced my belief that love is essential to marriage, but it can鈥檛 do all the work on its own. People who struggle in their marriages often love each other deeply. They may once have found it impossible to eat or sleep without thinking about each other, but that feeling alone won鈥檛 resolve every problem that comes with building a life together.

Love needs patience, kindness, respect, tolerance and trust to sustain it. You have to be willing to understand your partner, even when their experiences differ from yours, and recognise when your idea of helping might be making things harder for them.

I still believe love should come first. But after eight years of marriage, I know it鈥檚 the everyday choices we make around that love that help it last.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please听听and we鈥檒l reach out.

Kayode* (22) and Bukunmi* (21) went to the same secondary school but only grew close in 2024. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about their slow-burn romance, how his dad’s warning about women in his house led to a breakup, and the female friends they still disagree about.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Kayode: 2018. I鈥檇 just transferred to Bukunmi鈥檚 secondary school, and she was one of the first students I noticed. Obviously, it wasn鈥檛 anything romantic back then. I just liked the vibe around her. I also noticed that she always looked really neat whenever she showed up at school. A cute-looking, prim and proper student. But we weren鈥檛 really talking yet, since I was new and was just finding my way around the school.

Bukunmi: I have a similar memory of Kayode. The first time I saw him was when he joined our class. I didn’t think much of him at first; he was just one of the boys. But over time, I started to notice that he was quite uppity, almost notorious to a degree. If anything was happening, you’d find him in the middle of it, causing trouble. I didn’t like that about him, but since we weren鈥檛 close, it didn’t bother me.

Did you guys eventually strike up a friendship? 

Bukunmi: It was more like a friend of a friend of a friend situation, so I mostly observed him from a distance. I’d call us acquaintances, not friends. 

Kayode: Actually, there were about four of the other guys. We all used to walk home together after school. Over time, being in the same space and the same conversation led to jokes, then small talk, then proper conversations. But it still wasn鈥檛 anything deep or direct in that manner of a serious friendship

Bukunmi: Then he switched schools again and stopped coming to our school in 2020. I didn鈥檛 really see him around after he left, except once, when I saw him on the way back from church. We just talked for a few minutes, and then we both went our separate ways.

Kayode: Life was also just happening around that period. The COVID pandemic hit and I went to stay with my aunt. We both graduated from secondary school by 2021, but by that time, we weren鈥檛 really keeping track of what was happening in each other鈥檚 lives. There was a quiet zone for about two or three years. Bukunmi had built this wall around herself and wasn’t really talking to anyone from our class.

Bukunmi: Secondary school felt toxic to me, and I didn’t have many real friends. Once I was out, I didn’t see the point of keeping up the pretence, so I let most people go. The ones who were real stayed.

Got it. Let鈥檚 talk about your reunion. How and when did that happen?

Kayode: Sometimes in 2024, I saw Bukunmi in a picture that a friend had shared on WhatsApp, and I thought she looked really nice, compared to the last time I saw her in school. I asked the friend for her number, and two days later, he told me she鈥檇 denied my request. It stung a little, but I kept it moving. 

About a month after that, a female friend posted Bukunmi鈥檚 picture on WhatsApp and she piqued my interest again. Just like the last time, I asked that friend if she could help me get Bukunmi鈥檚 number. I got the number this time around, and I remember my first message to her was “hi stranger.”

Bukunmi: I think I should clear up what happened with the first guy. He had some level of interest in me, so he never actually delivered Kayode鈥檚 first message to me. So I was entirely clueless about that first message. But when my female friend told me Kayode wanted my number, I said, 鈥淪ure, give it to him.鈥�

I remember we chatted for quite some time that day. Tried to catch up on old times and just find out what鈥檚 going on in our lives. It was just a very easy, laid-back conversation. He tried to continue the next day, and at that point, I wondered why he was pushing, so I didn’t reply. But he was persistent. I could tell he just wanted to keep talking, so I let my guard down, and we just spent the two weeks talking on and off. That鈥檚 when he found out I was at UNILAG, and I also found out he wasn’t too far away.

Kayode: To be fair, I started out just trying to catch up. But when I saw her picture, I wanted to try my best. My former classmates had told me she wasn’t replying to anybody and had blocked everyone, and that gave me the ginger to push on. One day, I intentionally posted a photo of the pizza and ice cream I was having on my status, hoping it would get her attention. It did. 

Bukunmi: Here鈥檚 the thing. I hadn鈥檛 saved his number the entire time we鈥檇 been texting. However, the very day I decided to save the number was the same day I saw his status. I鈥檇 only commented on the pizza because we were texting each other and he鈥檇 told me he was bored. I was curious how he could be bored if he was treating himself. He said he’d only gone to order and was back at his house. Then he asked if I’d like to meet. 

Right. Did you agree?

Bukunmi: In the end, I did. But I initially complained that the sun was too hot, and he did the very gentlemanly thing of sending a ride to come pick me. When I saw him, I thought, a typical Igbo boy. After four years, I’d expected him to be taller and to have a beard. I don鈥檛 even know what exactly I expected; I just thought there鈥檇 be a significant difference from the last time I saw him.

Anyway, he offered me ice cream almost immediately, and I declined. I asked to go to his house to talk instead. Even there, I only took water. We spent the afternoon catching up and I also watched a cartoon.

Kayode: I kept her company, I made her laugh, and I don’t think she’d laughed that much in a long time. I think she also forgot to add the part where I followed her on the ride back to her hostel. I just wanted to make sure she got home safe. 

Awwwn. Sounds cute. How did things go over the next few days?

Kayode: I didn鈥檛 waste time at all. When she got home that day, I sent a text asking if she鈥檇 like to go out for dinner or something like that. And she didn鈥檛 mind. Her response gave me the confidence to keep pushing, and from then on, we started hanging out frequently.

Bukunmi: That meeting changed how I saw him. I’d always thought of him as the troublesome and uppity guy from secondary school, but the version of him I hung out with was super cool and reserved. I wondered where he’d been all this time. 

As he said, the next day, he asked me to meet him at Rubels and Angels, a restaurant I’d pointed out on the ride home the previous day. I was actually just finishing up from class that day and wasn鈥檛 really up to it. But he sent this hilarious sticker of Kayodeo on his knees and begged me to come, so I went. 

We stayed there for about five minutes, then he asked me to follow him home. I told him that wasn鈥檛 the plan, but he begged again and I agreed. Unfortunately, I lost track of time watching a cartoon on his phone. We couldn’t get a ride, so I ended up spending the night. 

Oh

Bukunmi: He was actually quite reassuring. He took the chair and made sure he wasn鈥檛 in close proximity to me. He also lent me his clothes when I told him I had nothing to wear. It was just a really chill night. The next day, he didn鈥檛 wake up until late in the afternoon, even though I鈥檇 planned to have an early start. I couldn鈥檛 leave his house without saying goodbye because it would have been weird. So I waited until he was up. When he woke up, this guy asked us to grab lunch and somehow ended up taking us on a long trip to Ikeja. Eventually, we had another super late day, so I stayed another night.

I see. Was it still platonic at this point, though?

Kayode: Not entirely for me. I鈥檇 brought up my feelings, but I was vague about it. I told her there was someone I liked, and I didn’t know if she liked me back. I think the reason I wanted us to spend so much time together was so she could see I could be intentional. I wanted her to see that I wasn’t the boy she knew four years earlier, and I could be someone she could love. But I don鈥檛 think she was seeing things the same way because she kept offering to help me text this 鈥渟omeone鈥�.

Bukunmi: So, during a previous conversation, I’d told him I was single and not searching. He was single, too, but he made it clear that he was searching. I took the conversation at face value and didn鈥檛 think much of it. During one of our random conversations, he said girls are hard to read and that he doesn’t like rejection because some give you a green light and then turn you down. I kept encouraging him to actually share his feelings with this person; at the very least, he should try. 

Then, I had this lightbulb moment where I just replayed everything he鈥檇 said and how things had played out between us in the last few weeks, and I wondered if he meant me. So I asked him directly if the girl he was talking about was me.

How did he answer?

Kayode: I said no at first. I didn’t see any excitement on her face when she asked that question, and I got scared. I thought I鈥檇 misread the signals. She, however, told me not to lie, and I eventually confessed.

Bukunmi: I also asked if I’d been doing anything to make him think I nurtured feelings like that towards him. I thought everything we鈥檇 been doing had been strictly platonic.

Still, I pressed further and asked what he wanted to do next now that the information was out there. A friendship, situationship or a relationship? I needed to know. He said a relationship and didn鈥檛 say anything. At that point, I had to ask if he wasn鈥檛 going to ask me the big question. Then he went, 鈥渨ould you like to be my girlfriend?鈥� I teased him and said I didn’t hear, and he asked again. 

I said I’d think about it, and he said, please don’t. I was too shy to say it to his face, so I sent my yes on WhatsApp while we were in the same room. We became official on May 10th, 2024.

Sounds sweet. But what made you change your mind, Bukunmi? You mentioned earlier that you weren鈥檛 searching. 

Bukunmi: I took stock of the last couple of weeks together. He followed me home, opened doors for me, cared about my day, and wanted to be involved. I thought that if we ever took this further, he could be a good candidate. I’d met a few guys that year, and there was another one around, but Kayode was faster, and I’d seen him in person many times. I also felt safe, because he already knew a little about me. It was worth a try.

Got it. Let鈥檚 talk about the early days of the relationship. What was that like?

Kayode: It was a fun time for me. This was my first meaningful relationship, so I felt like I’d taken on a responsibility. We were always going out and trying new things. We had our version of the honeymoon phase.

Bukunmi: I disagree. I think we started having hiccups right from the first month. He鈥檇 leave me on read for a whole day, and I鈥檇 just be worried sick. When we were friends, I let that go, but I told him I didn’t think this was for me if he wouldn’t communicate. Thankfully, he didn’t get defensive. He apologised and asked what I expected from him communication-wise. I told him to keep me in the loop, and after that, I noticed a significant improvement.

Kayode: The truth is, I wasn’t used to updating anyone about my day-to-day, so it felt a little foreign. I trade, and on bad days, I drop my phone and ghost everyone. But after she brought it up, I made it a duty. I started telling her how I woke up and what I did before I slept. I started calling and video calling, too.

Fair enough. I鈥檓 guessing you guys were able to navigate your issues easily. 

Kayode: Yes. But we did have our first major fight this year, about three months ago. 

What happened?

Kayode: So I had a conversation with my dad, and he warned me about getting distracted by girls. He said I shouldn’t let any girl stay with me. Bukunmi and I were staying together at the time, so I told her I wanted to switch things up. I told her I needed to be in a position where I was the one doing the chasing. I should be the one to come look for her and visit her. So I asked her to return to her place. It was just a very awkward moment.

Bukunmi: In April 2025, I had accommodation issues at school, and Kayode offered his place. I was reluctant to move in with him at first, but he pushed for it and I eventually agreed. He even gave me my own key to his house. Still, I gave myself a month to figure out my accommodation issues and move out. 

When I eventually got my own place sorted, I tried to return Kayode鈥檚 key and move out, but he didn’t want me to leave. He was constantly saying he missed me whenever I wasn鈥檛 around. So, in a way, I continued staying with him. Then, earlier this year, during a phone conversation, his dad heard my voice in the background and gave him a pep talk about having women around. The very next day, Kayode switched up. It was so strange, because he’d always wanted me there.

I mean, I wasn’t against what his dad said. But I didn鈥檛 understand why the switch-up was so fast, especially when I’d been the one asking to go back to my place. I eventually left because he couldn鈥檛 give any strong explanation. The issue dragged on for weeks and then months. Whenever I asked to come over, he鈥檇 refuse.

Kayode: Eventually, it got to the point where we considered ending things. I said we should just be friends or take a break, and she said no. She said breaks aren’t healthy, and that鈥檚 how people grow apart. Instead, we agreed to a situationship for a week. Just to keep a pulse on things and see how things went.

And how did that go?

Kayode: Well, there was an incident with another girl. The babe visited my house for a business meeting. And in the spirit of honesty, I sent Bukunmi a picture of the girl鈥檚 sitting position, so she could see I wasn’t hiding anything. But that wasn鈥檛 enough.

She told me to move the meeting outside, and I refused. Then she said, 鈥淜ayode, we are done.鈥�

Bukunmi: I’d already put up with the thing about his dad, and now he was letting someone who likes him into his space. When he said I was making demands when we weren’t together, I was done.

I should add that there was history with this girl. I knew she liked him, and she knew he had a girlfriend; yet she always wanted to be around him. They used to meet outside, but as soon as I moved out of the house, they suddenly started meeting inside. It didn鈥檛 make sense to me that he鈥檇 be accepting of bringing temptations like that around him. 

After about a month away from his place, he invited me to spend the night with him. During that period, I found out he鈥檇 visited this girl after she had a health issue, and he hid it from me. He was supposed to go get pizza, but since we share location on iMessage, I found out he was at the hospital, visiting that same girl. He admitted he didn’t tell me because I’d say no. We got into a lengthy conversation about boundaries that night. 

Twelve hours later, while looking through his phone, I saw a message from him telling her he missed her. He said he was only empathising. I let it go, but I made sure to go see her myself.

Wait, what?

Bukunmi: Men bring out the demon in women. I needed to go size up my competition and see what the fuss was about.

Kayode: I didn’t think that was necessary because she was never Bukunmi鈥檚 competition. 

Bukunmi: But your actions proved otherwise.

Kayode: But I’ve moved past it.

Right. Speaking of moving on, how did you guys resolve your issues?

Kayode: She broke up with me in August. But I was right back in her DM the day after she broke up. I sent her a message apologising and saying I would set better boundaries. 

Later, I asked if we could go on a staycation together. She was reluctant at first because we were technically broken up, but she eventually agreed. Then she said I had to apologise again and ask her to be my girlfriend all over again. I did.

Bukunmi: That鈥檚 the abridged version, but I didn’t make it easy for him. He kept dropping random messages in my inbox, and I鈥檇 acknowledge them, but things were still not the same. Eventually, the staycation happened, and I grudgingly agreed. The whole time, I was waiting for him to take accountability and actually apologise for what happened, but he didn鈥檛. I think he must have noticed my countenance. Then he asked what happened, and I told him how I was feeling. Everything ended with him asking me out again, and that鈥檚 how we got back together. 

Good for you, guys. And how do you handle boundaries now?

Bukunmi: I’m fine with setting them. I never told him his female friends can’t visit. I was specific about this one girl, because I told him she was moving funny before he even realised she liked him.

Kayode: I have a lot of female friends, some I’ve known for a long time, and I find it hard to tell them they can’t come to my house. If someone leaves their home to see me because I haven’t texted in a while, I don’t want to leave them outside. I don’t think buying a friend lunch is a crime.

Bukunmi: Again, I only have an issue with just one girl, not all his female friends. This girl says her roommates don’t like her, and the only person who does is my own partner. If I had a male friend like that, how would he feel?

What do you think a compromise would look like, Kayode?

Kayode: I thought sending the photo with her in the room would reassure Bukunmi, because I was being transparent. She didn’t buy it. I think I just need to enforce boundaries and tell my female friends what we can and can’t do.

Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Kayode: She’s intentional, loving, forgiving, and sweet. My family knows her and likes her for her personality. I also like that she loves love.

Bukunmi: He always wants to get better. When I tell him something I’m not comfortable with, he asks how he can improve, and that has kept us going. He’s also very caring, and he’ll help people around him even when it’s inconvenient.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Bukunmi: An 8. After everything we’ve been through, we still chose each other. When we were separated, we could have forgotten each other, but we gave each other another chance.

Kayode: A 9.5. I don’t think I’ve experienced this kind of love before, and I want to hold on to it for a long time.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

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Jessy* (29) and Lauretta* (27) met in 2024 when she attended his family’s barbecue event.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about falling for each other despite Lauretta鈥檚 history with his sister, the awkwardness of announcing their relationship, and how that unresolved tension still hangs over their love.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Jessy: It was Boxing Day 2024, at a barbecue at my family’s home. My sister, who鈥檚 just a year and seven months older, had begged me to go to the estate gate because the security guards weren鈥檛 letting her friend in. I grumbled about it because it’s a long walk, and I鈥檝e always hated the idea of running errands for her. But I went anyway since she wouldn’t let it go and was actually occupied with another task. 

When I got to the gate, the friend in question turned out to be Lauretta. I already knew a few of my sister’s friends, and they were usually tomboys, so Lauretta stood out to me immediately. My first thought was just, 鈥渙h, she’s pretty.鈥� She also wore a flowery gown that made her look like a fairytale princess.

Lauretta: I was actually hesitant when Jessy showed up. I鈥檇 been so frustrated with the security guys that I didn鈥檛 realise his sister had left me messages on WhatsApp saying someone else was coming to get me. I just saw him talking to security at the gate, and when he walked up to me, I thanked him and then asked, 鈥淪orry, who are you?鈥� I didn’t mean to be rude about it, but I genuinely didn’t know who this stranger was.

Jessy: That question felt like a small stab in my ribs, but I played it cool and just introduced myself. 

Right. Was it a quiet walk back to the house? 

Jessy: I actually tried to make conversation. I asked a few questions to break the ice, but she was giving me pretty flat, one-word responses the whole time. I assumed from that alone that she wasn’t feeling me at all. 

Lauretta: Honestly, I was already super stressed from the whole gate situation and the long walk in the heat. I was also lowkey angry at his sister. It was the first time I was visiting her house, and it felt weird that she couldn鈥檛 even make the time to come pick me up. Everything Jessy was saying was passing through one ear and out the other. I just wanted to sit somewhere cool and relax; it genuinely had nothing to do with him specifically.

Jessy: When we got to our block, I handed her off to my sister pretty quickly and didn’t really stick around to talk further. We didn’t actually see each other again until March the following year, several months later.

Oh. Did you think about her at all during that gap?

Jessy: I asked my sister about her once or twice in passing, but never really got a clear or definite answer from her. I just assumed Lauretta was one of my sister’s flings and left it at that in my head.

Lauretta: Funny enough, I actually thought about him quite a lot, even though I鈥檝e never really told him until now. He did look good on that first day. I remember seeing his nose ring and beard and just thinking he鈥檚 cool. But I also felt bad about our little interaction that day. I was hoping to apologise to Jessy before I left their Boxing Day party, but I didn鈥檛 see him. I always told his sister to extend my greetings. I鈥檓 not sure if she ever did. 

Jessy: Nope. Not a word from her.

Screaming. Let鈥檚 talk about the reunion in March. How did that happen?

Lauretta: I was supposed to go out with Jessy’s sister, and the same gate issue came up again, except this time, she wasn’t picking up her calls at all. That’s when I remembered she’d shared Jessy’s number with me the last time this happened, so I called him instead as a last resort.

Jessy: I recognised her voice the moment she said hello, before she’d even properly introduced herself. She explained she was stuck at the gate again, and I mentioned my sister was in the shower and couldn’t come. I wasn’t exactly inspired to walk all the way out there again myself, since she hadn’t been very chatty with me the first time around, so I just called the gate and told them to let her through.

Right.

Lauretta: I ended up calling him back because I genuinely didn’t remember the way to their house from the gate. So he had to come get me anyway, whether he wanted to or not.

Jessy: She looked just as pretty as the first time, maybe more so, and I remember thinking I could actually see myself dating her. But because of the last experience, I already had my guard up, so I wasn鈥檛 really pushing for a conversation. I think I was a few steps ahead of her. Then, she started talking about the flowers or the road, I can鈥檛 even remember. Either way, she was a completely different person from our last encounter. She was chatty, thanked me properly for walking out, and she even asked why she hadn’t seen me around for the rest of the party back in December. She said she had planned to apologise. And those words just melted whatever hard feelings I had. We just talked about random, easy things on the walk back, and that was that.

So what happened next?

Lauretta: I sent him a thank-you message on WhatsApp later that day, nothing deep, just manners. But that’s really what started our friendship.

Jessy: From there, we鈥檇 both react to each other鈥檚 posts, check in just to chat and nothing beyond that. The energy felt really reciprocated, too. I didn鈥檛 at any point feel like I was pushing, and I don鈥檛 think she felt the same way. The whole time, though, I never actually asked her or my sister directly what was going on between them. 

Why?

Jessy: I guess I just wanted to do a bit of quiet investigating on my own, instead of asking directly. My sister can be quite nosy and suspicious. If I鈥檇 asked anything about Lauretta, she would have wanted to know why I was asking. And she wouldn鈥檛 stop until she found out. And I guess I didn鈥檛 want to ask Lauretta, just so I wasn鈥檛 in her business or sending any signal. 

Eventually, though, I asked my sister instead. She said they were just having fun; nothing serious between them. As expected, she asked why I even wanted to know, and I played it off like idle curiosity. She had no idea by that point that I’d actually gotten close to Lauretta myself.

Lauretta: His sister told me, actually. But I waved it off. I think it was somewhat hard to place what Jessy really wanted. As far as I knew, our relationship was purely platonic. He didn鈥檛 give any signals that he was into me. And I鈥檓 not one to make first moves. I prefer when a partner moves to me.

I also didn’t think he鈥檇 see me in that light since he already knew me with his sister. I felt he would have put a few things together and figured out what we were up to. So we were really just in a casual friendship.

Got it. How long did this last?

Jessy: About three months. As she said, we never really pushed the conversation forward for our different reasons. However, after a while, I noticed Lauretta had stopped visiting my sister as often. Around August, I texted her just to catch up, since we hadn’t spoken in a long while. It was our regular banter, but deep down, I was a man on a mission.

I can鈥檛 remember if it鈥檚 the same day that I texted her or days later, but during one of our conversations, I stylishly asked if she鈥檇 dumped my sister. Then she went, 鈥淒ump as how, we’re just cool, we had our fun and we’re cool.鈥� 

I took that to mean nothing serious was really going on between them. During one of our earliest conversations, too, Lauretta had mentioned that she was bisexual. I guess that was why she was always somewhere in my head. 

I鈥檓 guessing you made your move now that your sister was somewhat out of the picture?

Jessy: In a way. I invited her to a party that same week, nothing planned beyond just wanting her there. She came, we had a good time, and that’s the night I ended up confessing my feelings, though I was admittedly slightly high at the time, so my inhibitions were a bit lower than usual.

Lauretta: I actually didn’t want to go to that party at all. I could sense where things were headed even before he said anything outright, and some part of me wanted to avoid that conversation. I should also clarify something here; what happened with his sister was really just us making out once, and that was the full extent of it. She prefers studs, and I’m not one, so in my own head, nothing had really happened between us in any serious sense. That鈥檚 partly why I felt comfortable answering Jessy’s call in the first place without overthinking it.

When he started talking about his feelings and how we could be a thing, I told him plainly that he was drunk and that he should come talk to me again properly when he wasn’t. I didn’t want to take anything said in that state too seriously, even though I knew he meant it.

Curious, Jessy. What do you remember about that night?

Jessy: Honestly, I couldn’t remember half of what I’d actually said; it’s all a bit of a blur looking back. Two days later, I worked up the nerve to text her and ask, 鈥淒id I ask you out at the party?鈥� She confirmed it had happened, and I was like, 鈥淥h, shit!鈥� Then I begged her to walk me through everything that went down that night. She told me about us dancing together for most of the night, and how things eventually built up to me asking her to be with me.

Lauretta: Then, after I finished narrating how the night played out, he told me he meant everything he had said. Then he asked me out again, properly this time. Although I still told him he needed to take me on an actual date first before I’d give him an answer.

He planned the date, and we became official on September 10th, 2025.

Nice. But you both didn鈥檛 see the need to inform Jessy鈥檚 sister first before you committed to a full relationship?

Lauretta: Personally, I didn鈥檛 see the need. Whatever happened with his sister barely registered. I don鈥檛 feel comfortable getting into details, but even the one time we made out, we still had our clothes on. Although I flagged it to Jessy early on, we can鈥檛 ignore that I knew his sister first, and we could have actually been a thing if we’d worked it out. 

By that point, though, she and I weren’t really talking much anymore anyway, so I personally didn’t feel an urgent need to reach out and explain myself to her. But I did tell Jessy plainly that he needed to be the one to have that conversation with her, since he and I were going to be around each other a lot more going forward, and it wasn’t something that could just stay hidden indefinitely.

Jessy: I don’t think I’d fully registered how serious or awkward the whole situation actually was until she said that to me directly. I’d actually considered asking my sister’s blessing before making any real move on Lauretta, but the way everything unfolded that night at the party just didn’t leave room for that kind of careful approach. Still, I knew deep down the conversation had to happen eventually; there was no getting around it.

When did you finally tell her?

Jessy: Three weeks after we became official. She was abroad for a short course at the time, which honestly made it a bit easier. I texted her, casually asked how Lauretta was doing, and she waved it off at first. She said she guessed Lauretta was fine, that they hadn’t actually spoken in months. Then she asked why I was even asking about her, and I just blurted out the truth instead of easing into it.

Shoot.

Jessy: She was more disappointed than outright angry, honestly, which almost felt worse in the moment. She said it was weird and not cool that I’d end up with someone she’d been with, even briefly. I sent a longer message explaining things properly, including what Lauretta had told me, that nothing particularly serious had really happened between the two of them. She never responded to that message at all.

Lauretta: The weird part is, even though I knew what was going on to this day, she hasn’t reached out to me at all, not a single message. For some reason, I was expecting a call or angry text after Jessy told her, but it鈥檚 been complete crickets. I think she blocked me everywhere at this point. Actually, she has. I don鈥檛 see her posts anywhere, even though I see them when I鈥檓 using Jessy鈥檚 phone. 

What about you, Jessy? What鈥檚 the dynamic with your sister like now?

Jessy: Things have been a little awkward, though it’s not glaringly obvious since she’s still abroad. We still text and call each other sometimes. But I can tell she’s still nursing some anger beneath all that surface normalcy. She鈥檚 coming home this December, which will be the first time we’ve seen each other in person in almost a year, so I don’t quite know what that reunion will look like yet.

Got it. Despite all that, how would you both describe your relationship with each other?

Jessy: Honestly, it’s been genuinely beautiful outside of all that family drama. Lauretta is easy to be around; we can sit in silence or talk for hours and both feel comfortable. She鈥檚 also really attentive. I could mention something in passing and she鈥檇 bring it up weeks later. I find that really sweet.

I do get worried sometimes when I think about her past relationships with women. I also sometimes worry that she might just wake up one day and decide she鈥檚 done with a guy. I鈥檓 learning that鈥檚 one of the cons of being with a bisexual person. But I’ve made a conscious decision to focus on the present rather than overthink or change anything about who she is.

Lauretta: I’m focused on the present too, for what it’s worth. Jessy has proven to be someone I could genuinely see myself settling down with long term, so that’s really where my mind and attention is going right now. I do wish things between him and his sister could eventually be repaired, though, because I honestly have no idea what to expect when the three of us end up in the same room together for the first time. Outside of that, I have no complaints. He鈥檚 reliable, funny, and I鈥檓 glad he鈥檚 in my corner. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Jessy: I’d say an 8. What we have is genuinely good, but I’m knocking off a few points because of the unresolved tension with my sister; it’s a shadow hanging over an otherwise solid relationship.

Lauretta: I’ll say 8.5. The relationship itself has exceeded what I expected going in. We celebrated our anniversary last month, and I look forward to celebrating more years together.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

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At the end of this story, you鈥檒l get to decide if David fucked up or not. 

This is David鈥檚 dilemma, as shared with Adeyinka

My mum and I have always had a very unusual relationship. She had me when she was 18, so we鈥檝e never really had that typical mother-and-son dynamic. Sometimes people see us outside and assume she鈥檚 my older sister, especially because she鈥檚 quite small. When I tell them she鈥檚 my mum, they鈥檙e usually shocked.

But beyond how young she looks, we鈥檙e genuinely very close. She鈥檚 probably my best friend. We speak pidgin to each other, and I sometimes call her by her name. It has never been disrespectful because that鈥檚 just how we relate. We can go out together, gist for hours or just spend the day doing random things. There are things I tell her that I probably wouldn鈥檛 tell anyone else.

That was why leaving for university last year was difficult for me. I was supposed to stay in UNILAG, which would have meant I could still come home regularly, but that didn鈥檛 work out. I ended up schooling in Osun State, and it became the longest period I鈥檇 ever spent away from her.

Before then, I didn鈥檛 really know anything about her love life. I knew she occasionally saw men, but she never brought anyone home or made it seem like she was seriously dating anyone. So when I came home for the holidays earlier this year and saw a strange man in the house, I was surprised.

He looked quite young too, maybe in his early 30s. The first thing that happened between us didn鈥檛 exactly help. I stretched out my hand to greet him, but he turned it down and jokingly told me to prostrate. Maybe he was trying to be funny, but I didn鈥檛 find it funny. I immediately decided I didn鈥檛 like him.

My mum wasn鈥檛 home when I arrived, so I had to wait until she came back before she properly introduced us. She could also tell that something was wrong with me because she knows me too well.

She explained that he was her boyfriend and that they鈥檇 been seeing each other quietly for a while. She also told me that she鈥檇 been feeling lonely since I left for school. I understood where she was coming from. I didn鈥檛 expect her to stop living her life because I went to university, and I knew she had every right to date.

So I accepted it. The problem was that accepting him and actually being comfortable around him were two different things.

He was around almost all the time I was home. Before he came into the picture, I could spend time with my mum however I wanted. We could gist, go out or just sit together without thinking about anybody else. Now, whenever I wanted to spend time with her, he was there.

I started feeling like I had to compete for my own mother鈥檚 attention. I also didn鈥檛 like the way he sometimes spoke to me. I tried to ignore it because I didn鈥檛 want to create problems for my mum, but there was already tension between us.

The final incident happened during the week I was supposed to return to school. He asked me to run an errand for him, but I told him I was busy with schoolwork. I wasn鈥檛 trying to be rude. I genuinely had things to do.

He then pushed my head and told me I was being rude. I reacted immediately and hit his hand away. Before I knew what was happening, we were pulling and pushing each other. It wasn鈥檛 some serious fight where we were trying to kill each other, but it became physical enough that my mum heard the noise and came to separate us.

I expected her to at least ask what happened before deciding who was wrong. Instead, she was extremely angry with me. She told me off and made me go do the errand he had asked me to. That hurt me so much.

I kept thinking, 鈥淪o this is how it is now?鈥�

This was my mother, the person I鈥檝e always felt closest to, and suddenly I felt like she was more concerned about keeping her boyfriend happy than understanding why I reacted the way I did. She also asked me to apologise to him, but I refused.

Maybe that was where I really messed up. But at the time, I couldn鈥檛 bring myself to do it. I felt like I was being asked to apologise for defending myself, while nobody was asking him to apologise for putting his hands on me first.

I went back to school that week, and I haven鈥檛 been home since March. Normally, during breaks, my mum would call to ask when I was coming home. This time, she hasn鈥檛 pushed me to come back. I鈥檝e also avoided going because I don鈥檛 know what the atmosphere will be like.

We still talk, but it isn鈥檛 the same. I can tell she鈥檚 still angry that I refused to apologise, and I鈥檓 also still hurt by how she handled the situation. The annoying thing is that I actually miss her.

I miss our random conversations. I miss being able to come home and just sit with her. I even miss the way we can speak to each other in Pidgin and laugh about things nobody else would understand.

Part of me wants to go home and pretend nothing happened, but another part of me is still angry. I keep wondering whether she genuinely chose her boyfriend over me, or if I鈥檓 letting my hurt blow things out of proportion.

My cousins think I should apologise just to make peace with my mum, even if I still believe her boyfriend was wrong. They say refusing to apologise is only making things worse and that, at the end of the day, I鈥檓 the one losing time with my mum.

Maybe they鈥檙e right. But I also don鈥檛 want to apologise just because I鈥檓 scared of losing my relationship with her. I want her to understand why I was hurt and why I reacted the way I did.

I love my mum, and I know she loves me. That鈥檚 what makes this whole thing more painful. Now I鈥檓 wondering if I fucked up by refusing to apologise, or if I鈥檓 allowed to be angry that she didn鈥檛 take my side when I needed her to.

Did David F*uck up or not? Take the poll .

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

In this week鈥檚 Marriage Diaries, Tiwalade shares how she ignored her instincts when her relationship moved too fast, the pregnancy that made her question whether she wanted to stay married, and why she鈥檚 now counting the days until she can leave.

Got a marriage story to share? Please听听and we鈥檒l reach out.

I never really wanted marriage

I wasn鈥檛 sure I鈥檇 ever get married, so I didn鈥檛 spend much time thinking about it. Don鈥檛 get me wrong, I loved the idea of love. My friends would even call me a hopeless romantic. I had so many romance novels that I used to rent them out to friends. But I also understood that what I read in books and watched in movies wasn鈥檛 necessarily real life.

My parents didn鈥檛 have a good marriage. They loved each other in their own way, but theirs wasn鈥檛 the kind of relationship that made you eager to get married. My mum used to say my dad only changed after they had children, and as he got older.

For a long time, I told myself I didn鈥檛 want to get married or have children. I imagined finding a companion and figuring out life together without necessarily getting married. That was what I wanted, but I never said it out loud. 

Then I met my husband, and everything moved quickly. We dated for about six months and got married by the eighth month. He was very serious about marriage, and he made that clear from the beginning. The first time he met my parents, he told them he planned to marry me.

I remember we even had a small fight because that meeting was only supposed to be a casual visit. Looking back, maybe that was when I should have paid more attention. Once he decided he was ready for marriage, it started to feel like I was the one holding things up. Even my family told me that if I wasn鈥檛 ready, I should let him go.

Before the wedding, he was nice, patient and kind. Looking back, I feel like he hid his red flags well. From the first year of our marriage, I started regretting that I hadn鈥檛 listened to myself.

In these past few years, the only thing I haven鈥檛 experienced is physical abuse. I鈥檝e dealt with infidelity, emotional and financial abuse, gaslighting, everything you can think of. Sometimes, it feels like I鈥檝e been married for a decade. Then I remember it鈥檚 only been three years.

We started fighting almost immediately

I didn鈥檛 expect our problems to start so soon. From the stories I鈥檇 heard, the early years of marriage were supposed to be the sweet, peaceful part. Mine wasn鈥檛 like that.

The month we moved in together, we had a major fight while setting up the house. I wanted the bedroom to look a certain way, while my husband had a different idea. He reminded me that he鈥檇 let me design the kitchen however I wanted, and I didn鈥檛 like what I thought he was implying.

I asked if he was saying I should be confined to the kitchen because that was my place. I鈥檒l never forget his response: 鈥淲hose place is the kitchen if not yours?鈥�

We shouted at each other and didn鈥檛 speak for about three days. Eventually, I was the one who apologised. I remember wondering if this was what our marriage would look like every time we disagreed.

Well, I was right. Since then, there鈥檚 always been one argument or another. Most of the time, I just find ways to keep the peace. I still feel like it鈥檚 too early to start involving other people in our marriage, so I鈥檝e mostly had to figure things out on my own.

Pregnancy made me question everything

The first time I seriously questioned whether I could stay in the marriage was when I got pregnant. I was very sick and didn鈥檛 understand what was happening to my body. My husband never said it directly, but I felt like my pregnancy irritated him. He moved into another room, and we didn鈥檛 have sex throughout the pregnancy. Whenever I tried to initiate, he had an excuse. I kept reminding him that we were still in the early stages and could have sex, but he didn鈥檛 want to hear it.

I started wondering if I could actually stay with him. At one point, I even had the dark thought of ending the pregnancy because I didn鈥檛 want to feel tied to the marriage. I don鈥檛 know if it was the hormones, but I remember feeling that way. What made everything more confusing was that he still showed up for me in other ways. He followed me to my hospital appointments, made sure I had everything I needed and even offered to get someone to help take care of me.

I couldn鈥檛 make sense of the contradiction. I eventually prayed about it and convinced myself I was probably overreacting. Somehow, the doubts passed.

Finding out about my husband鈥檚 affairs changed how I handle conflict

Late last year, I went through his phone. He鈥檇 been telling me he didn鈥檛 have money, and I knew he wasn鈥檛 being truthful, so I wanted to check his account balance or find something that would explain what was going on. When I finally got the chance, I didn鈥檛 find any debit or credit alerts. Instead, I found messages between him and two different women.

It wasn鈥檛 even the first time I鈥檇 suspected he was cheating. I鈥檇 once found a condom in his travel bag, but he managed to explain it away with a series of lies. This time, I had evidence, so I confronted him.

I still don鈥檛 know if there鈥檚 a right way to have a conversation like that, but it quickly became a heated argument. Instead of addressing what I鈥檇 found, he focused on my invasion of his privacy. He emotionally blackmailed me so much that I started wondering if I was the one who had done something wrong.

That experience changed how I approach certain conversations. I became much more careful about what I say and how I say it.

Now, he鈥檚 expecting a child with another woman. I found out from his phone again, but I pretended I didn鈥檛 know for a while. Eventually, I told my mum because carrying it alone had become too much.

She advised me to approach him gently. This time, he admitted that he鈥檇 had something to do with the woman but insisted he wasn鈥檛 the father of the child. I know he鈥檚 lying because I read their messages, and what I saw didn鈥檛 look like a fling.

That鈥檚 where we are now. He insists nothing is still happening between them, and I鈥檓 trying to be patient. But at this point, I鈥檓 counting the days until I can leave the marriage. I know my time is up.

I don鈥檛 recognise who I鈥檝e become

I鈥檝e lost parts of myself over the past couple of years. I鈥檓 quicker to anger now, and I wasn鈥檛 like that before. I鈥檓 constantly on the offensive because I feel like the other person is trying to get one over on me. I used to be slow to react, almost to a fault. Now, my husband has brought out a side of me I didn鈥檛 know existed.

It鈥檚 affected my relationships outside the marriage, too. Earlier this year, I spent a week at my parents鈥� house and found myself constantly shouting at my siblings or complaining about something. My mum eventually asked, 鈥淲hen did you become like this?鈥�

That question stayed with me for the rest of my visit. I had to consciously stop myself from reacting to little things my siblings did. The funny thing is, they were things I would have laughed about before.

Having a child in the middle of all this hasn鈥檛 made things easier. Sometimes, I feel like I鈥檓 losing my mind. My baby could be throwing a tantrum while I鈥檓 already dealing with another issue with his dad, and it all becomes too much.

I can鈥檛 wait to feel like myself again.

I should have listened to myself

If I could go back, I鈥檇 tell myself to listen to that first instinct about wanting a companion instead of pushing myself towards marriage. Even now, I think about leaving once I鈥檓 financially capable of standing on my own. But I don鈥檛 know if it鈥檒l be as easy to do as it sounds in my head.

If I could advise my younger self, I鈥檇 tell her to listen to herself. Don鈥檛 let people talk you into making a decision because they think it鈥檚 right for you. I wish I had listened.

听*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please听听and we鈥檒l reach out.

Temi (35) and Wumi (32) met on an Africa Magic film set in 2022. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a week of living together before they were officially dating, a proposal disguised as a baby shower, and building their own production company alongside their marriage. 

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Wumi: We met on the set of an African Magic series in October 2022. I’d been shooting for a couple of months, then the story got to a point where they were going to bring in some new characters; very wicked ones, too. Everyone on set was curious about who would play them. Then someone mentioned that one Temi Fosudo was playing one of the characters a day before he arrived. But his name didn’t register because I鈥檇 never heard of him. He joined us on set the next day, and I could finally put a face to his name.

Temi: I actually always assumed we had the same first memory of each other. I didn鈥檛 know she had this preamble. Anyway, my first memory of Wumi was the day I joined the Itura production.

I walked into the actors’ holding room greeting everyone, and I saw her. Normally, I don’t remember faces when I walk into a crowded room, because it overstimulates me and I just look for a corner to sit in. But her face registered properly for reasons I didn鈥檛 understand. We said hello, and that was all.

What was it about her that registered with you, Temi?

Temi: It wasn’t anything physical. I think she was in costume, and her natural hair was out, but it was really her aura. She had a very welcoming spirit.

Wumi: I remember I was actually done for the day and wanted to go back to the lodge. But I looked up when he came in and spent an extra second looking at him. My first thought was that he was a fine boy. He had a shy smile. Then someone shouted “baby” at him, and I thought, who鈥檚 already calling him baby? It turned out they just knew each other from the set. The way he answered was also very calm. He came off as a well-mannered guy.

So what happened after that first day?

Temi: I was keeping to myself most of the time. During that period, I lived in Ibadan, so it was usually a long, exhausting drive to Lagos. Whenever I got to set, I just wanted my own space and all. Then, one day, she conned me into playing Ludo with her.

Wumi: I was looking for someone new to beat, since I was beating everybody on set. Everyone else had gone to shoot, so it was just him and a few others in the holding room. I asked if he played Ludo, and he said yes, and I beat him three-nil. He has refused to play with me again since then.

Screaming.

Temi: She didn’t cheat, I’ll admit. But during the game, we also spent a lot of time talking, bantering, and just getting to know each other on a surface level. I remember we also took a stroll and talked about the book I was writing. Then, another night, I drove us to the supermarket. I bought her something without thinking, and it turned out she bought me something too. It was a cute and friendly moment. I remember walking back to her saying, 鈥淗ey, I bought this for you,鈥� and she also went, 鈥淚 bought this for you, too.鈥�

Wumi: During this period, I also found out Temi wasn鈥檛 exactly a big talker. I found that interesting because it meant I could do most of the talking and he could listen. I remember telling him I was on a man cleanse, which might have been too much information, considering we鈥檇 only just met. But that was also how easy it was to be around each other. The whole time, I didn’t know he was registering it all. I also found out he was a writer and was working on a book at the time, so that was fun for me. We had so much to talk about.

The funny thing is, while checking him out online, I found out his dad is the legendary actor Sola Fosudo, and that one of my best friends, Wendy, knew him. Her brother went to university with him. We had so many mutual friends that I wondered where he’d been all this time.

Sounds cute. What was going on in your love lives at the time, though?

Temi: I was in a relationship. I was driving to see my girlfriend in Ibadan almost every weekend and coming back on Sunday or Monday. The relationship was already having problems, though I didn’t tell Wumi at first. The babe and I eventually realised we weren’t compatible.

Wumi: I was single. The fact that Temi had a girlfriend actually made me more comfortable with him, because I didn’t have to worry that he’d like me or that something weird would happen. I did feel a twinge of disappointment, because he’s a fine boy and I would have loved to flirt a little. But I’m monogamous, and if you have someone and you move to me, you’ve lost me. So I thought, okay, moving on.

Temi: I eventually broke up with the lady. The relationship had just run its course. At the time, Wumi and I were just friends. She was in Lagos, and I was in Ibadan, and we didn’t even have each other’s numbers, only Instagram, where we chatted here and there. 

However, when the relationship ended, I told her I was single now. I wasn’t making a move, I told her as a friend, because she knew I used to travel to see my girlfriend. But part of me knew that if I didn’t say it, we’d never find out if there was something worth pursuing.

I see. And how did you take that news, Wumi?

Wumi: This is so funny because I remember the day he told me. I stood up and started dancing where I was, and I don’t know why. I called one of my friends and told her he was single. She asked why I was happy, and I said, because now I can flirt without feeling guilty. That’s when I realised I’d been suppressing something. Before then, he wasn’t even in my subconscious.

Curious. How did the friendship play out now that you were both single?

Wumi: Honestly, we only just grew deeper as friends. We found out our birthdays are two days apart, and we finally exchanged numbers. He wasn’t a fan of long calls until me, and we’d talk into the middle of the night. We talked about everything: family, religion, feminism, and football. I’m a feminist, and I don’t usually call men feminists, but I would call him one. We debated a lot, but the conversations were healthy. He was more serious than I’m used to, and also goofier than I expected. He found out I watch football too. He’s a Liverpool fan, and I support Man City, who are having a bad time right now.

Temi: I liked that we shared similar values, and that we could argue and still be fine afterwards. In fact, I liked what was happening between us, and I think that was when I first started to picture us as an item. But somewhere in all that certainty that I liked her, I also knew that it鈥檚 easier to fall for someone when you haven鈥檛 really been in the same physical space with them at length. That鈥檚 how you know if they鈥檙e an actual version of everything they鈥檝e projected. By that time, we鈥檇 gone out a few times and hung out. But about two months in, I proposed something weird.

I said we should spend one week together in the same space. 

Wumi: Most people go on a date or two, but he wanted us to be together for days. If we still felt the same connection and attraction after that, we’d see where it went. I kept asking what he wanted, and he’d say, “You’ll soon know.鈥� I told him that sounded like a threat. I鈥檇 also joked earlier on that I was still enjoying the streets, and he told me my time on the streets was up. Meanwhile, in my head, I was only just getting started.

Right. But how did you really feel about his proposal?

Wumi: I hadn’t felt that kind of tension since my first day of secondary school. I was about two years out of a long relationship and taking my time, so this wasn’t in my plans. But I was open to it. 

On the agreed-upon week, he drove to Lagos and brought yams and meat, because I’d told him I don’t like the market and I don’t like cooking. We went to the supermarket, and I bought everything I wanted, chocolate included, and I was ready to pay my share. Then this man brought out his card and paid for everything. I remember joking that he must have plenty of money, and he said it wasn’t plenty, but he could afford what we needed. I liked that answer.

What was the week like?

Wumi: It was easy. We watched movies, went out, and talked. It felt like we were already married, which was weird and scary. I’d decided not to hide anything, so if he did something I didn’t like, I told him straight away. I don’t like it when people move my things, and he moved a hair cream. I told him not to do that again. It was a very nice week.

Temi: I think it also helped that we鈥檇 met up a couple of times before this long stretch spent together. So it wasn鈥檛 like something that happened completely out of the blue. 

Did staying with a man for a whole week worry you, Wumi?

Wumi: A little. I’m cautious and very security-conscious. But our mutual friends lived about fifteen minutes from my house, and Wendy’s brother had known him since university. Everyone said he was cool. I had also lived with a partner before, so staying with someone wasn’t new. What made me anxious was opening myself up mentally, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold certain things back.

Would you say you achieved the outcome you wanted from that visit?

Temi: I did. It was a deciding move for me. I already believed she was someone I could spend my life with, but I needed to be completely sure. People can be different when you share a space with them. I wanted to simulate marriage. If it didn’t work, we’d still be friends. My own house in Ibadan was always full of younger boys and friends, so there was no privacy there. That was why we decided on her place in Lagos.

Wumi: I’m hearing this for the first time. I thought he was trying to show me that a relationship isn’t the worst thing for me at this point in my life. I had no idea he was thinking about marriage. I’m glad I was open to it.

Temi: Anyway, I left her place knowing I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend and that I wanted to marry her. Saying the marriage part out loud so early sounded a bit psychopathic, so I kept it to myself.

When did you ask her out?

Temi: A few weeks later, at a film festival run by my best friend. This was sometime around April, 2023. We were watching a movie, and a character recited a love poem in Yoruba. I don’t speak Yoruba, but I repeated the poem beside her and asked her to be my girlfriend.

Wumi: I said yes, but I told him that wasn’t how I wanted to be asked. I told him to use his words and tell me why he wanted me to be his girlfriend, and that he couldn’t sleep without me. He planned a proper dinner and asked again, as a surprise, about a month later. The funny thing is, that was something I just said in the moment to tease him. We were already dating, so I didn’t expect him to ask a second time. But he did.

The first time was April 27th, and the second was in late May. I still think the film festival is the foundation of everything we’re building now, because I wasn’t that invested in the industry before.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Temi: Dreamy. It felt like an unending honeymoon phase, and I think right now it feels like we鈥檙e back to the early days of our relationship in a way. There was no moment where I thought I’d made a mistake. We debated a lot, and it pushed us to learn more. 

Wumi: Everything he said. I got a lot more grounded in my knowledge of the industry. Before, I just wanted to act and keep it moving. But Temi pushed me to be more involved in the festivals and all the other moving parts of our craft. And it was vice versa.

I was a fashion and beauty editor at the time, and he learned a lot about fashion and beauty from me. He was also planning to move to Lagos anyway, since he was almost always shooting here and barely spent time in his place in Ibadan. Everything just worked well in those early days. But we also had small hiccups here and there.

And how did you handle these 鈥渉iccups鈥�?

Wumi: So in my past relationships, if we fought, I was always ready to up and leave. With Temi, it was different. I’d tell him how I felt because I wanted us to work through it, not because I wanted to fight more. I used to be stubborn about wanting an answer immediately. Eventually, he explained that he always needed time to sort through his feelings before he could handle whatever we were going through in any given moment. It took some getting used to, but we found a balance. He鈥檚 since learnt to think a little faster, and I wait a little longer.

Temi: I think it鈥檚 because I鈥檓 somewhat conflict-avoidant. I like to debate issues with myself first before addressing them head-on. For me, it鈥檚 never about trying to win the argument; I’m only trying to get to the truth. However, it turns out that when I only argue with myself, I’m using only the facts I have, and when I finally tell her, she adds a detail I didn’t know, so all that time was wasted. 

I’ve learned to speak sooner and explain why I do things. 

Wumi: Over time, we鈥檝e also learnt to accept that one person isn鈥檛 trying to hurt the other when they communicate their issues. When I got suspicious about something he鈥檇 done, he’d ask why I thought he’d do something on purpose. That helped me separate the issue from him and remember that he’s a kind and honest person first.

Nice. When exactly did marriage come up?

Wumi: At some point, Temi asked what I thought about marriage. I hadn鈥檛 really given it much thought after my last relationship. Yet, when he brought it up, I said I鈥檇 do it as long as it鈥檚 with him. 

Then one night at home, with his friend around, we measured each other’s ring fingers. I think he engineered that conversation so well that I didn’t realise it was pre-planned. On September 30th, 2023, five months into dating, he asked me to marry him.

Temi: I was sure. By that point, I’d become very strict about who I dated, and I was ending talking stages in three days. When I met Wumi, I knew I鈥檇 gotten to my final bus stop. I didn’t see the point of dating for a year to prove something I already believed. Before you propose, you should already be talking about marriage, and we were.

Wumi: It was a really cute proposal, too. 

Awwwn. Tell me about it.

Wumi: He plotted with my friends and they successfully pulled a surprise on me. I genuinely thought I was attending a friend鈥檚 baby shower. I even paid my part of the contribution for the said friend. That morning, I woke up with an allergy and nobody could convince me to wear heavy makeup or wear a purple dress, because that鈥檚 my favourite colour. I got to the venue, saw 鈥淲ill you marry me?鈥� and it still didn鈥檛 dawn on me.

It took five different possibilities before I realised it was mine and saw someone recording me. I sat down and laughed for a long time before I could walk over. Then Temi forgot his lines. Our song was playing, and all I remember is him saying there was nobody else he’d rather spend his life with.

Temi: The hardest part was finding the ring. She wanted a purple stone, and I couldn’t find one anywhere, so I had to have one made. I hid my phone the whole time because she notices everything. I told her I was writing a script for someone, and her friend helped by telling her she was trying to reach me for work. I鈥檓 glad we pulled it off.

We had our introduction in December 2023 and got married in June 2024.

How would you describe the marriage so far?

Temi: Amazing. We’re still building on the same foundation of friendship, openness, honesty, and love. There was a period when our arguments got too heated, but it didn’t last. We share everything, finances, dreams, plans, and she鈥檚 also learning to share her food.

Wumi: I can’t remember half of what used to cause those heated arguments. But a big part was probably keeping our individuality in marriage. I like to push him, and I struggled with knowing when to stop. I was also frustrated with work, and he had a lot going on, too, so small comments kept building up. 

At one point, I told him that at the end of the day, he was just a man, and that comment really got to him more than I intended. I’d been projecting things from past experiences. I eventually had to remind myself that this is Temi, not every man out there.

Temi: It also helps that one of us is always willing to step back, and most of the time it’s me. We can鈥檛 keep going at it band for band when emotions are high. Sometimes I stop responding in that moment, and she knows to stop pushing as well. 

We鈥檝e also just realised that we鈥檙e in this together. Whatever we鈥檙e both going through, we always come back to the same table where we鈥檙e both seated. I鈥檓 the person for her, and she鈥檚 the person for me.

Neat. How would you say this relationship has changed you?

Temi: My style is more expressive now. But I’ve also gained a creative partner. For years, everyone I shared ideas with was a man, my dad or my friends. Now I have a woman who starts giving me ideas before I’ve finished a script, and she sees things from an angle I can’t. She’s also brought structure into my creative life, and I鈥檓 forever grateful for that.

Wumi: Being with Temi has changed me in many beautiful ways. I found my person, but I鈥檝e also found my calling. I’m building a production company with my husband, whom I always call my genius. People see and say I’m glowing, and that鈥檚 the truth. I can have bad days and the moment I see him, and he hugs me, everything is well with the world again.

We also have regular check-ins where we ask each other if we’re happy and if we feel loved. All in all, our relationship has made me a lot more secure in my career, and I feel reassured that I鈥檓 not going through life alone. 

Speaking of career, how has it been working together in the same industry?

Wumi: Awesome. As I said, Temi鈥檚 a genius. I love that I play my part in sharing creative ideas with him and helping him bring his ideas to life in the best way possible.

We made a short film called Tell It No More, which is on YouTube, and we recently shot another one that’s in post-production. Then there’s our play, . When we met, Temi kept telling me about a story he’s carried for years. When I heard it, I thought it would touch hearts and shake some tables. The first run in Lagos was widely received. We did it again, and now we’re staging it a third time in October with Alliance Francaise, all within a year.

Temi: I鈥檒l add that it hasn鈥檛 always been completely seamless. We argue and have our little back-and-forths. But neither of us holds back, and we always find a way to make it work. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Temi: A 10. I’m happy, my life is more interesting, and it’s easier to dream when someone is dreaming beside you.

Wumi: A 10 as well. It’s so much fun being in love with Temi, and it feels like a breath of fresh air. I didn’t think it could be this good, and I don’t talk about how good this feels because I feel like I’d jinx it. But this is my guy. 

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

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